[__ Prayer __] So broken and 6 months pregnant

[brokendeep]

I feel like I made the wrong decision on marrying my husband of 4 years. I have a daughter who will be turning 3 in a few months and am 6 months pregnant. Throughout my marriage my husband has lied to me, he quit his job and didn't tell me and our electricity bill shut off and bills weren't being paid. He looked at pornography, he took our tax return and made up all this stuff saying the bank took it and even forged documents. He's stolen from his boss and almost went to jail, he flirts with other women and has lied so much to me. The trust is broken and I don't feel like he really tries to earn it back. My birthday was just a few days ago and we got into an argument..it is now the third day and things have been really bad. I told him that our daughter ran out of diapers and he wouldn't get them so I walked to the store which was about 20 mins away. I almost passed out and he never came after me or tried to stop me. I am fed up when we argue he is cold and heartless and says and does the most hurtful things. I don't think our marriage can heal. I feel like I've tried over and over. We do have good times but when we argue it's like living in hell. I don't know if I can do this anymore and he doesn't seem to care that I am pregnant. I feel that if a husband was truly Godly and cared he wouldn't want his pregnant wife to stress out even if it meant putting his pride aside. When we argue I get so hurt and angry and I know it's not good for our baby and that's why I feel that the marriage should just be over. This is not the first time it's happened...I feel stuck. Please pray for me to have strength for God's guidance on what to do do. If I need to leave him that I can be strong. Pray for peace with my soul..I am so broken and the tears will not stop.

 

[PouringRain]

Do you have any family that you can turn to for help?

One of the biggest reasons women feel trapped is because they are not sure where to turn for help. You did not say this directly, but would I be correct in guessing that he has also isolated you from friends and family? Only you can ultimately decide what to do, but I do want to tell you that there is help out there available.

 

[Mike]

I was thinking the same question that Pouring Rain asked. Is there possibly any family to turn to from his side if not yours? I'm very sorry to hear about this horrible situation. Forgive me, but I'm uncomfortable providing support (no matter how irrelevant my advice might be) for divorce. You've only posted once with limited information, but I hope you will come back just to talk things out.

I'd hate to think of someone having no sounding board just to be heard. We'll listen and give feedback as honestly as we can.

Prayers for you, brokendeep.

 

[brokendeep]

Thank you for your responses. His family is in California and I do have family but not supportive. I love my parents but they would just put me down. My mom and dad never really approved of him in the first place. I've tried to go to them for help before when there was a similar situation and all I got was negativity.

 

[Still Blessed]

My prayers are with you in this.

 

[Fire_inside21]

Do you have a close brother or sister to talk to? Or even a good friend who can help? If not find one, tell someone what is going on in your home. You don't deserve to be treated that way, especially being pregnant. I pray that God puts peace into you, your husband, and home.



P.S. I have a Mother who can relate to you in some ways, she always put her faith in God to either change my Dad or have him divorce her.

 

[brokendeep]

I have a really good friend that I confide in. She can't really do anything for me but listen which is really helpful. My brother and sisters all have their own family to take care of and I've confided in my sister before but she just goes and tells my parents which makes things more negative.

 

[brokendeep]

Today he is supposed to work. He works from home and just got his job back..it is now 9:00 and he hasn't started work more than likely he will be fired since he hasn't been adhering to his schedule. It doesn't seem like he cares about his family I just don't get what is wrong with him. I work from home with two jobs which can be very stressful at times and I still try to work if we argue. This job said they would hire him back if he adhered to his schedule which he is not doing. Does he really despise his family that much?

 

[tim-from-pa]

You have my prayers and sympathy. It must be hell on earth.

It seems to me that for whatever reason you are at odds with most of the people in your life. Your parents don't seem to be supportive, and that in turn may have influenced you ironically to make a poor choice later on in life. It seems your friends and other relatives that listen are either powerless to suggest much, or tattle to others about your situation --- while not openly aggressive to you, still they are at best neutral. At least this is what I pick up from your posts.

How is your work life? Are you employed or does the economy have you down in this respect?

The thing that concerns me is that there is always help to work on or work out of a situation like this, but with two young kids I'm concerned that you are going to be a welfare mom or worse if you don't have gainful employment. Anyone can suggest a divorce, but it seems there is not much help when you have to go thru your life cleaning up the mess for several years afterwards.

This is definitely a tricky situation, and things don't add up here --- I have a feeling that there is a need for you to probe back into your life's history and try to discover why you are where you are today. And in all that, ask the Lord for His help. You may think you been following Him, but actually manipulating your life by yourself.

 

[brokendeep]

You have my prayers and sympathy. It must be hell on earth.

It seems to me that for whatever reason you are at odds with most of the people in your life. Your parents don't seem to be supportive, and that in turn may have influenced you ironically to make a poor choice later on in life. It seems your friends and other relatives that listen are either powerless to suggest much, or tattle to others about your situation --- while not openly aggressive to you, still they are at best neutral. At least this is what I pick up from your posts.

How is your work life? Are you employed or does the economy have you down in this respect?


The thing that concerns me is that there is always help to work on or work out of a situation like this, but with two young kids I'm concerned that you are going to be a welfare mom or worse if you don't have gainful employment. Anyone can suggest a divorce, but it seems there is not much help when you have to go thru your life cleaning up the mess for several years afterwards.

This is definitely a tricky situation, and things don't add up here --- I have a feeling that there is a need for you to probe back into your life's history and try to discover why you are where you are today. And in all that, ask the Lord for His help. You may think you been following Him, but actually manipulating your life by yourself.

Hi Tim-from-pa

Thank you for your insight. I am currently working two jobs from home and make about half the income as my husband. I understand what you are saying and now that I think about it your insight makes sense. I believe that I may have rushed into marriage too fast with my husband and got into a relationship too soon after a breakup. My husband and I were in a long distance relationship so it was harder to see what kind of character or actual person he was. I think it was my breakup and the feeling of wanting to be loved that made me rush into another relationship. I don't do so well with emotional pain. The consequence of me rushing into this new relationship was not really knowing the person and also I think the same goes for him. He didn't really know commitment and was still selfish and that's why he did all those things. I grew up in a home that was not very loving. I know my parents loved me but they didn't show it and that part has to do with my dad. I always got put down and things were never enough. My sister ran away when she was in high school and jumped from foster home to foster home and there was constant conflict with my dad and the other children. I felt my mom favorited my brother and would never have my back. I tried my best in school and was working throughout high school and I would always give my parents half of my paycheck and even get groceries for them since I worked next to a Winco. I guess all I wanted was love and acceptance and still to this day I'm still aiming for it. My husband is not perfect and the things that he's done has shattered the trust in the marriage but I think the real problem is his stubbornness and anger. God has worked on him and I know that he is trying hard to change now but it's not easy. We have our great day, week and month and when we have our bad days....it's BAD. I do love him but I know in my heart how a Godly marriage should be which is all I want. I just hope and pray that God will instill it in my husband.

 

[Still Blessed]

I believe that I may have rushed into marriage too fast with my husband and got into a relationship too soon after a breakup.

You have learned from rushing INTO marriage. Just pray and don't make the mistake of rushing OUT of it as well.

 

[Caroline Vigilante]

I feel like I made the wrong decision on marrying my husband of 4 years. I have a daughter who will be turning 3 in a few months and am 6 months pregnant. Throughout my marriage my husband has lied to me, he quit his job and didn't tell me and our electricity bill shut off and bills weren't being paid. He looked at pornography, he took our tax return and made up all this stuff saying the bank took it and even forged documents. He's stolen from his boss and almost went to jail, he flirts with other women and has lied so much to me. The trust is broken and I don't feel like he really tries to earn it back. My birthday was just a few days ago and we got into an argument..it is now the third day and things have been really bad. I told him that our daughter ran out of diapers and he wouldn't get them so I walked to the store which was about 20 mins away. I almost passed out and he never came after me or tried to stop me. I am fed up when we argue he is cold and heartless and says and does the most hurtful things. I don't think our marriage can heal. I feel like I've tried over and over. We do have good times but when we argue it's like living in hell. I don't know if I can do this anymore and he doesn't seem to care that I am pregnant. I feel that if a husband was truly Godly and cared he wouldn't want his pregnant wife to stress out even if it meant putting his pride aside. When we argue I get so hurt and angry and I know it's not good for our baby and that's why I feel that the marriage should just be over. This is not the first time it's happened...I feel stuck. Please pray for me to have strength for God's guidance on what to do do. If I need to leave him that I can be strong. Pray for peace with my soul..I am so broken and the tears will not stop.

My heart reaches out to you. I am so sorry about the pain you are enduring. Try your best not to worry, it's a lot easier for me to say....I know. Run to the arms of Jesus. He has felt more pain than any of us could ever endure...And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose Romans 8.28 Cry out to God in this situation...He will hear you and answer your prayer. Also, if you have a local church that you could call locally, I am sure they have someone who could help Check around on your local phone book if you don't have a home church. We are all the hands and feet of Jesus...we are here to help each other. Please, no more walking, K? I know it must have been uncomfortable walking so far and being pregnant. Be well, my friend...praying for you <>< Caroline