[__ Prayer __] yet again...the 'noia

[Tessa]

Sounding great CE

 

[Christ_empowered]

i need to pray and get out of My Self. seriously. I don't think its a "personality disorder," I think somehow I get sucked into me, me, me....and that's apparently common in -some- forms of Schizophrenia. There was a book way back when, about Schizophrenia as an "inward journey" or something. blah. oh, and...

I do the vitamin thing (Orthomolecular), right? Yeah, well...according to some of those shrinks, people w/ Schizophrenia are sometimes labeled with "personality disorders." Kinda makes sense...

I saw mama today. She was (and is) kind, compassionate. They need to me to make a go of things, this time around. Fairly easily...keep the apt. clean, don't do drugs, do what I can to build a life...

which kinda makes me wonder....maybe I just wasn't ready to build a life, way back when, and the madness resulted from my own sins, plus inability (and, at times, refusal) to mature appropriately? not that hearing voices, etc. is somehow my idea or a deliberate escape from reality, just...

social isolation+stress+(later on...) drugs (many of them provided by slack shrinks, btw) + -personal sin- + "just the way the world works," etc... = "Schizophrenia," or...I dunno...

blah. I think I'm going to brew up some more coffee, cook up some quality food...

as always, thanks for the replies, prayers, support, etc.

 

[Tessa]

CE just about anyone can have schizophrenia, it all depends what happens to you in life and how low or high your threshold is. But you are right when you say not thinking about yourself is a great help to recovery. Try dwelling on The Father, the Son and Holy Spirit and see if it helps. Always praying for you.

 

[Christ_empowered]

the maintenance dude came by today. i felt like...such a bona fide grown up (in the works, of course...). place is clean enough, it even smells pretty. i offered dude a soda, cuz...man o man it gets hot...

anyway, nervous as i was, 'noid as ive been....The Lord has made and is making a way forward. I'm thankful, and becoming more thankful day by day...

oh, and...here I was thinking they would try to evict me, right off the bat (did I Mention the paranoia???). he was kind enough, I gave him his space, and...

nope, no eviction in the works, lol. dad paid the rent -early-, thank goodness...and I think I probably (now, by God's grace...) am actually a decent tenant...clean apt., polite, monies paid in a timely fashion, etc. etc. etc...

i just happen to have Schizophrenia. Ugh. it is what it is...

 

[Christ_empowered]

you're so kind, Tessa.

I'm a tad bit past 8,000 posts!

If, by God's grace, I can push my thoughts+abilities+energies -outward-.....

I think I might be able to -accomplish- something, possibly...possibly a (reasonably, relativley...) "normal," stable, quiet life of my own....

What do you think?

 

[Tessa]

I know God will make it that you definitely can do it ☺

 

[Christ_empowered]

ok. growing up...at long last...is not always easy. I'm -very- well taken care of (nothing lavish, but more than most 33, almost 34 year olds get...), so that's not the issue. Its just that...

wow. the world is...in fact...mostly -not- Christian. LOL...yes, its me; Captain Obvious.

but seriously. 5 1/2 years into my Walk with The Lord, I have my own place, I'm healthy, I'm surprisingly intelligent. I haven't done drugs or even had a single drink in years and years, and....

man oh man...people can be rough. Its all people, too. All walks of life, all colors, both genders, all backgrounds....its human nature, and it can get really ugly, really fast. :-(

not that I'm "better" or whatever, just...saved and redeemed (ongoing...) by Christ Jesus. Jesus makes a huge difference, of course...

and now I find that -most- people really -are- living in spiritual darkness, many of them really -are- genuinely miserable, and there -is- a whole lotta nastiness to human nature, isn't there? ugh...

my parents are supportive, but understandably...a bit distant. "severe mental illness" or no, they need me to do what I can to grow up and be more independent, to whatever extent possible. I'm starting to -get it-, I really am. I mean, what's the alternative? If I really cannot make it in society, then I guess a group home and tons of tranquilizers would be the only available option, around here, in this day and age. -ugh-

I'm finding...I'm saved, set free...and I rub people the wrong way. It is what it is, I guess. Most people -have- to work. Most "mental patients" live in poverty, or so it seems. Jesus has made a way for -me-, and I'm thankful, and...

I guess part of my much-needed, somewhat delayed maturation process is realizing...now that I'm "in the world, but not of it," I have to do what -I- have to do, and think less about the background noise, the naysayers, the past, even my own "symptoms," etc.

I'll soon be 34. That alone is something of a miracle, trust me. God is good!