Just jealous?

[local]

My Christian girl friend met one of my (Non)Christian male friends the other day and seemed very flirty and over engaged with him.

My bro confirms he has a history of this and is his normal behaviour.

Should I see her percieved behaviour as just having fun and not flirtatious or a sign that she is entertaining those thoughts and may one day be led astray?

I have felt this way before and once asked her about it. Her emphatic denials only fuel my suspicion. To me actions speak louder than words and over compensation in denial indicates a deeper issue

I find it almost impossible to think objectively about this.

 

[Gabe]

Hi Local and welcome to the forums!

Should I see her percieved behaviour as just having fun and not flirtatious or a sign that she is entertaining those thoughts and may one day be led astray?

It depends, does she behave like this with men in general or only with certain men? Many people feel uncomfortable in front of the opposite sex and this could lead to 'unusual' behaviour which could be construed as something it's not.

As for the denials, her reason for its over-emphasis could just as easily be due to her taking the accusations to offence or for how outlandish the thought of her straying may seem to her.

 

[local]

Sorry my initial statement should have read "non Christian male friends"

She only behaves like this with selected men, generally attractive or successful. This has happened on around 5 occasions in the few months we've been together in the times weve been out. Which means these interactions were condensed.

I've only asked her about this once, that time it really had me worried. I don't want to bring it up again at the risk of placing unneccesary strain on the relationship. That's why I thought it better to ask here.

You might be right about the denial, good point. That was the nature of the reason she gave.

Thanks for the reply Gabriel.
BTW that's a very profound quote on your profile.

 

[Caroline H]

With all respect, Local,
Asking for advice or oppinions here is ok, but what you really need to do is tell her how you're feeling. No one here can tell you wheather or not she is flirting or is interested in other people, only she can do that. I think that it will show her that you trust her with your feelings, and that you respect her enough to get her side of things, if you go straight to her and be honest. If she gets offended don't be angry, stay calm and just let her know that you would rather get it cleared up with her than let it get built up into something it's not. You can not have a relationship without good communication.

 

[local]

Thanks Caromurp,

You make a valid point, I will try and explain why I haven't acted on that.

1 If that is her natural behaviour and I make an issue of it she may feel she has to be careful how she behaves around me. Changing a happy person into something else.

2 That being the case and it is all harmless at what point does someone give into flirtatious thoughts? I'm sure no one goes into a relationship looking for an oppourtunity to cheat. It all happens little by little. I've heard it said that people that commit serious crimes, rape/ murder etc. may act on an impulsive feeling but they are guilty of nursing and encouraging those thoughts for a long time prior to that and when the thoughts have grown to an extent and the oppourtunity presents itself they stand back and wonder how it happened.

3 People avoid telling the truth because they don't like the pain/ embarresment it can cause. So to ask someone to put themselves out there doesnt seem very wise.

I really love this girl and want it to work but I'm just as afraid of having my heart/ pride walked on.

I know I seem very negative about this but I really would like some enlightenment on this matter. Your views on this are taken to heart and dwelt on. I could have it all wrong and I'm just hoping someone can show me where.

 

[Caroline H]

I really do understand your fears, Local. But wouldn't it be fair to her to allow her the chance to tell you the truth? To avoid asking her the truth simply because you assume she won't tell it doesn't seem like a valid excuse to me. Nor does avoiding it because you don't want her to be worried about how she acts around you. Neither of those will ever address any issue you two have, and if you want a strong relationship you both have to learn how to be honest in a loving way. Please don't think I'm telling you what to do, I'm just stating what I see from your post and what I would do in your situation.

God bless,

 

[Silversmok3]

Understand that what I am about to post is not meant to offend-but I must respond honestly.

How do you know your gf is christian?I ask because of two reasons.One,lots of girls will either outright lie ,or tell a guy they like early on that they're 'religious'-they might even go to church-so as to secure his affections.
The second reason is more internal.If she became 'saved' but left her faith on the shelf to be more 'popular' with friends ,she may believe its OK to flirt with,even do everything up to sex with other guys since you two aren't 'married' or just dating.

Caromurp is correct.You must communicate with your gf to see where she stands.Do not present the topic as 'I'm hurt,stop it'-because she won't understand why you're hurt.Instead ask what she thinks about flirting and relationships,and make it clear she can be honest with you about her answer.
Don't ask it in a serious tone-ask it like you're asking what her favorite color is,like you're talking about someone else.
Be prepared for honest pain when she replies.It'll probably shatter your idea of who she is,and you'll be tempted to react with anger.DON'T.Remain calm,cool,act like you're on the side of the road with a cop.Stow the anger until you're out of her presence,then vent your frustration in private.

Post the results.
-Silversmok3

 

[Blazin Bones]

Local, I agree with Caromurp on this. You've got to talk with her. I know this is true because it's one thing that makes Caromurp and I love each other as we do. When we have an issue, we talk about it.

Very early on Caromurp and I talked plenty about how we wanted to act in our relationship and why. We made a habit of being honest and not letting our fear of "a long or possibly heated" discussion stop us from working an issue out. Smoke is right that the tone of the conversation needs to sound genuine, and godly, rather than this is hurting me. If you are looking to engage in the discussion, she should get right away that this is something you feel is important.

If it is a natural behavior of hers, and it could be, and it makes you uncomfortable about the relationship, now's the time to realize this isn't what you want in a partner. You are right that bad things could happen one day, but that is all the more reason to work towards preventing them now with honest communication between you and her.