Trans-religious friendships

[Pard]

I just wanted to gauge people's views on friendships with people who are not of the same religious convictions as you (more than denominations!). And by this I do mean that you and your friend share your views and debate and talk about them, they are not just background, but they are upfront.

These types of friendships can be REALLY hard to find and maintain, but I think they are some of the best friendships you can find. Chances are you may not talk about to much beyond religion (maybe because you don't feel comfortable, or because the friendship doesn't blossom far beyond this) but this does not matter. For such a friendship to exist you have to be able to tell your friend his belief is totally wrong and accept the same from him and still maintain your civility. This is why many times these types of friendships do not progress much, but they are strong.

I'd like to think that is I knew MA in real life I'd have befriended him (though the age gap may have kept us from even meeting?). I consider him a friend as it is. I have had some good talks with MA, both in posts and PMs, and we have always been able to maintain a respect for one another, while at the same time completely dissecting one anther's religions.

So, I'm curious how others deal with these types of friendships and how you find them and maintain them or if you even have any ect.

 

[PouringRain]

I would say that the majority of my friendships are probably with individuals who would fit in with what you are describing.

So, I'm curious how others deal with these types of friendships and how you find them and maintain them or if you even have any ect.

I guess I am not sure quite how to answer your questions. People are people.

I guess one thing that is important is mutual respect for each other and each other's beliefs. Both individuals need to feel comfortable sharing and discussing their beliefs. You don't have to agree with someone in order to be respectful of them.

 

[Cheyenne K]

I have to agree that they are very hard to maintain and I think they bring out the best and the worst in people. I have a lot of problems with non-Christian friends - and most of my friends are not Christian in the slightest. One thing being my own fault, as I do not have a particularly strong personality in certain areas. So when I am around some of them, I tend to act as they do, curse, make obscene jokes, etc., which is obviously bad. Thus I understand I have an obligation to stay way from doing certain things with them that make me stumble. And non-Christian friends bring me more negative emotions than my Christian friends do. I always worry for them and get easily depressed after conversations with them. So I would prefer to have more Christian friends, as they are better influences and leave me less depressed and more spiritually fulfilled. I can't talk God with those who are not Christians; however, I can do so with fellow Christians.
However, through my non-Christian friends I have been able to feel overwhelming love and forgiveness that has brought me closer to God. This I am thankful for and I don't believe isolating myself to Christian frienships would have led to this. They are also some of the best friends I’ve ever had. In fact, it was mostly non-Christians who helped me when I had a more public panic attack last year.

But think the biggest thing with maintaining these friendships is openness. I f they do ask me a question, or we get into a religious conversation, I will have a strong and solid opinion, but have to remember not to come off as self-righteous while doing so. I should hope they would have the same consideration. This leads to a mutual respect. I mean, I won’t stay in a relationship where my God is constantly bashed. The occasional comment is fine; we all have opinions. However, a constant sense of verbal persecution gives me no comfort in anyone doing it, let alone someone who is to be my friend. And likewise, I try not to come of as doing just this to their belief. It seems the main thing is about mutual respect and tolerance, but not acceptance. Acceptance is completely different.

 

[Pard]

Most of my friends are non-Christian, mostly because I am a new Christian. I have found that since becoming a Christian many of these friendships have been stressed.

Like MA said, there are things that I no longer do or can deal with and this separates me from many of my friends.

I have found that friendships with fellow Christians are so much easier because I just feel more comfortable among brothers and sisters in Christ. They also grow a lot faster, quickly moving from acquaintances to good friends.

Most of my non-Christian friends are atheist or something crazy like that, so they can be extremely hostile (far more than Jews, Muslims, or any other religions). I have found that other people of faith tend to be more... delicate than atheists and the like. Not always, mind you, but often enough.

And off of topic, MA, I had a big blonde/red beard that I cut off because I couldn't stand people stereotyping me as a pot head, and I also shaved my head for the same reason (I had a lot of hair, like thing of a giant bush of blonde hair)

 

[lovely]

I have a three friends, who are close, that are non-believers, but we remain close because they do not mind that I am a believer...they accept me, and I love them. I can't apologize for my faith, won't, and I don't expect them to convert to a faith in which they do not believe, and so here we are. I hope my life is a light of love to them. We meet on common ground, because they know I will not particpate in some things, but they are loyal friends who respect my faith still after all these years and would never expect me to compromise it, or agree with their worldviews...I don't expect the to agree with mine either. We may have some lively debates, but we know each others postion going in.

I have two muslim friends that I am close with, and I love them very much. We talk about religion sometimes, but it's usually a comparison of our faith's...how they are different, and how they are alike. To be honest, they seem to understand my desire to live my faith more than some of my Christian friends, and we are to the point after 12 years that we can relax when talking about our differences...even find humor in some. We eat together, have celebrations together, and our family helps them when we can, and vice versa. We do have serious talks sometimes, but it always comes from a place of concern and love. The thing is, they seem to tolerate the Christian beliefs much more than I can tolerate the Muslim beliefs.

I like the close friends I have that are believers, who are more likeminded, because we have Christ as a bond, and I love that...I love to talk with them about the things I am going through, because their experience is similar...I am encouraged, and I can be an encourager....This is a family relationship to me that is unlike any other. Those who are of other denominations, and I have a few, are split...some fall into the 'likeminded' category, but others are very loyal to their denominations and so sometimes discussions can come up and become disputes if we aren't careful...we've made it through, though.

 

[PouringRain]

But I think for a christian it would be easier to have friends from all over the spectrum, as you can do things that I cant.

This is a broad generalization. I disagree, but I don't want to get into it, because I don't want to derail the thread into another topic.

I think that if people have mutual respect for each other, than many of those things will not be an issue. Someone who is a friend wouldn't think of inviting a Muslim over and then serving ham sandwiches..... unless, of course, it was done out of mistake. But if someone who is respectful of you did something out of mistake, then that person would correct it, and would attempt to get to know you and your values, so as not to continuously offend you.

(I do not go to bars, drink, date, etc. either.)

There are people who I dont think I could have friendship with though - a homosexual (sorry lance), a devout satanist. - these people offend my religious convictions so much I just could not accept their lifestyle or even be in their presence for long.

I have the same problem. (I've never had a satanist friend. LOL ) But, to be honest, I have dislike being around atheists for the same reason. I can not stomach sitting and listening to people who blaspheme God with just about everything out of their mouths. If someone is a fruity-fairy-flaming homosexual I would not be able to tolerate being around that either. I have known people and had "friends" who were homosexual males, but none of them were that type at all. You would not know that they were a homosexual unless you knew them very well. They did not sit around talking about being gay, nor about the same gender, nor about anything even remotely relating to homosexuality. (These people were also the first to stand up against gay marriages, and express their disdain for the agenda-pushing homosexuals out there.)

 

[l'Chante]

I’m probably going to get slaughtered for saying this, but I prefer to spend time with people from faiths other than Christian. I hate being around drunks or people openly discussing their ‘activities’ (regardless of whether they are married or not). And the language…!

Nope. I would much rather spend time with Hindu’s or Muslims. And yes, I do have many, many gay friends (male and female) that I love to bits, and they live ‘better’ lives than most Christians I know. They don’t use foul language, drink or discuss their ‘personal lives’ with me.

 

[Lance_Iguana]

I Good friends with all of the members of a Christian Hardcore band, 2 of them being my best friends. I know a few Buddhists, a Hindu, 2 native Americans, and A few Atheists. I don't know any Jews or Muslims, but I'm going to be moving into a city as soon as possible, and I love exploring so I'm bound to find some.

Oh yeah. I met a Taoist, makes hippies look high strung. lol
We mostly just talk about philosophy together and sit at our local truck stop/ coffee shot and just discuss religion and philosophy at night. Its quite fun.

 

[Servant John]

I certinally think we should dialogue with people of all beliefs and faiths. But our close, personal, relationships should be with other believers as scripture commands:

2 Corinthians 6: <sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28897">14</sup>Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? <sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28898">15</sup>What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? <sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV-28899">16</sup>What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."

Ultimately, if the majority of your time is spent with people who do not share the truth of God, it will begin to form cracks in your spiritual armor. The world has a corrupting influence. Sin will creep into your actions and thinking. Think of it like this: It's much easier to pull someone down a flight of stairs than it is to pull someone up one.

In my own life I had to distance myself from some people who were unbelievers after I was saved. The corrupting influence will always be an underlying factor in any relationship we have with the unsaved.

This is not a trivial matter and each of us should examine the people that are close in our lives.

I would hope everyone here takes a moment to ponder this verse:

1 Corinthians 15:33Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character."

S.J.

 

[l'Chante]

John, I understand what you are trying to say, and don't think that I'm taking this warning lightly. I am not brushing it off at all.

But try and see the Christian faith through the eyes of a Muslim for example. They would turn on a television in say... America, and what would they see? Explicit sex scenes, the Jerry Springer show, an entire channel dedicated to making mini gods out of celebrities, half naked runway models, The Oprah Winfrey show... Do you think more Americans are tuned in on Oprah or are they using their televisions to watch a Christian sermon? The movies shown on television are full of violence and really bad language, the commercials promote materialism and every product available to help you become as obese as possible.

Most Christians I know lead these kind of lives. They live with their partners - not spouses. They raise children of fathers their children never met. The majority of their conversations are about what they did over the weekend and with whom, and how drunk/high/stoned they got in the process.

People of other faiths just don't do this. You can have a 'normal' conversation with them and that is why I prefer their company.

 

[PouringRain]

l'Chante, I agree with what you are saying and I have always had Muslim and Jewish friends for the reason you are talking about-- often our values are more in line. I will say, from your posts, that it seems you are surrounded by a lot of poor examples of "Christians." It is sad to hear of the amount of Christians in your area who do not sound like they are at all living their faith, or living by the Word of God. I just want you to know that there are many, many Christians in the world who are not at all like those that you describe. I hope one day that you can find these people, and that those around you do not discourage you.

 

[l'Chante]

HEY! I was was using America as an example! Bwa ha ha ha.

But no, things aren't much better here. The only Christians I do get on with are the 'advanced in years' Christians. (It's politically incorrect to call them 'old', right?) They still have real Christian values.

 

[PouringRain]

HEY! I was was using America as an example! Bwa ha ha ha.

But no, things aren't much better here. The only Christians I do get on with are the 'advanced in years' Christians. (It's politically incorrect to call them 'old', right?) They still have real Christian values.

Maybe you haven't lived in the right parts of America. Out here people are highly conservative in their values..... which is why I choose to live out here.


I have always gotten along better with older individuals as well. Almost all of my friends are always older than me. (And I am pretty old myself. )

 

[Pard]

Maybe you two have not looked hard enough? I live in one of the most secular and un-Christians states (Connecticut). I attend a church and I think I can say with confidence that everyone who attends my church is a true Christian who lives a Christ-like life and will be attending that big bash in the sky! I go to a youth group at the local baptist church (OK, we have two local baptist churches... come to think of it, we got like 30 or so churches in town!) and everyone of those guys is a good Christian, from what I can tell. One of my friends even made a speech in our public speaking class about creation, he moved me to tears...

 

[PouringRain]

Maybe you two have not looked hard enough?

Not us two. I have no problem finding conservative Christians with good values.

 

[l'Chante]

No, Ian. I have to admit that I'm not looking very hard. I'm an introvert so I avoid people at all costs.

But there are numerous 'in your face' Christians in my work place. The one lady will tell you long stories about how her husband went to a park to worship and was then possessed by the 'demon of lust' that wanted to force him to have sex with a woman that the demon 'prepared' for him at the other side of the park. Big yada yada about how he couldn't even say Jesus' name and eventually, when he managed to do so the demon left and her husband sent him into a tree, prayed over a rock and threw the rock at the tree. The tree then exploded.
Her son often goes to Hell at night (he is about 21 months) and her husband then has to ask God to let him into the child's dreams to go and fetch him. (Isn't that kinda like astral projection?)
Yet she knows the names of porn stars better than I know the names of my family, and she and her husband will swear at prostitutes rather than try and convert them... Now this nutter is not an isolated case.

The older Christians I know are still old school and we get on very well.

 

[Servant John]

l'Chante, I agree with what you are saying and I have always had Muslim and Jewish friends for the reason you are talking about-- often our values are more in line. I will say, from your posts, that it seems you are surrounded by a lot of poor examples of "Christians." It is sad to hear of the amount of Christians in your area who do not sound like they are at all living their faith, or living by the Word of God. I just want you to know that there are many, many Christians in the world who are not at all like those that you describe. I hope one day that you can find these people, and that those around you do not discourage you.

I don't think there is any question that there are non-Christians who have moral values. However, "moral" people will not enter the kingdom of heaven and they will be just as lost as a hardened rapist or murderer who don't know Jesus in the final judgment. I don't think anybody can argue scripture on this point.

Of course I don't say if someone is a believer you MUST fellowship with them or automatically be a close friend. There are many poor examples of believers out there and we will all choose our friends based on our God given personalities.

But coming back around to my original point. If you can't agree with someone on the "deep" truths of life (how you are saved, life should give glory to Jesus Christ, proclaiming the gospel, and so on) I fail to see how you can be close to someone when there is always an underlying disagreement. That is, unless the relationship is more on a superficial level. You can't rely on those people to give you spiritual truth nor can they propersly discern truth of scripture (remember scriptural truth is foolishness to the unbeliever).

Should we have non-Christin friends? Yes! Should you always be the light of the gospel in their life? Yes! Should you go to them in a moment of serious spiritual need or if tragedy strikes in your life? No. I think by definition that is one of the functions of a close friend. That's why our closest friends should be believers.

If you don't have any close friends who are believers, or the believers you know are carnal and poor excuses for Christians, than go out and meet some new people. That counsel you will get when it really matters in life with make a big difference in keeping you on your spiritual walk with our Lord.

 

[l'Chante]

I don't have close friends in the sense that I go visit them at their houses or invite them over to mine, however, I do have an 'adopted' mother at work whom I am very close to. She is just so strong in her faith.. If I would ever feel the need to speak to someone regarding my faith, she would be the one. Or if I struggle with issues, she is always there for me. So yes John, we definitely agree on that point.

 

[Servant John]

I don't have close friends in the sense that I go visit them at their houses or invite them over to mine, however, I do have an 'adopted' mother at work whom I am very close to. She is just so strong in her faith.. If I would ever feel the need to speak to someone regarding my faith, she would be the one. Or if I struggle with issues, she is always there for me. So yes John, we definitely agree on that point.

I'm glad to hear that. Don't give up on finding other brothers and sisters out there for your close fellowships. Not only can you have people there for you in a time of need but you can provide the same to someone in their hour of need. As we mature in our faith, we owe it to other believers to be their support as well.

You can have a lot of fun too and not feel the pressure to "compromise" the truth as is always the temptation with the unsaved to fit in. True believers "get it" and it makes live and good times all the more fun.