There really is no hope.

[Meow.]

Hello all,

Let me first say, that since this is a welcome forum. People will probably pay this post no mind and say "Welcome" and move on, and thats fine. If anyone bothers to read this, I thank you.

I was born a Christian and my Facebook status remains that, but I really have a problem. My family was never all that "good" of christians, my father duly so considering the fact he was a wiccan. So while I did technically get baptised and can recite bible verses well, I never really did believe except for maybe a few months at most.

There is another theory however; there is a god, he just chooses not to love me. I was born with mild cerebral palsy. everytime that I look at my shell of a leg and the arm that is queer, I lose more and more of my already dwindling faith because even when things are good for that sweet. bliss moment, I know that my situation could go back to crap tomorrow.

I, when provoked by the right crowd, would say I am an atheist and denounce the lord, but whenever it was the wrong time and place I keep it a secret tucked deep inside because there is no use in trying to be an evangelical atheist.

This would all be fine, well except for the knowledge that I may spend an eternity in hell. This would be but along came "Mary" and changed that. Mary is a good Christian, I mean good, church on Sunday, bible study that night and goes to loads of church events and sing in the choir and whatever else have you. She, of course, values a man's religious beliefs as it is an important trait and I have not told her I am an atheist. I would pretend to be an Christian, until the day I die if it makes her happy. Before you make the wolf in sheep's clothing argument I have the morals to pull it off. I may feel dead inside after a few years, but if it makes her happy I would do it.

Since she came along I look at my atheism as even more of a blight than my CP as though it is a disease. Why am I here? I don't know, call it the work of god if you may or just the confessions of an idiot. Tell me something I don't know....

 

[reba]

She is a good woman and you are will to lie to her? Seems you can't pretend to be as christian as you think.

There is another theory however; God is calling you and try as you might you can't get away. There is hope Christ in you is the hope

 

[theLords]

Lying to her for the rest of her life is not the way to go.

If you don't confess it the to her, the Lord may tell her Himself.

 

[JohnEboy1983]

Yep, the Lord may tell her himself. Also I do believe no matter how hard you try to hide it, someday it would become evident to her. Remember that no good marriages have hidden areas, but all are exposed. You said you have good morals, and morals involves lying, so show your morals and dont be a liar to her. I also believe that if she is a real Christian, God will deal with her heart the right way and prevent any harm to her. I am keeping my heart open to the right woman someday but I also trust in God to keep me safe and give me a true Christian. I also wouldnt think that you would make her happy, because making one happy involves sacrifice and you appear to be selfish to want her so bad you are going to fake to be somebody you are not.

 

[WIP]

There's another consideration. She may have already figured it out. Being a Christian is not being a good person, going to church, singing in the choir, attending Bible study, or participating in "loads of church events." Being a Christian is a way of life, an attitude, and a state of being. Being a Christian is putting your faith, not just some of your faith but all of your faith in the one true and living God. There's no way any non-Christian can possibly pull off pretending to be Christian and fool any true Christian, especially for any real length of time. They will know you by your fruits and you will expose your true self.

 

[jasoncran]

Lying to her for the rest of her life is not the way to go.

If you don't confess it the to her, the Lord may tell her Himself.

funny you should mention that.

when i was in afghanistan i would be told when my wife would smoke pot and with whom.

 

[PouringRain]

Mary aside.....

It seems as though you are angry at God for your cerebral palsy. As though you are, perhaps, using that as an excuse. You lose faith every time you look at your self. Let me ask you, do you think God loves you any less or thinks any less of you? He doesn't. When he looks at you, he sees you as wonderfully made. He has a purpose for you, but it it up to you to embrace him and accept his calling in your life. The free will he gave you means that you have full right to reject him or submit to him. The choice is yours.

Now we can talk about Mary. Does she think any less of you for your cerebral palsy? I am guessing that she doesn't, otherwise you would not have so much affection and devotion towards her. The problem is that she is human and you are placing your happiness in a human. If she ever does something that brings you down, then your faith, your trust, your world will come crashing down-- because you have built it upon flesh and blood and not on God. Unlike humans, God will never let us down nor forsake us. Your desire to serve him should be built upon the foundation that is him. You speak of "pretending" to be a Christian for Mary, but what happens when she realizes that you have no faith built upon the rock?

I disagree with others that you need to tell Mary, at this point. I believe, at this point, that you need to allow yourself to embrace God and know his love for you. And then you can tell Mary, in all honesty, about your love for God and desire to know his will in your life.

 

[izzy]

I suppose I could throw Pascal's Wager at you (Pascal's Wager - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia), but it is mostly cold reason without the faith and relationship you want. Still, I would suggest reading the article.

Many people have been born with illnesses that keep them from being able to do what many people can. I can only imagine how frustrating it is, but from an eternal perspective, it is nothing. If Christ told the truth, and I believe He did, then there is physical resurrection, eternal life, and perfection ahead for all who believe. Infinite gain for finite pain, as Pascal would reason.

If you need some encouragement, check out these people on YouTube:
YouTube - Gianna Jessen Abortion Survivor in Australia Part 1
Gianna has cerebral palsy because of her mother's attempt to abort her. She has every right to be bitter, but instead has forgiven her mother and loves God.
YouTube - The Musical Genius: Derek Paravicini - Trailer

 

[WIP]

There is another theory however; there is a god, he just chooses not to love me. I was born with mild cerebral palsy. everytime that I look at my shell of a leg and the arm that is queer, I lose more and more of my already dwindling faith because even when things are good for that sweet. bliss moment, I know that my situation could go back to crap tomorrow.

I wonder how you can blame God for your troubles. Since when does God owe any of us anything? We are the ones that turn away from God. Stop saying no to God and start saying YES!

 

[bibleMAN]

Well if you truly loved her and "wanted to make her happy", you simply wouldn't lie to her. Just discuss your reasons for atheism and maybe she can help.

 

[dobro]

There is an easy answer let go of your pride repent and ask Christ into your heart. God will plant the seed of christ in you and by the washing of the word and following God he will change you. The desire for lying will disappear and you will see that you are his workmanship and God doesnt make mistakes.

 

[Danus]

Hello all,

Let me first say, that since this is a welcome forum. People will probably pay this post no mind and say "Welcome" and move on, and thats fine. If anyone bothers to read this, I thank you.

I was born a Christian and my Facebook status remains that, but I really have a problem. My family was never all that "good" of christians, my father duly so considering the fact he was a wiccan. So while I did technically get baptised and can recite bible verses well, I never really did believe except for maybe a few months at most.

There is another theory however; there is a god, he just chooses not to love me. I was born with mild cerebral palsy. everytime that I look at my shell of a leg and the arm that is queer, I lose more and more of my already dwindling faith because even when things are good for that sweet. bliss moment, I know that my situation could go back to crap tomorrow.

I, when provoked by the right crowd, would say I am an atheist and denounce the lord, but whenever it was the wrong time and place I keep it a secret tucked deep inside because there is no use in trying to be an evangelical atheist.

This would all be fine, well except for the knowledge that I may spend an eternity in hell. This would be but along came "Mary" and changed that. Mary is a good Christian, I mean good, church on Sunday, bible study that night and goes to loads of church events and sing in the choir and whatever else have you. She, of course, values a man's religious beliefs as it is an important trait and I have not told her I am an atheist. I would pretend to be an Christian, until the day I die if it makes her happy. Before you make the wolf in sheep's clothing argument I have the morals to pull it off. I may feel dead inside after a few years, but if it makes her happy I would do it.

Since she came along I look at my atheism as even more of a blight than my CP as though it is a disease. Why am I here? I don't know, call it the work of god if you may or just the confessions of an idiot. Tell me something I don't know....

Well, I did read your post and welcome.

May I give you a few things to think about?

1. You where not born a Christian. You must be born again.

2. You're not an atheist. You said you believe in God.

3. There are no "good" Christians.

Christians struggle just like everyone else, but they are connected to God for their strength to persevere and overcome. Christians have no power to do so otherwise on their own...none. You can connect with God anytime, anyplace and start your relationship today.

 

[Bonairos]

Meow -

I have to admit. When I first read your post, I chuckled. Not in a mocking or insensitive way but rather in a "Look at God be God" type of way.

I've read all responses and in hopes of not being redundant I will leave them to stand on their own merits. However, there is another aspect I would like to focus on and that would be "Mary!"

Little is said about the type of relationship you have with her or how it came into being. What you did say is that (in your eyes) she portrays a Christian (lifestyle).

After stating your circumstance, you said, "This would all be fine, well except for the knowledge that I may spend an eternity in hell. This would be but along came "Mary" and changed that."

Then you ended your post by saying, "Since she came along I look at my atheism as even more of a blight than my CP as though it is a disease. Why am I here? I don't know, call it the work of god if you may or just the confessions of an idiot. Tell me something I don't know...."

Could it be that, perhaps Mary has been brought into your life for a specific reason? Could she be (just) one vessel the Lord uses to help you through your honest struggles and questions about/with Him? After all it's not "Mary the Murderer" we're talking about (by what's stated). But rather a person who seems to be connected with God.

The great thing is that your thoughts concern God. That is only possible because His thoughts concern you. The bible clearly states that unless HE draws us, we could never come to Him (let alone think on Him). John 6:65

You titled your post, "There Is No Hope." I ask you, with she, Mary (expressing God) in your life, "Is there no hope?"

Often times it's the trivial things (friendships, relationships, etc.) in life that brings about some of the Lord's greatest rewards!

Be blessed, Stay blessed!