[__ Prayer __] I don't know what to do anymore

[PraiseHimFirst]

I feel completely helpless in my marriage right now. My husband is always hateful and in a bad mood and he constantly yells at my son and I. He is yelling at him right now because he is getting on his nerves and wants him to sit on the couch and be quiet. He's only four! He never plays with him or takes him anywhere and I can't stand it anymore. He tries to control every move we make. Last night he went to bed early and made the dogs leave our room and shut the door, I opened it back up and he told our son to come shut it again. I told him it should be open because the dogs food and pad is in our bathroom and they might need to get to it and he said, "Shutup! I don't care what you think, my opinion overrides yours!" He yelled at me the other day because I bought an app on my ipod before asking him if I could and threatened to sell it... this is life every single day. Something like this happens every day and I feel like I have to get out. I can't stand him yelling anymore. When I ask him to please stop yelling at our son he will tell me I'm not his mom and I don't tell him what to do. He has no respect for me or my role as the wife and mother in our home. It doesn't matter what I do for him or what I say, what he says goes. I know divorce is wrong but I don't see how I can live like this for the rest of my life. I love him but I don't like him. I think the problem is that his dad is a Preacher and he really seems to control his mom and now he's doing the same to me. He smacks our son in public (and church) all the time and people look at us funny and I can't stand it. Last week he smacked him in the head with the Bible. I just don't know how a person can act that way! We can't do anything without an argument and then I end up crying, he makes fun of me and my little boy is asking me, "what's wrong". I just don't know what to do anymore.. I stay home with our little boy and I keep our house clean, I take care of everything.. he never has to do anything except work and I feel more like a maid/babysitter than the mom and wife. I know the Bible says God will work through me and help him, and for a while things seemed to be better, but it's getting to be worse now.
I know some of you probably have great marriages, can you please give me some advice and pray for us? Thank you.

 

[Nathan Kendall]

How about advice from an unlikely hero? I'm 21, fell in love with a girl who is now recently 19. She left me for another guy, but not once did I ever stop loving her, even though she was immature. She's rude to her mom, makes excuses, was dishonest, avoided problems, prideful, etc.

But not once did I quit on her. She quit on me. I always thought the immaturity would end, even when it got worse. Problem is, when it gets so bad to a certain point in dating, your partner WILL LEAVE YOU. It is completely unfair to the faithful and hard at work. That statement is slightly ironic, because I'm now having to learn to have faith in a time like this.

Like I said, she quit. For inspiration, I recommend this: YouTube - Facing the Giants

This is what was played at a marriage conference we went to, because we were seriously considering marriage... even though now she doesn't even want to think about it now. Please watch that, because I hate quitters.

You made vows to your husband. You did what I wish we could have. I want a relationship with someone who will not break their promises. Please do not quit on your husband. As for your husband, I think he needs to see Fireproof with you.

But those will not do it. Both my girlfriend and I saw those, and we're now separated. It will not work unless both of you work. It may not just be him, but both of you need to work on your marriage. Go get counseling. Go to church more often. Work at it, but no matter, do not quit.

I'm quite sure you are a great mother, and a beautiful wife. Do not let anyone deceive you otherwise. Put your faith in God to work it out, even though it's tearing you apart. It's hard, but that's all I really can say. I'm not married, but I would love to be a role model.

I know a couple who were married though. They had to have a 2-year separation because he cheated on her, beat them, and had anger issues. During this period, he learned how to be a more Godly man, and he came back saying that they needed to live together for their marriage to work, or just sign the divorce papers. They've been married for quite some time now, and he's a great Godly man. With that history I mentioned, you would not see that in him. He is honestly a changed man. Sometimes, for a new car to work, you just need to fix the broken parts.

Give it time. Pray daily, and pray together. Talk to him and tell him exactly what's going on. I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

[Jeremiah1]

It sounds like he has some pent up baggage that he is dealing with and is taking it out on you and the kid. Such behavior is not excusable, but it is explainable.

Not knowing the situation beyond what you posted I'm not sure if this will be quite the expert advice you are looking for, but I'll give it a stab anyway.

I would highly recommend you read Gary Chapman's book "The Five Love Languages". It would be great if the two of you could read it together. However, if he is unwilling, just read it for yourself. Based on how well you know him, try to discern which is his primary love language. Then go out of your way to speak that language to him, even if he does not deserve it. As you do, I promise you will start seeing a small change. It may take a while, and it may be slow, but trust me, it will happen. Truth be told, we men are powerless against it.

I wish you all the best, good luck!

 

[Nathan Kendall]

Just to add to what I said: Any relationship can work. Don't tell yourself it can't get better, because it can. That my real best advice honestly. Give it all you've got, keep working on it, and try to be loving to him even though he does not deserve it. It's REALLY hard, but the rewards are amazing. I'm not saying this from experience, I just know the facts. Keep that head held up high, and keep your relationship strong with your husband and God, especially and most importantly God.

 

[handy]

Please see my PM!

 

[Rinid]

PraiseHimFirst I'll pray for you. It's hard to get a full understanding from what you've put in here.. Is he being abusive to you? Other than just verberally. Does he fell he is spanking the kid for being out of line or is it at any time? Have you at any point made your feelings known to him and what has he done in response? Truth is marriage takes 2 to make work. Sometimes because we don't want to offend, other times because we don't want to make things worse we don't talk about things and they get out of hand. again from what you said it's hard to get a feel for everything. What's clear so far is something is bothering him and it's affecting your marriage in a negative way. could you give a little more information please?

 

[Keep Your Spirits High]

I'll be praying for you. Just don't give up, don't quit. If you're strong through these bad times, you'll get out of them stronger. God will help you. Just pray.

 

[Fire_inside21]

I will pray for you, I will have my Mom and family pray also. Don't give up on him, there may be deeper problem's from his past.

 

[Kellig]

PraiseHimFirst, may I ask how you devotional life is? Are you running to Jesus with your hurt?

I remember there was a time in my marriage when I hated my husband. I hated everything he did, and everything he did bugged me. The more I hated him the more hateful he became towards me. He couldn't do anything right, and it upset me because I could tell by the way he acted that he thought I couldn't do anything right either.

My prayer and devotional time was almost non existent at the time, but I remember sitting in the car, talking to Jesus, about how horrible my husband was, how he was so negative all the time, and Jesus just quietly started listing all the good things about my husband. He spoke to my heart and told me that negativity builds on negativity, and is like a cancer it grows and grows, but on the other hand, positivity, grows and blooms like a flower, bears seeds and in spread to grow and bear fruit in others.

You need to make a list of all the good things about your husband. One of the top on your list needs to be that he goes to work everyday to provide a beautiful home for you and your son, oh what a marvelous blessing for you and your son, that you get to be with him while he is little. The time goes so fast...

Men need, let me say that again your husband needs to feel honored by you. Jesus tells us as wives that we must honor our husbands.

When Jesus started to tell me all the good things about my husband, I felt my heart resist, I wanted Jesus to be on my side. I was the one who always had to bend, why didn't he have to ever compromise? He just kept speaking to me and as soon, and I mean that very second I felt my heart melt with love for my husband. I hugged grabbed his hand and kissed it (he was driving) I told him what a wonderful provider he was, and I told him how blessed I felt to have such a good man for a husband, and I haven't stopped doing that.

Since then, our marriage is everything I ever dreamed of as a young girl. Even if it takes awhile for your husband go come around, don't let Satan (because that's who is behind those thoughts) enter into your mind. Jesus says in 2 Corinthians that we can capture those thoughts. Capture them. Use your mighty weapon the Mighty Word of God. When a thought enters say aloud (or in your head if your alone) Thank you God for my wonderful husband, then start listing all the good things about him, even if it's only a few (ask Jesus, he will show you a bunch).

I am praying for your marriage, I know you will have a long and happy one!

 

[Rev.T]

I am not sure whether or not your husband is saved, however right now that is not the point. The bible says a soft answer turns away wrath. That is a promise. It may take a little time but it will work and you have to have patience to let God's promise work. A person cannot argue with himself. Eventually he will calm down and recognize what is going on. It seems justifiable to try to prove a point and try to get in the last word. However, let God's promise work. Say what you have to say then cut it off. Do not take it any further! Let the Holy Spirit restrain you. Pray without ceasing!!! In addition the bible says that your behavior can win over your husband. That's a promise. If he is not saved, he may not become saved but he'll see your control over the situation and respect you. Satan is a destroyer. Don't let him destroy your marriage. My name is Rev.T and I'll be praying for you

 

[jodetoad]

I failed at marriage once, and divorced. It is not something that you forget, I still wonder if I could have done better.

I'll pray for you, too.