[__ Prayer __] my neighbors, yet again

[Christ_empowered]

OK. So, the other day I was on the front porch without my MP3 player, having a cigarette. A neighbor dude called me "uppity." No joke. "Uppity." Yes, its The South.

Today, its been snowing. So, once again, on the front porch, no MP3 player. "I don't care if he's a different person...probation..." yeah, something about probation. They've been talking about "probation violations" for a couple weeks now. Not something I'm really into, obviously.

Now, they also seem like they're misinformed and/or trying to deliberately taunt me with lies. Like how they talk about my "felony" when I have a (serious) misdemeanor. I know, all crime is bad, but misdemeanors aren't nearly as bad as felonies. They also say things like "a couple more months and it'll all be over" and "he shouldn't even be on probation; he's not good enough" and "I'm just glad its going to be over soon."

I saw my probation officer early December. I think we're cool. I pay my monies and don't break the law. I see her in person every 3 months and pay $$$ monthly.

Ugh. Thing is...I was a flamer until recently, in The South, which clearly doesn't go over well. I also made the mistake of living past 24/25, so I was automatically an "over the hill flamer." :-(

Now, I don't flame. I mean, I'm queer and all, but I'm trying to be celibate and God's blessed me with more of a masculine identity. Like I said: still queer, just more normal, not flaming. Good stuff. The Lord even made my face a little more normal+masculine looking. I think The Lord's work in my life doesn't sit well with people around here.

I mention that (yet again) because...well, me becoming n-o-r-m-a-l is apparently me being "uppity." Me being alive this long is being "uppity." Me, living in comfort with my parents and all that is being "uppity."

UPPITY!!!!!!!!! How I hate that word!

Ugh. I'm done (for now). Please pray that I can stay free and stay safe. Thanks.

 

[Eugene]

 

[AirDancer]

You remain in my prayers, my friend.

We each are given challenges with which to contend, so it's possible your neighbors are your particular challenges. Sometime, we never find out why a singularly unpleasant challenge faced us .... we'll learn perhaps in heaven. Yet, with each challenge, we should grow stronger in our faith, and know -without doubt - that our Lord never gives us more than we can handle.

 

[Christ_empowered]

I just don't get it. I mean, they know how to get to me. "Probation violation!" They've been saying that for a couple weeks now. I mean, somebody would tell me if I'd violated probation by now, right? I mean, arrest me or something? ugh.

 

[AirDancer]

Oh, yes. If you have violated your probation, police officers would have shown up at your door by now.

 

[Christ_empowered]

More of the same today, starting at around 6 AM. At least at 6 AM they were a bit more quiet, which is good...I don't know if they were trying to be considerate of the other neighbors if they were just not quite awake enough yet to be full on obnoxious. :-(

I dunno. The only requirements for my probation are that I go to counseling+do the meds thing and also that I avoid contact with the victim. I've done both. I don't know why I get so paranoid about things...its ridiculous, and I need to quit. Keep in mind: until fairly recently, I was both a flamer and a weakling. I know, weakling...not the nicest term ever, but it was true. This is why I love 1 Corinthians 1:27 so very much. I was very much a weakling when I got saved, but I get the impression I'm not such a weakling now, which is a huge blessing for me and for my parents, who have been through so much.

Ramble ramble...I'm thinking out loud. I just dread the thought of having to beg for an attorney or having to go to a hearing w/o representation or...on and on it goes. Blah. I'm getting better, but my mind automatically goes to worst case scenarios.

And...that is all.

 

[Eugene]

I'm thinking out loud.

You're evidently getting old. There was the time sixty years ago I would wonder at someone I saw seemingly talking to themselves. Then came the Cell phone, especially with an ear plug, and it seems near everyone has gone over the edge even to the use of hand expressiveness to speak to whoever is on the other side of their dumb discussion; up and down a supermarket aisle waving their arms, picking up articles, describing it to someone, and then putting it back down as if directed by a demon on the other end.

Okay, one day I'm walking down the supermarket aisle, I speak out loud: do I need hot dogs? Do you realize that we can graduate into conversation with our thoughts? NO, I don't need them! It gets even worse while playing video games. WHAT, why'd you do that? OH NO! I've got to go back and start over, and then like the idiot on a cell phone my hands enter into the equation. I use them to slam down the controller in disgust. Good luck with all that.

 

[jasonc]

It depends where you live in the south.I will say it's changed here about being gay. We honored a lesbian deputy at her retirement

 

[jack K]

You remain in my prayers, my friend.

We each are given challenges with which to contend, so it's possible your neighbors are your particular challenges. Sometime, we never find out why a singularly unpleasant challenge faced us .... we'll learn perhaps in heaven. Yet, with each challenge, we should grow stronger in our faith, and know -without doubt - that our Lord never gives us more than we can handle.

Hi CE

I think this is so true, we just get so lost in our emotions and don't see the bigger picture. Why would God leave us? These obstacles are testing our faith and beliefs. I know it hurts but maybe you should be asking yourself, what am I suppose to learn from this? Those neighbors always have a way of getting to you and I suppose that is exactly what they want.
God is always with you.

 

[Tony Hyman]

Easy for me to talk as usual, but are these so called "neighbours" fellow Christian believers or what? It sounds by their conduct that they are not exactly of the" loving" type. Mt 5:43-44.Who are they to judge you ?Mt 7:1.If they are not believers then leave them to the Lord who judges those outside of the Body of Christ in terms of 1 Cor 6:12-13"What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside.13.God will judge those outside 'Expel the wicked man from among you.'

So be nice to them as in "respect" I Pet 2:17 and leave the rest up to the Lord. Just hang in their Joseph went to jail simply for resisting temptation Gen 39:20.Yet he still came out tops. Just laugh them off. After-all you've got Christ behind you haven't ye! With a name like "Christ-empowered" what could possibly go wrong!

 

[jack K]

CE just try your best to stay positive and keep the faith. Your neighbors will not give you grief forever, they will eventually stop.
Live in hope for what tomorrow can bring and how things has changed for you since you have accepted God. As bad as today might seem, it passes by. Count your blessings and focus less on things that add value to your life.
You in my prayers and I believe in you.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks, everyone. The stuff continues. I went to pay my probation monies for the coming month today. Its pretty straightforward...there's a counter with a lady behind it who will take your monies (exact money; no change given) and then she prints off a receipt for you, showing how much is left to pay and when your next payment is due. So, I waited a while and I thought I heard somebody talking about a "probation violation." Thing is...its the probation office, so I don't think they were actually saying that. I think these people around me have gotten to me.

One of my neighbors said something under his breath when I saw him getting out of his truck today. Again, I thought it had something to do with probation. Ugh. I'm really not enjoying this. Mental illness+stress+taunting=no fun. At.All.

I am increasingly thankful for what The Lord has blessed me with, and also I"m beginning to see...with these sorts of blessings comes some responsibility. No longer a semi-vegetable who's had "too much electroshock" ? Yes, that's wonderful...now, please DO something. I do need to grow up a bit. My mom was talking to me on the phone a day or two ago about her work schedule, and I said something like..."that's intense" or something...and she said: "Yes, it is. This is what grow ups do." Zing! Now that I have enough intelligence to do something, I have to do it this time around.

I am now thankful for my intelligence. No more drugs for me, no more drinking, no more...you get the picture. I have to take a lil cocktail of meds (nothing crazy...modern mood drugs plus a newer antipsychotic) everyday, and that's about all I take...well, that and crazy high doses of vitamins, mostly in the hopes that I won't get certain side effects. So far, so good.

Reading about other peoples' recoveries helps. Angel's posts help me a lot. I mean, shock treatments are kind of hardcore, but...hey, some people even had productive, meaningful lives after lobotomies. Life goes on...

Thanks, as always, for the support and prayers. If I were to get arrested, my parents would come looking for me, which is always re-assuring.

 

[Angel]

Awww sweetie I'm so glad to help

 

[Angel]

A lot of times I will hear people mutter things that they actually are not really saying! LOL
Still think of you often and pray when God brings you to mind.

 

[Christ_empowered]

never mind.

 

[GodsGrace]

You're evidently getting old. There was the time sixty years ago I would wonder at someone I saw seemingly talking to themselves. Then came the Cell phone, especially with an ear plug, and it seems near everyone has gone over the edge even to the use of hand expressiveness to speak to whoever is on the other side of their dumb discussion; up and down a supermarket aisle waving their arms, picking up articles, describing it to someone, and then putting it back down as if directed by a demon on the other end.

Okay, one day I'm walking down the supermarket aisle, I speak out loud: do I need hot dogs? Do you realize that we can graduate into conversation with our thoughts? NO, I don't need them! It gets even worse while playing video games. WHAT, why'd you do that? OH NO! I've got to go back and start over, and then like the idiot on a cell phone my hands enter into the equation. I use them to slam down the controller in disgust. Good luck with all that.

You gave me a good giggle Eugene.
I speak to myself when doing involved paperwork because it makes me crazy!
You know, sometimes yourself is the best person to speak to, because nobody knows you like you do --


Wondering

 

[GodsGrace]

Christ Empowered
What money do you pay every month??
If it's personal, no answer is required. Sounds like you're paying the justice system or something.

Neighbors. Yeah. This is why some people would like to go live in the woods or up on a mountain.
Bad people always make you want to run away.

Stand firm in the Lord, ignore and conquer!

Wondering

 

[Christ_empowered]

The neighbors keep going. They clearly need for me to hear what they're saying, lol. I was out on the porch with my MP3 player going and some woman yelled loud enough for me to hear through my music. That's...that's pretty loud, lol.

I think God's work in my life doesn't sit well with people. I mean, now that I really think about, God's work in anybody's life doesn't sit well with the world. I hear there's always something of a backlash, especially early on in one's Christian walk.

I was never supposed to recover from what a sadistic shrink did to me at a private, for profit mental hospital a bit over 10 years ago. I had a total and complete nervous breakdown a couple years after that, and the shrinks' response there (different city) was to shock me back to the stone age. And now...

...I think I've recovered. Sometimes, memories come back. Its strange...I mean, where do memories go? And when they come back...well...where were they? I had a dream the other night about a trip to Atlanta to visit a friend that I hadn't thought about in over 10 years. Crazy. And my IQ has gone up as I've "recovered from treatment," so that's a definite plus. IQ isn't the best gauge of ability, but...I'd rather have a high IQ than a low IQ, that's for certain.

Its a bit after 1 AM here and I'm rambling. People are cruel in "the real world," so I may as well get used to it. "Wise as serpents, innocent as doves." Until recently, I failed to be either.

I'm just nervous, that's all. With this much animosity towards me, its hard...being on probation (thank God its a misdemeanor) in a community where people seem to despise me. Come to think of it...I'm getting more open hostility and hatred now than I ever got before. Fun times.

 

[markathome]

A long time ago I was taught in school "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me",
but for some reason it doesn't seem to work all the time. If ya got a big heart it hurts more. God bless

Proverbs 18:21 Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.