[__ Prayer __] Not wanted here

[Christ_empowered]

Can’t say it’s unexpected but it’s not fun lol

Ugh at least I understand now lol schizophrenia is…not the worst thing ever but it’s sometimes difficult to put things together.

Lots to be thankful for including this modest nice place….

I dunno thanks

 

[Christ_empowered]

Not to whine but…

I worry about my future. Financially I think I’ll be ok which is a huge blessing. My issue is…


If I’m too high functioning for hospital cannot work and have what I need provided for me…
Will society ever tolerate me? I mean not just my current community.

 

[citrus]

I don't know my parents are my guardian. I have no idea what will happen to me when they die, but I don't have hallucinations. That was because I was allergic to my medicine and I take ant-seizure medicine because I had a seizure 2 yrs ago. I don't know. I've poured out my heart to God about it. I guess I will get there when it comes.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Not trying to play expert but I think once a guardian dies the individual is back in probate court and the court decides whether or not to appoint a new guardian. That’s how it’s supposed to work in my state anyway…

 

[citrus]

Oh

 

[Christ_empowered]

I was prescribed seizure medicine too. Caused depression ugh

 

[Christ_empowered]

In my state someone under a guardianship can petition to be removed from the guardianship. In your case I would think that would only become an issue if a guardian was appointed after your parents and you wanted out of the situation.

Sorry people keep taunting me saying that I have a guardian or conservator so I’ve done research and such. In my case my parents are my support system so appointing someone would be to undercut them and to control me…

Because I’m considered a troublemaker or something. Ugh long ridiculous back story…

 

[Christ_empowered]

I kind of feel like I live in a bubble . A surprisingly good simple comfortable bubble . Because…


The taunting never stops and I am not a member of this community or any community. This isn’t a complaint; I’m starting to actually see feel and understand my outsider status. And…
My parents are incredible people. I’m thankful that I can have my own place in large part because….


They need their space too. And I need to start on my own hobbies and such asap. I’m already relearning how to cook and that’s a blessing too. Maybe schizophrenia is just the best the world has for me anyway. Not that I was or am sinless far from it. Just..,
Sin, Satan, self, and the world combined in my life just like everyone else’s and…


Deliverance from on high came after my rough existence out in the world and after the label of schizophrenia was permanently applied to me in society.

I’m not wanted around here. It’s weird to me how I can see and be seen but socially I don’t seem to…exist? Not at the same level as most people…


Weird but not really terrible. lol I think it’s just the price I’ve paid for my own past sins (crimes, even) and…
For not playing by the rules. Not that I understood the rules anyway.

Rambling…

 

[Christ_empowered]

Some dude is complaining about me living here. Again. Sounds a lot like the same guy who screamed at me about my liberal parents and not working and blah blah blah


I’m going to have to go Jesus Christs way and pray for the dude and since it’s always deliberately out of my sight I’ll have to pray to show some love and…
Gospel morality 101…time to apply…

 

[citrus]

Life doesn't get easy, we become stronger. We can be a blessing or we can be a curse. People are lessons. Rejection isn't always a bad thing. People can be so rich they are poor. They have noone to trust and have no real close friends or relatives. They enjoy the praises of others, but once that person isn't important in there eyes they will reject that person. People grow apart and when they are older they have only ar most a hand full of friends. Sometimes being alone gives us time to work on ourselves. Time to learn to trust God and acknowledge him even if we don't feel his presence. What breaks are hearts ( not being pridefull or being greedy) but the genuine things also breaks God's heart. God will eventually give us peace and repair us.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Me yet again.


Did I mention…yet again?…my high iq estimate. No im not about the numbers or joining MENSA. lol


At a personal level it reassures me of Gods forgiveness and mercy. At a practical level I think it may be part of the reason I haven’t been put in the state hospital . Long, ridiculous story….

I’m increasingly grateful truth? If I was still obviously brain damaged and such my parents would probably have me put somewhere. Group homes are the going option in my state although we do obviously still have something of a state hospital left…


More importantly God forgives restores brings about reconciliation wills redemption. His work in this world is always met with opposition. Nothing personal…

 

[Christ_empowered]

Ugh about not being wanted here…
It’s not an emo issue on my end more a sense of vulnerability and a creepy sense that I’m surrounded by sharks . Thing is…

Per Scripture until God intervened I was a shark too.

 

[Christ_empowered]

I’m blessed . It’s not just stuff although we live in a material world and Hebrews has an entire section dedicated to discussing Christ Jesus’ humanity and how He knows what each of us go through because He is God made Flesh. So…


I’m beginning to see that my life has been ruined largely by the so called helping professions and then God moved and…

Ruined life. Sad broken shell of a human being. Now? Normal healthy apparently a high iq estimate wonderful parents and…


Maybe I should just buck up and get over it?


But it gets intense sometimes and it’s more a creepy feeling of oppression than it is a need for approval or anything.

It’s people openly talking about my alphabet soup of psych labels . It’s getting coffee ️ at a new drive thru place and then overhearing…because they were so loud…


People talking junk about my parents and me. My parents are thankfully retired and healthy doing well and…
They aren’t reclusive but they don’t really engage with that many people. I’m borderline reclusive because of this lol


Ugh people openly talking about having me evicted…in a local convenience store . I didn’t know that woman and…

Ugh it’s not intense in a drama way but it is unnerving and creepy and gets me off kilter…


Or when people say they’re going to get my power cut off or water shut off and…

It’s extra creepy when I can’t even get my mostly junk mail without having to call the post office occasionally.


I dunno accentuate the positive. This is mostly jibber jabber around me with no major effect on my actual life day to day.

Creepy! Oppressive! And confusing !

Thanks

 

[citrus]

Are you sure they are talking about you? People know yotlr parents? How do people know your phy. Label? Who and why are people trying to get you out of the store? How are you dressed? How do you act? Are you having an episode when these things happen? What did you do to get threatened about water and where you live? Did you say something to these people? Were you talking aloud during an episode? Maybe someone thought you were talking to them? .....

 

[citrus]

Maybe people think your talking to them or about them?

 

[Christ_empowered]

I dunno

Honestly?!?! Schizophrenia or whatever is rough and I think somehow I only recently got how I really am….

I dunno
Sick I guess lol not dangerous not even agitated but sick nonetheless. It’s like…
Even if I sleep ok and avoid sleeping too much and even if I’m not feeling depressed or on a rare upswing…


My perception of reality is not 100 percent accurate.

 

[Christ_empowered]

But I’m not 100 percent out there either! It’s frustrating. I know I’m not wanted here by some people and that’s ok but it’s weird how even the neighbors who would chat about nothing…just neighbors talking…
Avoid me? I dress reasonably well…think target and kohl’s level acceptable not fancy. I need a haircut but I have good hygiene and I’m polite and…


My parents bought this place 5 years ago. Huge blessing and I am grateful I overheard someone saying that I’m renting and I have delusions of grandiosity? But they own it and it was a huge step for us as a family to be able to buy this place…
So it’s a mix of mental illness and a crazy making situation…

 

[citrus]

But I’m not 100 percent out there either! It’s frustrating. I know I’m not wanted here by some people and that’s ok but it’s weird how even the neighbors who would chat about nothing…just neighbors talking…
Avoid me? I dress reasonably well…think target and kohl’s level acceptable not fancy. I need a haircut but I have good hygiene and I’m polite and…


My parents bought this place 5 years ago. Huge blessing and I am grateful I overheard someone saying that I’m renting and I have delusions of grandiosity? But they own it and it was a huge step for us as a family to be able to buy this place…
So it’s a mix of mental illness and a crazy making situation…

Awe well I care about you. You take care of yourself and stay safe. Life is hard, but God loves us. Don't forget. Just think of it this way, every thing is constantly changing around us, but the only thing that doesn't is God. And he fights our battles. Keep praying. I know how it can be. Praying you find some peace and joy. Let God heal your emotions. And relax. Be good to yourself and gentle with yourself. Find something that makes you happy (not sinfully happy of course) but something to look forward to. One day at a time. The joy of the lord is our strength abd there is plenty to make us happy. I'm looking forward to buying food Thursday. And go to church Sunday. Don't loose heart. Keep pressing on. I know it's hard. People in the bible had their share of down days. David said to his soul, why are you so downcast? Trust in the lord. Your here for a reason. Be good to yourself and I pray you get good sleep. A lot, but not to much and I prat your blankets and bedding is cozy and you can sleep and forget all your worries and enjoy your sleep and that you have a great morning.

 

[for_his_glory]

Not to whine but…

I worry about my future. Financially I think I’ll be ok which is a huge blessing. My issue is…


If I’m too high functioning for hospital cannot work and have what I need provided for me…
Will society ever tolerate me? I mean not just my current community.

Just remember what scripture says that we are no longer of this world. Take joy in the Lord that you are His own and this earth is not our final destination.


John 15:18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.
John 15:19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.
John 15:20 Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.
John 15:21 But all these things will they do unto you for my name's sake, because they know not him that sent me.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Thanks
A lot of it is…part of my journey as a Christian. I was a wretch and now I’m increasingly whole and normal…


Largely because of Jesus Christ and the world ugh the world never had much for me except labels and bondage and…
Happens! I’m blessed in Christ but with the world ? Somehow it’s always been unpleasant no matter which way I turn. In Christ…


I can grow and be changed and forgiven and…
Yeah, it just gets frustrating that’s all..