[__ Prayer __] paranoia, paranoia...

[Christ_empowered]

...everybody's coming to get me!

Not really. Its not as bad as it was, but...wow. So, I live in a nice house with my loving parents. I do have a class A misdemeanor conviction. The lawyer my dad (thankfully) hired worked out a tentative deal that was decent and seemed fair...and then the victim, my angry ex-shrink, read off a 2 page speech on how terrible I am, blah blah blah. So, then, I was given a suspended sentence (the max, 3 years) and the maximum probation allowed by SC law...5 years.

I'm just about 2 1/2 years into probation. I don't know what happened to my probation officer, but...she doesn't work there now. I report next month, and the probation people said "somebody will call you," so...yeah.

Anyway...people in my neighborhood have been talking about "probation violations" for a while now. Maybe...3 months? Of course, they also talk about "public defender" and "Felony," so they clearly aren't all knowing. They've got me on edge, though. The other day, a probation guy in a bullet proof vest pounded on the front door. I answered, he said I hadn't been reporting. I explained that I had, and he rolled out, nice enough.

Ugh. I'm prone to paranoia, anyway. They call it "mental illness," but I"m thinking a lot of it just pent up anger, frustration, self-isolation, etc. I say this because as I've prayed more on my anger, pride, self-love, self-centeredness, bitterness, etc., the paranoia has gotten better. Having said that...

I was talking on the phone with a friend today. I heard a neighbor person screaming about "serve the warrant," yet again, and then the little house dogs started going on a lil crazy. I freaked out, said I have to go to the person I was talking to, and went around, looking to see if somebody was at the door.

This is no way to live. I mean, I'm blessed beyond measure. My people love me and have recently forgiven me for...well, for being who I --was-- and doing what I did. I'm physically healthy and surprisingly intelligent. I get to live --here--, in safety and comfort, with people who love me and who I care about, not all alone in an apt. somewhere, surrounded by people who might not want a "crazy person" living near them (trust me, that's happened to me before).

So, in some respects, The Lord has worked and is working on me. "Attitude of gratitude." The way the world usually goes, I shouldn't/wouldn't be alive, much less healthy, smart, all that. I'm trying to get out of The Lord's way in changing me, and that's helped the "mental illness" considerably.

Still...I freaked out, nobody was there, and...wow. I even have a draft message in the txt message part of my new phone...to my dad's phone...it says "the police are here for me." Basically, I have it there...just in case, lol.

Just so we're clear...I have the usual standard probation, and then I have to avoid contact with the victim and go to mental health treatment. Check and check. No new arrests, not even a speeding ticket.

On the plus side...after dude man came knocking, my dad did tell me that if they tried to put me in jail, he'd call the lawyer and do what he could for me. That's reassuring, and that's taken the 'noia down a notch or two.

Ugh. This is no way to live. Please pray.

 

[AirDancer]

I continue to pray about your situation, Christ_empowered .

It really is time for your parents to install a security system on your home. I would opt for the sort that allows sound as well as visual recording. It would require an additional computer to do the recording on DVD, and additional discs on hand to trade out.
But this sort of system will allow your parents and you to use your smart phones to connect to the computer to check what's going on from time to time.

If the neighbors were yelling loud enough to worry your dogs inside your own home, then the problems are escalating. You & your family have to have documentation to the harassment; with the security recordings, proof will be provided. It will also provide a measure of safety for you & your parents.

 

[Angel]

Praying that you would have genuine peace, and be free of paranoia.

 

[Eugene]

.
Brother CE, is your computer and phone connected by Wi-Fi that neighbors could listen to and see?

While Wi-Fi networks provide many benefits, an unprotected network can result in unauthorized use and potential harm unless certain steps are taken. In some cases, unauthorized users may be able to access your private information, view the content of transmissions, download unlawful content using your network or infect computers with viruses or spyware. Unauthorized users may also cause harm beyond your computer or network, such as sending spam, spyware or viruses to others, and the activity can be traced back to your network.

https://www.fcc.gov/consumers/guides/protecting-your-wireless-network

 

[Edward]

Maybe so, Brother. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you.

Just keep on like you are...clingin to the Lord.

 

[Christ_empowered]

Things are better today. My mother is doing her work from home today, so that's always reassuring for me (and more pleasant for her, too). I got up kinda late (8.15ish) and went out on the front porch for a cigarette. Sure enough, those people over next door spoke up. I was too groggy to care or even process what they were saying. Ugh.

The good news is...well, I'm safe, sheltered, comfortable, recovering, with my parents, who love me and have shown that through their actions, Praise God (!!!!!!!!). Since I live with my parents, I can't just go MIA without them noticing. Also...my probation officer hasn't been visiting a whole lot, probably because I live with my people and they're uber-respectable, blah blah blah. That's a good thing.

God is good! I am kinda nervous about house sitting when my parents go on a week long vacay a couple months from now. I mean, I'm 31, soon to be 32...ordinarily, being home alone wouldn't be a huge deal, but...with this neighborhood situation and the open, sometimes kinda aggressive hostility, plus people have been in the yard a couple times (not too recently, I don't think...but still...), I'm not super keen on being home alone with my people away.

I --am-- blessed all over. Living here is 100x better than living in that little apartment over a garage or even the apartment my dad offered to rent for me (it was decent and all, but...I didn't wanna live in an apartment community w/o a job or any friends nearby...plus, the $$$ spent on rent and such could be spent elsewhere, or saved...).

I just don't get it. One dude...he was a police officer or sheriff's deputy or something...he had a serious problem with me, but he was renting a house with some of his buddies...he's moved now, thank goodness. That's the little row of houses out behind my parents back yard. Some of those people are...vocal...about their disdain for me.