hi there I'm on medication (antipyschotics) that numb me and I also believe my heart is hardening. I repented back in Feb last year but didn't come to faith which im ashamed of. I see no meaning in my life and slowly been feeling like I don't care about God and wonder why he demands worship and if it makes him egotistical. I know deep down im wrong but if heaven is just worship is it heaven? I fear im an apostate but I've been trying to control things for so long trying to please God or learn too much about salvation I haven't received it. I no longer understand love and why its so important. I've lived in a strict hospital setting for 10 years with 3 months in the community and a suicide attempt due to voices. when I met God it was the most beautiful experience ever but in these end times I can't rely on me being a prodigal I've already mocked God by not believing but repenting. and in scared im apart of the fallen church. I've read a lot of the Bible and the Gospel several times and.im still struggling. maybe im not meant to be saved. I feel like life is meaningless and I have no desire to go back to the world . sometimes I feel like hell is all thats left for me. I just don't know what I want anymore
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No meaning
- Thread starter Bryony
- Start date
Not meant to be saved? Sounds like those voices are still filling your head with a lot of false teachings and incorrect thoughts.
Control things? If by this you mean trying to please God by eliminating sin, this is focusing on the wrong things again. What you need to do is simply focus on getting closer to God, especially by spending time learning from Him through His word.
Ok, I was reading through a few of your other posts, and this explains some things.
Bryony, there is deliverance from mind control, but if you are a victim of it then there could be tons of programming they have already subjected you to specifically designed to keep you from believing in Christ, and it will require a lot of deprogramming. Just know that the Lord Jesus Christ DOES love you, and He is a GOOD God who truly cares for you, and that He can deliver you from any circumstances if you are willing to trust Him for it.
When they invest a lot of programming into someone, they go to great measures to keep from losing their investment, so you would have a serious fight on your hands, but the Lord has been stronger than the Devil throughout all human history, and He would prove stronger in your case as well if you give yourself to Him fully, and do not listen to the lies they have planted in your head and tried to reinforce multiple times over.
But keep in touch with this forum. If you like, I can discuss the subject with you, either privately or publicly.
Blessings in Christ,
Hidden In Him
Christ_empowered
Member
Antipsychotic drugs are rough. I’ve been able to work with a doctor to get one that’s less evil than others I’ve tried and also to get down to a dosage I can live with. Supplements…especially antioxidants and b vitamins…seem to help me tremendously.
I don’t know much about mind control. Hopefully someone else will work with you on that. Jesus loves you and He knows you to the core so He understands all aspects of your life.
I don’t know much about mind control. Hopefully someone else will work with you on that. Jesus loves you and He knows you to the core so He understands all aspects of your life.
hi there. its been quite a few years as a targeted individual. they don't bother so much anymore only occasionally but I'm beginning to lose all sense of meaning. I went to a Baptist church today and there was 200 people I felt too shy to talk to anyone I felt like a fraud. one day I hope to be saved but afraid if I don't believe the resurrection in my heart God may have already sent me a strong delusion. I'm a lot less robust than I used to be ive been through hell and back with demons and mind control and God was still with me I don't feel him strongly anymore and I can be quite disrespectful. I'm just tired and thinking of suicide. just don't see the point of life anymore I don't want sympathy or to attention seek but I definitely feel lost. I don't appreciate Christ like I should and I find the Bible difficult to believe as history and it says for those who don't believe are condemned already so I'm losing hope
Sister, I can tell already that you are being deluded with a number of false doctrines that appear specifically designed to talk you out of your faith. God does NOT send people who are trying to seek Him and trying to believe a strong delusion, ok? I know the scriptures, and that's a giant load of horse hockey. It's talking about those who want to believe in the opposite, so He allows lying Satanic wonders to be performed to "confirm" it. God's not going to force people who hate Him to believe. If they want to believe in lies, He will allow them to be powerfully deluded so they can get their wish.
That does not sound like where you are at all.
As for what you can believe at the current time, stop running a guilt trip on yourself and just believe the parts you can accept right now. When I first came to Christ I was not ready to accept the part about there being mansions in Heaven waiting for us. I thought that was too carnal and materialistic. I was ignorant at the time, but God understands those things. But if I had run some guilt trip on myself because I didn't subscribe to everything they said I should believe yet, I never would have gotten to the place where I learned better, not because any man told me or forced me to believe but because I eventually became more educated in the things of God.
I think you're being more effected by your programming than you suspect you are. Set aside this nonsense about God has rejected you. That is STANDARD programming. Satan wants you to reject God, so he is attempting to make you think God has rejected you. Recognize it for what it is. It's a lie.
Am I a reprobate was the first thread you started about all of this and I will repost here what I said to you there.
After reading all of this it truly seems like you are a loving caring woman who has a heart for the Lord and wanting that fellowship that you know you need with God. It seems like you are being oppressed of Satan who wants to steal any faith you have left in you. Within your mental condition it is easy for Satan to play with your mind causing you to doubt yourself and your relationship with Christ as it is called spiritual warfare.
Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Please read the full context in Ephesians 6:10-18.)
The battle you are going through actually belongs to the Lord as He has made us more than conquerors as nothing can separate us from the love of God unless we allow it to do so. I believe you are Spiritually born again and indwelled with the Holy Spirit, but have not learned yet how to take the Spiritual authority and power over your oppressor that by the grace of God gave us in order to defeat the enemy. Please read this in Romans and also Ephesians as I believe you will come into understanding of the oppressor being Satan trying to buffet you.
God's Everlasting Love
Rom 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
Rom 8:32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
Rom 8:33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.
Rom 8:34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
Rom 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Rom 8:36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
Rom 8:37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
Rom 8:38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Rom 8:39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
After reading all of this it truly seems like you are a loving caring woman who has a heart for the Lord and wanting that fellowship that you know you need with God. It seems like you are being oppressed of Satan who wants to steal any faith you have left in you. Within your mental condition it is easy for Satan to play with your mind causing you to doubt yourself and your relationship with Christ as it is called spiritual warfare.
Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Please read the full context in Ephesians 6:10-18.)
The battle you are going through actually belongs to the Lord as He has made us more than conquerors as nothing can separate us from the love of God unless we allow it to do so. I believe you are Spiritually born again and indwelled with the Holy Spirit, but have not learned yet how to take the Spiritual authority and power over your oppressor that by the grace of God gave us in order to defeat the enemy. Please read this in Romans and also Ephesians as I believe you will come into understanding of the oppressor being Satan trying to buffet you.
God's Everlasting Love
Rom 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
Rom 8:32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
Rom 8:33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.
Rom 8:34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
Rom 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Rom 8:36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
Rom 8:37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
Rom 8:38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Rom 8:39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Riven
Member
There was a CIA project long ago called MK ULTRA. That's about as much as I know.
Let's break down a few of your statements, since I have time on my hands anyway.
When you actually experience the Presence of God during worship you learn that this is an entirely different matter. What worship is is a chance to enter more into the Presence of God Himself and become one with Him. As the scriptures says, "He inhabits the praises of His people." Entering into worship when it's good is a FUN experience. It's powerful. A congregation that is really inviting Him to inhabit them during worship enters into a supernatural experience together, and it's when the miraculous starts happening. I have even seen people getting delivered during worship by the power of God, and set free from bondages.
Heaven is not just worship, it is everything life on earth is, only without any suffering, pain, jealousy, envy, strife, etc. They work, but only at what they enjoy most. They do "business," but only to serve others. They engage in bartering rather than use money, and to see who can bless the other the more. They teach, they build, the construct, they engage in social gatherings ALL OVER the place, from parties to get togethers to large convention-style meetings. They eat, they enjoy each others company, they have pets, they enjoy recreation together, all the things we do here, but everything is to perfection.
Again, you are operating under deception if you think Heaven will only be worship, and once again, if you ever experience true Spirit-filled worship it is an amazing thing; sort of like a good rock concert, but better because everyone is involved.
When you experience the love of God you will know. Love, rejoicing, thanksgiving, kindness, etc. are all what make life worth living.
And this becomes the exact opposite when you grow closer to God. Your life increasingly begins to have more meaning, and you start to feel you have a tremendous purpose in life.
Bryony, you have a specific calling in life and a specific purpose, and some of it could involve helping others recover themselves from mind control and SRA so they walk free and become happy and fulfilled in life, but it will have to start with you taking the road out of bondage yourself, and that starts with Faith, and not letting the enemy talk you out of believing in the power and love of the Lord Jesus Christ.
If you want to start a full thread on the Illuminati and SRA and discuss things together, I'd be glad to. Sharing your testimony and everything that has happened to you openly could be the start of your healing process, as well as a means to begin educating others, and exposing the darkness.
God bless, and let me know. I can start a thread tomorrow, and it would give me something to do.
- H
LovethroughDove
Member
This stuck out to me and I think this is where the disconnect is. You can't control things, but you do have the power on how you react to what happens. People start to resent God when he doesn't do what "they think" he should do. I think everyone's life could be written as a soap opera or scary movie and the attitude we have through all of it matters. People start to hold resentment, or you actually start to see the big picture and appreciate the things you've been through to get you to this point in our journey with God. My hope for you, is that you focus on the positives that have been eye opening experiences.
Hi, I don't have a lot to say but you aren't the only one on this board with mental issues. I don't have psychosis or delusions myself, but I hope you will find community and understanding here 
Highway54
Member
All Christians have volunteered Bryon, He gave us free will to choose. But choosing is a requirement to serve Him, otherwise the default god requires nothing.
Well, zechariah chapter 7 is good study. Its about God tried to correct judah. They were in captivity 70 years. For idolatry. God hoped they would learn from it. Apparently they didn't. They embraced traditions of men and weren't sincere with God. You cant walk on both sides of the fence. God wants commitment and respect from His children. God didn't listen to them. God doesn't like those who play church. Get the picture. People like this want pity party. Proverbs chapter 1 is correlation to zechariah chapter 7. Some people are not diligent and sincere about God. Why doesn't God hear me??. Some Christian people won't repent sins to God. We see the results. But these kind of individuals will look for pity party.
subtlecollision
Member
I'm sorry things have been tough for you. It sounds promising to me, though, that you are interested in God. Know that He won't turn away anyone who truly seeks Him.