- Dec 20, 2019
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Estimated reading time: 11 minutes
Mari clutched the edges of the kitchen sink and stared at the never-ending pile of dishes. The second she ran a load in the dishwasher, more sprang up around the house. She could follow the trails of Cheerios to them. Her head ached, and she couldn’t remember what day it was, much less the last time she’d slept well. She didn’t know how to deal with the parental burnout that had been rearing its ugly head for a long time.
Three-year-old Alejandro pulled on her shirt again, waving around one of his toys Mari had just put in the bottom of the toy bin half an hour ago. Baby Beatriz squealed from her high chair, throwing food around the kitchen. Mari closed her eyes and fought the urge to scream or throw something herself. Or to just run away.
What could she do? She couldn’t just abandon her children. She loved them, and they needed their mama, especially with Eduardo working long hours each day. But she felt like a woven God’s eye that was quickly coming unraveled. She was experiencing parental burnout, just as so many other parents do.
Parental burnout was first identified as a distinct issue, separate from depression and anxiety, in the 1980s. Continued or increasing stress in parenting can create burnout when the stress becomes too much to handle well. Burnout often occurs in stages, starting with exhaustion. In fact, the World Health Organization describes it as “a vital state of exhaustion.”
Parental burnout can be described as “feeling overwhelmed, physical and emotional exhaustion, emotional distancing from one’s children, and a sense of being an ineffective parent.”1 It is also “emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and a decrease in self-fulfillment.”2
Some parents describe it as feeling like they are just going through the motions of parenting. Burnout can make it difficult for a parent to show their children love and affection or enjoy spending time with them. Creating connections with children during burnout can be incredibly difficult.
Many people believe dealing with parental burnout is a normal part of parenting. Parents who experience burnout often feel guilty that it is happening and feel like they are inadequate.
Parental burnout has seen a substantial increase since the Covid pandemic. In a 2022 survey by Ohio State University, more than two-thirds of parents had experienced parental burnout.3
Parental burnout can occur when multiple stressors combine to create ongoing, stressful situations. For example, suppose a parent doesn’t have a sound support system nearby, works multiple jobs, and has financial concerns. In that case, they may be at higher risk of burnout than other parents.
Various studies show that the risk of parental burnout is higher when:
Parents can become so busy caring for their children that they forget to care for themselves. Imagine a glass pitcher and a set of drinking glasses set out on the table, sparkling in the sunshine. If the pitcher is empty, it can’t fill the other glasses. However, when it is full of water, it can refresh others. Similarly, parental burnout creates a situation where the parents cannot pour into their children’s or others’ lives. Recognizing the symptoms and finding ways to deal with parental burnout is essential.
There are many signs and symptoms of parental burnout, which vary in severity depending on the level of parental burnout that a person is experiencing. Here is a list of some symptoms of parental burnout that a parent may be experiencing.
Are there other signs or symptoms of parental burnout that you can think of or that you have experienced?
Parental burnout can become worse over time if left unaddressed and create mental and physical health issues for the affected parent.
Physical issues from parental burnout can include:
Mental and emotional issues from parental burnout can include:
These issues, and others, show how crucial it is to deal with parental burnout as soon as the symptoms become recognized.
The Bible tells us, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!” (Psalm 127:3-5). In all the millennia that there have been parents and children, there have certainly been many moments of parental burnout.
While the Bible does not explicitly describe parental burnout, it names several instances of burnout. The symptoms that these biblical characters experienced would have been very similar to those of parental burnout.
Moses struggled with burnout as he led the Israelites from Egypt toward the Promised Land. Many days, he must have felt more like a parent to the wayward Israelites than a leader. He laments to God, “I am not able to carry all these people alone; the burden is too heavy for me. If you will treat me like this, kill me at once, if I find favor in your sight, that I may not see my wretchedness” (Numbers 11:14-15). The Lord heard Moses, brought others to help him carry the burden, and created a strong support group around him. This helped to relieve the burnout he was experiencing.
The prophet Elijah was another person who struggled with burnout. When Queen Jezebel began to kill the other prophets and sent her soldiers to pursue Elijah, he fled into the wilderness. Exhausted and hungry, he acutely felt the impact of burnout on his mind and body. “He came to a broom bush, sat down under it, and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am not better than my ancestors” (1 Kings 19:4, NIV). An angel instructed him to eat, drink, and rest, providing food for Elijah that sustained him for forty days.
Even Jesus needed time alone to pray and recharge from his ministry and the crowds that often surrounded him. Jesus saw everyone as children of God but still needed time alone and time with His Father. Matthew 14:22-23 tells us, “After he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.”
Jesus encourages us when we face burnout or any other trial in life. He promises, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
With the rates of parental burnout ever-increasing, parents need to take the time to pour into themselves and take steps to have a healthy and fulfilling life with their family. Here are 25 ways to deal with parental burnout. What other ways can you come up with to help you overcome parental burnout in your family?
Remember, if you are trying to deal with parental burnout, you are not alone. There are resources to help you and places to find support. You are a blessing to your children, and God will grant you the strength to be the parent He called you to be if you lean into Him.
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Mari clutched the edges of the kitchen sink and stared at the never-ending pile of dishes. The second she ran a load in the dishwasher, more sprang up around the house. She could follow the trails of Cheerios to them. Her head ached, and she couldn’t remember what day it was, much less the last time she’d slept well. She didn’t know how to deal with the parental burnout that had been rearing its ugly head for a long time.
Three-year-old Alejandro pulled on her shirt again, waving around one of his toys Mari had just put in the bottom of the toy bin half an hour ago. Baby Beatriz squealed from her high chair, throwing food around the kitchen. Mari closed her eyes and fought the urge to scream or throw something herself. Or to just run away.
What could she do? She couldn’t just abandon her children. She loved them, and they needed their mama, especially with Eduardo working long hours each day. But she felt like a woven God’s eye that was quickly coming unraveled. She was experiencing parental burnout, just as so many other parents do.
What is Parental Burnout?
Parental burnout was first identified as a distinct issue, separate from depression and anxiety, in the 1980s. Continued or increasing stress in parenting can create burnout when the stress becomes too much to handle well. Burnout often occurs in stages, starting with exhaustion. In fact, the World Health Organization describes it as “a vital state of exhaustion.”
Parental burnout can be described as “feeling overwhelmed, physical and emotional exhaustion, emotional distancing from one’s children, and a sense of being an ineffective parent.”1 It is also “emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and a decrease in self-fulfillment.”2
Some parents describe it as feeling like they are just going through the motions of parenting. Burnout can make it difficult for a parent to show their children love and affection or enjoy spending time with them. Creating connections with children during burnout can be incredibly difficult.
Many people believe dealing with parental burnout is a normal part of parenting. Parents who experience burnout often feel guilty that it is happening and feel like they are inadequate.
Parental burnout has seen a substantial increase since the Covid pandemic. In a 2022 survey by Ohio State University, more than two-thirds of parents had experienced parental burnout.3
What Causes Parental Burnout?
Parental burnout can occur when multiple stressors combine to create ongoing, stressful situations. For example, suppose a parent doesn’t have a sound support system nearby, works multiple jobs, and has financial concerns. In that case, they may be at higher risk of burnout than other parents.
Various studies show that the risk of parental burnout is higher when:
- The larger the number of children in the household,
- The children are infants or toddlers,
- There is a significant age gap between children,
- The parent(s) work in addition to caring for their children,
- The family does not have access to practical or emotional support,
- One or more children have a disability,
- Schedules are packed with activities and commitments,
- The parents feel substantial stress to be the perfect parent.
Parents can become so busy caring for their children that they forget to care for themselves. Imagine a glass pitcher and a set of drinking glasses set out on the table, sparkling in the sunshine. If the pitcher is empty, it can’t fill the other glasses. However, when it is full of water, it can refresh others. Similarly, parental burnout creates a situation where the parents cannot pour into their children’s or others’ lives. Recognizing the symptoms and finding ways to deal with parental burnout is essential.
Symptoms of Parental Burnout
There are many signs and symptoms of parental burnout, which vary in severity depending on the level of parental burnout that a person is experiencing. Here is a list of some symptoms of parental burnout that a parent may be experiencing.
- Feeling overwhelmed every day
- Having trouble keeping up with daily tasks
- Fatigue and physical exhaustion
- Difficulty sleeping
- Brain fog, confusion, and difficulty making decisions
- Headaches
- Joint and muscle pain
- Forgetfulness
- Irritability and a short temper
- Anxiety and panic attacks
- Depression
- Difficulty regulating your emotions
- Feeling detachment from children
- A loss of interest or joy in parenting
- Feeling isolated and detached from the world
- Feeling like you need distance from your children
- Using food, drugs, or alcohol to cope
- Changes in eating and sleeping habits
- Increased family conflict
- No motivation to do tasks
- Avoiding responsibility
- Obsessive-compulsive behavior
- Self-doubt, guilt, and feeling like a failure
- Feeling helpless and hopeless
Are there other signs or symptoms of parental burnout that you can think of or that you have experienced?
Effects of Parental Burnout
Parental burnout can become worse over time if left unaddressed and create mental and physical health issues for the affected parent.
Physical issues from parental burnout can include:
- Hormonal imbalances
- Decreased sex drive
- Chronic sleep issues, which can lead to
- Heart disease
- Diabetes
- Other serious health issues
Mental and emotional issues from parental burnout can include:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Panic attacks
- Relationship issues with your spouse
- Increased arguments and resentment with your spouse
- Impacts on your relationship with your children, which can lead to problems for them later in life.4
These issues, and others, show how crucial it is to deal with parental burnout as soon as the symptoms become recognized.
What Does the Bible Say About Burnout?
The Bible tells us, “Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!” (Psalm 127:3-5). In all the millennia that there have been parents and children, there have certainly been many moments of parental burnout.
While the Bible does not explicitly describe parental burnout, it names several instances of burnout. The symptoms that these biblical characters experienced would have been very similar to those of parental burnout.
Moses and burnout
Moses struggled with burnout as he led the Israelites from Egypt toward the Promised Land. Many days, he must have felt more like a parent to the wayward Israelites than a leader. He laments to God, “I am not able to carry all these people alone; the burden is too heavy for me. If you will treat me like this, kill me at once, if I find favor in your sight, that I may not see my wretchedness” (Numbers 11:14-15). The Lord heard Moses, brought others to help him carry the burden, and created a strong support group around him. This helped to relieve the burnout he was experiencing.
Elijah and burnout
The prophet Elijah was another person who struggled with burnout. When Queen Jezebel began to kill the other prophets and sent her soldiers to pursue Elijah, he fled into the wilderness. Exhausted and hungry, he acutely felt the impact of burnout on his mind and body. “He came to a broom bush, sat down under it, and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am not better than my ancestors” (1 Kings 19:4, NIV). An angel instructed him to eat, drink, and rest, providing food for Elijah that sustained him for forty days.
Jesus and rest
Even Jesus needed time alone to pray and recharge from his ministry and the crowds that often surrounded him. Jesus saw everyone as children of God but still needed time alone and time with His Father. Matthew 14:22-23 tells us, “After he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone.”
Jesus encourages us when we face burnout or any other trial in life. He promises, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
25 Ways to Deal with Parental Burnout
With the rates of parental burnout ever-increasing, parents need to take the time to pour into themselves and take steps to have a healthy and fulfilling life with their family. Here are 25 ways to deal with parental burnout. What other ways can you come up with to help you overcome parental burnout in your family?
- Create calm each day. Even if it is brief, do something that will help you relax. Calm moments might include taking a bath, coloring, practicing breathing techniques, or listening to music or a podcast.
- Find time to be alone, even for a few minutes.
- Seek times of sensory deprivation. Turn off the screens, music, and other external stimuli that distract your brain from processing and resting.
- Show yourself compassion, especially when things don’t turn out how you think they “should.” Instead of feeling guilty for experiencing burnout, give yourself grace. Remember, you don’t have to be the perfect parent.
- Take small breaks throughout the day to step away, catch your breath, and recharge. Sometimes, just five or ten minutes of shifting your focus can help.
- Do you have a hobby or activity that you enjoy doing? Get your kids involved in the things that you like to do.
- Spend time in God’s Word and view it as His love letter to you. The pages of Scripture contain some of the most beautiful encouragement to help you navigate parental burnout.
- Prayer is a beautiful conversation with the One who loves you the most and who will carry you through burnout. The apostle Paul says to “pray without ceasing.” God is always available to us, and His Holy Spirit is always present. Tell Him how you feel and know that He is listening.
- Do a Bible study or devotions with your family. It might be every day or once a week, but spending time in the Word together will help bring you closer.
- Listen to (and sing along with) praise and worship music. Worship music helps place your focus on Jesus and can bring you into a mindset of gratitude.
- Spend time with your spouse. Make time together a priority, and take time out for date nights. Keep your conversations open and honest about how you feel, what you need, and how you can support each other.
- Make time for processing your thoughts and emotions. It is easy to stay busy and distracted and let those emotions build up under the surface. However, pent-up emotions always come out, and if they are bottled up, the results can be explosive. If you need to cry for a while, it’s okay to do it!
- Find a mentor who is older than you and who has been through this journey before. You can gain tremendous support and insight.
- Make friendships with people in your same season of life who understand what you are going through. These friendships provide encouragement and support when you need it.
- Take an inventory of the things you do each week and the commitments that you have. Which of those things that clutter your schedule can you eliminate or reduce?
- Give your children age-appropriate chores. Chores will not only teach them responsibility but also prevent you from feeling overloaded with everyday tasks.
- Unplug from social media, the news, etc. Giving yourself a break from the constant media stream can help reduce stress levels.
- Set boundaries. Remember, it is okay to say no!
- Remember the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child?” Parenting was never meant to be a solitary endeavor. Create a solid support network that can give practical and emotional support.
- Try to get the best possible sleep each night for as long as possible. There are many ways to calm your mind before bed, such as listening to calming music or a sleep story. If sleep deprivation is a severe issue, consult your physician.
- Exercise and stay active. Physical activities can boost your energy and raise your feel-good hormones. They also help reduce stress, depression, and anxiety. Try to take a walk, do some stretches, or do other physical activities you enjoy each day. Even ten minutes can make a difference.
- Be mindful of what you eat and drink when tired. Quick fixes to give you energy, such as soda, energy drinks, or candy bars, can cause you to crash later in the day. In the long run, they can cause health issues. Try to provide your body with healthy nutrients to keep it functioning at its best.
- Do something unique or unusual each day. Mixing up the routine and doing something that makes you laugh can help reduce stress and help you connect with your children.
- Set aside some time to just watch your children and enjoy the stage that they are in. They will never be at this age again, discovering things for the first time and learning new skills. Just spend time with them and set your to-do list aside for a few minutes.
- If you need extra support, call 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459) or seek advice from a counselor.
Remember, if you are trying to deal with parental burnout, you are not alone. There are resources to help you and places to find support. You are a blessing to your children, and God will grant you the strength to be the parent He called you to be if you lean into Him.
- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/2167702619858430 ↩︎
- Rionda, I. S., et al., International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, Vol. 18, No. 9, 2021 ↩︎
- https://wellness.osu.edu/sites/defa...OCWO_ParentalBurnout_3674200_Report_FINAL.pdf ↩︎
- https://www.webmd.com/parenting/what-to-know-about-parental-burnout ↩︎
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