[__ Prayer __] pray for my freedom+safety, again

[Christ_empowered]

Once again, people in my parents' neighborhood are screaming about warrants, federal prison, "serve the warrant already!," etc.

I don't know what's going on. Here's the truth about Mental Health, Inc.: when you're low on the totem pole, its just oppression. And punishment. And stigma. And control.

I've been diagnosed (by people from back when I was in my mess) with: oppositional defiant disorder, narcissism (severe), conduct disorder (at age 20!), psychopath, sociopath, gender dysphoria, and Schizophrenia.

This is ridiculous. My dad got me a good attorney when one of my ex-shrinks filed charges against me. I still walked away with a serious misdemeanor (praise God I didn't get a felony!) and the max in terms of probation. I have a clean arrest record, or did before this.

I was "poor white trash," so this is how I was treated. Now, my newly affluent parents take good care of me. Ideal? Hardly. I tried to work at a little movie theater in a nearby college town 8-9 years ago. I wasn't "good enough," so my ex-shrinks "taught me a lesson" by releasing my records and "putting pressure on me."

Sound like mental patient paranoia? of course it does. This is how "poor white trash mental patients" are treated. Yesterday, I drove about 20 miles to get some stuff from a gas station. I just wanted to be in a busier place, more of a small city environment, a littles less isolated. Anyway, some dude came in muttering about me "going off his Thorazine" and called me "trailer trash" while I paid for my small purchases. At this same convenience store, I've been called queer and such--in front of the clerk at the counter, while paying. When I went to a closer gas station semi-recently, people outside where I was pumping gas talked openly and loudly about me "going to prison."

Federal warrants are generally sealed until served. People around here have been talking about this stuff for 2 years now, before I was sentenced for the misdemeanor (1 year ago). At court, they have all your info, so...yeah...this is crazy making.

I was wretched, yes, but its been blown out of proportion by people who despise me, many of whom are "mental health professionals." This is what it means to be poor and mentally ill and stigmatized in America. This isn't marxist hippy talk; this is real stuff.

My records from back in the day apparently contain straight up lies. My mother is a "social studies teacher." Nothing wrong with that; I'd love to be a social studies teacher. She's a professor, and has been since I was a toddler. They contain sexual information that I never provided. That I'm crazy promiscuous, masochistic, all this stuff. Not true.

A local doctor--heterosexual, married--has been calling me his "little flamer." Low on the totem pole. People in my neighborhood would scream out "Tedd ***** took his manhood!" and "he can't be a man because of Dr.****" (my ex-psychiatrist). One set of neighbors openly calls me a "used up fag," amongst other things.

This is how "trouble makers" are treated by mental health, inc. Back in the day, I'd be put in a state mental hospital, since I'm "not a member of this community" (other peoples' words, not mine). That's why I'm scared of prison. Mental illness has effectively been criminalized in America, and the mental health people are against me.

My dad hired the attorney and my dad won't call him to do any scans or searches. Refused, flat out. My probation officer is putting in for early discharge, based on my good behavior, and she's never mentioned any warrant or anything.

 

[Eugene]

My dear friend and brother in Christ, I can guarantee you that your probation officer has records of every time you even blew your nose incorrectly, and certainly would know of sealed records. Those sealed records are normally associated with good behavior which she is evidently certifying in your behalf. As to nosy neighbors, and your propensity to hear their unqualified judgment, there is little or nothing they can do to affect the remainder of your life if you just move on, forget the past, and pursue schooling leading to the opportunity of future employment possibly away from anyone that has ever knew you.

Now that is just a suggestion, and concerning noses you can be my friend, you can have a nose, but I'm not going to pick your nose; a nurse told me that last week as my nose became itchy during an operation and they didn't want my hands near my face.

You continue to mention your past which is forgiven and to be remembered no more; at least as to judgment, and you are free to just grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus. You have been diagnosed with Schizophrenia and know its cruel accusations against you, and unless taken from you it will continue as one of the trials of your faith, but one that you can become victorious over with the medications afforded you, and your will to recognize its presence and not become alarmed at; easier said than done at times I suppose.

Brother, you're becoming proficient in the word of God, and the Holy Spirit can make His power so available to you if taken, but all of us are somewhat akin to the horse taken to water and not made to drink; you must believe and have faith to realize its glorious influence to deliver or set you free.

Fight the good fight of faith, put on the whole armor of God, and may you be blessed with knowledge of our LORD being with you in the fires that come your way.

 

[Willie T]

However.......... if you continue to refuse to move on, get comfortable with letting anything anyone says run your life for you.

It's your choice, and so far, it seems you have been relinquishing that choice to the will of other people.

Could it be that you may actually enjoy, and invite this stuff? Think seriously about that.