Wrg1405
Member
- Jan 4, 2016
- 1,969
- 1,641
Hi everyone.
I posted forgiveness a couple of days ago. It was about forgiving others and the consequences of not forgiving others even though we are believers.
I have just been talking to my wife about yesterday's church service. She wasn't in it as she was doing childrens work.
The sermon was great and there was a call for prayer if you needed it. I so wanted to go forward but I couldn't. I just stood at the back hiding myself and tears streaming down my cheeks.
My wife asked me "did you not go forward because God disqualifies you or because you disqualify yourself she mentioned a couple of pivotal points in my life that affect where I am now and over a period of time she felt God was saying "Bill hasn't forgiven himself"
When she mentioned those points in my life I couldn't cope.
The first one was that I was got engaged to a girl 27 years ago that I didn't want to marry, so I got engaged with a view that we would divorce and I would have acces to the kids (my mum remarried 4 times and I knew the pain that causes)
The second one was my dad going to hit my mum and missed and hit me and I still suffer the physical consequences 40 years later. I thought I had dealt with this but when she bought it up i put the hand up and said please don't go there.
To cut the story short do I need to forgive myself? I feel ashamed that I would marry with a view to divorce given my upbringing. As a matter of interest when sat in church that day within a second I felt that that my heart and soul was ripped out and severe anxiety replaced it and I still have it today and all the baggage that comes with it.
I am now married to the most beautiful Godly woman with 4 kids who I would never leave.
My wife says I'm not that kid I was 27 years ago and that I need to forgive that kid as such.
I posted forgiveness a couple of days ago. It was about forgiving others and the consequences of not forgiving others even though we are believers.
I have just been talking to my wife about yesterday's church service. She wasn't in it as she was doing childrens work.
The sermon was great and there was a call for prayer if you needed it. I so wanted to go forward but I couldn't. I just stood at the back hiding myself and tears streaming down my cheeks.
My wife asked me "did you not go forward because God disqualifies you or because you disqualify yourself she mentioned a couple of pivotal points in my life that affect where I am now and over a period of time she felt God was saying "Bill hasn't forgiven himself"
When she mentioned those points in my life I couldn't cope.
The first one was that I was got engaged to a girl 27 years ago that I didn't want to marry, so I got engaged with a view that we would divorce and I would have acces to the kids (my mum remarried 4 times and I knew the pain that causes)
The second one was my dad going to hit my mum and missed and hit me and I still suffer the physical consequences 40 years later. I thought I had dealt with this but when she bought it up i put the hand up and said please don't go there.
To cut the story short do I need to forgive myself? I feel ashamed that I would marry with a view to divorce given my upbringing. As a matter of interest when sat in church that day within a second I felt that that my heart and soul was ripped out and severe anxiety replaced it and I still have it today and all the baggage that comes with it.
I am now married to the most beautiful Godly woman with 4 kids who I would never leave.
My wife says I'm not that kid I was 27 years ago and that I need to forgive that kid as such.
