thisnumbersdisconnected
Member
Many of you have seen my "announcement" on a Valentine's Day thread that I became engaged on that Hallmark celebration of love.
I've been divorced for 20 years, as of March 3. Ironically, God chose to allow me into His kingdom four or so hours after my divorce was final. I had often wondered why He did not bring me to Himself through Christ before the divorce. But now I am beginning to understand.
Over the last 20 years, I have raised my kids, a boy and a girl, by myself. It didn't start out that way. In fact, it was my fault the marriage ended. I was a compulsive gambler, self-medicating Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after hearing from the US Army, through my CO, that I had to either quit drinking or quit flying. They really didn't care which one I chose, but for gosh sake, choose one! I chose flying.
But it didn't solve my problems. I married about four years after that ultimatum, still on active duty. That, also, lasted 20 years, form Vietnam to Desert Storm. We had those two wonderful kids, I went off to the Saudi Desert to act as #2 in command of the rotary wing forces, fought my last battles and, when my daughter was born (I missed my son's birth, too, being on deployment) I decided enough was enough.
But I refused to admit to PTSD, and not being willing to break my personal vow not to drink, I discovered gambling as an equally effective outlet, and as I did with drinking, took it to extremes, maxing out over 20 credit cards, including a gold card. Those debts ended my marriage.
But she quickly returned to her own addictions that I had not previously known about. She had been a heroin addict in college, and (like me, ironically) never got treatment, just quit. Within six months of our divorce, she was running around with a meth manufacturer and distributor on parole from the feds. As quickly as she had divorced me, I just as quickly gained custody of my kids, ended her parental rights when she refused to get help or at least stop aiding and abetting a felon, and set off on a 20-year journey.
Fast forward. My kids are out of school, setting off on their own careers and about to start their own families. My son is a "senior" junior executive at Garmin. My daughter is in med school. Both are engaged, both have turned out to be godly young people and have made wise, godly choices of like-minded, faithful mates. I have found myself the proverbial empty-nester. I have acquired a degree in applied psychology, and work as the senior counselor for a non-profit substance abuse treatment center, as well as consult and work with other similar non-profits, providing counseling for pathological and problem gamblers, as I am one of the few so certified in the Kansas City area, on either side of the state line.
About three years ago, I began praying that God would send me someone to spend the rest of my life with. I made several commitments to Him: No premarital sex, no dishonesty on the part of either of us even to the slightest degree, and no fear of failure, trusting completely in Him to lead and guide both of us, once He showed me whom He had chosen for me.
At the same time I was praying, a lady who lived only a few blocks from me was undergoing a spiritual rebirth in the face of unfaithfulness, dishonesty, and lack of loving fellowship in her own marriage. Try as she would to bring Christ back into the center of her marriage, her spouse steadfastly refused to reengage in the relationship, either with her, or with Christ. Two years later, they divorced.
She, too, began praying for a godly mate, one who would love and respect her, who would be the spiritual head of the household, and she prayed for time to heal.
Six months ago, I met that woman for the first time, despite our close proximity. We both almost instantly felt that the other was the answer to our prayers. After three dates, we began earnestly praying together that God would show us what the other needed from us, and what He wanted for us together, if that was, in fact, His will -- for us to be together. We began studying Scripture and discussing it at the end of our day, either face to face, or over the phone. We both committed to not having a physical relationship, even though (speaking honestly here) neither of us had ever managed to do that before.
Two things God has shown us: By our humility in seeking Him, He has honored us as a couple. By our commitment to sexual purity until our wedding night, we have both come to realize how the transfer of that energy into getting to know one another, openly discussing our finances, our expectations around the house, and as to our emotional and spiritual needs, has enabled us to grow closer together than either of us has ever known another person.
We have truly learned the truth of Ephesians 5:21-33. I love her, and would lay down my life for her. She respects me, and I feel amazingly loved and cared for as a result. She assures me that my love for her is felt in every aspect of her life, just as Christ loves both of us.
I am proud to be seen in her company. She completes me in a way that, up to this point, only Christ has been able to, and I know He has given me the blessing of her love so as to provide the earthly example of His love that I need in order to accomplish the things which He has set before me. She states emphatically that my love for her lightens her heart and fills it in places she did not think possible, other than through Christ. We seek to serve Him in whatever way He chooses to show to us, for His glory.
On June 28, we will become husband and wife. Please rejoice with us, pray with us for our united family of seven children and (already) four grandchildren, with more marriages and grandchildren to come. Please pray that our children -- some of whom do not know Christ -- will see Him in our example, and seek that which they do not know. Please pray that we bless the world around us with the love He has given us, by sharing His love with the world.
I've been divorced for 20 years, as of March 3. Ironically, God chose to allow me into His kingdom four or so hours after my divorce was final. I had often wondered why He did not bring me to Himself through Christ before the divorce. But now I am beginning to understand.
Over the last 20 years, I have raised my kids, a boy and a girl, by myself. It didn't start out that way. In fact, it was my fault the marriage ended. I was a compulsive gambler, self-medicating Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after hearing from the US Army, through my CO, that I had to either quit drinking or quit flying. They really didn't care which one I chose, but for gosh sake, choose one! I chose flying.
But it didn't solve my problems. I married about four years after that ultimatum, still on active duty. That, also, lasted 20 years, form Vietnam to Desert Storm. We had those two wonderful kids, I went off to the Saudi Desert to act as #2 in command of the rotary wing forces, fought my last battles and, when my daughter was born (I missed my son's birth, too, being on deployment) I decided enough was enough.
But I refused to admit to PTSD, and not being willing to break my personal vow not to drink, I discovered gambling as an equally effective outlet, and as I did with drinking, took it to extremes, maxing out over 20 credit cards, including a gold card. Those debts ended my marriage.
But she quickly returned to her own addictions that I had not previously known about. She had been a heroin addict in college, and (like me, ironically) never got treatment, just quit. Within six months of our divorce, she was running around with a meth manufacturer and distributor on parole from the feds. As quickly as she had divorced me, I just as quickly gained custody of my kids, ended her parental rights when she refused to get help or at least stop aiding and abetting a felon, and set off on a 20-year journey.
Fast forward. My kids are out of school, setting off on their own careers and about to start their own families. My son is a "senior" junior executive at Garmin. My daughter is in med school. Both are engaged, both have turned out to be godly young people and have made wise, godly choices of like-minded, faithful mates. I have found myself the proverbial empty-nester. I have acquired a degree in applied psychology, and work as the senior counselor for a non-profit substance abuse treatment center, as well as consult and work with other similar non-profits, providing counseling for pathological and problem gamblers, as I am one of the few so certified in the Kansas City area, on either side of the state line.
About three years ago, I began praying that God would send me someone to spend the rest of my life with. I made several commitments to Him: No premarital sex, no dishonesty on the part of either of us even to the slightest degree, and no fear of failure, trusting completely in Him to lead and guide both of us, once He showed me whom He had chosen for me.
At the same time I was praying, a lady who lived only a few blocks from me was undergoing a spiritual rebirth in the face of unfaithfulness, dishonesty, and lack of loving fellowship in her own marriage. Try as she would to bring Christ back into the center of her marriage, her spouse steadfastly refused to reengage in the relationship, either with her, or with Christ. Two years later, they divorced.
She, too, began praying for a godly mate, one who would love and respect her, who would be the spiritual head of the household, and she prayed for time to heal.
Six months ago, I met that woman for the first time, despite our close proximity. We both almost instantly felt that the other was the answer to our prayers. After three dates, we began earnestly praying together that God would show us what the other needed from us, and what He wanted for us together, if that was, in fact, His will -- for us to be together. We began studying Scripture and discussing it at the end of our day, either face to face, or over the phone. We both committed to not having a physical relationship, even though (speaking honestly here) neither of us had ever managed to do that before.
Two things God has shown us: By our humility in seeking Him, He has honored us as a couple. By our commitment to sexual purity until our wedding night, we have both come to realize how the transfer of that energy into getting to know one another, openly discussing our finances, our expectations around the house, and as to our emotional and spiritual needs, has enabled us to grow closer together than either of us has ever known another person.
We have truly learned the truth of Ephesians 5:21-33. I love her, and would lay down my life for her. She respects me, and I feel amazingly loved and cared for as a result. She assures me that my love for her is felt in every aspect of her life, just as Christ loves both of us.
I am proud to be seen in her company. She completes me in a way that, up to this point, only Christ has been able to, and I know He has given me the blessing of her love so as to provide the earthly example of His love that I need in order to accomplish the things which He has set before me. She states emphatically that my love for her lightens her heart and fills it in places she did not think possible, other than through Christ. We seek to serve Him in whatever way He chooses to show to us, for His glory.
On June 28, we will become husband and wife. Please rejoice with us, pray with us for our united family of seven children and (already) four grandchildren, with more marriages and grandchildren to come. Please pray that our children -- some of whom do not know Christ -- will see Him in our example, and seek that which they do not know. Please pray that we bless the world around us with the love He has given us, by sharing His love with the world.
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