One thing I am bad about is getting too warped up in my own projects. My wife says I obsess and get too "into' other things. In so doing I can often neglect more important things.
However, I know more than she thinks, and I've learned to pick up on clues over the years.
When I was married for the first time, I had a couple of businesses. One was a carpet cleaning business, and the other was a remodeling/contracting business. I ran them 24/7 and I obsessed about every dime and operation. Always trying to make things bigger and more profitable.
I will say that my behavior lead to the demise of that marriage, among other things. I even dismissed birthdays, and anniversaries. I worked on Christmas day, and my young wife then said something similar, but it was more like; "You only care about what you care about."
So, long story short....years go by, and in the mean time I become a Christian.
...so far so good, but old habits die hard, and I've been reminded from time to time about my old self.
These days I don't let things go by, and I balance my life better, but I still get into my project mode, so I have to recognize that my life is more like a garden. I have to work the garden. Pull the weeds. Spray for bugs and such If I am to have a harvest.
This thought has aloud me to make a project of my marriage as well. I still get lazy, but I notice when things need attention.
I don't think I'm an easy man to be married to. My wife is special in that she let's, likes or allows me to be the force I am while she busies herself, or supports us in her way, but because of this I have to be the one to make the time for us. It does not work if she suggest an evening out, or alone time because chances are it conflics with something I'm doing.
....so, I have to be the initiator, and that's fine because I like that. I take that roll just fine.
However, she is skilled at sometimes getting me to do this as if it's me doing it and not her.
I pick up on her distance from me, or her slight contempt...does that make sense? where as many women might just say what the problem is, my wife drops clues designed for me to pick up on and then I react. Like the other day when she smacked me over the head with a frying pan after I asked what was for dinner. see little clues....kidding kidding...
But seriously, it's funny how couples can be very dynamic and complicated in how they interact. Part of it is learned over time, and part of it is a type of chemistry shared I guess.
Right now I have family, church and work. Those are the main life categories and each get a bit of my time. I don't have a do nothing time. I don't watch TV, or sports even. "Me time" is wrapped up in family, church and work. Occasionally I do get out and play poker with my friends or some guy stuff, but I never feel comfortable the older I get.
Since I became a Christian, and as I've grown in this walk, I have found life more rewarding in joy by doing what I used to do for myself, but for others. Instead of caring only about what I care about, I've turned that around ...still obsessing mind you, but caring about what others care about. That only means that I have to divide my efforts to focus on my wife as well.
Right now I am chairing up an effort in my neighborhood to start a crime watch, and park development project as part of our association. I started it 2 months ago and it eats up part of my time. If I'm not careful it could take me away from the rest of my garden, so I try to remain focused and balanced.
That's how I keep from getting in the "rut" I guess. I plan and actively manage my time. Part of my plan includes the time and attention my marriage needs to yield a good harvest. I try to be "efficient". For example my wife is getting the girls ready and in bed. I'm being called right now to say good night and i'm yelling "Just a second"...then I'll go down stairs, say good night to my girls and spend the nxt 1.5 to 2 hrs with my wife...starting right now. :waving
