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United States Marine Corp Jokes

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i have been to war. Vince is right. i served(worked closely) with the marines and what Vince says is the truth.They are rather odd bunch and that is how they worked. i'm laughing as yup that sounds like what a marine would do.
So because you have been to right war dose that automatically give you a green pass to joke about setting people on fire and then stabbing them. I can understand if you saying your silly jokes in a marine site, this is a christain forum in case you havn't knoticed. Nothin wrong with marine jokes if they light and in good taste i dont think those first few jokes were in good taste I think they were very insenstive.
 
Why do Marines make sorry football players?










Football players protect the quarterback. Marines protect the free world.
 
How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?












50: One to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him.
 
Caspar, why are you attacking these people? Why are you posting false statements about Marines? What kind of Christian are you? Do you believe that it's all right to make false statements about someone because you don't love him?

Do you have any idea how many US Marines have died to protect your freedom? And it doesn't matter what nationality you are, either. You don't see anybody else on this Christian forum attacking Marines.
 
Caspar, why are you attacking these people? Why are you posting false statements about Marines? What kind of Christian are you? Do you believe that it's all right to make false statements about someone because you don't love him?

Do you have any idea how many US Marines have died to protect your freedom? And it doesn't matter what nationality you are, either. You don't see anybody else on this Christian forum attacking Marines.

You lost me, seems like have got yourself all worked up for nothing. What false statements? Why am I attacking the US Marines.? All I have said is I didn't like the tone of the jokes when they about burning people and stabbing them and firing indiscriminately. I don't think its very christian like. I have given an example of a light joke, it wasn't meant as a insult. It seems to like you jumped the gun and got yourself all worked up over a light harmless joke. Settle down.
 
Where was the safest place to be during the Korean War?





Behind a platoon of Marines. "Lord, how they could fight!"
Major General Frank Lowe, US Army
 
Folks, you won't understand this joke without knowing the background story. In 2,000 years of Japanese history, no foreign conqueror had ever raised their flag on Japanese soil. On February 23, 1945, that ancient tradition came to an end when the United States Marines raised their country's flag on Iwo Jima, an isolated island that is actually part of Japan.

The first flag was too small, and the Marines brought up a larger flag to replace it. Civilian photographer Joe Rosenthal didn't have time to get into a good position for the second flag-raising, and then someone shoved him out of the way. Unable to get his camera into place, he snapped the most famous photograph in history, without being able to look through his viewfinder.

http://lh5.ggpht.com/_KZjPX4yQ3AE/SVIM-_gPiGI/AAAAAAAACCQ/EfQn40BboyY/flag-raising-on-iw






And now, the joke:

Why wasn't Joe Rosenthal able to take the picture the way he wanted to?










Because when God takes a photograph, He doesn't need any help.
 
Folks, you won't understand this joke without knowing the background story. In 2,000 years of Japanese history, no foreign conqueror had ever raised their flag on Japanese soil. On February 23, 1945, that ancient tradition came to an end when the United States Marines raised their country's flag on Iwo Jima, an isolated island that is actually part of Japan.

The first flag was too small, and the Marines brought up a larger flag to replace it. Civilian photographer Joe Rosenthal didn't have time to get into a good position for the second flag-raising, and then someone shoved him out of the way. Unable to get his camera into place, he snapped the most famous photograph in history, without being able to look through his viewfinder.

http://lh5.ggpht.com/_KZjPX4yQ3AE/SVIM-_gPiGI/AAAAAAAACCQ/EfQn40BboyY/flag-raising-on-iw






And now, the joke:

Why wasn't Joe Rosenthal able to take the picture the way he wanted to?










Because when God takes a photograph, He doesn't need any help.

awesome
 
i am somewhat envious of you guys

i can't join the armed forces because of my schizophrenia....

but i wanted to...

Thank you
 
Oates, I'm not a veteran, and we enjoy your company on this thread. I see you're from York, Pennsylvania. I'm from Levittown.
 
A writer decided to write a book about famous churches and chapels around the military.

He bought a plane ticket to Fort Jackson, SC, thinking he would start by working his way across the USA. On his first day he was inside the base chapel taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall above a sign that read "$10,000 per call."

The man, being intrigued, asked a soldier who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The soldier replied that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to Heaven. The man thanked him and went on his way.

Next, he stopped at Andrews Air Force Base in Washington, DC. There, at a very large chapel, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it. He asked a nearby airman what this phone's purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to Heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to Heaven. "Okay, thank you," said the man, and left.

He then traveled to Ft. Hood, TX, Wright Patterson AFB, OH, the Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD, and Naval Air Station Oceana, VA. In every chapel he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it!

He decided to travel to a Marine base to see if he would find the same phone. He arrived aboard Camp Lejeune, NC, and while waiting to visit the base chapel, he was invited into the chowhall. There was the same golden telephone. This time, however, the sign under it read "40 cents per call." The man was surprised.

Just then, a gunnery sergeant walked in and he asked about the sign. "Gunny, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many chapels on many different military installations. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the Army, the Air Force, and even the Navy, the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?"

The gunny smiled and answered, "You're on a Marine base now, sir, it's a local call."
 
A soldier went to the Protestant chaplain and asked to pray with him.

The Protestant chaplain said, well, before I pray with you, you ought to go to ask the Catholic chaplain if he would be offended if I prayed with you, and maybe you should pray with him instead.

The soldier went to the Catholic chaplain and asked to pray with him.

The Catholic chaplain said, well, before I pray with you, you ought to go to ask the multi-faith chaplain if he would be offended if I prayed with you, and maybe you should pray with him instead.

The soldier went to the multifaith chaplain and asked to pray with him.

The Catholic chaplain said, well, before I pray with you, you ought to go to ask the atheist commissar at the Soviet embassy if he would be offended if I prayed with you, and maybe you should pray with him instead.

The soldier went to the atheist commissar at the Soviet embassy and asked to pray with him.

The atheist commissar at the Soviet embassy, said:

If you want to pray with me, fine!
 
A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a U.S. Marine Corps base. He goes to the front gate, and says to the sentry, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"

To his surprise, the Marines accept him enthusiastically. They feed him at the officer's club, they fix his car at the motor pool, and they even allow him to sleep in the VIP quarters.

But, as the man tries to fall asleep that night, he hears a strange sound. All through the night, he hears this sound.

The next morning, he asks the Marines what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a Marine."

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same Marine Corps base. Again the Marines accept him enthusiastically, fix his car, and allow him to stay in the VIP quarters. That night, he hears the exact same strange noise that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what it is, but the Marines reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a Marine."

The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a Marine, how do I become one?"

The Marines reply, "You must go to Paris Island, there to undergo several weeks of torturous behavior. You will be yelled at, put down, cut down, and physically exhausted. From there you will go on to receive infantry training. You will learn how to fight, fight to survive, and fight to win. You will learn how to act the Corps, breathe the Corps, eat the Corps, sleep the Corps, be the Corps. When you finish these trials, you will be a Marine."

The man sets about his task. He goes through boot camp, advanced infantry training, and is assigned to an MEU. While part of the MEU he is sent to fight in two small wars, and three "police actions."

Three years later, while on leave, he returns to the Marine Corps base where he last heard that strange, strange sound. Standing there in his dress uniform, he says, "I have joined the Corps, and I have paid my dues. I have fought for the love of God, Country, and the Corps.

The Marines reply, "Congratulations. You are now a Marine. We shall now show you the way to the sound."

The Marines lead the man to a wooden door, where the Base Commander says, "The sound is right behind that door."

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, "Real funny. May I have the key?"

The Base Commander gives him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door.

The Commander gives him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the Commander, who provides it. Behind that door is *another* door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, amethyst...

Finally, the Commander says, "This is the last key to the last door."

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a Marine.
 

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