Christ_empowered
Member
...not to sound whiney or whatever, but I think a lot of my problems boil down to this: I just didn't matter. Maybe its early onset crazy, I was also too pretty as a child, so on and so forth...
...I just didn't matter. I was a non-entity for most of my life, until very recently, and I only "matter" now because of the miraculous work of Jesus Christ in my life.
I am, thankfully, not too feminine in the face anymore. Not that it was necessarily all that terrible, but...it seems that one of the core rules of manliness is to not be feminine, so the facial structure kinda messed with that, lol.
My people have moved up the totem pole, and now they're behind me, thank God! People in my area don't really care for me, but they have to leave me alone.
My social skills have miraculously improved. I was dorky to the max because of social isolation, and now I'm actually sometimes charming. Imagine that.
I *was* incredibly stigmatized around here, and now that's getting better, thanks to Jesus.
Ugh. Part of my healing seems to be returning some memories to me, so I can put my life into context (ect is amazingly effective at wiping out your past, btw). So, I get it now: I just didn't matter. Why was I involuntarily shocked? Because nobody cared, I was poor, and docs wanted to "teach me a lesson."
Undoubtedly, I committed major sins in my past. Those have been forgiven, and there won't be major repeats because...well...now I matter enough for people to actually care about what I do. Its amazing...if, when you're young, nobody cares what you do, you just might do anything.
Its incredible, really. I'm not trying to whine, or whatever, its just...man, with my memories returning, I see *why* I was so miserable. I get to have a whole new life, a real one. Before I just existed, and often I couldn't exist comfortably without a sedative. Now, I have hope and a future, in Christ Jesus...
...and I matter. For the first time, ever.
...I just didn't matter. I was a non-entity for most of my life, until very recently, and I only "matter" now because of the miraculous work of Jesus Christ in my life.
I am, thankfully, not too feminine in the face anymore. Not that it was necessarily all that terrible, but...it seems that one of the core rules of manliness is to not be feminine, so the facial structure kinda messed with that, lol.
My people have moved up the totem pole, and now they're behind me, thank God! People in my area don't really care for me, but they have to leave me alone.
My social skills have miraculously improved. I was dorky to the max because of social isolation, and now I'm actually sometimes charming. Imagine that.
I *was* incredibly stigmatized around here, and now that's getting better, thanks to Jesus.
Ugh. Part of my healing seems to be returning some memories to me, so I can put my life into context (ect is amazingly effective at wiping out your past, btw). So, I get it now: I just didn't matter. Why was I involuntarily shocked? Because nobody cared, I was poor, and docs wanted to "teach me a lesson."
Undoubtedly, I committed major sins in my past. Those have been forgiven, and there won't be major repeats because...well...now I matter enough for people to actually care about what I do. Its amazing...if, when you're young, nobody cares what you do, you just might do anything.
Its incredible, really. I'm not trying to whine, or whatever, its just...man, with my memories returning, I see *why* I was so miserable. I get to have a whole new life, a real one. Before I just existed, and often I couldn't exist comfortably without a sedative. Now, I have hope and a future, in Christ Jesus...
...and I matter. For the first time, ever.
