- Dec 20, 2019
- 3,874
- 116
Estimated reading time: 11 minutes
What if I told you that social media has made it possible to die with more memories of other people’s kids than of your own? Before I make a solid case for this unsettling reality, I’ll explore the mental and spiritual ramifications that comparison and endless scrolling can have on kids and adults. Finally, I’ll explain how taking a social media break will help you love your kids and spouse better and create a happier and healthier home.
First, let’s talk about how we got here. Facebook debuted in 2004 as a platform for college students, expanded globally three years later, and acquired Instagram in 2012. Now the company, known as Meta, boasts over 3.35 billion active users worldwide, representing roughly 41 percent of the global population.[1] In just 21 years, it has irreversibly transformed our world, allowing us to connect with anyone, see faraway events happen in real time, broadcast our photos and videos, and watch intimate and filtered moments from other people’s lives unfold in a pixelated, virtual world on a handheld computer.
Social media has no morality. It can be used for good or harm. It’s about how much we use it, what we look at and share, and our intentions behind using it. It has many benefits, helping us share moments of our lives with others, stay in touch with people we care about, and remain informed. Still, as we survey the cultural shifts and mental health crises that have ensued with the rise of social media, it may have caused more harm than good.
Meta hired human behavioral scientists to design their platforms to be addictive, triggering the release of dopamine—the pleasure neurochemical—each time we receive a notification of a new like, comment, or follow request. These platforms utilize psychological manipulation tools, such as the like button and infinite scroll, to capture our attention. Sophisticated algorithms study our likes and interests and feed us targeted ads that we find hard to resist. These tools keep us hooked as companies profit. We have become the product, not the user, and our lives and relationships can suffer as a result.
The average adult social media user has 6.8 social media accounts and spends about 2.3 hours daily using them.[2] Additionally, 30 percent of adults feel that they are addicted to social media.[3] Teenage boys spend approximately 4.4 hours on social media each day. Girls, on the other hand, spend an average of 5.3 hours and are the most affected by these platforms.[4] A 2016 Common Sense Media survey found that 50 percent of teenagers felt addicted to their mobile devices,[5] and another survey revealed that 27 percent of teens believe their experiences on social media are more harmful than their parents realize.[6]
Recent studies reveal that more than one hour on your phone a day increases anxiety and decreases happiness.[7] Youth are experiencing an unprecedented social media–induced mental health crisis. Since social media came out, the suicide rate has increased by 62 percent for Americans ages 10 to 24.[8] The rate of major depression among teen girls has skyrocketed by 145 percent.[9] It is possible humanity has never been more anxious, afraid, divided, depressed, suicidal, and lonely.
Not only has social media harmed our mental health, but it has also impacted our relationships. Phubbing is a new term for ignoring someone in favor of a smartphone or other mobile device. It combines phone and snubbing. Phubbing occurs when people are physically with others but engrossed in their screens, checking social media, texts, or emails instead of being fully present and talking.
Phubbing can deteriorate the quality of our relationships and make those in our presence feel rejected and unimportant. When parents engage in phubbing, kids suffer. Their emotional well-being decreases, resulting in feelings of loneliness and unworthiness and even causing behavioral issues. It can also strain marriages. A study involving 143 US adults found that 46 percent experienced phubbing by their partners, with 23 percent citing it as a significant problem in their relationship.[10]
Nonstop notifications and digital distractions also make us more disconnected from God. With the constant noise, it’s harder to practice spiritual disciplines such as silence and solitude. The average adult picks up their phone more than 300 times a day—missing sacred opportunities that could be used to pray to God.[11] How can we keep company with God in the company of millions of people in a virtual world? And how can we expect to fulfill God’s purpose for our lives while we’re looking at our phones?
When Jesus and His followers walked the dusty paths of Israel, the pace of life was three miles an hour; today, it’s two seconds a swipe. Every second spent on social media matters. Seconds become minutes, become hours, become days, become years. A few hours a day on your phone can amount to over six years of your life. And when we exhale our final breath, we will have to give an account to God for how we spent our lives.
Now, back to my disturbing theory about memories—another reason I recommend a social media break. The average American adult spends 2.3 hours scrolling through social media daily, at a rate of two seconds per post. This means the average adult user will see 4,200 images daily, up to 126,000 each month or 1.5 million a year. Online images evoke stronger emotional responses and social comparisons, making them more memorable than real-life moments. This was confirmed for me one day when I couldn’t recall what I had done or worn the day before, but I vividly remembered that my best friend’s four-year-old went to the zoo and fed the penguins, wearing sparkly red sneakers and a polka-dot dress.
I encourage you to stop and ask yourself how many pictures of your children you have looked at this month. Did you look at them again after you took them, trying to imprint the moment in your brain, or did you instead capture and share the memory online in real time? There is a difference between capturing special moments in your children’s lives to preserve them for your family’s memories and habitually taking pictures to post for friends, acquaintances, and strangers to see. While taking photos is important, being preoccupied with documenting and sharing every moment can keep us from being fully present and having more vivid sensory memories.
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Now that we understand the serious ramifications of social media overuse, what will we do? There’s been a lot of talk about it over the last ten years, but now it’s time for us to make some changes to protect our souls and ensure that social media doesn’t keep us from living out God’s purpose. Here are four practical strategies for reclaiming your life and safeguarding your well-being and your family.
Take an extended break from social media, ideally with your spouse and children (if your children use social media). This is essential to putting it in its proper place. I recommend abstaining for at least 30 days to overcome any addiction, reset your brain’s pathways, and enjoy the full benefits of the break. You can also try taking smaller breaks, or gradually increasing your time away from social media. Research indicates that even a week away from social media enhances happiness, reduces stress and anxiety, improves sleep, and boosts productivity.
It also fosters a deeper connection with loved ones. I think you’ll find that life can be so much more beautiful when we aren’t tethered to our devices. My book, Social Media Reset: A 30-Day Guided Journey to Unplug, Reconnect with God, and Reclaim Your Joy, walks women (including moms and daughters!) through a social media break that allows them to reset their souls and show up for their lives with a new level of excitement, joy, and intentionality.
If your children are involved in a social media break, think about asking them some questions to help them evaluate. “What was hardest about putting your phone down?” “What benefits did you see in not using social media?” “How did the break impact you personally?”
Consider purchasing a digital photo album to showcase your family’s favorite memories. Display these photographs in a continuous loop in a visible area of your home. Additionally, you can transform your TV into a photo slideshow. Viewing joyful memories can have a healing effect on your brain. It will help you and your children cherish some of the most precious moments of your lives. Looking at your photos rather than scrolling through others’ will decrease social comparison and encourage you to appreciate the beauty of your own life. There is something sacred about living a life that may be unseen by the world but is fully seen by God and the people you love.
It is essential to engage with social media wisely, with restraint and intention. Doomscrolling traps us like a casino traps a gambler. Remember, social media is designed to be addictive, and addictions can take over our lives.
The number one boundary that helped me break my addiction to social media was removing all the apps from my phone. Instead, I access them sparingly on my tablet or computer, using time limits, along with several other boundaries, to help me manage them in a way that mainly adds value to my life, ensuring they don’t control me. You, too, have the agency to implement boundaries for yourself and your family to protect your spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being.
For kids, the thrills of our culture can outshine the blessings of walking in the ways of God. Your child is searching for love, acceptance, and belonging. If they don’t find it at home, they will search for it elsewhere. But even in the best homes, even when you do everything you can to meet the desires of their hearts, the temptations of this world can be hard to resist. This makes it urgent and necessary to show your kids a better, albeit unpopular, way of life—a much better life than they will ever find on their devices.
Spend as much time outside as possible. Run, laugh, and play with your family. Go camping and take road trips. Enjoy board games and create home movies. Invest in the hobbies and interests that bring joy to your kids. Foster a safe and welcoming home where your kids’ friends feel accepted. Build strong relationships with like-minded families who share your faith and values.
As I write this article, it’s interesting that there’s a rising trend among Gen Z youth to step away from social media or use it minimally. They seem to be tired of the toll it has taken on their mental health and self-esteem, as highlighted in a recent Newsweek article.[12] Instead, many are embracing creative pursuits, spending quality time with friends and family, getting outdoors, and engaging in activities they enjoy offline. This shift is driven by a desire for more meaningful offline experiences that aren’t focused on external validation. As Newsweek notes, Gen Z is actively setting boundaries to cultivate healthier digital habits and reclaim their well-being. Perhaps we should take note and follow their lead.
Is social media a dying trend, or will it continue to be a predominant part of our daily lives? Time will tell. Whether it’s kids or adults leading the way, I hope and pray we will learn to master it so it doesn’t master us. This is not a mandate to never use social media again but a challenge to unplug for a time, reflect on its impact on you and your family, and consider the changes you want to make. Time away from social media will give you space to experience life as it was meant to be. It will help you show up better for your family and reconnect with what matters most. Only we can decide what role we will allow social media to play in our lives and homes.
Jesus always offers us a better, though often unpopular, way of life. We must turn our hearts away from non-eternal things. When we don’t conform to the soul-crushing patterns of this world, we find rest. We find joy. As we return to the grace-filled rhythms and spiritual practices Jesus modeled for us, we will experience peace and the fullness of joy. God created you and your family for an abundant life. Don’t let the lure of the online world keep you and your kids from it.
[1] “Meta Platforms – Statistics and Facts,” Statista, published February 4, 2024, https://www.statista.com/topics/9038/meta-platforms/.
[2] “Global Social Media Statistics,” DataReportal, updated February 2024, https://datareportal.com/social-media-users.
[3] “Social Media Addiction Statistics,” AddictionHelp.com, updated January 1, 2025, https://www.addictionhelp.com/social-media-addiction/statistics/.
[4] “Average Daily Time Spent on Social Media Platforms Among Teenagers in the United States in 2023,” Statista, updated November 22, 2024, https://www.statista.com/statistics/1451257/us-teens-hours-spent-social-networks-per-day/.
[5] “Technology Addiction: Concern, Controversy, and Finding Balance,” Common Sense Media, May 3, 2016, https://www.commonsensemedia.org/re...ction-concern-controversy-and-finding-balance.
[6] “Teens and Social Media: Key Findings from Pew Research Center Surveys,” Pew Research Center, April 24, 2023, https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/04/24/teens-and-social-media-key-findings-from-pew-research-center-surveys/.
[7] Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell, “Associations Between Screen Time and Lower Psychological Well-Being Among Children and Adolescents: Evidence from a Population-Based Study,” Preventative Medicine Reports, October 18, 2018, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6214874/
[8] “Social Media and Suicide Risk in Youth,” Jama Network, October 25, 2024, https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2825340.
[9] J. Haidt, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness (Penguin Press, 2024).
[10] David G. Myers, “Smartphones, Phubbing, and Relationship Satisfaction,” Institute for Family Studies, February 2, 2023, https://ifstudies.org/blog/smartphones-phubbing-and-relationship-satisfaction.
[11] “The New Normal: Phone Use Is Up Nearly 4-Fold Since 2019, According to Tech Care Company Asurion,” Asurion, March 2022, https://www.asurion.com/connect/news/tech-usage/.
[12] Melissa Fleur Afshar, “The Latest Millennial Stape to Become Uncool? Being Online,” Newsweek, March 20, 2025, https://www.newsweek.com/gen-z-millennials-leave-social-media-offline-internet-2047044.
The post How a Social Media Break Can Make You a Better Parent appeared first on Focus on the Family.
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What if I told you that social media has made it possible to die with more memories of other people’s kids than of your own? Before I make a solid case for this unsettling reality, I’ll explore the mental and spiritual ramifications that comparison and endless scrolling can have on kids and adults. Finally, I’ll explain how taking a social media break will help you love your kids and spouse better and create a happier and healthier home.
How did we get here?
First, let’s talk about how we got here. Facebook debuted in 2004 as a platform for college students, expanded globally three years later, and acquired Instagram in 2012. Now the company, known as Meta, boasts over 3.35 billion active users worldwide, representing roughly 41 percent of the global population.[1] In just 21 years, it has irreversibly transformed our world, allowing us to connect with anyone, see faraway events happen in real time, broadcast our photos and videos, and watch intimate and filtered moments from other people’s lives unfold in a pixelated, virtual world on a handheld computer.
Social media has no morality. It can be used for good or harm. It’s about how much we use it, what we look at and share, and our intentions behind using it. It has many benefits, helping us share moments of our lives with others, stay in touch with people we care about, and remain informed. Still, as we survey the cultural shifts and mental health crises that have ensued with the rise of social media, it may have caused more harm than good.
Social media can be addictive
Meta hired human behavioral scientists to design their platforms to be addictive, triggering the release of dopamine—the pleasure neurochemical—each time we receive a notification of a new like, comment, or follow request. These platforms utilize psychological manipulation tools, such as the like button and infinite scroll, to capture our attention. Sophisticated algorithms study our likes and interests and feed us targeted ads that we find hard to resist. These tools keep us hooked as companies profit. We have become the product, not the user, and our lives and relationships can suffer as a result.
The average adult social media user has 6.8 social media accounts and spends about 2.3 hours daily using them.[2] Additionally, 30 percent of adults feel that they are addicted to social media.[3] Teenage boys spend approximately 4.4 hours on social media each day. Girls, on the other hand, spend an average of 5.3 hours and are the most affected by these platforms.[4] A 2016 Common Sense Media survey found that 50 percent of teenagers felt addicted to their mobile devices,[5] and another survey revealed that 27 percent of teens believe their experiences on social media are more harmful than their parents realize.[6]
Recent studies reveal that more than one hour on your phone a day increases anxiety and decreases happiness.[7] Youth are experiencing an unprecedented social media–induced mental health crisis. Since social media came out, the suicide rate has increased by 62 percent for Americans ages 10 to 24.[8] The rate of major depression among teen girls has skyrocketed by 145 percent.[9] It is possible humanity has never been more anxious, afraid, divided, depressed, suicidal, and lonely.
“Phubbing”?
Not only has social media harmed our mental health, but it has also impacted our relationships. Phubbing is a new term for ignoring someone in favor of a smartphone or other mobile device. It combines phone and snubbing. Phubbing occurs when people are physically with others but engrossed in their screens, checking social media, texts, or emails instead of being fully present and talking.
Phubbing can deteriorate the quality of our relationships and make those in our presence feel rejected and unimportant. When parents engage in phubbing, kids suffer. Their emotional well-being decreases, resulting in feelings of loneliness and unworthiness and even causing behavioral issues. It can also strain marriages. A study involving 143 US adults found that 46 percent experienced phubbing by their partners, with 23 percent citing it as a significant problem in their relationship.[10]
Distracted and disconnected
Nonstop notifications and digital distractions also make us more disconnected from God. With the constant noise, it’s harder to practice spiritual disciplines such as silence and solitude. The average adult picks up their phone more than 300 times a day—missing sacred opportunities that could be used to pray to God.[11] How can we keep company with God in the company of millions of people in a virtual world? And how can we expect to fulfill God’s purpose for our lives while we’re looking at our phones?
When Jesus and His followers walked the dusty paths of Israel, the pace of life was three miles an hour; today, it’s two seconds a swipe. Every second spent on social media matters. Seconds become minutes, become hours, become days, become years. A few hours a day on your phone can amount to over six years of your life. And when we exhale our final breath, we will have to give an account to God for how we spent our lives.
Are you making memories or posts?
Now, back to my disturbing theory about memories—another reason I recommend a social media break. The average American adult spends 2.3 hours scrolling through social media daily, at a rate of two seconds per post. This means the average adult user will see 4,200 images daily, up to 126,000 each month or 1.5 million a year. Online images evoke stronger emotional responses and social comparisons, making them more memorable than real-life moments. This was confirmed for me one day when I couldn’t recall what I had done or worn the day before, but I vividly remembered that my best friend’s four-year-old went to the zoo and fed the penguins, wearing sparkly red sneakers and a polka-dot dress.
I encourage you to stop and ask yourself how many pictures of your children you have looked at this month. Did you look at them again after you took them, trying to imprint the moment in your brain, or did you instead capture and share the memory online in real time? There is a difference between capturing special moments in your children’s lives to preserve them for your family’s memories and habitually taking pictures to post for friends, acquaintances, and strangers to see. While taking photos is important, being preoccupied with documenting and sharing every moment can keep us from being fully present and having more vivid sensory memories.
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Now that we understand the serious ramifications of social media overuse, what will we do? There’s been a lot of talk about it over the last ten years, but now it’s time for us to make some changes to protect our souls and ensure that social media doesn’t keep us from living out God’s purpose. Here are four practical strategies for reclaiming your life and safeguarding your well-being and your family.
Take a Social Media Break
Take an extended break from social media, ideally with your spouse and children (if your children use social media). This is essential to putting it in its proper place. I recommend abstaining for at least 30 days to overcome any addiction, reset your brain’s pathways, and enjoy the full benefits of the break. You can also try taking smaller breaks, or gradually increasing your time away from social media. Research indicates that even a week away from social media enhances happiness, reduces stress and anxiety, improves sleep, and boosts productivity.
It also fosters a deeper connection with loved ones. I think you’ll find that life can be so much more beautiful when we aren’t tethered to our devices. My book, Social Media Reset: A 30-Day Guided Journey to Unplug, Reconnect with God, and Reclaim Your Joy, walks women (including moms and daughters!) through a social media break that allows them to reset their souls and show up for their lives with a new level of excitement, joy, and intentionality.
If your children are involved in a social media break, think about asking them some questions to help them evaluate. “What was hardest about putting your phone down?” “What benefits did you see in not using social media?” “How did the break impact you personally?”
Get a Digital Photo Album
Consider purchasing a digital photo album to showcase your family’s favorite memories. Display these photographs in a continuous loop in a visible area of your home. Additionally, you can transform your TV into a photo slideshow. Viewing joyful memories can have a healing effect on your brain. It will help you and your children cherish some of the most precious moments of your lives. Looking at your photos rather than scrolling through others’ will decrease social comparison and encourage you to appreciate the beauty of your own life. There is something sacred about living a life that may be unseen by the world but is fully seen by God and the people you love.
Establish Boundaries
It is essential to engage with social media wisely, with restraint and intention. Doomscrolling traps us like a casino traps a gambler. Remember, social media is designed to be addictive, and addictions can take over our lives.
The number one boundary that helped me break my addiction to social media was removing all the apps from my phone. Instead, I access them sparingly on my tablet or computer, using time limits, along with several other boundaries, to help me manage them in a way that mainly adds value to my life, ensuring they don’t control me. You, too, have the agency to implement boundaries for yourself and your family to protect your spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being.
Show Your Kids a Better Life Offline
For kids, the thrills of our culture can outshine the blessings of walking in the ways of God. Your child is searching for love, acceptance, and belonging. If they don’t find it at home, they will search for it elsewhere. But even in the best homes, even when you do everything you can to meet the desires of their hearts, the temptations of this world can be hard to resist. This makes it urgent and necessary to show your kids a better, albeit unpopular, way of life—a much better life than they will ever find on their devices.
Spend as much time outside as possible. Run, laugh, and play with your family. Go camping and take road trips. Enjoy board games and create home movies. Invest in the hobbies and interests that bring joy to your kids. Foster a safe and welcoming home where your kids’ friends feel accepted. Build strong relationships with like-minded families who share your faith and values.
As I write this article, it’s interesting that there’s a rising trend among Gen Z youth to step away from social media or use it minimally. They seem to be tired of the toll it has taken on their mental health and self-esteem, as highlighted in a recent Newsweek article.[12] Instead, many are embracing creative pursuits, spending quality time with friends and family, getting outdoors, and engaging in activities they enjoy offline. This shift is driven by a desire for more meaningful offline experiences that aren’t focused on external validation. As Newsweek notes, Gen Z is actively setting boundaries to cultivate healthier digital habits and reclaim their well-being. Perhaps we should take note and follow their lead.
Is social media a dying trend, or will it continue to be a predominant part of our daily lives? Time will tell. Whether it’s kids or adults leading the way, I hope and pray we will learn to master it so it doesn’t master us. This is not a mandate to never use social media again but a challenge to unplug for a time, reflect on its impact on you and your family, and consider the changes you want to make. Time away from social media will give you space to experience life as it was meant to be. It will help you show up better for your family and reconnect with what matters most. Only we can decide what role we will allow social media to play in our lives and homes.
Jesus always offers us a better, though often unpopular, way of life. We must turn our hearts away from non-eternal things. When we don’t conform to the soul-crushing patterns of this world, we find rest. We find joy. As we return to the grace-filled rhythms and spiritual practices Jesus modeled for us, we will experience peace and the fullness of joy. God created you and your family for an abundant life. Don’t let the lure of the online world keep you and your kids from it.
[1] “Meta Platforms – Statistics and Facts,” Statista, published February 4, 2024, https://www.statista.com/topics/9038/meta-platforms/.
[2] “Global Social Media Statistics,” DataReportal, updated February 2024, https://datareportal.com/social-media-users.
[3] “Social Media Addiction Statistics,” AddictionHelp.com, updated January 1, 2025, https://www.addictionhelp.com/social-media-addiction/statistics/.
[4] “Average Daily Time Spent on Social Media Platforms Among Teenagers in the United States in 2023,” Statista, updated November 22, 2024, https://www.statista.com/statistics/1451257/us-teens-hours-spent-social-networks-per-day/.
[5] “Technology Addiction: Concern, Controversy, and Finding Balance,” Common Sense Media, May 3, 2016, https://www.commonsensemedia.org/re...ction-concern-controversy-and-finding-balance.
[6] “Teens and Social Media: Key Findings from Pew Research Center Surveys,” Pew Research Center, April 24, 2023, https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2023/04/24/teens-and-social-media-key-findings-from-pew-research-center-surveys/.
[7] Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell, “Associations Between Screen Time and Lower Psychological Well-Being Among Children and Adolescents: Evidence from a Population-Based Study,” Preventative Medicine Reports, October 18, 2018, https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6214874/
[8] “Social Media and Suicide Risk in Youth,” Jama Network, October 25, 2024, https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2825340.
[9] J. Haidt, The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness (Penguin Press, 2024).
[10] David G. Myers, “Smartphones, Phubbing, and Relationship Satisfaction,” Institute for Family Studies, February 2, 2023, https://ifstudies.org/blog/smartphones-phubbing-and-relationship-satisfaction.
[11] “The New Normal: Phone Use Is Up Nearly 4-Fold Since 2019, According to Tech Care Company Asurion,” Asurion, March 2022, https://www.asurion.com/connect/news/tech-usage/.
[12] Melissa Fleur Afshar, “The Latest Millennial Stape to Become Uncool? Being Online,” Newsweek, March 20, 2025, https://www.newsweek.com/gen-z-millennials-leave-social-media-offline-internet-2047044.
The post How a Social Media Break Can Make You a Better Parent appeared first on Focus on the Family.
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