Whats your #1 frustration when it comes to dating/courtship?

[Colin Camden]

I'm curious about the challenges people are facing as singles of faith. I've asked a couple friends, and I heard things like:

• 'Having a narrowed selection because of wanting to find a Christian partner'[/*:1vr62r40]
• 'Unequal expectations' [/*:1vr62r40]
• 'Trying to discern whether dating the girl is God's will or not'[/*:1vr62r40]

As a Christian man or woman, what's your biggest frustration? (I'm also a bit curious to see how this breaks down by gender.)

 

[Slippermen]

well humans like any species have to mate and the only way threw that is threw dating
its the name of the game

someone like me, I don't socialize too well-if anyone talks to me (which is rare) I don't care what they believe
I've been friendless and whatnot since I was 7 years old-I'm 20 now...
One gets a new perspective in that time

 

[Blazin Bones]

I used to eb able to say that all of those were expectations that were hard to meet and then I realized the greatest frustration was that I was putting my desires above God's power. Once I started to learn to back away from that kind of behavior, God brought Caromurp into my life. So in reality, my biggest frustration was me.

 

[Slippermen]

its often the problem people are their own problem
I a but in a different way-a way that can't be changed-unless they invent a cure...

 

[animal]

finding an emotionally honest girl would be AMAZING.

 

[Rocksolid]

Deciding between the bad girl and the good girl is the biggest frustration.

But, here's a hint to the bad girls, the good girl wins.

 

[LaMexicana]

Finding a guy who doesn't mind dating/courting a single mom...haha...

Mostly I have found that men aren't honest right away. Just be straight up with what you want! I want marriage and kids...why can't dudes express that? I know most men know those answers...just say it! Why is it like pulling teeth?

 

[animal]

Finding a guy who doesn't mind dating/courting a single mom...haha...

Mostly I have found that men aren't honest right away. Just be straight up with what you want! I want marriage and kids...why can't dudes express that? I know most men know those answers...just say it! Why is it like pulling teeth?

I want that eventually. It's scary when you know a girl is LOOKING to get married. I dated one girl and had to cut it off after a week because I found out how obsessed she was with being in a relationship and getting married. It's not that she wanted to marry me it's just it made me feel like I wasn't that special. I want a girl to be with me because she WANTS to.. not because she's in need of a relationship.

I'm not saying you're like this girl.. I obviously have no idea. What answers are you talking about?

 

[LaMexicana]

Finding a guy who doesn't mind dating/courting a single mom...haha...

Mostly I have found that men aren't honest right away. Just be straight up with what you want! I want marriage and kids...why can't dudes express that? I know most men know those answers...just say it! Why is it like pulling teeth?

I want that eventually. It's scary when you know a girl is LOOKING to get married. I dated one girl and had to cut it off after a week because I found out how obsessed she was with being in a relationship and getting married. It's not that she wanted to marry me it's just it made me feel like I wasn't that special. I want a girl to be with me because she WANTS to.. not because she's in need of a relationship.

I'm not saying you're like this girl.. I obviously have no idea. What answers are you talking about?

I can see what you mean. Some chicks are crazy about marriage and babies.

As far as myself, I felt I have expressed it in the past without sounding like a weirdo. I was asked what I wanted in life and I said marriage and more children...which is the truth. Do I want it at that instant with that person? No necessarily. Obviously there are other things I want in life and I express those things as well but I like for guys to know that I'm not out to "have fun" and date a bunch of dudes, you know?

I know what I want and I don't want to waste my time or theirs playing this game of uncertainty.

For example: My ex (after being together for 2 years and being completely aware of my desire to have more children) was asked by one of his lady friends if he wanted "more" children...meaning he already was a "father" to my child. He said one was enough. What?? Seriously? What?

First of, my daughter is not his nor was he a true father figure to her. Second, after two years of knowing that I wanted children, he's still wasn't sure?? Give me a break. Needless to say, we got into a fight that evening because I found the answer utterly ridiculous. Things went down hill frome there...

Sorry, I'm rambling. All I'm saying is it's a yes or no answer and, to me, that tells a lot about the future of the relationship. Even saying something like "Yes, I want children but I'm not ready right now." would be satisfactory. Yes or no, people!

Ok. High fives.

 

[Caroline H]

:biglol

 

[LaMexicana]

 

[mike111]

Would have been meeting someone that woldn't just give up at the first problem.

 

[Caroline H]

That's a common one. Too often people do just give up at the first sign of discomfort, and that shows that many people approach dating with no intentions for commitment. It's really a shame

 

[CrimsonRose]

Ok for me its alot of things but some of what tops the list is finding someone who isnt ruled by sex. for me its madatory to stay pure until marriage and to the guys for some women its not about bieng or getting married for some women. For me its harder to be in a relationship without the other person putting demands on me for sex and the longer your with the person the harder it gets to say no but that is always what the answer is. Another thing is sometimes there are men who just want to date a christian woman because they want a virgin which i cant stand because its very inauthentic. Another issue is that I would like to date somone who does not already have kids mainly because im not sure if i want them and I feel that It would not be fair to my belief system if I am continuing to wait and i would end up with someone who not only could not wait but has a child as a result of it. I dont expect a man who is a virgin but someone who does not already have a child or children would be preferable. And since i am in college and in my early twenties its hard to find someone who can be respectful in those beliefs

 

[RancidInsanity]

my biggest frustration is that no one likes me. :help

 

[Caroline H]

Surely that's not true, I like you

 

[Lizz]

Well, I haven't dated in two years (so that may be my current frustration, lol), but my biggest frustration while dating was that I couldn't find a guy who would respect my boundaries. My last boyfriend pressured me for sex way too much, and justified it by saying that we were going to get married in 3 years. I never agreed, and then he left me. I understand people have times of temptation and weakness (I have them myself), but I'd like to find a guy who would respect my boundaries even in temptation.

Since then, none of the guys I've liked have liked me back.

 

[Caroline H]

Hey, keep it up! Don't give up, the right guy is out there and when it's right God will bring you to him. I had it in my mind that all guys were weak when it came to sexual temptation and that there wasn't a single man alive who could control themselves ALL the time (I obviously had some bad experiences). But I was proved to be completely wrong when I met my fiance. There really are godly men out there who want purity just as much as you do, you just have to be patient and pray

 

[Lizz]

Yay! For some reason, part of me likes waiting..it's kind of exciting. I feel like the longer I wait the better it will be I meet the guy God has for me.

 

[Fembot]

'Having a narrowed selection because of wanting to find a Christian partner' That is a challenge.

I think that most people in their 20's don't have their life together so are obviously not ready for marriage. Why date someone that isn't coming into the relationship looking forward to a marriage?


The other challenge is that the men I'm interested in don't approach me or show interest.