sufferingUSMC
Member
Ladies and gentlemen, Ive come to the end of my line, Im tired. I need prayers, strong ones. You see, I attended church growing up. I fell away, came back and attend a nice church now. But one thing has remained the same, my addiction.
I saw a pornographic film at the age of 8 while staying the summer with an older brother and his wife. They must have thought I was asleep, I was not. Since then, sex was on my mind. Im 31 and married now. I still struggle with this addiction. When Im alone, I look at porn and over the years tastes grew different and here I am today....dead on the inside. There was something constant about it though....I always felt conviction. I started to realize I had a problem years back and spent time talking with people about it. Nothing changed. I would spend many nights crying in the bathroom alone pleading and begging God to just help me. To no avail. Recently, when I look atmy wife, I fight tears it hurts me so bad to see her when I know what I do.I found myself contemplating removing myself from the situation and sparing her the pain and of knowing the man who loves her with everything he is, cannot get this fixed.
Im on day 4 of no pornography. Ive made it farther before. But im not happy. Instead I am more emotionally distraught because Im afraid its going to come back....the thoughts, the "just a quick peeks" . I know it has to be demons but it feels as though God doesnt here me, and if he does, whydoesnt he help me? Im crying now and just dont know what to do. Sorry to open up this way but I need prayer. I need God to intervene and fast.
I saw a pornographic film at the age of 8 while staying the summer with an older brother and his wife. They must have thought I was asleep, I was not. Since then, sex was on my mind. Im 31 and married now. I still struggle with this addiction. When Im alone, I look at porn and over the years tastes grew different and here I am today....dead on the inside. There was something constant about it though....I always felt conviction. I started to realize I had a problem years back and spent time talking with people about it. Nothing changed. I would spend many nights crying in the bathroom alone pleading and begging God to just help me. To no avail. Recently, when I look atmy wife, I fight tears it hurts me so bad to see her when I know what I do.I found myself contemplating removing myself from the situation and sparing her the pain and of knowing the man who loves her with everything he is, cannot get this fixed.
Im on day 4 of no pornography. Ive made it farther before. But im not happy. Instead I am more emotionally distraught because Im afraid its going to come back....the thoughts, the "just a quick peeks" . I know it has to be demons but it feels as though God doesnt here me, and if he does, whydoesnt he help me? Im crying now and just dont know what to do. Sorry to open up this way but I need prayer. I need God to intervene and fast.