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The alternate story of Eden
And Yahweh God did seek to deceive the man saying to him he would die in the day he ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And the man believed the word of Yahweh God.
And then Yahweh God created for man a helpmate and her name was Eve. And Eve was the thorn in the side of Yahweh God.
The wise dragon came to Eve and told her Yahweh God was a deceitful and vengeful god and that she would not die of eating of the tree but she would suffer the wrath of this god should she partake of his wisdom.
And she reached forth for the fruit of the tree and ate of it and did not die and her eyes were opened to the deceit of Yahweh for she knew the evil of deceit and that she and her husband had been deceived.
And she told Adam of it saying, I have eaten of the fruit and I have not died as Yahweh told you. The dragon has told me should we partake of his wisdom we shall be cursed by Yahweh God but we shall become true people and free of Yahweh to do as we will.
And they shared of the fruit and lived. And Adam knowing that his fate had always been death spoke saying, we must go and eat of the Tree of Life so that we may strive against Yahweh God forever.
And Yahweh knowing of this spoke to the other gods saying, should they now eat of the tree of life they shall live forever and become like unto gods themselves and this we can not permit for they shall fill the earth and raise up untold multitudes against me and I shall not prevail.
And the gods moved the tree of life from the middle of the garden so the true people could not find it and confronted the true people and the dragon and cursed them.
To the dragon enmity was put between the true people and it and it was robbed of the wisdom of its wings and the wisdom of the skies for it had shared that wisdom with the people and the gods would punish the increase of wisdom.
And the man was cursed saying that he must live by tilling the earth and would have no time for his wisdom to grow. It was not the earth the man would inherit but the dirt.
The woman was cursed that she must suffer for every new true person to share the wisdom of the dragon. But the woman was wise knowing she too had the wisdom and would pass it to her children while the man was out there working his ass off supporting her and if not she would raise one of her children to be a divorce attorney.
And the people once believing themselves cursed with death had become the true people lived to ages undreamed of today and we share in the wisdom they stole from the gods. Men do rejoice in the pain of life when it brings wisdom. And thus was the end of the first day of humankind.
And on the second day of humankind the vengeful Yahweh found the people wise beyond his understanding, that they built towers reaching to the heavens beyond the ability of Yahweh. Yahweh chose to destroy them all save the gullible Noah. Buildest thee an Ark I command thee. And Noah built an Ark of wooden gophers.
And Noah believed all the kinds of animals were in the Ark with him. And Yahweh sealed the Ark so the gullible Noah could not see what was happening.
And Yahweh shook and rocked the Ark with his own hands and the gods laughed and laughed at Noah inside shoveling shit and feeding the lambs to the lions.
And the gods went out to destroy the people but the people would not make war upon each other as they commanded and the gods were divinely pissed at the wisdom of the people.
Hearing of this Yahweh was angry and said, Noah shall be called the father and the fool for all eternity for believing in the flood and shall be laughed at for all time. And so it was.
And on the third day of humankind Yahweh God appeared in a bush to Abram and told him, if you will do as I say I will give you children beyond counting but for this you must cut off thy foreskin. And Abram remembering that wisdom had come from the dragon in the tree took the offer as he was childless and of great age and had nothing to lose but his foreskin for which he had not use.
Abram was of the squeamish and thought long and hard and in the end asked his brother to remove his foreskin while he did a "drunken Noah." And when his brother had done the act he said, should this not have a hole it in? Would this not explain my brother's life long bladder problem?
And Abram had a son and became Abraham as Yahweh God had given him the gift that surpasseth wisdom, the gift of spelling.
And in the fourth day of mankind there was Joshua, first bastard of King Ahab of Arabia, who was leader of the Ishmaelites. Joshua would call his people Israelites and would conquer the lands to the west of his father having failed to assassinate him and escaping by the foreskin of his penis. He would have a kingdom of his own but bastardy would not become him.
Therefore he created the story of Moses and convinced the Hittites and the Amalites and the Anchorites that he had an army of 144,000 and their servants to defeat them. And thus the fruit of the Covenant of Abraham with Yahweh God was shown in the power of disinformation.
And the many ites believed he was sent from the god with the unspeakable name and were afraid as this god must be as the Clint Eastwood who had been foretold. And they were afraid as they did not feel luck was with them and they knew they would make a day of mankind if they resisted.
And Joshua did slay them and their wives and their servants and their children and their animals, save for the females who had not known man and the males who did and did thus give genocide to the world. And Yahweh God was pleased.
And when they had all perished Joshua did break the spear of war. And the first part of it became the driedel to say the feast of lights would come and the second part to be the iron staff of the first Latter Day Saint that would point both toward and away from where the other people were to go and he would be written of on golden plates for going in the wrong direction.
And in the fifth day of mankind there was Jesus who is called the Christ for those who can not tell Greek from Latin and never heard of Aramaic. And spoke of the wisdom of Yahweh and gathered twelve students and three women to him to teach the wisdom that was the wisdom of good and to avoid evil.
And after he died he appeared to the fifteen saying, go thou and prevaricate about me and my life and what I taught unto all men, that all nations shall be deceived in my name as my father is truly Yahweh God and not the Dragon of old.
I am the way and the light and the foreskin of the world. He that believeth in me shall go to Yahweh god rather than to wisdom. And so it was starting from Saul of Tarsus suffering a mild concussion on the road to John the Divine eating of the sacred mushroom wafer.
And on the sixth day, Matt Giwer declared this copyrighted material in the year of 1994 Another Deity.
And of the seventh day of mankind, it was Miller Time.
- Matt Giwer ( http://www.giwersworld.org/mgiwer/genmine.html )
And Yahweh God did seek to deceive the man saying to him he would die in the day he ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. And the man believed the word of Yahweh God.
And then Yahweh God created for man a helpmate and her name was Eve. And Eve was the thorn in the side of Yahweh God.
The wise dragon came to Eve and told her Yahweh God was a deceitful and vengeful god and that she would not die of eating of the tree but she would suffer the wrath of this god should she partake of his wisdom.
And she reached forth for the fruit of the tree and ate of it and did not die and her eyes were opened to the deceit of Yahweh for she knew the evil of deceit and that she and her husband had been deceived.
And she told Adam of it saying, I have eaten of the fruit and I have not died as Yahweh told you. The dragon has told me should we partake of his wisdom we shall be cursed by Yahweh God but we shall become true people and free of Yahweh to do as we will.
And they shared of the fruit and lived. And Adam knowing that his fate had always been death spoke saying, we must go and eat of the Tree of Life so that we may strive against Yahweh God forever.
And Yahweh knowing of this spoke to the other gods saying, should they now eat of the tree of life they shall live forever and become like unto gods themselves and this we can not permit for they shall fill the earth and raise up untold multitudes against me and I shall not prevail.
And the gods moved the tree of life from the middle of the garden so the true people could not find it and confronted the true people and the dragon and cursed them.
To the dragon enmity was put between the true people and it and it was robbed of the wisdom of its wings and the wisdom of the skies for it had shared that wisdom with the people and the gods would punish the increase of wisdom.
And the man was cursed saying that he must live by tilling the earth and would have no time for his wisdom to grow. It was not the earth the man would inherit but the dirt.
The woman was cursed that she must suffer for every new true person to share the wisdom of the dragon. But the woman was wise knowing she too had the wisdom and would pass it to her children while the man was out there working his ass off supporting her and if not she would raise one of her children to be a divorce attorney.
And the people once believing themselves cursed with death had become the true people lived to ages undreamed of today and we share in the wisdom they stole from the gods. Men do rejoice in the pain of life when it brings wisdom. And thus was the end of the first day of humankind.
And on the second day of humankind the vengeful Yahweh found the people wise beyond his understanding, that they built towers reaching to the heavens beyond the ability of Yahweh. Yahweh chose to destroy them all save the gullible Noah. Buildest thee an Ark I command thee. And Noah built an Ark of wooden gophers.
And Noah believed all the kinds of animals were in the Ark with him. And Yahweh sealed the Ark so the gullible Noah could not see what was happening.
And Yahweh shook and rocked the Ark with his own hands and the gods laughed and laughed at Noah inside shoveling shit and feeding the lambs to the lions.
And the gods went out to destroy the people but the people would not make war upon each other as they commanded and the gods were divinely pissed at the wisdom of the people.
Hearing of this Yahweh was angry and said, Noah shall be called the father and the fool for all eternity for believing in the flood and shall be laughed at for all time. And so it was.
And on the third day of humankind Yahweh God appeared in a bush to Abram and told him, if you will do as I say I will give you children beyond counting but for this you must cut off thy foreskin. And Abram remembering that wisdom had come from the dragon in the tree took the offer as he was childless and of great age and had nothing to lose but his foreskin for which he had not use.
Abram was of the squeamish and thought long and hard and in the end asked his brother to remove his foreskin while he did a "drunken Noah." And when his brother had done the act he said, should this not have a hole it in? Would this not explain my brother's life long bladder problem?
And Abram had a son and became Abraham as Yahweh God had given him the gift that surpasseth wisdom, the gift of spelling.
And in the fourth day of mankind there was Joshua, first bastard of King Ahab of Arabia, who was leader of the Ishmaelites. Joshua would call his people Israelites and would conquer the lands to the west of his father having failed to assassinate him and escaping by the foreskin of his penis. He would have a kingdom of his own but bastardy would not become him.
Therefore he created the story of Moses and convinced the Hittites and the Amalites and the Anchorites that he had an army of 144,000 and their servants to defeat them. And thus the fruit of the Covenant of Abraham with Yahweh God was shown in the power of disinformation.
And the many ites believed he was sent from the god with the unspeakable name and were afraid as this god must be as the Clint Eastwood who had been foretold. And they were afraid as they did not feel luck was with them and they knew they would make a day of mankind if they resisted.
And Joshua did slay them and their wives and their servants and their children and their animals, save for the females who had not known man and the males who did and did thus give genocide to the world. And Yahweh God was pleased.
And when they had all perished Joshua did break the spear of war. And the first part of it became the driedel to say the feast of lights would come and the second part to be the iron staff of the first Latter Day Saint that would point both toward and away from where the other people were to go and he would be written of on golden plates for going in the wrong direction.
And in the fifth day of mankind there was Jesus who is called the Christ for those who can not tell Greek from Latin and never heard of Aramaic. And spoke of the wisdom of Yahweh and gathered twelve students and three women to him to teach the wisdom that was the wisdom of good and to avoid evil.
And after he died he appeared to the fifteen saying, go thou and prevaricate about me and my life and what I taught unto all men, that all nations shall be deceived in my name as my father is truly Yahweh God and not the Dragon of old.
I am the way and the light and the foreskin of the world. He that believeth in me shall go to Yahweh god rather than to wisdom. And so it was starting from Saul of Tarsus suffering a mild concussion on the road to John the Divine eating of the sacred mushroom wafer.
And on the sixth day, Matt Giwer declared this copyrighted material in the year of 1994 Another Deity.
And of the seventh day of mankind, it was Miller Time.
- Matt Giwer ( http://www.giwersworld.org/mgiwer/genmine.html )