- Dec 20, 2019
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Estimated reading time: 5 minutes
What is a marriage? It’s a question well worth pondering. Marriage is two people doing two different things, working together, and it could be equated to a tango. Sometimes, one or both dance partners need to encourage each other.
Dr. Bob Paul of Focus on the Family’s Hope Restored tells us that many married couples “hit the skids” precisely because they don’t really understand what a marriage is supposed to be. It’s a very common problem, and it isn’t always the fault of the man and woman involved—at least not entirely.
Lots of people come into marital relationships with flawed expectations, expectations they’ve imbibed from the church or the surrounding culture. They’ve been led to believe that matrimony is basically a matter of finding another human being who can “complete” them. Oftentimes, they celebrate this idea symbolically during the wedding ceremony by lighting a “Unity Candle” and then blowing out the two candles that represent their individual lives. They assume that marriage is designed to cure their personal ailments and that their spouse is supposed to make them whole. They don’t realize that they’ve got the whole thing backward.
There are two crucial truths that need to be underscored here. The first is that you don’t stop being an individual when you get married. Hopefully, you will continue growing and becoming the person God created you to be. Only as you bring the uniqueness that is you into the dynamic mix of your relationship with your spouse does it become possible for something rare, precious, and beautiful to emerge out of your union. That’s because a true marriage consists of a mysterious one-flesh blending of two distinct lives and personalities. For more on learning about how to equip yourself for sacrificial, selfless harmony, check out Each to the Other: Marriage as it’s Meant to Be.
The second crucial truth is that God has made each one of us with a set of needs that He alone is capable of fulfilling. To expect another human being to assume His role is to put that person under an intolerable burden. The first step to building a thriving marriage is to let the Lord fill you up with the significance and security only He can provide. Once He’s recharged your battery and given you a healthy sense of who you are and what you have to offer, you’ll be in a better position to bring something to the relationship that can take it to a higher level.
So, make it a priority this month to encourage one another in self-care. Your times together will be enriched! If, on the other hand, you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t have any overflow, and without any overflow, you’ll find it extremely difficult to care for your spouse in any meaningful way.
This is part of what Jesus had in mind when He said, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31).
Make date night with your spouse a weekly habit, and remember, always act like you’re trying to get a second date! Sometimes, in marriage, we forget that we need to pursue and “woo” our mate. So dress up a bit. Be polite and open doors. Compliment one another. Be affectionate—hold hands, cuddle, and steal kisses. Remember to protect your date night from conflict by cutting off any arguments and agreeing to talk about the issue at a later time.
Instead of visiting the same familiar locations and eating the same old food, pick somewhere new or try a different type of cuisine.
Do you remember what the apostle Paul had to say about the parts of the human body (which, of course, he was using as an illustration of the Body of Christ)? “If they were all one part, where would the body be?” (1 Corinthians 12:19) It’s the same way with marriage. The relationship can’t be all it was meant to be unless each spouse knows how to make his or her unique contribution to the whole.
See if you can come up with a date night activity that underscores this idea by requiring both partners to play complementary roles. Here are some ideas to help prime the pump:
After your activity, find a quiet place for dessert or coffee to relax and emotionally connect through good conversation. Answer the following questions. Be sure to keep your responses positive, uplifting, and encouraging.
On your way home, spend time planning your next date. Think about additional ways you can grow both as individuals and as a couple in the days ahead. After you get home, it’s up to you what happens next. Have a great adventure!
The post Date Night With Your Spouse: Encourage Each Other appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
What is a marriage? It’s a question well worth pondering. Marriage is two people doing two different things, working together, and it could be equated to a tango. Sometimes, one or both dance partners need to encourage each other.
Dr. Bob Paul of Focus on the Family’s Hope Restored tells us that many married couples “hit the skids” precisely because they don’t really understand what a marriage is supposed to be. It’s a very common problem, and it isn’t always the fault of the man and woman involved—at least not entirely.
Expectations of marriage
Lots of people come into marital relationships with flawed expectations, expectations they’ve imbibed from the church or the surrounding culture. They’ve been led to believe that matrimony is basically a matter of finding another human being who can “complete” them. Oftentimes, they celebrate this idea symbolically during the wedding ceremony by lighting a “Unity Candle” and then blowing out the two candles that represent their individual lives. They assume that marriage is designed to cure their personal ailments and that their spouse is supposed to make them whole. They don’t realize that they’ve got the whole thing backward.
There are two crucial truths that need to be underscored here. The first is that you don’t stop being an individual when you get married. Hopefully, you will continue growing and becoming the person God created you to be. Only as you bring the uniqueness that is you into the dynamic mix of your relationship with your spouse does it become possible for something rare, precious, and beautiful to emerge out of your union. That’s because a true marriage consists of a mysterious one-flesh blending of two distinct lives and personalities. For more on learning about how to equip yourself for sacrificial, selfless harmony, check out Each to the Other: Marriage as it’s Meant to Be.
We can encourage each other, but only God can complete us
The second crucial truth is that God has made each one of us with a set of needs that He alone is capable of fulfilling. To expect another human being to assume His role is to put that person under an intolerable burden. The first step to building a thriving marriage is to let the Lord fill you up with the significance and security only He can provide. Once He’s recharged your battery and given you a healthy sense of who you are and what you have to offer, you’ll be in a better position to bring something to the relationship that can take it to a higher level.
So, make it a priority this month to encourage one another in self-care. Your times together will be enriched! If, on the other hand, you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t have any overflow, and without any overflow, you’ll find it extremely difficult to care for your spouse in any meaningful way.
This is part of what Jesus had in mind when He said, “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31).
Encouraging each other: Planning your date night adventure
Make date night with your spouse a weekly habit, and remember, always act like you’re trying to get a second date! Sometimes, in marriage, we forget that we need to pursue and “woo” our mate. So dress up a bit. Be polite and open doors. Compliment one another. Be affectionate—hold hands, cuddle, and steal kisses. Remember to protect your date night from conflict by cutting off any arguments and agreeing to talk about the issue at a later time.
Step 1: Go someplace different for dinner.
Instead of visiting the same familiar locations and eating the same old food, pick somewhere new or try a different type of cuisine.
Step 2: Putting the pieces together
Do you remember what the apostle Paul had to say about the parts of the human body (which, of course, he was using as an illustration of the Body of Christ)? “If they were all one part, where would the body be?” (1 Corinthians 12:19) It’s the same way with marriage. The relationship can’t be all it was meant to be unless each spouse knows how to make his or her unique contribution to the whole.
See if you can come up with a date night activity that underscores this idea by requiring both partners to play complementary roles. Here are some ideas to help prime the pump:
- Go for a long drive (if you have time on a Saturday) through the city or out in the country. Based on your individual strengths and preferences, let one spouse serve as the planner and navigator and the other as the driver. Visit some places you’ve never been to before.
- Have each spouse pick a favorite place to go or thing to do. Maybe she likes the art museum or shopping at the mall, while he prefers test-driving new vehicles at the car lot or watching sports on TV at the local pizzeria. Divide the evening into two parts. Spend the first half doing his thing and the second half doing hers. Use this as an opportunity to school one another in the finer points of basketball or impressionistic painting.
Step 3: Relax and unwind
After your activity, find a quiet place for dessert or coffee to relax and emotionally connect through good conversation. Answer the following questions. Be sure to keep your responses positive, uplifting, and encouraging.
- What was your favorite part of the evening?
- What is the one thing you learned tonight that you didn’t know about me before?
- How can I help facilitate your own growth as an individual—Spiritually? Emotionally? Physically? Professionally? How can I encourage you and give you the freedom to pursue your own personal growth so that you can make an even greater contribution to our marriage?
Step 4: Home sweet home
On your way home, spend time planning your next date. Think about additional ways you can grow both as individuals and as a couple in the days ahead. After you get home, it’s up to you what happens next. Have a great adventure!
The post Date Night With Your Spouse: Encourage Each Other appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...