[__ Prayer __] I think my Faith is failing.

[SadEyes]

After a long night of tossing and turning, of trying to read the Bible for hope, for some peace, for something other then the emptiness in me, I just cannot seem to find anything.

I am struggling so badly right now, I'm starting to wonder if I truely am being punished for something some how. I don't know if I am praying with a true heart or not. When I pray, I start out on a good way, Not for world peace or anything, but I thank Him for allowing me the strength to get out of bed. I really AM suffering from depression and I have thought several times about taking my own life. I pray that God wraps me up in His warmth and love, but in the end I still feel so empty and alone.

I feel like I'm locked in this dark room and I can't seem to find a handle or a window to let light in. (I know it sounds dramatic, but it's truely how I feel.) And I just stand there and pray that God will show me a way and still nothing. Sometimes I wonder if I really AM crazy.

I don't have anyone to talk to about this at all. My "friends" aren't really there for me when I need them, I have reached out to a few online friends but they all have been busy. Doesn't make me feel loved much.

I am reading this book called Healing for Damaged Emotions by David A. Seamands. I find myself relating to it more then I thought I would, I am trying so hard to understand and to forgive MYSELF for the things I have done. I say that I forgive others but do I really mean it? My head says I do but does my heart really believe that? Is that why I feel like I am being punished? Is that why I just feel so end inside and God has abandoned me for something better? My head says that He would never abandon me, that He is always with me no matter what, but my heart doesn't feel His love. Is my faith failing?

I head knows that God has a plan for me, but what if my stubbornness, my unfaithfullness to submit to Him, my free will, has screwed up His plan for me? What if He looks at me and says I have touched you in many ways but yet you refuse to allow Me to touch your heart? What if this big plan was just screwed up because I was stupid and didn't pay attention. Is there a wrong way to pray? Perhaps I'm just not praying correctly. Maybe my heart is getting in the way. I do not know anymore.

I am struggling and I feel alone. I have no friends, moving caused me to not be able to return to my old chruch, I am struggling to find another chruch, and I have no one to talk to. Everyone always seems too busy. I am trying so hard to feel something but nothing comes. I just need to talk, I don't even want to understand His plan, I just need to talk and yet when I reach out everyone is always just too busy with other things.

I look at my list of online friends, I was so angry at myself and at them last night that I just deleted everyone from my list. So even then my heart has caused me not to be able to reach out yet again.

I think my faith is failing and I don't want it to.

 

[Trump]

You may find it helpful to study the following two books.

Proverbs, in the Hebrew tongue is "Mishlai", it means "to rule", and in the Greek the word is "Paroimiai", "any dark sententious saying". Thus it is a rule or saying to govern your life. It is not a collection of human wisdom, but a Divine set of rules from YHVH, our heavenly Father. We could say that the Proverbs is a set of comparisons, and as we study through the Proverbs, we will see that there is much more to these set of rules than is written. This book requires us to use common sense in applying it to our lives. God is telling us how to govern and rule our own life. This book of Proverbs is the sister to the book of Ecclesiastes, God's instructions to the man that walks under the sun; The man living in his flesh body; in order to have peace of mind and be happy.

This set of instructions is given by Father to help us control and make our decisions in our personal life [civil order], as well as our religious and business life. This book of Proverbs tells us how to operate a business and be successful. Even though they are called "dark sayings", it does not mean that these sayings are Satanic, it means that these points of wisdom are hidden from a foolish person; those not seeking instruction from God. The foolish man will never obtain true wisdom. When you read these sayings, and apply them to your life, it will always work: Because God will be the one to make it work. God takes care of His own, and those that seek to follow His set of instructions; those that stay focused on His Word.

God removes those problems and things that you cannot handle yourself. However, God also expects us to use our common sense, to to tend to those things that we can do for ourselves. Remember that when it gets to rough for the people of this world, that is when God's people get focused and back to work. Christians can handle it, because we have Father with us.

 

[Trump]

"Ecclesiastes", which is taken directly from the Latin Vulgate Version, through the Septuagint Version, which was made in Alexandria Egypt in the second or third century before Christ [B. C.]. The Vulgate, or Latin Version of the Bible was made by Jerome about the close of the fourth century A. D., and authorized by the Council of Trent, 1545-1563 B. C. "Ecclesiastes" comes from the Hebrew name "KOHELETH", which means "Assembler or Convener". It is not a proper name, but comes from the root word in the Hebrew, "Kahal" which means "to call".

The Book of Ecclesiastes was written by king Solomon, by the presence of the Holy Spirit. This entire Book was written to "the man that walks under the sun", which is an expression that means, "to those that live in the flesh body". It is addressed to the soul that lives in this flesh body to tell us how to be happy while we live in the flesh body. It was written to give us peace of mind, and exist in the flesh body with what ever condition we find our selves in.

When we have total understand of this book of Ecclesiastes, and live in accordance with it's instructions, we can be prosperous, happy, and have a total different understanding of our flesh bodies, and the spiritual body that dwells within our flesh bodies. This is the purpose of this book. It was written to give you happiness which you live in the flesh body, and give you a purpose and reason for living.

Ecclesiastes takes a close look at both sides of the view of life in the flesh body. We will first take a optimist look at life, then the pessimist view of life. Though the optimist will over play life in the flesh, but the beauty of it all is that we will see the truth that lies between the two. That truth will give us peace of mind.

 

[SadEyes]

Thank you for your comments, I will be reading both of those. I think I only have really thumbed through Ecclesiates. I could be mistaken though. Does it matter which Bible I read it from? I have all of the versions, or is it just my own personal preference?

 

[Trump]

SadEyes, you may find the following verse, along with its comment, helpful in your quest to understanding of His Word on a deeper level.

II Timothy 2:15 "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the world of truth."

This is how you become approved unto God. You study His Word and apply those teachings and words to your life. Don't worry about what some man might think of you, for it is God that we are to please. If what pleases God doesn't please man, than who cares what those men and women think. Let the ignorant remain ignorant.

Studying the Word is the first step. Then act out what you have studied and applying it to your life. After you have done this you become a workman for the Lord that does not need to be ashamed in what you do, if you rightly divide the Word of God. Get away from those foolish games that many churches play, criticizing one another in the manner of dress, in the manner they do their hair, and the little things that just don't matter. What type of music should be played, what the ladies can say, and all sorts of do's and don'ts that just are not in the Word of God. The body of Christ has become split into denominations and groups over silly things that just don't matter.

Paul is asking us, what profit is there in the things that you hold dear in your church, that are not upheld in the Word of God? Absolutely none. Any church that places man's traditions in a higher authority than God's Word will find that there is no profit in their service because God will not bless them. God doesn't bless stupidity, but He does for rightly divide the Word. This is why you should teach by keeping the outline of the chapters in line before you, following the subject of what is being taught in mind, and focusing in on the object of what is being taught.

When you study any of the books of the bible, stay focused on who it is written to. For an example; the book of Romans was written to the Romans, and is for Israel and for the Gentile. It is a beautiful book but it is written to them. The Book of James is written to the twelve tribes that are scattered abroad. You would have a hard time understanding the book of James if you did not rightly divide it. When you understand who it is written to, then you can understand who the "we" and "they" and "them" are referring to.

When you break away from the manuscripts you lose much of the meanings, but a good teacher always goes to the study tools for understanding. These study tools include a numbered concordance, numbered to Greek and Hebrew dictionaries to get to the true meaning of the Word. The Companion Bible allows us to take words back into the Massorah, as well as other helpful references so that we can rightly divide the Word of God. While Greens Interlinear Bible actually has the earliest text side by side with the King James version of the Bible and numbered to the Strongs Greek and Hebrew dictionaries. Smith's Bible dictionary gives us the meaning of the names, as well as many other helpful pieces of information to help our studies.

When we rightly divide the Word of God, it flows in the simplicity that it was written in. We are to stay to our Father's business, and keep focused on the instructions given it it. Allow God's Word only to take first place in your congregation, instead of some quarterly or monthly that is stuffed full of nonsense. It is a very poor thing that some men try to place their works above God's Word. God's Word is quite sufficient, if you learn to study it.