Another Possibly Devestating Memory

[daninthelionsden]

I saw a movie clip where a person had a Tab cola can in their hand and it immediately triggered a memory of when I was a young boy and saw my mom drinking a Tab in our living room. I asked her what that drink was. At that point in time I had only seen sodas in bottles. She said it was her diet drink. I asked what it tasted like and she said it was like a soda pop.( I'm using American phraseology concerning the soft drink....in Texas every soda pop is a "coke" unless specifically stating the brand). I asked if I could have some to see what it tasted like. She told me to wait right there and she would prepare me some. I thought it a little strange I was told to wait in the living room.....why the dramatic formality? She brought me a can after a little wait. I drank some but didn't like the taste. A little while later I vomited violently in the toilet. A bunch of little black beads/pellets were in the vomit. Decades later I learned that was blood in my vomit. What did she give me?

 

[KevinK]

It sounds like your drink was spiked with ipecac. Ipecac is a syrupy medicine made from a plant that was often used in the past to induce vomiting. Most households used to keep a bottle on hand in case someone ingested poison. It works by irritating the stomach lining and stimulating the vomiting center of the brain. The vomit would often contain bits of blood from the irritated stomach lining. It would probably blend right into a syrupy drink like a cola.

Only question is why your mum would do something like that. To create an associated memory and keep you off cola drinks? (I'm assuming the can was already open when she brought it to you?)

(Ipecac is rarely seen any more. Drugstores no longer carry it, although it used to be a staple. Doctors discovered that it doesn't really help to vomit up poison once ingested, and often causes a worse problem, like gagging.)

 

[daninthelionsden]

It sounds like your drink was spiked with ipecac. Ipecac is a syrupy medicine made from a plant that was often used in the past to induce vomiting. Most households used to keep a bottle on hand in case someone ingested poison. It works by irritating the stomach lining and stimulating the vomiting center of the brain. The vomit would often contain bits of blood from the irritated stomach lining. It would probably blend right into a syrupy drink like a cola.

Only question is why your mum would do something like that. To create an associated memory and keep you off cola drinks? (I'm assuming the can was already open when she brought it to you?)

(Ipecac is rarely seen any more. Drugstores no longer carry it, although it used to be a staple. Doctors discovered that it doesn't really help to vomit up poison once ingested, and often causes a worse problem, like gagging.)

I'm having difficulty with this memory because it seemed to be about the time my mother informed me that I was "special" and had a 100k life insurance policy on me. My dad had already placed an A/C window unit directly over my bed and kept in on while I slept resulting in my contracting double pneumonia. I woke up once to see him chipping ice off of the coils with an ice pick. He yelled at my mother to keep chipping the ice away because he was late to work. I asked her why she was doing that and she said "because your father wants me to". She left the room for a minute and then came back frantically chipping away at the ice. She left again and I took the ice pick and decided to help. I chipped away at the ice and then missed and hit a coil. Freon spewed out and that was the end of my cold cold nights. I unwittingly tried to help them kill me but wound up saving my own life.
What I'm wondering is if she spiked the soda with poison. She brought me an open can and having me wait in the living room while she took so long to bring the drink to me was strange in itself. She never seemed to discourage me from drinking sodas and periodically gave me a dime so I could buy myself one at the store. The memory just gives me shudders. When I vomited it was a lot of blackish pellets(blood) and from what I remember was the beginning of my childhood stomach problems.

 

[KevinK]

My goodness! What you went through.

Ipecac is itself a poison. In diluted form, it works as an emetic (vomit-inducing). Now I'm picturing that scene from The Sixth Sense where the mother was poisoning her own daugther's food.

 

[daninthelionsden]

I'm 99% sure I wasn't my dad's kid. After the Tab incident he tried to give me away to one of his sisters who was barren. I was told by my mother that he cursed her out for being pregnant with me...calling her whore among other things.

 

[smaller]

Philippians 3:13
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

I have put away a LOT of memories of my parents, for good reasons. And they do keep trying to resurface. I force them to stay behind me, and in the past, because I am sooo not interested in what is behind me in these regards.

 

[daninthelionsden]

Philippians 3:13
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,

I have put away a LOT of memories of my parents, for good reasons. And they do keep trying to resurface. I force them to stay behind me, and in the past, because I am sooo not interested in what is behind me in these regards.

I am very thankful for those who are able to do as you in "forgetting" your past. My wife is able to do even better in that she absolutely cannot consciously recall her abuse except in vaguely. I thought I had done a very good job myself until I hit my 40s. Then it started bubbling out of my subconscious mind until it just flooded out. Now there are still pieces that are still lodged back there that come loose to find their place in the giant jigsaw puzzle of my life. Once the memory activates, I feel I must find its place so I can digest it or process it until it takes its place and I can say .....OK. I think those who processed their memories early on found some way to cope......I chose to run away from mine.....I think that was a mistake.

 

[calvin]

I was told to wait in the living room.....why the dramatic formality? She brought me a can after a little wait. I drank some but didn't like the taste. A little while later I vomited violently in the toilet. A bunch of little black beads/pellets were in the vomit. Decades later I learned that was blood in my vomit. What d

Hello calvin here. If I may offer a thought, you were there, I was not, however
it seems to me that any blood from the stomach would not be confined to little pellets, but would be non descript blotches. Also it is only old blood that is black, fresh blood is red (as far as I know).
Seems you were given something that was not good.

 

[smaller]

I am very thankful for those who are able to do as you in "forgetting" your past.

I wouldn't term it forgetting. I don't think it's even possible to actually forget anything. May be more of how we dictate/govern/throttle with our active mind over our subconscious memory bank i.e. how it's ruled. There is an incredibly massive storehouse of data in our minds including a flood of various emotional input as well. If we think of all the data that we take in, all the thoughts and emotions we've ever had, that is all stored somewhere in the wetware. IF it's not governed it would immobilize us. There can be serious struggles with that engagement.

My wife is able to do even better in that she absolutely cannot consciously recall her abuse except in vaguely. I thought I had done a very good job myself until I hit my 40s. Then it started bubbling out of my subconscious mind until it just flooded out. Now there are still pieces that are still lodged back there that come loose to find their place in the giant jigsaw puzzle of my life. Once the memory activates, I feel I must find its place so I can digest it or process it until it takes its place and I can say .....OK.

I hear ya. Sometimes we have to say it wasn't OK but it did happen. Seal chapter. Most of us have to, by nature of being able to function, operate with various caps/lids/covers on ourselves. The abuses happened. But a flood or emotional reactions against it can still trouble the active thought stream.

I think those who processed their memories early on found some way to cope......I chose to run away from mine.....I think that was a mistake.

There are other factors that begin to weigh in with age as well. A lot of older folk get very introspective about their lives and spend a lot of time in regrets, second guessing or heavy analysis of the data.

Sometimes just staying in now, keeping it simple and looking forward is preferable. What went on is done. It can't be changed, nor can the emotions had at the time be altered, nor can the regrets and second guessing.

Faith and the arena's that faith engages is very helpful. Understanding mercy, grace, forgiveness, love are great tools in these regards. Comforting and stilling the mind and heart. Turning our faces in that direction, exposing ourselves to Him, putting His Light and Wisdom upon things. Trusting. Internal peace making.

 

[daninthelionsden]

I've been encouraged in the past to write a book about what happened to me and was told it would probably prove therapeutic. If I can't get any relief, then I may just do that. My main priority is to get our son help and see if New Zealand is a place where we can restart our lives. At least I'll be off disability after renouncing my citizenship. I have videos of the harassment but I am trying not to go public because I view it as a form of revenge . I don't think the Lord wants me doing that. I did make a 30ft banner across my roof but it was done to get these clowns to back off. I felt forced to post a YouTube video to back them off as well. I grimaced throughout the entire video. It was emotionally painful.