What god says about starting a family

[kemashea]

My husband and I aren't seeing eye to eye on this subject.

My husband wants to wait until we are more financially stable, with a stable job, income and our careers are about to take off. He wants me to do my teaching things a few years before having children and I know he doesn't want to TTC until he has his career job set up.

I understand his want to take care of me and our family. We both grew up in povered homes with little money, so his feeling of need to support is very understandable.

I have had baby fever this past year, and with female problems running in my family, and specialist has told me I may have a *little* Endometriosis or PCOS. I didn't expect him to say PCOS, which REALLY upset me. The doctor wanted me to take BCP, but after taking it for over 3 years I found out it had an abortafaciant in it and stopped. I started taking BCP because of periods and female problems to begin with.

I prayed that God would help us see eye to eye, and my baby fever has subsided(it was driving me CRAZY). I think the baby fever may have been my body telling me something was going on, and the fact that babies are popping up everywhere isn't helping either!

I'm so worried something will happen and I won't be able to get pregnant later.

So I hope you can see my concern...

I'm ready for children, and I have plenty of experience of taking care of those who cannot take care of them selves(waded through crap, puke and changed plenty of nasty diapers!). My husband says he wants to vacation more, do more in life, and get things straightened out with our careers before having children.

So, I am looking for honest BIBLE backing views here. My husband and I (both Christians) have been together for almost 8 years, but only married for 1.5. We are still young (22 &23), but I can say we are more mature than most our age.

I don't want to go to our pastor, I prefer to keep this private. So this is why I am posting this here, I can remain anonymous. I need the views from other Christians and their understanding of the word, because I want the truth. I want to KNOW what God's word says about having children, starting a family. Please refers to verses, so I can look them up too!

You help is VERY appreciated!

Thanks

-Kemashea

 

[heather]

I recently went through this. My husband and I decided one day to stop bcp because I had been on it for 5 years. I had baby fever something fierce. He wasn't ready yet. So I started praying that God would help me lose such a strong desire for a baby OR make my husband ready for a baby.

You know what...that strong desire went away. I didn't cry when my friends got pregnant anymore. A year later, my husband told me he wanted a baby. In that time, however, we had lost 2 pregnancies early on.

Just keep praying.

 

[Blazin Bones]

My wife Caromurp and I have had baby fever lately as well. We are just three months into our marraige life, but we both have always wanted a large size family. However, for us, we both have our doubts about when the best time to try is. I'm making a very poor salary for the college I work for which is just enough to get by and a bit more. She is working on her Bachelor's degree and has a bit more than a year left until she is finished. We want a child, we just don't see how we are ready yet. We both see this as a God saying wait sign. I cannot quote too many scriptures for this, but Perhaps Proverbs 3:5-6 says it best. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understandings. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Sometimes the best thing we can do is patiently wait on the Lord.

 

[heather]

That's something I have learned, Timothy. Waiting is hard, it creates patience, however. I love how when you pray for patience, you are put into a situation where you learn patience, even though it is hard at the time.

At one point during that year, I had this feeling that a baby had to wait for X, Y, and Z to fall into place. I don't know if we are at that point yet, but I think we're getting there.

 

[lovely]

The first Scriputure that came to my mind while reading your post is, 'wives submit to your own husbands.' I guess that is the bottom line on this topic as far as your specific situation.

As far as what the Bible says about starting a family...

I see no pattern in Scripture for rejecting God's blessings at all, or purposely waiting, especially for reasons like money, travel, careers, etc. I am not saying that God has not called some mothers to wait through various things like sickness, infertility, a husband who is not in agreement with allowing God plan his family, etc., but the normative pattern is the Bible is just bearing children when God blesses us with them.

 

[Caroline H]

I agree with Lovely. If your husband is not in agreement then keep praying while you wait. But to wait until everything is in place doesn't really make sense to me. Think about it, when is there going to be a time when everything is right? Probably never, because there will always be bills to pay, repairs to make, needs to meet etc... but when it is God's time for that blessing He will provide for it.

 

[jasoncran]

i decided not have kids when i married my wife as she cant have them, but i got two step kids and grandkids who call grandpa. As a man sometime i wonder what it would be like to have kids of my own. I wish that my wife had the desire to adopt kids, as i see that the children can be a joy, yet also a pain. Like we are to jesus, yet it's worth it.

I praise god that the desire to have kids hasnt fully left all christians. Strange you say. I know of and some christains who have no desire for children at all. Not thats a sin, but i wonder how much spiritual we(yes me) miss when we dont become parents.

i will never know.

I do get to spend time with my grandkids, but deep down inside that part of me wants to be a daddy.
pray on this.
jason

 

[heather]

Oh, Jason, I'm so sorry to hear that. I know some women who want to be a mommy so badly but God has bigger plans for them. My pastor's wife is one of them. They tried for kids but the Good Lord had something better. She would have made a great mom, and we'll never know why she wasn't allowed to become one, but God had a reason. Now, she's past the child-bearing age, but loves the babies at our church with all of her heart.

 

[jasoncran]

I can never for the life understand how a man or woman could hurt a child, in utero, or at any age. It angers me. Some people have kids and abuse them and other desire them and dont get them. It seems unfair. My sister is one that isnt a good mother, and if i could i would adopt her kids, my mother has taken care of her kids(my nephews). My siter for two yrs lost her kids and DCF gave the kids to my mom and she allowed my sister to see them. Since then, my sister has tooken care of them, if you can call it that.

Sorry to derail this thread, I had to say that.

back to topic

jason

 

[heather]

No, I completely understand. When my brother died (just before his due date) my mom was devastated. 2 weeks later, a girl who didn't want her little baby boy put him in a trash bag and threw him into the river. She was CRUSHED after that...

 

[jasoncran]

No, I completely understand. When my brother died (just before his due date) my mom was devastated. 2 weeks later, a girl who didn't want her little baby boy put him in a trash bag and threw him into the river. She was CRUSHED after that...

that had to hurt, such evil, i hope that she repents.

I do get joy in the fact that i spent last christmas with my grandkids, I corrupted them, :rolling , i got them into the old video games we grew up on, ie super mario brothers and tetris, and so on.

My grandaughter still plays super mario brothers last time i heard. My grandson loves my old army hat that i gave him(it has my old sgt rank on it). He wore it for months after i gave it to him and loves the army, and likes to here the war stories i tell. . Of course i filter the inappropraite ones and show and talk about the miliarty equipment and the afghanis we helped over there.

Jason

 

[kemashea]

I do agree Lovely, I am waiting for my husband. I don't pressure him, or drive him nuts about my feelings LOL.

I do agree that obeying and being in agreement is the best with my husband. It's not fair to my husband to start a family when he doesn't want to/not ready. I'm still praying about it, and I hope God will work on my husband and give us the situation that God desires. Sometime it's hard to give in and let go to Gods will.

I feel for you jasoncran, I would definitely adopt if I couldn't have children of my own. My greatest desire in life is to have children.

I just have to be patient with my husband, and God's will.

A BIG Thank YOU to everyone, I am so happy to see the support!

 

[lionandthelamb]

i don't have any bible verses to share to help but i just wanted to say that what everyone says is right, it shows you patience, shows you that if / when it's supposed to happen it will. and believe me you DON'T want to hear that, i know for a fact you don't i didn't either. but i get certain things now that i didn't before. i know i am young but i have always known i wanted to have kids. (not to threadjack) but in 2006 i got pregnant and i lost my precious angel baby. early on in the pregnancy but it didn't make it easier. i was mad at God at that time, mad in general and didn't understand why. now i think, maybe i wasn't ready, maybe it wasn't the right time. and i had a complete understanding of how people felt when they lost a baby and i had more compassion for people in general than i had in my whole life. God did bless me with a precious baby boy and he's a year old now. i still mourn the loss of my first baby but i understand that there had to have been a reason behind it.

i'm so sorry if that didn't help at all, i just wanted to say i understand that waiting is the hardest but it IS worth it in the end.