[__ Prayer __] Prayer for me and my marriage

[ThruGodseyes]

need help and prayers? I have been married for a good while now. My marriage is failing. It's mostly all my fault. I have lied to her, talked bad about her to a friend, talked with same friend about other woman (celebrities), joked with same friend about her website images she made for her website. But this friend also knows that I love her and have shared pics. and videos of our kids. She just found out most of this recently. Haven't spent time together with her, or together with God. I use to look at internet porn (mostly images) before I meet her and a while after we got engaged. She found out about the porn while we were engaged. And I stopped. I am ashamed of the life I have lived. I have asked for Jesus to forgive me and for repentance. She feels like she doesn't even know who she is married too now. And wants nothing to do with me now. We have had problems for a long time. Mostly me not spending quality time with her. Before she has forgiven me and still wanted to work on things. Now she said she doesn't feel that way and wants nothing to do with me. She hasn't asked for a divorce, said that was my decision. I DO NOT want that. We have children also. I do want to change, and have (this is all pretty recently). She doesn't trust me, and shouldn't. I have made idols out of the things I listed above. I seem to have cared more about other people than her. By what I have done I wouldn't trust my words either. I am ashamed of everything I have done. And I want to live my life for God.

She is asking me why I want to be with her. I have told her many things, like; I know that God gave her to me and put us together, She makes me a better Christian and person, that I want to grow old with her, I want to spend time with her (with God) etc...

She is saying none of those things are specific to her. And I am not coming up with anything that is specific to her. That what I have said could be many other people.

She said it would be like if you went to a candy store and someone told you to pick a favorite one. Then they asked you why it was your favorite?
So can some of you answer this about your spouse?
She said all my reasons were not specific and it would be like saying because it was chocolate, but there are 12 candys that are chocolate, why that ONE? It is sad that I can't think of something specific. But I am not sure if I am not fulling getting it or if because of my lack of commitment to the relationship is why I don't have an answer. But I would like some feedback, if your spouse asked you this question what your answer would be. I am not here to (copy, steal your replies) but to see if it helps me understand what I am missing that is specific to her. Or if I don't have anything specific but I do want to have that with her eventually. I want to fix things. Please pray that she will give me the chance.

 

[tehashley]

First of all.. I don't get the seriousness of your guys's relationship? Honestly... Why be joking around with other woman online when you have a wife at home? Most men would be even lucky to have a wife.

I would say... Stop chatting to random woman online and focus more on your wife. You already know you watch porn, you already know everything that your doing wrong so stop beating up yourself and start becoming a better person.

Instead of just sitting down, continuing to do the same thing and complaining about yourself actually stop using the computer as much and be a better husband to your wife.

Don't involve your life around the computer or porn. Involve your life around God, your wife and your family. If you don't take your relationship with your wife seriously she won't believe you love her! I would suggest you not talk to other woman online for awhile and I suggest you start focusing on your wife at home.

 

[tehashley]

First of all let me ask you a question. Why do you want to be with your wife? Because your afraid of being lonely? I'm honestly NOT trying to get you to leave your wife but honestly to me... You sound like you know all the things your doing wrong but you don't sound like your taking any action. Your just letting it go down the drain.

Doesn't sound to me like your pursing her. Doesn't sound to me like you really care. You know all that your doing wrong, it's easy to name our sins but honestly do you want to change? Do you have a reason to change? If your wife leaves you how will you feel? Will it take her leaving you to finally realize how much you didn't try?

Honestly, I'm not trying to put you in a guilt trip but you need to get right with the LORD. You need to go to Church and you actually need to see your wife for the beautiful person she is. When was the last time you honestly talked with her and cared about what she had to say? When was the last time you called her beautiful and actually believed it? When was the last time you took her out?

I need to suggest something to you. Stop hanging out with other woman if your wife is not the top girl in your life. That can lead to sin and that can lead to fuzzy priorities.

Honestly dude. I don't want you to be sad or put you in a guilt trip but I read your whole post and it doesn't sound to me like your truly convicted. Yes you can easily name your sins.. But it doesn't sound to me like your doing anything about it! You really need to love your wife and love the LORD and love your kids. They should be your main priority NOT other girls, NOT computer, NOT porn. It sounds to me like you know your choosing porn but honestly.. How bad do you want your wife? How bad do you want your marriage fixed? If you want it so bad it's in your power to chose what's right instead of what's wrong.

Honestly......... Its only an addiction if you let it become one and it sounds like to me that you have a choice but you continually chose the wrong one on purpose. It's time for you now.... to start choosing your wife and take getting close to her and showing your love to her more seriously.

What do you want more?

You really need to set your priorities up straight.

It's like an addict telling me "Oh, man. I did cocaine. I keep on doing it, it sucks I wanna go to college..but I just can't stop." Honestly..... they are talking about it they have dreams but they aren't doing nothing to accomplish those dreams.

If you wanna start living right, you gotta stop talking about your problems and you gotta do what you know you need to do.

I would suggest you start loving your wife, listening to her..... being there for her and showing her you GENUINELY care. Don't be fake about it because she will see right through you and you will see through yourself. Relationships take work it's like a flower..... Your flower is gonna die if you don't water it. You need to communicate more with your wife, take her on dates, and stop lusting after other woman....... Your wife should be your main focal point of beauty.

Honestly dude....... If I were you....... And I KNEW I needed to get right with GOD... I wouldn't be talking about it on and on and just accepting my faults like its no big deal...... I would be deleting porn, apologizing and trying to make things right. Now is the time to stop talking and START DOING!

I sound like a jerk...... but I'm being honest dude..... Work on your relationship, It's not going to be easy but you guys need to talk you need to start pursuing her you need to find a better church if the one your going to isn't filling you and making you happy..........

You need to spend time away from other woman and the computer......

Start doing and less talking.

God bless.

Be wise. Do what you know you need to do instead of talking about it. If she hasn't forgiven you yet its because........ You need to be consistent you need to be genuine and she has to FEEL your love.