ADD/ADHD children

[Nikki]

My daughter was just diagnosed with this. We've decided NOT to medicate her because she's doing ok right now, but things are far from perfect. I'm just wondering if anyone else has a child that's been diagnosed with it. I used to not believe in ADD/ADHD. I always thought it was just another label.

 

[lastblast]

Hi Nikki,

My son was diagnosed by a developmental pediatrician as well about age 8, though we knew way before then he had "issues". He is a twin and his twin sister is ASD (Autistic Spectrum Disorder). There are some thoughts that ADHD is on the autistic spectrum. I'm not sure about that though. He did have some autistic traits early on (lining up everything in sight, echolalia (repeating what is said to him, not volleying conversation, etc), but doesn't have those traits anymore.

We did medicate for about 1 1/2 years, but decided to no longer do so. We resisted medication at first (actually, we waited for over 5 years to even have him diagnosed because we didn't want to medicate him and thought he would "outgrow" his behavioral issues), then after he was having so much difficulty in school decided to try it. He came home from school the first day after starting his meds and said to me, "Mom, it worked!!".......He was so excited he could stay on task and not get in trouble. He sat down that week and wrote a 5 page story about teasing girls :D (at 8 1/2 years old). We were in shock. He could NEVER focus like that before.

Anyways, the downside to this was at times he became overemotional or even depressed. I couldn't stand it because he was so vivacious and fun loving before. We decided no more meds and he has been med free for over a year now, but...........life is NOT easy. I decided to homeschool my kids this year and wow, I can't even imagine what it would be like for him in public school. He cannot remain on task at all. He does get his work done though (and it's a very tough curriculum!). He is an "A" student even, which is amazing considering his lack of focus and hyperactivity.

I hope the best for you. It's a tough call on the medication issue. I wished that we had never done it, but we thought we were doing the right thing at the time. Neighbors of ours have a boy with ADD and they say the meds are the best for him. When he's off or they forget to give it to him, the teachers can really tell and he gets in more trouble, etc. All I can say is to do your research and make the most informed decision you can concerning medication, diet, protein testing, etc. There's a wealth of info on the net......

Blessings sister. In Him, Cindy

 

[Nikki]

She's been driving me INSANE at home because of little things. And it's always the same thing. For instance, every single morning, I tell her "Kailey, go put your socks and shoes on". She'll get up, go in her room and end up just staring in the mirror or off into space. I'll remind her several times. She'll eventually come bouncing out in ONE sock and shoe, with the other sock in her hand and says that she's ready. I look at her like she's lost her mind and I'll be like "KAILEY!!! You only have one sock and shoe on!!!". She'll look confused for a minute and then she'll say "Oh! Duh. I forgot". The morning usually results in yelling or tears because I'll get so frustrated with her. It's just the same thing all the time. Suppertime is the worst. We have to remind her to eat. It's as though she forgets why she's even at the table sometimes.

Oh! And another thing that she does all the time is put the ice cream in the refrigerator. I will tell her as soon as she gets it out "Kailey, put it in the freezer. NOT the fridge". She'll get mad at me and ask me why I always tell her that and that she knows where to put it. Then later that evening, I'll go to get some ice cream and behold, it's in the fridge. When I say something to her, she'll argue that she did too put it in the freezer, but when I show her how melted it is in the fridge, she will get mad, start crying and yell "Why does everyone pick on me?!!!!". I try to explain that I'm not picking on her, but it does no good.

She's doing a lot better in school though. Her teacher spends a lot of one on one time with her. She said that sometimes she has to go over the directions 3-5 times, but that if she sits with Kailey and keeps reminding her, that she does great. Kailey is above her age in reading, but she still struggles with math and just staying on task.

The other night, Kailey and I decided that when she is to do something, she's to repeat it OUT LOUD over and over again until it's finished. So, this morning I tell her "Kailey, go put your socks on. Say it now until it's done". It seemed to work until she took her shoes off to fix her socks and didn't put them back on. :o/

She also NEVER shuts up. My gosh, she talks and talks and talks. Sometimes it's like she talks just to hear her own voice... :


I have a new problem though. *sigh*

I talked to the pediatrician today and she reffered us to a child psychologist. She said that this particular one is awesome and works with a lot of ADD/ADHD kids, but will also work with adults or as a family. So, I figured what the heck could it hurt? Maybe he could help make things less stressful around here.

Well, when I mentioned it to my hubby, he blew up. He is totally against psychologists and think they're out there to mess with peoples minds. I tried explaining that it is no different than a counselor. He was literally fuming and said that if he has to sign a consent for her to see one, then he will not sign.

My hubby had a bad experience with antidepressants many years ago and ever since then, he tries to stay away from doctors. He doesn't trust them.

I was finally able to get him to just sit and listen to what I had to say. He did finally calm down, but he keeps saying "She's only 8! If she was 13, 14, 15....I may consider it, but she's only 8! She's hyper...so what? She can't remember things...so what...neither can I. She's a daydreamer....so what? That's WHO SHE IS. I love her just the way she is.....". That last thing really got me. I was like "Are you saying that I don't LOVE her?!". He said that's not what he was saying, but that sure is how I took it.

He is having a hard time believing that there's such a thing as ADD/ADHD. I CAN understand that because I've struggled with the same thing. BUT, I'm also keeping an open mind and I know that there probably is such a thing, but that it's just recently been discovered that there are things to help it. His mind isn't as open as mine.

*sigh* I don't know what to do.

I'm thinking maybe I can get him to go as a family so he can get a feel of things. What do child psychologists do to help ADD/ADHD kids? Today, he's not as mad over it. He loves these kids so much and is afraid we'll do something to make things worse.

 

[lastblast]

oh Nikki,

I can SO relate with you. I just LOVE my boy, he is so sweet and has a heart like gold towards others, but he drives me absolutely CRAZY at times too. Sometimes he gets 'mouthy' and I know it's due to the inability to control himself (impulsivity, which is VERY common with ADHD kids). He also cannot keep his hands off of my other kids......always touching, hanging, etc. He even still bites his twin sister when he gets mad at her! I'll see a bruise and say, "What happened?"........she will then say "ask your SON!!" hands on her hips.

He is the same way focus wise. I tell him to go upstairs, brush his teeth and make his bed before school. He'll come down 3 times before he remembers (after me asking him every time)that he didn't yet brush his teeth. Then I'll go upstairs later and see that his bed wasn't made either........This is a DAILY thing and he's 11 1/2. Like I said, life is not easy with such a kid constantly needing redirection, specially when you have a really busy familylife. I can completely relate to your feelings and I also understand their feelings. When my son was on medication and he responded with excitement that he finally could focus.......and wasn't getting in trouble, my heart melted. It is VERY hard on these kids. I have to keep telling myself that when I get frustrated that he needs so much attention just to get through daily tasks. It's gotta really do a job on their own feelings of self-worth.

We did go to a psychologist as well, but only for testing. He actually is the one who recommended we go to a developmental pediatrician for a final diagnosis. He did tests in office with my son (drawings, math, writings, etc) and had his teachers and us fill out questionnaires on him and his behaviour and development. It was interesting that he told us that we can expect our son to be an A-B student. He is. He was on the honor roll all year last year (5th grade). A neighbor of mine had her son tested the same way and the psychologist told her she could expect her son to be a "C" student. He is. Very interesting how they can predict that, but to me the good thing is that if they can identify weaknesses academically as well as behaviorally, and arm the parents with good information, it really can help the parents deal with their child better.

I can understand your husband's attitude though---especially if he is Christian. We have to be careful of who we allow in our children's lives and the influence they have. The good thing with a psychologist----you can always stop going if you don't agree with their assessment/treatment/recommendations. Your daughter is YOUR daughter and in the end, you will parent her as you see fit........but some good ideas never hurt when a parent is struggling on how to handle a child who may be somewhat "high maintenance".........Blessings sister. In Him, Cindy

 

[Julian Pyke]

I'm not to sure of ADD/ADHD.

I don't know if I believe it, but I do know a kid who has it. She is like a younger sister to me. The medication they put her on improved her AMAZINGLY, btu she changed. More depressed and stuff.

I honestly would not suggest medication for such a diagnosis. I have family that are doctors and they say over 90 percent of kids who have been diagnosised with it really don't have it.

Here is what I would do: Trust God First! Don't put your kid on medication, ask God to help her out!

The medication has down sides, and most of the times these down sides show! Your daughter just might need to catch up with her brain, so to speak. Help her out, stick with her 24/7. Get stuff for her to do that TRAINS her to focus.

This is just my advice. I may just be a teenager, but I work with kids at camp. I'm telling you I see kids ont his medication, I understand what it's for, but I see the bad side, and I would take them off in a heart beat.

If you would like me to list all of the side effects I saw, just ask so in this thread, I can go back and look in my notes/files. (Camp policy; keep notes and files on kids to progress what's going on. Security and stuff)

 

[Nikki]

Julian,

Thanks for your advice. The doctor left it up to us whether or not we wanted to medicate and when we told her no, she said she thought we were making the right decision. Right now, Kailey's teacher works well with her in class and is doing everything she can to help her. She's wonderful. At home, we can deal with the other things.

 

[paisley]

My son was diagnosed as ADD recently as well. My husband and I have mixed feelings about this label, but one thing is for sure, my son does have trouble concentrating and keeping on task. Needless to say, this can be frustrating to a mother. For me it is most frustrating when I try to help him with his homework. It can be heartbreaking when ungracious mothers decide to compare their "perfect" children to my flawed one and point it out to me. I am just now trying to figure out what to do with this diagnosis, but one thing for sure is I don't want to go down the medical route. I had cousin who was put on Ritalin and he turned into a zombie. Needless to say, his mother took him off the medicine and he has done fine ever since, but in his ADD state. I am sort of like your husband that somehow we have to love our children as they are, but I am like you in that we have to help them overcome their weak points as best as we can. I am not sure how to do the overcoming part yet, but I am determined to find a way. I am not just going to pop a pill in him to take the easy way out.

By the way, I read that ADD could be fixed with a diet. I have tried that route and it did not work other than restricting sugar.

Second, I read that certain nutritional supplements would help so I tried that and those have not made a difference either.

Now, I am going to look for other methods until I find something that works for my son.

 

[Nikki]

It's getting so stressful around here. I feel like all I do is fuss at my daughter. She is constantly in tears and I'm constantly stressed out. I've GOT to find a good child Psychologist. Maybe they can give us some tips. SOMETHING needs to change though because our home is very stressful right now.

 

[paisley]

I understand the stress. I don't know if your daughter is like my son, but what makes it worse is I know he wants to please me and do the right thing but he just can not concentrate long enough to carry through on what I feel is a simple task so when I get frustrated with him he sometimes interprets it as my not loving him. Of course, this is not true. It would be so much better if he did not follow through out of rebellion then he would understand my frustration. I think what both of us need are better tactics for communicating with our children who obviously have special needs. What I want to do now is read up on ADD an find out what techniques are best for communicating with ADD children and I would like to talk with other mothers who have a lot of experience with ADD to know how they cope. I think since your husband is opposed to a psychiatrist, I would really urge you not to go to one until he feels comfortable with it. He obviously feels like a psychiatrist can do more harm than good based on his own experience so I think if you go to one despite his feelings, he is going to feel very disrespected and undermined as a husband and father. I am at the beginning of this journey just like you are so I don't have answers yet. But here are some links that I plan on looking at today as I have time. Perhaps they can be of benefit to you as well.
http://www.learningabledkids.com/learni ... urces.html

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/weblinks/ADD.htm

This second link you have to scroll down a little before you see the info. but it has a lot of info. including advise, personal stories, calming the hyperactive child, etc. Maybe with the right info. you will not have to see a psychiatrist. Let's see what we can discover together and encourage one another and share with each other what seems to work and what does not!

 

[paisley]

Nikki, I wonder if a good starting place for you would be to try and find the cause for the ADD. I began with the elimination diet to see if certain foods were causing my son problems, but I could not find any problem with foods. We tend to eat rather healthily to begin with so this was not a huge undertaking for me. However, from what I have read, many people seem to experience major changes in their child's behavior when they make dietary changes. This would be worth trying. Check out this link to get the diet program.

http://www.borntoexplore.org/allergies.htm

 

[Merry Menagerie]

I have an adult form of ADHD - it's fun to live with LOL

 

[paisley]

Merry, was ADHD fun to live with as a child? and what seemed to help you most at home and with studying? Also, what was most frustrating to you, and what do you wish your parents had better understood about you in regards to ADHD?

 

[paisley]

Nikki, I am looking for answers too so as I discover things, I want to share them with you. From my research today, I read an interesting article http://www.headsupnow.com/docpublisher/ ... ub1000.htm
where this woman comes to terms with her son's ADD. She spoke of how her son did not always fit into the social norms so she would get looks and advise from well wishers often. She said, " I felt as though I were continually held responsible for his behavior even though he was not acting in the ways I attempted to teach him at home. The assumption seemed to be that I was not doing my job as a mother, and if I just tried and worked harder at it I could turn Josh around. The implication that I didn't care or was incapable of developing appropriate behaviors with my son hurt me deeply. " I could really relate to this, and I wonder if you can too with your daughter's day dreaming? She also realized by her own reactions to her son, she was inviting rude comments and looks to be cast upon him. Thus, what she ended up doing was determining to make an alliance with her son because she realized he needed to feel and understand was her love more than ever otherwise he will not only be alienated by outsiders but by his own family as well and he needed support. So she accepted him as he was and now he is 15 and still has his little quirks but has a solid identity and now others are commenting on his positive traits. Perhaps your husband's advise of just loving her as she is, is the best advise for any parent of an ADD child.

Another thing I read was ADD people often wonder if they are actually manic depressive because ADD people often have mood swings. Is your daughter moody? This was discouraging news to me. My son is moody. I suppose it is good to know that this is "normal" for ADD people, but it is not encouraging to me as a parent because I associate such things with severe mental illness and I don't know how I can cope with that for the rest of his life.

As I research more, I hope to find some coping mechanism that will allow him to get focused and not moody so as he gets older, his ADD symptoms will eventually fade away.

Finally, as Christians, of course, we can not leave God out of this equation. I know we have to accept His creation of our children and we have to pray for wisdom of how to properly guide them and heal them.

 

[paisley]

Julian Pyke, I would be interested in knowing the side effects of medication you saw in kids just as a reminder to myself why I don't want to go down the medical route.

 

[Merry Menagerie]

Merry, was ADHD fun to live with as a child?

Not really because they didn't have the information and the support they do now.

and what seemed to help you most at home and with studying?

I didn't really get any help because help wasn't available back then but I can tell you that I coped reasonably well when I was interested in the subject I was studying.

Also, what was most frustrating to you, and what do you wish your parents had better understood about you in regards to ADHD?

I wish they understood that the reason I wasn't doing so well at school was becasue I couldn't maintain my focus properly rather than assuming I just wasn't applying myself. I wished that there was more help available and that given the right environment and teacher I could have gone a lot further than I did.

 

[sparrow]

sorry, can't focus well enough to finish reading this thread right nwo..

yes, I view ADHD as a spectrum issue.

We are in the process of pulling our munckins out of the spectrum.

There are ways and answers out there besides the drugs.

For those doing research..

http://www.blockcenter.com

http://www.bondingplace.com/
http://www.autismspeaks.org/

look for connections with foods, artificial colors as well as intolerances.
sometimes environmental allergens also factor in.

specifically, wheat.. and milk

 

[sparrow]

another resource.

http://www.autismone.org

 

[stovebolts]

Nikki,
You probably already know that I'll side with you husband in this matter. Not only have I done some homework in the area, I've lived around it as well.

Through my studies, I've learned that there is a place for some of the drugs, but often we drug them simply shut them (the ones with ADHD) up so that 'we' can deal with them... There has been a lot of good advice (IMO) on alternate methods such as diet etc. Persu these first.

I'd ask that you pray about this matter. Earlier you've stated that you'd try anything. Nikki, there are lots of things to try before you choose medication (psycotropic drugs). I know it's frustrating and each day brings about new challenges, so pray for peace, wisdom, understanding and strength that you can endure it. Nikki, nothing is by chance. Point in case...I was a D and D- kid in elementary and I was a straight F student (except PE) through jr. high and I didnt' make it past the 10 th grade. Later, I went back to get my GED and then off to college. My first time through college I got a 3.8 gpa. My point? Never predict the future based on today because we can always change and make different decisions tommorow. Heck, at 8, her body is far from changing and she has many, many years ahead of her.

I know that you love your daughter and when you look and see what you wanted, and what you got it can be heart breaking at certain times. Nikki, your daughter is all that you wanted, even when she frustrates you. What I mean is this. I enjoy the good times with my son, but sometimes I find myself angry with him more than I'm enjoying him and I look and say to myself, "That's not what I want". I don't like being the bad guy and sometimes, when I get to being the 'bad guy', it spirals down hill until I finally let go of the little stuff and go out of my way to have patience and create the fun stuff that I want to share with him... He is who he is and I have to trust God, that it's all in His hands. I am simply a stewart that has been blessed with this wonderful child and it is my duty to do the best that I can to teach him about Jesus and that requires that I have the best relation with not only my wife, but God as well. Do you see what I'm saying?

Anyway, sorry for getting a bit off track there. I'd like to say just one thing. Most of the psycotropic drugs that are perscribed do permenant damage... it can't be undone.... Think about this and find a little more strength to make it through each day and continue to pray in earnst that God show you his ways.

I'd also like you to check out this author. I havn't read this particular book, but I'm sure it's good and it just may help.

http://www.nouthetic.org/INS/descriptions.asp

Medical and Legal Issues in Counseling. Topics include the use of drugs in counseling, dealing with pain, pastor/physician relationships, the reason for illness, and specific medical and legal issues i.e. anorexia, bulimia, STDs, ADHD, sleep, malpractice, lawsuits and the counselor, insurance, and dealing with lawyers and family court. 15 hours.

Instructors: Dr. Robert Smith, Dr. Jay E. Adams, David Collins, and others

Required textbook: The Christian Counselor’s Medical Desk Reference (Dr. Robert Smith).

Nikki, it's your family. I pray that you have the strength to put all that you have into it.

Peace

 

[stovebolts]

Here is a great site I just found. With just some breif browsing, it looks pretty good.

http://www.christianadhd.com/

http://www.priory.com/sidereg.htm

I realize this is a long post, but here is a small portion of the site:

The Courage to Raise an ADD/ADHD Child
When the Lord decides to send an ADD/ADHD child to a family, He knows, in His great wisdom, that this family is capable of raising that child. The Lord does not make mistakes!

But how do we react to the news that our children suffer from Attention Deficit [Hyperactivity] Disorder? We are shocked, dismayed, frightened at the future of these children. We know that great hardship awaits us as we attempt to control the unpleasant characteristics of ADD/ADHD with medications, nutritional supplements, diets and anything else that is touted as a "cure".

The great search begins for information that will aid us in not only surviving the journey of ADD/ADHD, but bring victory in the lives of our children, making them useful vessels to the glory of the Lord. We are not satisfied with a child that no longer hits his siblings or lies, or a child who can sit still at his desk so he doesn't disrupt his class, we want children who will fulfill their destinies.

We realize after some time that the task that lays ahead is one of great difficulty--almost impossible in the natural. We falter and almost faint as we face daily assaults from our children, unkind and often abusive language, physical damage in our homes, and mood swings that seem unreal. But we cannot faint (at least not for long)! We must take to heart the Word of God:

"Finally, brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might." (Eph. 6:10)

The Lord knows the fruit of fear: discouragement, despair and failure. He knows that fear is out of the question for the Christian.

Okay, the temptation to give in to the fear that grips our hearts is too much sometimes, and we fall down crying out for help. How can we endure such difficulty? It seems as though our hearts will break with the pain. James wrote:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)

I am sitting on the floor in a puddle, crying and sobbing, and James says to "consider it pure joy." I am told to "be strong", "fear not" and "consider it pure joy." Did I mention that these words are not suggestions, but commands? Yes, commands. A command is something we "must" do; it is not optional. Obedience is required.

William Gurnall, in The Christian in Complete Armour*, wrote:

"Fear immobilizes its victim - like the distraught soldier who runs trembling to his foxhole at first rumor of an attack and refuses to come out until all threat of danger is past.

He [Paul] tells us, 'Don't let your fears overwhelm you. March on with undaunted courage and be strong in the Lord . . .' And here is the great consolation: 'The outcome of the battle rests on God's performance, not on your skill or strength!'"

The Christian is not required to be a skilled warrior, but to trust in the Lord to fight his battles for him. We are exhorted frequently in the scriptures:

"Be strong and courageous." (2 Chron. 32:7)
"Say to them that are of a fearful heart, Be strong." (Isa. 35:4)."

Courage is "that quality of mind which enables men to encounter danger and difficulties with firmness, or without fear or depression of spirits; valor; boldness; resolution; bravery." (Websters 1828 Dictionary)

Strong means "well fortified; able to sustain attacks; not easily subdued or taken." (Websters 1828 Dictionary)

Gurnall goes on to say: "A cowardly spirit is beneath the lowest duty of a Christian."

How do we become strong and brave? Gurnall explains:

"Prayer is the main line that leads straight to the throne of God. By it the Christian approaches God with a humble boldness of faith, takes hold of Him, wrestles with Him, and will not let Him go until he has His blessing.

Meanwhile, the carnal Christian . . . rushes headlong into battle with a foolhardy confidence that soon turns yellow when his conscience wakes up and sounds the alarm that his sins are upon him. Then, unnerved by this surprise attack, he throws down his weapon, flees from the presence of God with guilty Adam, and dares not look Him in the face."

Oh, this stings! We must never fear the presence of God, but fly toward the flame and let the Lord burn away the chaff in our lives. I must be honest: in all my prayers and petitions that the Lord please! help my son to be "less" ADHD, to bring peace to our home, the answer I have received from the Lord is that I will grow much as I raise my children--I will be changed as I press in for answers and solutions to our unique difficulties. Faced with each day's new challenges, I must cry out to the Lord often just for the grace not to run away from home or give in to my own emotions. This is a dear and precious situation. I am forced to rely on the Lord for each day's grace to succeed in raising my children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. How can this be done?

"Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore, come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need." (Heb. 4:14-16)

Notice it says to come "boldly" to the throne of grace. We are sons and daughters of the Creator of the universe. We are to approach Him as our children do us when they just want to sit in our laps or need a drink or something to eat. They "know" their needs will be met. Likewise, we should "know" our needs will be met if we just "boldly" approach the throne of grace. Fear not to seek your Heavenly Father in your time of need (which is all the time if you have ADD/ADHD children).

 

[Kefka]

Nikki, I know that since I'm only 16 it seems like I couldn't possibly relate. But I can relate... to your daughter. I do not have ADHD, but I have ADD. One of the best things you can do is reward her for doing the things you ask her to, it's motivation. Try your hardest not to scold her when she faulters (you will still do it sometimes, and that's ok) because it's actually scarring. When I was in grade three, my teacher threatened to "wrap my shoelaces around my neck and hang me from the roof" if I didn't start paying attention. I was called lazy, stupid, dummy and completely careless by both my teachers and my dad.

Even little things, such as telling her that your proud when she remembers to clean her room, can be a big reward. It'll be hard, but hang in there