- Dec 20, 2019
- 3,884
- 116
Estimated reading time: 7 minutes
It was a breezy afternoon in the summer of 2020. Protests against the murder of George Floyd engulfed the nation, belying the tranquil sunshine. Riots notwithstanding, I led an all-Black congregation to spend the afternoon in warm fellowship with several white families from a nearby Mennonite church. Our differences were more than skin-deep. There were doctrinal dissimilarities. There were divergences in socioeconomic status, age, and our response to the ongoing pandemic. It is quite possible that we asked the same God for opposite outcomes in the then-upcoming elections.
But, instead of friction, our two groups enjoyed a time of mutual encouragement that lingers in our collective memories almost four years later. As social turmoil continues to divide the nation, churches, and families, it is critical that every Christian family take a proactive approach to bridging racial and political divides.
It’s so easy to bury our heads in the sand and pretend our differences don’t exist. While at times it may be necessary to give family members some breathing space, avoiding issues altogether hurts relationships by allowing incorrect, unchallenged assumptions to become firmly entrenched beliefs. We all harbor notions about what the “other side” means or thinks. When we seize the opportunity to dialogue, we’re actively creating space to clear up misconceptions in our relational or family dynamics and deepen our understanding of the situation.
Jesus adopted a pro-active bridge-building approach. He came to a fractured world and seized opportunities to bridge political and racial/ethnic divisions. Jesus frequently crossed ethnic and social expectations, such as when he ministered to an outcast woman of Samaria. He shattered political barriers when he chose both a zealot and Roman-serving tax collector to be among his closest followers. At his crucifixion, Jesus literally became the bridge that united God and man. His arms were outstretched, embracing both the Left and the Right, as he died to make a way for an entire lost world to be reconnected with God.
But Jesus’ work didn’t end with his death and resurrection. He taught his followers that they were sent in the same way the Father had sent him (John 20:21). Like Jesus, let us proactively seize the opportunity to bridge gaps at home and beyond.
Reflect: Do you avoid opportunities to bridge relational gaps? If so, remind yourself that a lasting reconciliation may be only one conversation away.
We all know that words can tear down walls or build them. They can build strong bridges or, like explosives, blow bridges to smithereens. When Thomas Jefferson drafted the Declaration of Independence in 1776, his goal was to unite colonists whose beliefs clashed on core issues such as slavery, economics, and the best kind of government for the future country. Jefferson used words to tear down differences and build a metaphorical bridge from Georgia to Massachusetts. Terms such as “all men” and “unalienable rights” woven into the Declaration of Independence transcended differences and set the stage for freedom to be won. Christian families can to adopt the same mindset to overcome internal division and strengthen family dynamics.
Start by laying a foundation of common ground. Perhaps it’s shared parentage, dreams, or fond memories. Build on that foundation by verbalizing a goal that will benefit everyone. Perhaps a meaningful family reunion or achieving a shared dream are things to bring up. Once the common ground and mutual benefit of reconciliation are clear to all, tactfully approach the obstacle to that dream becoming reality.
It’s important to remember that the Bible doesn’t tell us to keep silent on divisive issues. In fact, Paul urges us to speak the truth in love with the goal of edifying others (Ephesians 4:15). Lately, it seems there’s no end to people who speak their version of truth. Social media rants, mass protests, and civil unrest are all too common as differing individuals or groups target those who don’t buy into their ideology. Instead of achieving constructive resolution, words become weaponized in support of personal agendas.
But love is a selfless force that unifies instead of driving people apart. As such, families need to consciously reject destructive social examples. They need to speak truth with the goal of tearing down the division that threatens their Christian unity, instead of tearing down family members who have opposing viewpoints. It’s easy to think that the people are the problem—they’re not. The problem is the division. And division is what real truth targets.
Reflect: What’s your purpose for speaking? Do your words take someone else’s views into consideration or are they only centered on your personal feelings of the subject? If so, it’s going to be difficult to speak truth in love. Shift your focus so that your goal is to build up the other side while dismantling walls.
Truth can be painful. Sometimes hard things need to be said in straightforward language. But to overcome divisive family dynamics you need to critically think about how you speak. It should be obvious to the other side from the onset of the conversation that you care about them and your primary goal is to bring Christian unity. In the Declaration of Independence, Jefferson’s goal becomes clear through his use of inclusive terms such as “We the People,” and “the United States” (emphasis added). While the Declaration of Independence would make its way to the ears of the British court, a key goal of the founding fathers was to create a rallying point that gave the rebel colonists a sense of national identity. They became a sort of family of rebels, overcoming personal differences to achieve a greater goal.
We build walls to defend ourselves against perceived or imagined threats. When words are perceived as weapons, the instinctive response is to erect walls that isolate and shut out the speaker. The reverse is also true. We are more inclined to shut out those whose viewpoints challenge our own as a form of self-preservation while we often curate our playlists and feeds to reinforce our personal tastes. It’s a psychological principle called Confirmation Bias.1
Bridging the gap requires us to step beyond ourselves. We must be ready to listen as well as speak words of healing. Speaking truth in love also requires us to look beyond the surface and see the human beneath. In the end, most humans have the same basic needs, one of which is love2 (Mazlow, 1954). When addressing an issue, make it obvious that your words are wrapped up in love and that you’re looking beyond the surface to understand the human beneath.
Reflect: Are you choosing words that emphasize healing and unity or simply focus on the problem? How can you reword things to show that you see the human and not just the problem?
There’s another angle to bridge-building that many of us don’t consider. That’s flexibility. Suspension bridges are designed to shift their position slightly to adapt to changing environmental factors. An inflexible suspension bridge would break under the pressure. When attempting to bridge relationship gaps, don’t be inflexible. Consider the possibility that you may be wrong or that there might be more to the situation than first meets the eye. One prime example is subculture.
At times it’s easy to impose our subculture—the personal values that are unique to our family dynamics or social circle—on the Christian message. When this happens, biblical values become filtered through our own biases. The Bible has a lot to say about race and politics. When Scripture is filtered through our perceptions, conflict can erupt when those beliefs are challenged. Being flexible allows us to anchor deeply in our faith while making needed adjustments to bridge relationship gaps as they emerge.
While you don’t have to necessarily change your beliefs about controversial issues, make sure your position reflects undiluted biblical principles as well as responsive thinking to the realities of our world. Opposing viewpoints that fracture families is not what God intends. It’s up to us to bridge gaps by being flexible.
Bridge-building is hard work. It’s almost guaranteed to be easier to leave a gap between places and people than to invest in building and maintaining a relational bridge. But count the cost of not bridging the gap. What are you losing versus gaining with unresolved conflict? Perhaps precious years that can never be regained. Or igniting multigenerational conflict as children are drawn into the lingering tension.
Like the Grand Canyon, which continues to deepen and widen due to the forces of nature, the bonds that hold a family together can be eroded by the winds of politics and racial division. Thankfully, as long as we breathe, we’re able to invest in a relationship and work toward bridging gaps—no matter how long it takes.
Reflect: Is it worth maintaining a viewpoint that divides a family? Are your words and actions likely to earn the final approval, the Voice saying, “Well done, my good and faithful servant?” If not, tear down the walls and build a lasting bridge.
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The post Five Ways Christian Families Can Bridge Racial and Political Divides appeared first on Focus on the Family.
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It was a breezy afternoon in the summer of 2020. Protests against the murder of George Floyd engulfed the nation, belying the tranquil sunshine. Riots notwithstanding, I led an all-Black congregation to spend the afternoon in warm fellowship with several white families from a nearby Mennonite church. Our differences were more than skin-deep. There were doctrinal dissimilarities. There were divergences in socioeconomic status, age, and our response to the ongoing pandemic. It is quite possible that we asked the same God for opposite outcomes in the then-upcoming elections.
But, instead of friction, our two groups enjoyed a time of mutual encouragement that lingers in our collective memories almost four years later. As social turmoil continues to divide the nation, churches, and families, it is critical that every Christian family take a proactive approach to bridging racial and political divides.
Five ways to build unity in your family
1. Seize the opportunity
It’s so easy to bury our heads in the sand and pretend our differences don’t exist. While at times it may be necessary to give family members some breathing space, avoiding issues altogether hurts relationships by allowing incorrect, unchallenged assumptions to become firmly entrenched beliefs. We all harbor notions about what the “other side” means or thinks. When we seize the opportunity to dialogue, we’re actively creating space to clear up misconceptions in our relational or family dynamics and deepen our understanding of the situation.
Jesus adopted a pro-active bridge-building approach. He came to a fractured world and seized opportunities to bridge political and racial/ethnic divisions. Jesus frequently crossed ethnic and social expectations, such as when he ministered to an outcast woman of Samaria. He shattered political barriers when he chose both a zealot and Roman-serving tax collector to be among his closest followers. At his crucifixion, Jesus literally became the bridge that united God and man. His arms were outstretched, embracing both the Left and the Right, as he died to make a way for an entire lost world to be reconnected with God.
But Jesus’ work didn’t end with his death and resurrection. He taught his followers that they were sent in the same way the Father had sent him (John 20:21). Like Jesus, let us proactively seize the opportunity to bridge gaps at home and beyond.
Reflect: Do you avoid opportunities to bridge relational gaps? If so, remind yourself that a lasting reconciliation may be only one conversation away.
2. Use your words to build bridges and tear down walls
We all know that words can tear down walls or build them. They can build strong bridges or, like explosives, blow bridges to smithereens. When Thomas Jefferson drafted the Declaration of Independence in 1776, his goal was to unite colonists whose beliefs clashed on core issues such as slavery, economics, and the best kind of government for the future country. Jefferson used words to tear down differences and build a metaphorical bridge from Georgia to Massachusetts. Terms such as “all men” and “unalienable rights” woven into the Declaration of Independence transcended differences and set the stage for freedom to be won. Christian families can to adopt the same mindset to overcome internal division and strengthen family dynamics.
Find common ground
Start by laying a foundation of common ground. Perhaps it’s shared parentage, dreams, or fond memories. Build on that foundation by verbalizing a goal that will benefit everyone. Perhaps a meaningful family reunion or achieving a shared dream are things to bring up. Once the common ground and mutual benefit of reconciliation are clear to all, tactfully approach the obstacle to that dream becoming reality.
It’s important to remember that the Bible doesn’t tell us to keep silent on divisive issues. In fact, Paul urges us to speak the truth in love with the goal of edifying others (Ephesians 4:15). Lately, it seems there’s no end to people who speak their version of truth. Social media rants, mass protests, and civil unrest are all too common as differing individuals or groups target those who don’t buy into their ideology. Instead of achieving constructive resolution, words become weaponized in support of personal agendas.
Love strengthens family dynamics
But love is a selfless force that unifies instead of driving people apart. As such, families need to consciously reject destructive social examples. They need to speak truth with the goal of tearing down the division that threatens their Christian unity, instead of tearing down family members who have opposing viewpoints. It’s easy to think that the people are the problem—they’re not. The problem is the division. And division is what real truth targets.
Reflect: What’s your purpose for speaking? Do your words take someone else’s views into consideration or are they only centered on your personal feelings of the subject? If so, it’s going to be difficult to speak truth in love. Shift your focus so that your goal is to build up the other side while dismantling walls.
3. Choose healing words
Truth can be painful. Sometimes hard things need to be said in straightforward language. But to overcome divisive family dynamics you need to critically think about how you speak. It should be obvious to the other side from the onset of the conversation that you care about them and your primary goal is to bring Christian unity. In the Declaration of Independence, Jefferson’s goal becomes clear through his use of inclusive terms such as “We the People,” and “the United States” (emphasis added). While the Declaration of Independence would make its way to the ears of the British court, a key goal of the founding fathers was to create a rallying point that gave the rebel colonists a sense of national identity. They became a sort of family of rebels, overcoming personal differences to achieve a greater goal.
Family dynamics are weakened by walls
We build walls to defend ourselves against perceived or imagined threats. When words are perceived as weapons, the instinctive response is to erect walls that isolate and shut out the speaker. The reverse is also true. We are more inclined to shut out those whose viewpoints challenge our own as a form of self-preservation while we often curate our playlists and feeds to reinforce our personal tastes. It’s a psychological principle called Confirmation Bias.1
Bridging the gap requires us to step beyond ourselves. We must be ready to listen as well as speak words of healing. Speaking truth in love also requires us to look beyond the surface and see the human beneath. In the end, most humans have the same basic needs, one of which is love2 (Mazlow, 1954). When addressing an issue, make it obvious that your words are wrapped up in love and that you’re looking beyond the surface to understand the human beneath.
Reflect: Are you choosing words that emphasize healing and unity or simply focus on the problem? How can you reword things to show that you see the human and not just the problem?
4. Be flexible
There’s another angle to bridge-building that many of us don’t consider. That’s flexibility. Suspension bridges are designed to shift their position slightly to adapt to changing environmental factors. An inflexible suspension bridge would break under the pressure. When attempting to bridge relationship gaps, don’t be inflexible. Consider the possibility that you may be wrong or that there might be more to the situation than first meets the eye. One prime example is subculture.
At times it’s easy to impose our subculture—the personal values that are unique to our family dynamics or social circle—on the Christian message. When this happens, biblical values become filtered through our own biases. The Bible has a lot to say about race and politics. When Scripture is filtered through our perceptions, conflict can erupt when those beliefs are challenged. Being flexible allows us to anchor deeply in our faith while making needed adjustments to bridge relationship gaps as they emerge.
While you don’t have to necessarily change your beliefs about controversial issues, make sure your position reflects undiluted biblical principles as well as responsive thinking to the realities of our world. Opposing viewpoints that fracture families is not what God intends. It’s up to us to bridge gaps by being flexible.
5. Count the cost
Bridge-building is hard work. It’s almost guaranteed to be easier to leave a gap between places and people than to invest in building and maintaining a relational bridge. But count the cost of not bridging the gap. What are you losing versus gaining with unresolved conflict? Perhaps precious years that can never be regained. Or igniting multigenerational conflict as children are drawn into the lingering tension.
Like the Grand Canyon, which continues to deepen and widen due to the forces of nature, the bonds that hold a family together can be eroded by the winds of politics and racial division. Thankfully, as long as we breathe, we’re able to invest in a relationship and work toward bridging gaps—no matter how long it takes.
Reflect: Is it worth maintaining a viewpoint that divides a family? Are your words and actions likely to earn the final approval, the Voice saying, “Well done, my good and faithful servant?” If not, tear down the walls and build a lasting bridge.
- Casad, B. J. and Luebering, . J.E. (2024, February 14). confirmation bias. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/science/confirmation-bias ↩︎
- Britannica, T. Editors of Encyclopaedia (2023, November 27). Abraham Maslow. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/biography/Abraham-H-Maslow ↩︎
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