[__ Prayer __] prayer for stovebolts

[Eugene]

Dear Brother StoveBolts, I know and have experienced the exact anguish and hurt you feel from such a loss. I know we can blame ourselves, others, and circumstances but it doesn’t ease the pain. One thing does and that is forgiveness, and how is that accomplished? praying for them that hurt you the most until you really mean it, and it will not quit hurting until you do. In fact instead of hurt it will turn to bitterness and in some instances blaming God; why did You allow this to happen?

Can you even understand what Jesus prayed for us that were responsible for Him going to the cross; read John Chapter Seventeen and wonder at the love, the forgiveness, and the sacrifice He made even though He knew beforehand what He would suffer.

I don’t mean to drag this out but my pastor once told this following story I hope give you the comfort God wants you to have.

There was the supposedly true story of a man that hated another person in the church he attended so much, he would cross the street to avoid coming face to face with them. Let’s call him Eugene.

The hatred grew worse to the point of wanting to quit attending the assembly, and he finally talked to the pastor about it. The pastor told him that he knew how to fix it, but that he knew the man asking wouldn’t do it.

Oh yes I will pastor, I will do anything to get rid of this hate. No you wouldn’t - Yes I will. Okay I want you to go home tonight and pray for Eugene for God to bless him before you go to sleep, and then first thing in the morning you do the same every day, and continue that for two weeks.

I will not do that ! I knew you wouldn't . Well I promised I would, and I will . (avatar faces inserted for effect, and I don’t know if I’m telling it right).

That night: God please bless Eugene; ….. …..God You know I don’t mean that, I hate that guy, and he goes to bed mad. The next morning was more of the same, but as the days went by the hardness in him began to soften, the prayers became longer, and the hurt he felt became less.

By the end of the two weeks, he again went to his pastor with a smile on his face and said, you were right pastor, I want Eugene blessed more than anyone I know, and the hate is gone.

I liked the story, because it helped me to understand some of what Jesus prayed for us, even though we didn’t deserve it either.

I love you Jeff as do all of us, and may God bless you abundantly in Jesus’ name.

 

[stovebolts]

I know in my heart all you have written Eugene, but I'm not there yet. I don't pity my cousins. I hate them. I hate them both. They had a chance to bring healing, and they caused destruction. I wanted to grieve with them... but they rejected us. They hurt my son and my daughter profoundly by not allowing them to view their sister. My son layed limp in my arms for hours that evening just numb. My daughter went home to her boyfriend, and she wasn't much better. This should have been a time for grieving, but it wasn't. I don't know of a time where I've been hurt this deeply in my life. The wound is deep.

 

[Free]

So sorry for your loss and subsequent dealings with your extended family, Stovebolts. It's so heart wrenching.

 

[stovebolts]

Thank you Free. I'm just confused. It didn't have to be this way. I don't want to be like my cousins. I don't want to contribute to causing pain and suffering in this world. I hate everything they have become, but I'm not in the place of forgiveness... and they won't ask for it anyway. So I am conflicted. Pain, sorrow, depression, anger and hatred. Today is not a good day. I want to crawl in a corner and fall asleep.

I know tomorrow will be a better day. I'm just in a slump today.

 

[Free]

Thank you Free. I'm just confused. It didn't have to be this way. I don't want to be like my cousins. I don't want to contribute to causing pain and suffering in this world. I hate everything they have become, but I'm not in the place of forgiveness... and they won't ask for it anyway. So I am conflicted. Pain, sorrow, depression, anger and hatred. Today is not a good day. I want to crawl in a corner and fall asleep.

I know tomorrow will be a better day. I'm just in a slump today.

I understand. You know some of my background and that I have had some rough times. Of course I don't know exactly what you're going through, but I have gone through something which has a couple of things in common with your situation. All your feelings are legitimate and a part of the healing process, as you know. It's always so very hard to see an end to the pain, to have hope that things will get better, but it will become better eventually, even though the wounds may never fully heal in this life. Take your time and heal.

 

[stovebolts]

Hope is something I struggle with. She's dead and so is the hope I held for her. Dead is pretty final. There is nothing left in this lifetime to hope for when it comes to her. All my hopes are dashed. There is no second chance. There is no tomorrow. There is no next week. My hope was a simple hope. I simply wanted to sit around a table and eat french fries with all three of my daughters. That will never happen. It can't.

 

[reba]

Lord you know the hurts , Strengthen Stove and hold him while he cries. Praying You build a wall if protection around his family.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

 

[Eugene]

StoveBolts You know my prayers will not cease for you until I hear the cry of victory from you, and that will not be yours alone; God will have earned the credit. Your daughter may have been led, or whatever, but the result is the same; she this day is in the arms of Jesus we love. I have never revealed my son's death here or any other forum, but he was tied up, handcuffed, and hung; there was a lot of hurt involved both in me and my wife past understanding. David cried unto the Lord; restore unto me the joy of thy salvation, and man did we need that. Within I think it was near four weeks prior to his body being released for burial my wife and I had a peace others from our church assembly was amazed at. I'm telling you brother to lay your hurt at the foot of the cross as it were and God is so faithful to heal you. He will not fail you in your time of weeping; it may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning and you can take that to the bank.

 

[Free]

Hope is something I struggle with. She's dead and so is the hope I held for her. Dead is pretty final. There is nothing left in this lifetime to hope for when it comes to her. All my hopes are dashed. There is no second chance. There is no tomorrow. There is no next week. My hope was a simple hope. I simply wanted to sit around a table and eat french fries with all three of my daughters. That will never happen. It can't.

No, unfortunately it can't and that is truly heartbreaking.

 

[stovebolts]

Thank you Reba and Eugene.
God isn't done with me yet. Like I said, I'm just in a slump. I thought I was good until last night when it hit again. My mind is so tired, but it won't shut down. It won't stop racing. It's like I can feel thoughts, but I can't think thoughts. They are there, but they arent.

It will be nice when the day is done. My son has a wrestling tournament today and I'm hoping that will push me out of this slump. Oh yeah... and our septic field is frozen or something... We can't even flush the toilet. That's all I need is just one more thing....

 

[reba]

Go wrestling... he needs you there.... You as his dad are there to support him ...our Father is there to support you...

 

[stovebolts]

No, unfortunately it can't and that is truly heartbreaking.

When I divorced my X, it took years to forgive her. You know you've forgiven somebody when from your heart you wish them well. I was able to forgive her, even though I suspected her of murdering our firstborn. Why? Because I wanted her to be somebody that her girls could look up to when they grew up. I got to see my X when I was in town. It's pretty sad. She also got into Meth, prostitution etc. I didn't even recognize her. Her appearance literally hurt my eyes. It was wanting for my daughters that brought me to forgive her. I don't have anything like that with my cousin. There isn't anything to grab onto. Add what they did at the funeral home and it's salt in the wounds. I dunno. What I do know is it's not going to get resolved today. That I'm sure of.

 

[stovebolts]

Eugene,
Thanks for sharing about your son. I'm sorry you had to go through that too.

 

[farouk]

Hi StoveBolts: Continuing to pray for you; some of us have not gone through the deep trial that you and your family have experienced, although I am sure that the Scriptures in all their depth and variety can be a help to you (Psalm 130: 'Out of the depths have I cried unto Thee...')

PS: Re. the water; we can sympathize: over our deep freeze recently we didn't have water either for a while, as well as power outages.

 

[stovebolts]

farouk,
When I heard of my daughters death, David's cry to the Lord for the impending death of his child came to mind. The Lord did not hear his cries but instead took his illegitimate child for sin which was committed just as Nathan had said.

I didn't catch that until last night. I mean, all though scriptures we see God hearing the cries of his children, and responding. Moses even writes of this. But in David's case, God does not hear the cries, nor does he save the child. So it occurred to me last night, or perhaps early this morning that God hears our cries when we are being oppressed by our enemies, but does not hear our cries when consequences for our sins are due. True, we may be forgiven our sins, but the consequences are still there. In the case of David, the consequences of his sin was the death of his child.

When David was mourning and fasting, we see the element of hope that God would change his judgment and spare the child. But God does not waiver, so when the child is dead, David cleans up and stops fasting. His cries are silenced. He has no hope for his child in this life. There is nothing left for him to do.

In an odd way, I find comfort knowing I'm not alone...

The world keeps turning... round and round.

 

[Eugene]

Eugene,
Thanks for sharing about your son. I'm sorry you had to go through that too.

StoveBolts Thanks brother. Yeah my son was iron man of the Pacific fleet in the Navy under 150 lbs, grew up in football and fighting, and drugs became his life. I thought I would use his picture here as my avatar for a bit.

Enjoy those you have left to the fullest as long as God lends them to you, and be assured in your heart as to their security in Christ. The times to come will can be those times you receive beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that you might be called a tree of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He might be glorified.

One last thought is that prior to my son's death I thought of and worried for him having known the lifestyle he chose, and just knowing that he is safe with Jesus Who loved me enough to die for me gives me complete comfort now, He sometimes told my wife; mom, you know I don't go to church lately, but I think of the Lord every day. As with Job, God has doubled my life in Him, and will never fail or forsake us.

Praise His name.

 

[farouk]

farouk,
When I heard of my daughters death, David's cry to the Lord for the impending death of his child came to mind. The Lord did not hear his cries but instead took his illegitimate child for sin which was committed just as Nathan had said.

I didn't catch that until last night. I mean, all though scriptures we see God hearing the cries of his children, and responding. Moses even writes of this. But in David's case, God does not hear the cries, nor does he save the child. So it occurred to me last night, or perhaps early this morning that God hears our cries when we are being oppressed by our enemies, but does not hear our cries when consequences for our sins are due. True, we may be forgiven our sins, but the consequences are still there. In the case of David, the consequences of his sin was the death of his child.

When David was mourning and fasting, we see the element of hope that God would change his judgment and spare the child. But God does not waiver, so when the child is dead, David cleans up and stops fasting. His cries are silenced. He has no hope for his child in this life. There is nothing left for him to do.

The world keeps turning... round and round.

Stovebolts: Interesting how Biblical context and some personal circumstances can seem to relate in ways other people would not necessarily know or immediately understand. I think that the theme of the Lord's death, which the Lord's Supper brings Christians back to, can give a spiritual anchor when there is nothing else to hold onto. He 'was obedient unto death, even the death of the Cross' (Philippians 2) and Christians are pointed to 'show His death, till He comes' (1 Corinthians 11).

I realize my words are not adequate. Blessings, Brother.

 

[stovebolts]

One last thought is that prior to my son's death I thought of and worried for him having known the lifestyle he chose, and just knowing that he is safe with Jesus Who loved me enough to die for me gives me complete comfort now,

When David stops his mourning, cleans up and eats... that's what your words remind me of. A feeling that came over me the night I found out about her death. She got into drugs when she was 12 or 13 and I've spoken to her about it many times. Her adoped mother refused to acknowledge it. A year and a half ago I told Mariah I didn't want to go to her funeral because of her drug use..., her adopted mother replied, "It will be Adrian's funeral" (her sister). She is so mean hearted. Now it's just about taking each day moment by moment as our family heals from this tragedy. With the loss, is a hate and the hatred takes me for a tail spin. I'm not emotionally stable today... I just want some solid footing. A stable direction. Writing to you all on this forum his helping me and I don't feel as bad as I did earlier this morning.

 

[reba]

Gal 6:2 Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

 

[Deborah13]

StoveBolts
This is truly a horrible tragedy. We are praying for you and your family. We pray knowing that the Lord will sustain you and lift you up.

Isa 40:29 He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.