What if I don't want to be the spiritual leader in my home?

[handy]

If you leave this, I hope that you will take away from this that you have some growth of your own to do...

This isn't just something that someone out there made up and got your wife all confused about...I showed you the texts that tell you that you are the head of your wife...refusing to be a spiritual leader in your home...especially since your wife is asking you to be...is now a matter of being rebellious towards God.


Also, I find it interesting that you think this is going in a circle...I don't see that. What I see is that you are saying "I don't want to..." and not dealing with the fact that there is something fundamentally wrong with your walk with God that you would threaten to cease being a Christian rather than spend some time reading and praying with your wife.

I hope and pray for you, your wife and your marriage that God will soften you regarding this. Obviously, something has hardened your heart in this matter...and the Lord can certainly bring about healing or repair of whatever it is...if you allow it to happen.

 

[handy]

Just out of curisoity...what made you come and ask the question? Were you hoping that your wife was somehow being led astray?

 

[for_his_glory]

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Ephesians 5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

The husband is the head of his wife/family in the sense that he needs to be the provider and protector. I see nowhere in the above scripture that says anything about the man being a Spiritual leader as only the Holy Spirit can guide us in all decisions we make for our families as the wife walks beside her husband and not behind him as their flesh becomes one flesh in the Lord. The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church which to me means that as Christ loves us and cares for us even so should the husband love and take care of his family.

My husband is a Spiritually born-again child of God as I am. He is a good provider and protector and very loving to me (no children), but when it comes to wanting to sit down together to read the Bible we hardly ever do that, but I'm alright with that as he is not a reader as he can not read very well and gets discouraged. He carries the love of Christ in his heart and when he is given an opportunity to witness Christ to others he does through his own testimony. I do not need him to be a leader. I just need him to love Christ and share that love with others who are in need physically or Spiritually as this is what is expected of us as we walk with Christ and share in His ministry.

Sorry this is kinda long, but I'm trying to make a point that it doesn't matter if you are a leader or just a follower for at least you love the Lord and your wife and as long as you are the provider and protector of your family and keep growing Spiritually in his word then you have set your feet on the right path. Who's to say as you grow stronger in knowledge you might even become a leader someday, but as you said you are very young in the Lord you as well as all of us have a lot of growing to do.

I do share with my husband when I read something in the Bible that excites me and he listens to what I have to share. You and your wife need to sit down and have her explain to you what it is she wants of you as it seems she really does not know except for what someone else has told her. There is nothing wrong with being a follower after all is that not how the Disciples learned what Jesus was teaching them.

 

[Bob Carabbio]

Actually, I do have an option.

I guess I will stop being a Christian if this will be forced upon me.

Then obviously you're not a "Christian" NOW if you think that you can "Just stop".

Go ahead and stop the "act". Maybe then you can see about getting the REAL thing.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

The husband is the head of his wife/family in the sense that he needs to be the provider and protector. I see nowhere in the above scripture that says anything about the man being a Spiritual leader...

My husband is a Spiritually born-again child of God as I am. He is a good provider and protector and very loving to me (no children), but when it comes to wanting to sit down together to read the Bible we hardly ever do that, but I'm alright with that as he is not a reader as he can not read very well and gets discouraged. He carries the love of Christ in his heart and when he is given an opportunity to witness Christ to others he does through his own testimony. I do not need him to be a leader. I just need him to love Christ and share that love with others who are in need physically or Spiritually as this is what is expected of us as we walk with Christ and share in His ministry.

Yes, this is what it means to be the head of the home. Hrive is the victim of a very misguided 90's teaching in the church that puts way too much accountability on the man for the spiritual responsibilities of his wife and children...the man ultimately being responsible for whether they succeed as Christians or not.

I think what you have shared here can be summed up in Paul's counsel to Timothy:

"...set an example...in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." (1 Timothy 4:12 NIV 1984)

I came back to this thread to share this very scripture, and it seems you have basically said the same thing.

Spiritual leaders lead by example, not by taking on the responsibility others have to grow themselves up into the faith through the spiritual disciplines of prayer, Bible study, etc.

 

[handy]

For_His_Glory and Jethro, It's not that I don't understand where you are coming from...but I think that Hrive's issue go a lot deeper than this. He actually said that he would give up being a Christian if this was forced onto him. His wife has MS which he admits is causing her cognitive thinking to deteriorate. She is asking that he be a leader, which would, at the very basic at least mean to pray with her, read with her, discuss Spiritual things with her, help her, especially in light of her failing abilities.

That he would jettison his faith rather than do this is something to address, even if one doesn't believe that the Bible teaches the husband is the spiritual leader in the home, which I personally believe it does. If we are going to use 1 Timothy 4:12 as an example...on what planet is a man refusing to pray and read God's word with his wife fulfilling any part of that particular text?

Here is a quote about what it means for a man to be the spiritual leader in his family from a website called Twisted Christian. I honestly don't know that much about the site or who puts it out, but I did like what the writer said here:

Being the spiritual leader means keeping the well-being of your family, both spiritual and otherwise in prayer. Being the spiritual head of the household means loving your family as Jesus loved the church. This involves sacrifice and being a servant. It involves listening with your heart, not just your ears, and being patient. It involves loving unconditionally, and forgiving every wrong action or thought. It involves teaching your family about God, and allowing them to make their own choices. We are to teach and instruct, but not to impart our will, for God gave us all free will. Most importantly, it involves talking to God about our family; keeping them in prayer always.

http://twistedxtian.blogspot.com/2009/04/what-does-it-mean-to-be-spiritual-head.html

It's part of my own personal testimony that at first in our marriage, my husband did not take on the leadership role, and now he has. Having walked both sides of the street, I can testify to the blessings that come from having the man fulfill this godly role.

 

[Chan]

My wife keeps telling me that she wants me to be the spiritual leader of the house. Yet, she tells me she doesn't know what it looks like and I have to figure it out on my own. I am not a leader by any stretch of the imagination. I prefer to follow and never lead anyone.

It is how I have always been and want to continue doing since it's something that has worked my entire life. If I'm not a leader, why must I be one when I surely am not a leader. I don't buy that all men are born to be leaders. Certainly, I wasn't as I don't have a need, want or drive to be a leader, let alone a spiritual leader.

Being a spiritual leader was never talked about until after getting married. I was only a Christian for a month when we were married. So I had no idea that I was supposed to be one and I do not want to be a spiritual leader.

I don't want to lead anyone. We don't have Children, nor will we since my wife is sterile. So it's only her and I.

If you don't want to be the spiritual leader in the home (Paul said that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church), then you are committing rebellion and treason against God!

 

[Sparkey]

If you don't want to be the spiritual leader in the home (Paul said that the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church), then you are committing rebellion and treason against God!

C'mon guys! It's not time to throw stones. Paul said, "follow me as I follow Christ," meaning that he himself was not fit for leadership.

No man is. It's okay to admit that we need to be followers and that we are only fit for leadership as we are following closely to our shepherd. That's the true and godly desire that we all share. When we consider what our Leader has said about how we are to serve one another the whole "leadership" deal, as we think of it in modern terms, fades. It is as Handy quoted, we are to love one another. Does it matter if the focus of one man is set on following [the Lord]? That's the real thing here -- when a man gets on his knees before the Lord and speaks his heart -- then waits as the Lord hears and answers. This is the thing that qualifies, being a follower first. Trusting Him to lead is better than any style points one may earn.

What makes a good leader? Intelligence? Charisma? Extraversion? General Self-efficacy?

Was Moses a good leader? Turns out he was but it wasn't because of his personality, right?
On a personal note, I certainly wouldn't be my first choice as a leader but the Lord knows how to lead me and to pull me toward him through my love for my kids and family. When we turn our eyes to Him, and know that He knew every hair and every part of us when we were first called -- and that he loved us even before we were changed by that love...

Is there really any who can stand and say, "Here! Follow ME!" (and remain humble)? What kind of man would accept any responsibility without some kind of soul-searching. What I hear our friend say is that he take this very seriously. And that he trembles at the very thought of such a thing.
I see seeds being planted even as I read what has been said.

 

[Chan]

C'mon guys! It's not time to throw stones. Paul said, "follow me as I follow Christ," meaning that he himself was not fit for leadership.

No man is. It's okay to admit that we need to be followers and that we are only fit for leadership as we are following closely to our shepherd. That's the true and godly desire that we all share. When we consider what our Leader has said about how we are to serve one another the whole "leadership" deal, as we think of it in modern terms, fades. It is as Handy quoted, we are to love one another. Does it matter if the focus of one man is set on following [the Lord]? That's the real thing here -- when a man gets on his knees before the Lord and speaks his heart -- then waits as the Lord hears and answers. This is the thing that qualifies, being a follower first. Trusting Him to lead is better than any style points one may earn.

What makes a good leader? Intelligence? Charisma? Extraversion? General Self-efficacy?

Was Moses a good leader? Turns out he was but it wasn't because of his personality, right?
On a personal note, I certainly wouldn't be my first choice as a leader but the Lord knows how to lead me and to pull me toward him through my love for my kids and family. When we turn our eyes to Him, and know that He knew every hair and every part of us when we were first called -- and that he loved us even before we were changed by that love...

Is there really any who can stand and say, "Here! Follow ME!" (and remain humble)? What kind of man would accept any responsibility without some kind of soul-searching. What I hear our friend say is that he take this very seriously. And that he trembles at the very thought of such a thing.
I see seeds being planted even as I read what has been said.

It isn't about being fit (and Paul wasn't saying he wasn't fit to be a leader when he said to follow him as He follows Christ), it's about obedience. Just because we're not yet perfect (and won't be until we go home to be with the Lord) doesn't mean we get to pick and choose which New Testament principles we're going to obey. The same Paul who you claim was saying he wasn't fit to be a leader (never mind all the times he wrote about his authority as an Apostle, and defended his apostleship at some length to the Corinthian Church) is the one who also wrote that the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the Church. We aren't absolved of our responsibilities just because we don't think we're capable enough to carry them out. Besides, without Christ working in us, we wouldn't be capable anyway. While Paul wrote about working, he qualified it by saying that it wasn't him working but Christ working in him.

In the end, no matter how much we might gripe and complain about it, we just have to shut up and do what scripture commands us to do.

 

[Jethro Bodine]

...I think that Hrive's issue go a lot deeper than this. He actually said that he would give up being a Christian if this was forced onto him.

I agree that this is actually his greater problem. It reminds me of the second type of soil Jesus spoke about in the parable of the sower:

13 Those on the rock are the ones who receive the word with joy when they hear it, but they have no root. They believe for a while, but in the time of testing they fall away. (Luke 8:13 NIV 1984)

His wife has MS which he admits is causing her cognitive thinking to deteriorate. She is asking that he be a leader, which would, at the very basic at least mean to pray with her, read with her, discuss Spiritual things with her, help her, especially in light of her failing abilities.

It would be hard to expect this man to respond in the nature of Christ's love if he doesn't have a very firm foundation in Christ's love and mercy himself.

That he would jettison his faith rather than do this is something to address, even if one doesn't believe that the Bible teaches the husband is the spiritual leader in the home, which I personally believe it does. If we are going to use 1 Timothy 4:12 as an example...on what planet is a man refusing to pray and read God's word with his wife fulfilling any part of that particular text?

I agree that his willingness to abandon the forgiveness of God in Christ to avoid praying and reading with his wife is something to address...even more so than the specific subject of this thread itself. But where in the scripture I shared does it dictate specifically how a spiritual leader must lead by example in purity, speech, etc. to be in the will of God?

Here is a quote about what it means for a man to be the spiritual leader in his family from a website called Twisted Christian. I honestly don't know that much about the site or who puts it out, but I did like what the writer said here:

It's part of my own personal testimony that at first in our marriage, my husband did not take on the leadership role, and now he has. Having walked both sides of the street, I can testify to the blessings that come from having the man fulfill this godly role.

Still learning how to use this forum, but I support your quote from Twisted Christian (that didn't show) completely. The church erred so badly when it decided to hold spiritual leaders in the home accountable for the outcome of their leadership. The church hardly followed Paul's instructions for dealing with the weak and timid in this matter of spiritual leadership in the home:

"...warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone." (1 Thessalonians 5:14 NIV 1984)


But the church has done a good job in laying a very heavy and judgmental burden on fathers and husbands to be accountable for whether or not their families believe and obey or not.

 

[Adullam]

As I mentioned, she doesn't know what it really looks like.

She wants me to lead in Bible study, saying grace, praying with her and everything else spiritually.

I do not want to do these things in a leadership position. I read my Bible myself, I say grace in my head and I pray alone. I don't want to lead in anything spiritually.

I am a follower, not a leader. I have no desire to be a leader.

Then be an exemplary follower...of Jesus Christ.

 

[Pard]

She wants me to lead in Bible study, saying grace, praying with her and everything else spiritually.

Ah yes the beauty of delegating. The power to delegate is one given to our leaders. The president is tasked with many different jobs but he doesn't actually do them. Instead he delegates his power to a bunch of agencies.

You to (being a spiritual leader) can delegate your powers. Instead of saying grace you can go "Honey be a dear and say grace would you?" And instead of doing the Bible study you can buy one of those small group Bible study CDs that has some anonymous voice lead for you. And I'm sure even the most timid of mice can manage an occasional "Dear Lord Thank you for this and that -long pause of silence with the presumption of silent prayer-... Amen"

 

[for_his_glory]

I do not know why I keep returning to this topic except to know the Holy Spirit keeps calling me back. I have thought long and hard about your situation and your wife, even though having MS, is putting demands on you that you are not Spiritually ready to deal with.

I need to ask you a question and please do not take it the wrong way as I am asking in love to want to know your situation better because this is also something I did when I first repented, but never realized until much later in my own walk with the Lord. You stated you fell on your knees because you had nowhere else to go. When you repented of your sins were you just going through the action of doing so because you had nowhere else to go or did you truly lay your life down to pick up your cross to follow him. (you do not have to openly answer this, but to only think about it)

Matthew 16:24, 25 Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me let him deny himself and Take up his cross and follow me.

Discipleship means those who follow the doctrines of Christ through Gods word and Servitude means to wait on or serve. It often denotes people who dedicate themselves voluntarily to the service of another. God wants our availability, not our ability. Our ability to serve God comes from our submission to His word. God never asked us to be leaders, but only to be faithful servants to follow and continue in his works.

It seems your wife has a hunger to learn, but since it is hard for her to sit and read where does this leave your hunger for the word wanting you and your wife to grow stronger in faith together as faith comes by hearing the word of God. You might be reading your Bible in Church and at home in your own private alone time, but where does this leave your wife Spiritually when you shut her out of what you are learning.

This has nothing to do with being a Spiritual head of the house, but does have to do with the Spiritual growth of your family (wife) who only wants the both of you to grow Spiritually in the word of God. Would it really take to much time out of your life to instead of reading privately, which you are doing anyway and that in itself is good, and read together as one flesh in the Lord. We can only grow Spiritually if we are walking Spiritually.

My husband, who does not read very well, has lost his hunger to read his Bible because he gets frustrated, but we still share the word with each other as one flesh in the Lord. You do not have to reply to this, but to only think about what I wrote.

 

[Chan]

This is just going around in circles now and I am not a circular argument kind of person.

I will end it with I just do not want that responsibility. Nor am I accepting of the responsibility that my wife's spiritual life is in my hands. I would also accept that she learned a biblical truth if she did some research into it, but she hasn't. Someone told her I should be something and that is what she's sticking with. She hasn't even gone and looked it up for herself.

And just who do you think you are to refuse to obey God's word? GOD is the sovereign, not you! You don't get to dictate to God what parts of His word you will or will not obey. The scripture says that the man is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the Church. If you have a problem with your God-given role in marriage, take it up with Him.

Sorry to be so harsh with you, but what you're proposing is nothing short of rebellion and treason against God. Whenever you say "I don't want to," with regard to God's commands, you're challenging God's sovereign authority over you.

No one ever said that living the Christian life would be easy (in fact, Jesus said that the world would hate us and that we would have persecution). As part of our growing to become more like Christ, we often have to do things that take us well out of our comfort zone. One of the reasons why marriage as an institution is in the sorry state that it's in is because men like you refuse to be men and you let your wives be the men instead. Eve was created to be Adam's suitable helper, not the other way around. God established a particular order and specific roles within marriage (those roles don't make one person more or less than the other person, but they are what God designed for marriage, and Christ didn't die for you more than He did for her). Also, marriage and the Church are mirrors for each other. Marriage is a type of the Church and the Church (as it relates to Christ) is the model for marriage.

Now, before you go any further with this, I recommend you open up this link and read it: http://www.cbmw.org/Resources/Articles/What-Should-Be-the-Husband-s-Role-in-Marriage

 

[Hrive]

Now, before you go any further with this, I recommend you open up this link and read it: http://www.cbmw.org/Resources/Articles/What-Should-Be-the-Husband-s-Role-in-Marriage

I will still not be a spiritual leader. No matter how many people get belligerent with me.

As for my wife reading on her own, maybe it wasn't understood what I typed. She is still able to read to herself. She has no problems there for the most part. She is just unable to read out loud, as what she reads and what comes out of her mouth are jumbled. She can read on her own.

I did ask her today why she wants me to be a spiritual leader and her response was because so-and-so said you should be. There was nothing more to it than that for her. As I said, she was parroting someone else.


"And just who do you think you are to refuse to obey God's word?"

It's called free will, perhaps you know what that means?I have talked with other Christians since posting this out and they mentioned that one does not need to read the Bible with their spouse, lead prayer times or anything of the sort in order to be a spiritual leader. Those that know me, know that I am serving my wife consistently on a daily basis by my actions in the home. I do all the housework in my home, so that she doesn't have to because of her MS. I make the doctor's phone calls for her so that she doesn't have to get frustrated when she can't get the words out that she needs to get out. I take care of our pets. I do the cooking. I do it all so that she doesn't have to. There isn't much that she has to do except go to work one day a week, and that's by her choice.

If I don't want to read the Bible with my wife or lead prayer or grace, that is my choice.

Reading the Bible with my wife, leading prayer or grace are not salvation issues. I have my own relationship with God, I am not responsible for my wife's personal relationship with Him as well.

 

[Chan]

I will still not be a spiritual leader. No matter how many people get belligerent with me.

You are being challenged to be obedient to God.

As for my wife reading on her own, maybe it wasn't understood what I typed. She is still able to read to herself. She has no problems there for the most part. She is just unable to read out loud, as what she reads and what comes out of her mouth are jumbled. She can read on her own.

That's a separate issue.

I did ask her today why she wants me to be a spiritual leader and her response was because so-and-so said you should be. There was nothing more to it than that for her. As I said, she was parroting someone else.

Well, now I'm going to give you another reason why you need to be the spiritual leader in your home: God has put you in that role.

"And just who do you think you are to refuse to obey God's word?"

It's called free will, perhaps you know what that means?

The definition is subject to debate (there are some threads on the subject in the Apologetics and Theology section). I don't believe that humans have free will (because God doesn't give us the right to choose what we want and freedom necessitates having rights; free will isn't merely the capacity to choose - the mere capacity to choose is simply the definition of "will." Further, we humans are born slaves to sin and to our sinful nature; all we are capable of without God is choosing sin). You don't have the right to disobey God.

I have talked with other Christians since posting this out and they mentioned that one does not need to read the Bible with their spouse, lead prayer times or anything of the sort in order to be a spiritual leader.

Well, I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to pray with your wife or have a time of devotions as a family, why you, thereby, insist that you are separate individuals instead of a couple.

Those that know me, know that I am serving my wife consistently on a daily basis by my actions in the home. I do all the housework in my home, so that she doesn't have to because of her MS. I make the doctor's phone calls for her so that she doesn't have to get frustrated when she can't get the words out that she needs to get out. I take care of our pets. I do the cooking. I do it all so that she doesn't have to. There isn't much that she has to do except go to work one day a week, and that's by her choice.

This, too, is a separate issue and not particularly relevant to the discussion.

If I don't want to read the Bible with my wife or lead prayer or grace, that is my choice.

Reading the Bible with my wife, leading prayer or grace are not salvation issues. I have my own relationship with God, I am not responsible for my wife's personal relationship with Him as well.

There's more to being the spiritual leader of your home than family devotions and, yes, you do have some responsibility for your wife's relationship with Him. There is a direct parallel between what Christ is for the Church and what you are to be for your wife.

Again, before you go any further with this, I recommend you open up this link and read it: http://www.cbmw.org/Resources/Articl...le-in-Marriage

 

[Mike]

Hrive,

I would have more compassion for you IF you at the very least left the option open for change. I've been quietly following this thread, and my observation is that you do not yield anything beyond your own abilities. You don't seem to have faith that God can use anyone. Look at Moses. He has some sort of speech impediment. I don't know what it was, but some speculate a stutter or slur. He tried to talk God out of the role He had Chosen for him, but it never goes well when we fight against Him.

When we think about pillars or leaders of the Bible, often Moses is on our short list. This is a guy who ran away from adversity and lived in the wilderness alone with sheep - for years!!! Does this sound like he fit your bill as a leader? For you to say you'll abandon your faith rather than accept your role says you actually have very little regard for your faith OR you have a social disorder. Is reading something out-loud anything to reconsider your salvation over?

 

[Sparkey]

What I heard wasn't the specific objection, "I'll abandon my faith before I read the bible outloud," but instead (if I may paraphrase) it sounded to me more like, "I don't believe that we follow a forceful god who makes demands and condemns those who do no comply." The argument could be continued, "If I am being forced to become something that I'm not, I'd rather examine YOUR definition of faith than comply with what men say I MUST do."

To me (Sparrow) it's simple. When I was young (early 20's) there was some social pressure to "explore our identities" that included questions about sexuality. So as a young man I looked in the mirror and concluded the matter: "I'm male." The idea included the fact that I was formed by God in the womb and evidence seen in the mirror concluded the matter. Simple.

Why is man "over" woman? Again, simple. It's because Adam was created first. We also know that women submit (put themselves under) because their desire is focused toward their husbands. By our very nature we are what we are. The whole concept of refusing to be what we already are is peculiar but does this mean that God will reject us? I like the example of Moses, who Mike spoke in the previous post. Can we look at the unseen?

For instance, what if the prayers of this woman (whom God loves) have risen to heaven and God is acting even now to plant the seeds of leadership in her man? Sure, this means that his "soil" is being overturned and there is some strife -- but isn't this always the way? Reader: What major strides have happened in your life? Did they come easily? Or was it like me, where the changes that we are most thankful for came with much prayer and struggle? I still think that is what we are witnessing here. The planting of seeds. It reminds me of a proverb:

"Give ear and hear my voice, Listen and hear my speech.

Does the plowman keep plowing all day to sow? Does he keep turning his soil and breaking the clods? When he has leveled its surface, does he not sow the black cummin and scatter the cummin, plant the wheat in rows, the barley in the appointed place, and the spelt in its place?

For He instructs him in right judgment, His God teaches him. For the black cummin is not threshed with a threshing sledge, nor is a cartwheel rolled over the cummin; but the black cummin is beaten out with a stick, and the cummin with a rod. Bread flour must be ground; therefore he does not thresh it forever, break it with his cartwheel, or crush it with his horsemen.

This also comes from the LORD of hosts, who is wonderful in counsel and excellent in guidance."

 

[Bonairos]

Actually, I do have an option.

I guess I will stop being a Christian if this will be forced upon me.

Seriously my friend, you might want to rethink that option(?). Unless of course, it's a convenient(?) excuse to deny Christ.

One could say being a Christian means living by a different playbook (for lack of a better word). Yet one would have to also say that (according to these rules of engagement) in the end (in all that we're called upon to do), we are guaranteed the victory.

The choice is yours and yours alone.

At this point, to be or not to be the spiritual leader in your home is secondary. There is a more pressing issue at hand, and that is whether or not to wholly surrender to Christ no matter the cost.


Be blessed, Stay blessed, and be Bold!

 

[theLords]

Seriously my friend, you might want to rethink that option(?). Unless of course, it's a convenient(?) excuse to deny Christ.

One could say being a Christian means living by a different playbook (for lack of a better word). Yet one would have to also say that (according to these rules of engagement) in the end (in all that we're called upon to do), we are guaranteed the victory.

The choice is yours and yours alone.

At this point, to be or not to be the spiritual leader in your home is secondary. There is a more pressing issue at hand, and that is whether or not to wholly surrender to Christ no matter the cost.


Be blessed, Stay blessed, and be Bold!

I agree completely. The root issue is not about wanting to be a leader (or not wanting to in this case) it's about the disregard for God's commandment.

PS: Being a spiritual leader doesn't mean one has to always say grace or read the Bible. That kind of stuff can be delegated out (it's x's turn to pray, now y, now z...), it's about making sure that God is honored with prayer or that Bible study time (for example) and among many other things.

There's a much deeper issue at hand here. It has nothing to do with not wanting to be a spiritual leader. This issue is just a distraction. Whatever the core issue, it's so deep, you are willing to abandon your faith to prevent from having the issue revealed.

You mentioned that you don't want anything forced on you. That's a good place to start. Were things forced on you in your childhood? Did your parents make you do things you didn't want to do? If so did it cause resentment? Did it stir humiliation? Have you ever encountered spiritual abuse? Or any form of abuse in the past?

You do not have to answer any of that on this board, but I would recommend you begin to reflect on why this issue (of being forced to do something) is such a wound in you that you are willing to throw your relationship with God out the window.

Your flesh is fighting you to keep you from this understanding and to prevent healing. Don't let it win.