Christ_empowered
Member
yes, yes; me, yet again. 
so, I've been praying, here and there, for more of an 'attitude of gratitude.' i lifted it from what I remember of the purpose driven life, which...honestly, I may have been too hard on that book. or maybe not. lol. obviously, i'm not legalistic or hardline much of anything, so maybe I should read it again, this time as a Christian. moving on...
ingratitude is something of a problem, for me. i lived thru some rough, rough patches for a season that seemed an eternity, and, honestly...haunt me more now than I'd like (nightmares, etc.). Jesus is Good, always. I was spared, even in darkness and foolishness and rebellion, from being delivered unto death and -Hell- , prison, the state hospital...
and now? wow. its not that I'm a rags to riches story, but I am an example of Christ's mercy upon people who have -serious- flaws and weaknesses, low status, etc. true story. so...
lately, I've been getting more -gratitude-, a bit less -attitude- . i was at an atm not too long ago...a homeless lady i was kinda sorta familiar with (knew -of- , did not -know- ) pushed her cart right by my vehicle. i wasn't taking out massive wads of cash or anything, just what i needed, but...as I drove off, I saw her face turn -wrathful- and she threw something of a fit (?), and...and...
i'd be 100x worse, in her situation. and if i was on the streets, im -fairly- certain the homeless people who were nice enough when i was volunteering at a non-profit would rip me to shreds, asap. not that they're terrible street urchins, just...human nature under those conditions, 'its a jungle out there,' etc.
my dad is back at work, but he took my call this AM. and I got...a...sting, i guess, in my conscience. he's -always- worked hard, and it wasn't until the past 10-15 years +/- that the compensation was "good enough" for my parents to be "important enough," blah blah blah...they're bona fide adults, you know...and also: it never was -all about me- , they had stressors, life hits hard sometimes.
but yeah, dad took my call, and i called him on a cell he was kind enough to get for me as a -much needed- gift (my old one was not even taking a charge, it was...do or die, basically).
i still get taunted. i think its mostly the upstairs neighbor dudes. they rent. family owns my place. thing is...if it wasn't for my family, i wouldn't even be able to rent here. not that its deluxe and luxurious (modest, nice), but I'm a pariah (my unrepentant sinner years were...dark, humiliating, destructive...), and...no, no, no. and if The Lord hadn't spared my family, when their careers were under attack by their enemies and my enemies and...on and on...God has seen fit to be merciful. so, anyway...
the taunting, about my sexuality (recovering homosexual) and drug abuse and psych jibber jabber from years past and present, and...and...
blah blah blah, if they weren't picking on me, they'd be picking on another vulnerable person and/or trying to tear down someone they perceived as 'uppity,' all that. again: 'its a jungle out there.' -gratitude- for what The Lord has brought me out of, what He has blessed my parents and me with...
and maybe the beginnings of what I need to truly -do- forgiveness, 70x7, in Christ? Even if the taunting keeps on, which...honestly...I hope and pray people let up, but I kinda suspect I may need to lean into Him and bear up under it?
ok. praise report, its a rough, cruel, -fallen world- we all inhabit, this side of Heaven. Its not as if I ever did anything to deserve being spared, in darkness...-forgiven and saved- , in repentance, and then redeemed (ongoing, amen), so...
-sigh- thank God, The Kingdom of Heaven is -not- a meritocracy. He does not save those best able to contribute, the smartest, the most (relatively) moral, the least in need of repair and transformation in Christ...
so, yeah. -gratitude-
I Praise God for His mercy and Love!
so, I've been praying, here and there, for more of an 'attitude of gratitude.' i lifted it from what I remember of the purpose driven life, which...honestly, I may have been too hard on that book. or maybe not. lol. obviously, i'm not legalistic or hardline much of anything, so maybe I should read it again, this time as a Christian. moving on...
ingratitude is something of a problem, for me. i lived thru some rough, rough patches for a season that seemed an eternity, and, honestly...haunt me more now than I'd like (nightmares, etc.). Jesus is Good, always. I was spared, even in darkness and foolishness and rebellion, from being delivered unto death and -Hell- , prison, the state hospital...
and now? wow. its not that I'm a rags to riches story, but I am an example of Christ's mercy upon people who have -serious- flaws and weaknesses, low status, etc. true story. so...
lately, I've been getting more -gratitude-, a bit less -attitude- . i was at an atm not too long ago...a homeless lady i was kinda sorta familiar with (knew -of- , did not -know- ) pushed her cart right by my vehicle. i wasn't taking out massive wads of cash or anything, just what i needed, but...as I drove off, I saw her face turn -wrathful- and she threw something of a fit (?), and...and...
i'd be 100x worse, in her situation. and if i was on the streets, im -fairly- certain the homeless people who were nice enough when i was volunteering at a non-profit would rip me to shreds, asap. not that they're terrible street urchins, just...human nature under those conditions, 'its a jungle out there,' etc.
my dad is back at work, but he took my call this AM. and I got...a...sting, i guess, in my conscience. he's -always- worked hard, and it wasn't until the past 10-15 years +/- that the compensation was "good enough" for my parents to be "important enough," blah blah blah...they're bona fide adults, you know...and also: it never was -all about me- , they had stressors, life hits hard sometimes.
but yeah, dad took my call, and i called him on a cell he was kind enough to get for me as a -much needed- gift (my old one was not even taking a charge, it was...do or die, basically).
i still get taunted. i think its mostly the upstairs neighbor dudes. they rent. family owns my place. thing is...if it wasn't for my family, i wouldn't even be able to rent here. not that its deluxe and luxurious (modest, nice), but I'm a pariah (my unrepentant sinner years were...dark, humiliating, destructive...), and...no, no, no. and if The Lord hadn't spared my family, when their careers were under attack by their enemies and my enemies and...on and on...God has seen fit to be merciful. so, anyway...
the taunting, about my sexuality (recovering homosexual) and drug abuse and psych jibber jabber from years past and present, and...and...
blah blah blah, if they weren't picking on me, they'd be picking on another vulnerable person and/or trying to tear down someone they perceived as 'uppity,' all that. again: 'its a jungle out there.' -gratitude- for what The Lord has brought me out of, what He has blessed my parents and me with...
and maybe the beginnings of what I need to truly -do- forgiveness, 70x7, in Christ? Even if the taunting keeps on, which...honestly...I hope and pray people let up, but I kinda suspect I may need to lean into Him and bear up under it?
ok. praise report, its a rough, cruel, -fallen world- we all inhabit, this side of Heaven. Its not as if I ever did anything to deserve being spared, in darkness...-forgiven and saved- , in repentance, and then redeemed (ongoing, amen), so...
-sigh- thank God, The Kingdom of Heaven is -not- a meritocracy. He does not save those best able to contribute, the smartest, the most (relatively) moral, the least in need of repair and transformation in Christ...
so, yeah. -gratitude-
I Praise God for His mercy and Love!
