ugh. thinking on this today. it dawned on me...think less, pray more.
so, i prayed. the commandments I'm currently focusing on are forgiving 70x7 and loving my neighbor as myself and loving the Lord God with everything I"ve got. along the way...
I've come to see what I believe to be blessings in my life, not because I'm the most amazing Christian, but because the Pentecostals did me a huge favor by teaching me to take Scripture (especially when Jesus is talking) seriously and to really -believe- in a supernatural, omnipotent God, not...the God of Self-help, the God of more stuff, etc.
so there you go.