I'm being punished by God. . . .Sex before marriage

[Guest]

The Subject says it all. I'm being punished by God in my marriage for what we did before we were married. Before we were married my (soon to be) wife and I fell under the emotion of the experience a few times and were . . . . 'naughty'. It didn't happen a lot, but more than zero times is too many. Well, now I'm being punished by God because of it. My wife and I have an absolutely ZERO sex life. . . . . . . We HAVE no sex life, actually. We've been married for just a little more than two years now and I can't even recall the last time we were intimate. It was some time early last year (I believe) and before that was a ~ 6 month period.

Now, my wife and I DO get along well and enjoy each other's company, but as a married couple goes, there is a lacking. All because we didn't remain faithful when we were courting. Now I reap what I sowed in a punishment of God. . . . .a intimate-less marriage. :

 

[soma]

You are not being punished unless you are punishing yourself and your wife. Read some books on the subject to get ideas to make your marriage life more interesting. It sounds like you have a good marriage so you are rewarded. You just have one small detail to look into.

 

[Guest]

Perhaps. . . . . .It's just that, before we were married, she was very intimately physical and emotional. Perhaps because of BC pills, her desire went about as far south as you can go.

But you're right, that being the case, yet still having a good marriage is a blessing. . . . I guess my "being punished" part is in the area of intimacy. I feel I'm being punished because of our past mistakes.

Yet, I would never cheat on or leave her because of this. :angel:

 

[follower of Christ]

Perhaps. . . . . .It's just that, before we were married, she was very intimately physical and emotional. Perhaps because of BC pills, her desire went about as far south as you can go.

But you're right, that being the case, yet still having a good marriage is a blessing. . . . I guess my "being punished" part is in the area of intimacy. I feel I'm being punished because of our past mistakes.

Yet, I would never cheat on or leave her because of this. :angel:

my wife wont take BC simply for that fact.
some women do experience lack of sexual drive when taking them.

My guess is you arent being as punished as you believe.

Even under the covenant of death if you had been with her your punishment would simply be to marry her.

You made mistakes, and you married.

If you can find other methods of BC, have your wife stop taking those pills and see if her desire returns.

I really dont think youre being 'punished' brother

 

[soma]

It is hard to feel sexy when you feel guilty. You and your wife need to get relaxed and in a playful mood and then nature will take its course. Have fun....

 

[Guest]

Perhaps. . . . . .It's just that, before we were married, she was very intimately physical and emotional. Perhaps because of BC pills, her desire went about as far south as you can go.

But you're right, that being the case, yet still having a good marriage is a blessing. . . . I guess my "being punished" part is in the area of intimacy. I feel I'm being punished because of our past mistakes.

Yet, I would never cheat on or leave her because of this. :angel:

my wife wont take BC simply for that fact.
some women do experience lack of sexual drive when taking them.

My guess is you arent being as punished as you believe.

Even under the covenant of death if you had been with her your punishment would simply be to marry her.

You made mistakes, and you married.

If you can find other methods of BC, have your wife stop taking those pills and see if her desire returns.

I really dont think youre being 'punished' brother

Perhaps you're right. However, she DID go off of BC pills and was off of them for several months, but ended up having a period go on longer than it should and the doctor gave her a Depo Privera shot (this was about a few weeks ago), and now I feel we've gone back to square one.

Soma, it really isn't a "personal punishment" for my wife. She just isn't interested.

 

[Nikki]

I have been in the shoes of your wife for the past 4 YEARS. I have ZERO drive. I could care less if I ever had sex again. It's not that I'm not attracted to my husband or that I don't love him. I DO love him and I DO find him attractive. I would be completely happy just laying on the couch, watching a movie and cuddling with him. No sex though.

I used to force myself to have sex just to make him feel "loved"(HE never said that, but I felt like maybe he didn't feel like I loved him). Plus, he'd whine or get grumpy when we didn't have sex. That was only hurting me psychologically though to force myself to have intercourse. About 3 years ago, I brought the matter up to my doctor and for the last 3 years, they've been trying to help me. They found out that my hormones were all messed up, so I was put on progesterone and testosterone cream. It worked for a while. Then I developed painful ovarian cysts. That's my problem now. I have ovarian cysts that won't go away. There are times that I'm in so much pain that I'll actually throw up.

I still try to have sex with my hubby when I can. It's not often though and I don't ever force myself to. That did nothing but psychological damage to me at the time and made me resent my husband. He's a wonderful man though and he never pressures me. He understands why I don't want to have sex. Mainly because I CAN'T withouth it hurting. The one thing that's helped us the most is that he sees that I'm TRYING to find out where my sex drive went. I'm open with him about everything. It hurts me too that I don't ever want to have sex. It makes me feel like I'm not normal. I know other couples that have a healthy sex life, so why can't I be like them? Why do I have to have messed up hormones and cysts?

Marriage is hard. VERY hard. And intimacy is something that goes hand in hand with marriage.

It sounds as though you could be having psychological issues with the fact that you had sex before marriage. Have you repented for that? Have you asked God to forgive you? What about your wife? Please remember that God FORGIVES. That's what is so great about him!!!!

You need to do some serious searching within yourself. Your wife needs to do the same. Maybe there is a medical condition going on like with her. She could have an imbalance of hormones. I wish you both luck. I know what you are going through because it sounds a lot like things I've gone through.

*Edited because I had a LOT written that made no sense at all. It's been a long day!*

 

[Nikki]

BTW...I am not on any sort of BC. I took one Depo Provera several years ago and it messed me ALL up. I was a witch (that's saying it nicely!). I was so moody, had no drive, and was just all out of whack.

It could possibly have something to do with the BC medications.

I still think you need to talk to God about your feelings though because when you say that God is punishing you, that leads me to believe that the whole sex before marriage is eating away at you.

 

[Delicate]

I had a bible college professor state that 'just as the temptation BEFORE marriage is to have intimate relations, the temptation AFTER marriage is to NOT fulfill marital obligations'. Either way, God's intent for intimate relations in marriage, is denied.

 

[Nikki]

I just reread your original post. You said your "Soon to be wife", yet you've called her your wife in every other sentence and you've referred to yourselves as a married couple. Are you married or NOT?

 

[Scott]

We've been married for just a little more than two years now

 

[Nikki]

We've been married for just a little more than two years now

I reread it like 6 times and understand it now... :

You think it has anything to do with the fact that I highlighted my already blonde hair? :

 

[Scott]

Nah : .... I can see where he said " Before we were married my (soon to be) wife" would create confusion.

 

[ChristineES]

Orion,
If I were you I would see my Pastor/Preacher/Priest for some marriage counseling. God is not punishing you, I don't think He would, as you have repented of your sin by marrying.

 

[Nikki]

Orion,
....you have repented of your sin by marrying.

I would have to disagree with that. Just because you marry, doesn't mean you repented. He would need to ASK God to forgive him. Marriage is not a form of redemption.

I think the suggestion of marriage counseling is a good one. Hopefully, they both go to a church where they feel comfortable with their pastor. My hubby and I went to a pastor during our first year of marriage for counseling and it was a horrible experience because we didn't know the pastor, he didn't know us and he flat out told us there was no hope for us and for us to split up (which is what we did for a month). Thankfully, God himself touched our hearts and we prooved that particular pastor wrong. A pastor should NEVER EVER tell someone there's no hope. There is ALWAYS hope.

 

[Klee shay]

Its more a case of not paying attention to what you both need in your relationship. Sex before marriage doesn't stop you from paying attention; just as much as sex after marriage doesn't. It is a choice to put your needs before your wife's.

If you aren't paying attention to what your wife needs then expect to be disappointed. Just if she is not paying attention to what you need then she should expect to be disappointed with the results too.

If we were all to live our lives as Jesus did - to live for each other rather than just for ourselves; not only would wives put out more but husbands would share more with their wives as well.

Sins of the past do not effect our present or future if we live through the redeemer. The resurrected cannot be burried again, unless we never beleived we left the grave in the first place. The enemy would love to keep you burried in the grave over this to stiffle the power of the Lord's ressurrection.

What do you want to believe today? More importantly, what did Jesus teach you to believe by his resurrection from the Father? Was it all for nothing?

I think we all know the answer to that one... :

 

[restored soul]

God would not punish you for having sinned in this way - Jesus died for our sins - the sins we have done and the sins we will commit - we are works in porgress we are not perfect.

Have you both repented for what happened before - have you sat together and prayed to God and said sorry?

God does not punish us for our sins - we need to repent and Jesus blood has washed away our sins.

In terms of BC pills - i am soon to be married and i am very uncomftable about taking pills or having shots, to me it seems unatural to put that into my body - i know a lot of people who have had problems with BC pills.

The great thing about God is that he FORGIVES but we need to accept his forgiveness.

RS xx

 

[Trudi]

Have you talked to your wife about your lack of a sex life? Have you asked her why SHE thinks it's the way it is? If you haven't talked to her about it, please do. Share your feelings with her (including any feelings of hurt or rejection that you might have) and LISTEN to what she's telling you too.

I'll pray for you & your wife.

Trudi

 

[thessalonian]

It is interesting that in 1968 Pope Paul VI said that artificial contraception would cause an increase in divorce when experts were saying the opposite. That relationships between husbands and wives would be better because of less children and more time for eachother. Well it separate procreation from sex and had the opposite affect. Further it caused people to stay single longer and not even get married. The responsibility of the action was separated from the action and thus promiscuity exploded. Pope Paul VI was dead on.

Natural methods of regulating birth are available that do not have the adverse consequences of chemical means.

http://www.bygpub.com/natural/natural-f ... anning.htm

I do highly recommend that you and your wife be more open to life. All children are a blessing from God!

 

[thessalonian]

I need to be a bit more bold this morning. God does punish sin. There are consequences set up in nature for what we do that is against his commands. Heb 12 tells us that God chastises us because he loves us. His chastisements are to bring us back in line with nature. Pre-marital sex is a sin and has consequences intended by God to bring about our repentence from that action. Here is an article about such consequences.

http://www.phatmass.com/phorum/index.ph ... opic=52684

A part of your current problem may be due to psychological issues with regard to the pre-maritial sex. But I think more important is the current problem of contracepting. Contraception is against nature. As I have said above it contributes to divorce, promiscutiy and abortion when the contraceptives fail. The increased promiscuity that is rooted in contraception has lead to an explosion in STD's. This all is because mankind has separated sex from procreation and denied the blessings of children. Evangelicals such as Albert Mohler, president of Dallas Theological Seminary are coming to this conclusion. Here is what he says:

http://www.albertmohler.com/blog_read.php?id=639
Mohler, president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, explains the evolution of modern evangelical thought on contraception this way: "When the pill came out, evangelicals were very much a part of mainstream American culture, and like others they saw technology as a gift. There was a vaccine to fight polio. The pill was seen in the same light. I think evangelicals thought, Catholics can't use it, but we can: aren't we lucky?"

But then, from this perspective, the pill began to do terrible damage. "I cannot imagine any development in human history, after the Fall, that has had a greater impact on human beings than the pill," Mohler continued. "It became almost an assured form of contraception, something humans had never encountered before in history. Prior to it, every time a couple had sex, there was a good chance of pregnancy. Once that is removed, the entire horizon of the sexual act changes. I think there could be no question that the pill gave incredible license to everything from adultery and affairs to premarital sex and within marriage to a separation of the sex act and procreation."

That may be a distinctly minority position, but some who work in the public health field acknowledge that the social conservatives have a point. "I think the left missed something in the last couple of decades," says Sarah Brown, president of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, which positions itself as a moderate voice in the heated world of reproductive politics. "With the advent of oral contraception, I think there was this great sense that we had a solution to the problem of unintended pregnancy. But that is a medical model. I think the thing that was missed was that sex and pregnancy and relationships aren't just a health issue. They are really about family and gender and religion and values. And what the right did was move in and say we're not just talking about body parts."