Seekingthelord1
Member
Me and my wife are barely three months married and we already have encountered a pretty rough difference. I just would like some godly wisdom, and if i'm going about this the right way.
The back story is one evening my wife was pretty anxious, she tends to be an anxious person so I just asked her what was wrong, why wasn't she eating dinner. She refused to tell me, kept persisting saying she just wants to not tell me, and keep it between God. Ok, I dropped it, but she did say that she would eventually tell me. I thought it was odd as she's never had this response to something bugging her.
So I asked her the following night hey what was making you so anxious last night, and she once again got kind of defensive saying why are you so persistent. Some things you should just leave, and I said I don't believe if you are struggling with something so much that it's making you not want to eat dinner and lose your appetite you should keep it from your husband. I just want to pray for you, and i care for you. then I said I'll drop it.
She came back after 5 mintues and said okay i'll tell you. When I was in the store a couple weeks ago, i was wearing tight yoga pants, and she wears a long shirt that covers her butt because she thinks that modest, as do I. But she said she was aware that her shirt was riding up on her, and she intentionally decided to let it ride up for the conscious thought of attracting other men's attention. She said she finally came to senses and thought how wrong that was being a married women, and prayed and really sought god's forgiveness on it. I kind of feel betrayed hearing that, but what makes it worst is the thought process of keeping this hidden. In reality, it's not the end of the world and i would have just appreciated her being honest and open about this so i can pray with her. We are all sinful and have fleshy desires I get it. If she was wide open, I would feel so much better about it vs her opinion that she regrets telling me this now. She thinks struggles with lustful thoughts, or actions shouldn't be shared with me.
I've tried sharing scripture with her, and many points of view from wise counsel, but she has her mother speaking in her ear saying not everything should be shared with your spouse and with struggles like this. She even went to the point of saying that some of these things it's okay to lie to your spouse about, and brought up examples such as the lies told by the Hebrew midwives and Rahab.
midwives lied to Pharaoh to protect Hebrew babies, which likely saved their lives and led to the birth of Moses
Her mother is basically saying she's destroying our marriage if she is open on this subject of struggles with lustful thoughts and actions with your spouse. I don't think is godly wisdom at all, and i think it's creating a wedge between us. She is so hard set on her mother's advice, and alot of times i feel like she puts her mother over me with the amount she runs to her to talk too.
Anyways, any advice would be appreciated on how i go forward with this in a godly way, while still showing grace and love to her even though I heavily disagree with her viewpoint it not being necessary to share with your spouse and keeping this stuff just between you and god. It makes me feel like I can't trust her and that she's not being open to me about her struggles if she ever has them or if things like this happen again. she said she wishes she never shown she was anxious that evening, that way i never asked or knew.
The back story is one evening my wife was pretty anxious, she tends to be an anxious person so I just asked her what was wrong, why wasn't she eating dinner. She refused to tell me, kept persisting saying she just wants to not tell me, and keep it between God. Ok, I dropped it, but she did say that she would eventually tell me. I thought it was odd as she's never had this response to something bugging her.
So I asked her the following night hey what was making you so anxious last night, and she once again got kind of defensive saying why are you so persistent. Some things you should just leave, and I said I don't believe if you are struggling with something so much that it's making you not want to eat dinner and lose your appetite you should keep it from your husband. I just want to pray for you, and i care for you. then I said I'll drop it.
She came back after 5 mintues and said okay i'll tell you. When I was in the store a couple weeks ago, i was wearing tight yoga pants, and she wears a long shirt that covers her butt because she thinks that modest, as do I. But she said she was aware that her shirt was riding up on her, and she intentionally decided to let it ride up for the conscious thought of attracting other men's attention. She said she finally came to senses and thought how wrong that was being a married women, and prayed and really sought god's forgiveness on it. I kind of feel betrayed hearing that, but what makes it worst is the thought process of keeping this hidden. In reality, it's not the end of the world and i would have just appreciated her being honest and open about this so i can pray with her. We are all sinful and have fleshy desires I get it. If she was wide open, I would feel so much better about it vs her opinion that she regrets telling me this now. She thinks struggles with lustful thoughts, or actions shouldn't be shared with me.
I've tried sharing scripture with her, and many points of view from wise counsel, but she has her mother speaking in her ear saying not everything should be shared with your spouse and with struggles like this. She even went to the point of saying that some of these things it's okay to lie to your spouse about, and brought up examples such as the lies told by the Hebrew midwives and Rahab.
midwives lied to Pharaoh to protect Hebrew babies, which likely saved their lives and led to the birth of Moses
Her mother is basically saying she's destroying our marriage if she is open on this subject of struggles with lustful thoughts and actions with your spouse. I don't think is godly wisdom at all, and i think it's creating a wedge between us. She is so hard set on her mother's advice, and alot of times i feel like she puts her mother over me with the amount she runs to her to talk too.
Anyways, any advice would be appreciated on how i go forward with this in a godly way, while still showing grace and love to her even though I heavily disagree with her viewpoint it not being necessary to share with your spouse and keeping this stuff just between you and god. It makes me feel like I can't trust her and that she's not being open to me about her struggles if she ever has them or if things like this happen again. she said she wishes she never shown she was anxious that evening, that way i never asked or knew.
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