- Dec 20, 2019
- 3,659
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Estimated reading time: 8 minutes
“I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” – Psalm 4:8
Having a new baby is incredible, but let’s face it: it’s also EXHAUSTING. Day and night are terms that seem to have lost all meaning. You may only know approximately what time of day it is by whether it is light or dark outside (with apologies to Alaskan readers). On top of physical exhaustion, you may be experiencing emotional and mental exhaustion as you attempt to function in a somewhat human way while utterly sleep deprived.
Few things cause as much confusion, stress, and frustration as figuring out sleep for a new infant. While some babies seemingly emerge from the womb as great sleepers, those infants are the exception. Most babies need some support to figure out night and day, establish healthy circadian rhythms, and get into predictable sleep patterns.
Sleep is incredibly important for infants. It aids in their growth and development as well as impacting their overall disposition. Anyone who has been around a cranky toddler who hasn’t had their nap that day can attest to this! Also, as believers, we know that we are appointed by God to be our child’s first and best teacher. This includes teaching them about the rhythms of life, including wake and sleep cycles.
However, as parents seeking to teach their baby to sleep well, where should you begin? There are myriad resources on infant sleep, all of which seem to say something different. So how should a parent decide what to do? Is it simply about finding the technique that works for your specific family? Will none of the books work because each baby/toddler is so different? Is good sleep even a realistic goal for the first few years? Is it truly one size fits one, rather than one size fits all? Well…yes and no. It is true that each child is different. Not only are they different in inborn characteristics and temperament, but also in their responses to their environment and the parenting to which they are exposed. However, there are some universal principles that tend to be effective for most babies. The two ideas outlined below are the first steps a family should take in helping their baby sleep well. These action steps provide the foundation to guide parents toward better sleep for their children – and ultimately themselves.
Intention indicates purpose. Parenting is certainly an area where it is unwise to leave things to chance or “wing it” as you go along. To successfully change your baby’s sleep patterns, you need to do it on purpose. It will not come about by happenstance. You will need to put in some work. To do that effectively, you need to understand why you are doing that work. So, first you need to set an intention to give you direction as you go forward. There simply must be a strong “why” to cope with the upcoming (and sometimes challenging) “how” of getting better sleep for your baby.
Intention can come from many diverse sources. A few examples:
For some parents, their desperation for a good night’s sleep is a strong enough “why.” This carries them through the entire process and then some.
For others, the very fact that they are exhausted means they don’t have the capacity to use that as their intention. They will once again get overly tired, grow frustrated or frazzled, and then give up out of sheer exhaustion. This is exactly why you’ll need a strong foundational reason for undertaking this project. That reason will carry you through on days when you would rather throw in the towel. It will carry you through when you are so tired that it seems like too much work to keep going. This is possible even if it means you will continue to be sleep deprived.
Parents for whom exhaustion is not motivation enough may turn to their parenting preferences. They might already know that they have a philosophical bent toward one particular parenting strategy or another. They’ve already done some research and know that they resonate with a certain parenting style. These parents are at somewhat of an advantage. They can approach sleep work simply using the same philosophy they’re using for other areas of infant parenting. If that is the case for you, fantastic! Simply use that philosophy as your over-arching guiding principle. And also, carry that with you into the work on your baby’s sleep patterns.
A strong personal belief in the importance of self-care is another example of a helpful place from which to set an intention. These parents know they are able to give more to their child if they are taking care of themselves. So, this parent will be able to see their increased sleep as an important “why” in encouraging sleep from their baby.
Your faith can also be a powerful motivating factor. Rather than looking at a particular parenting style preference, your “why” might center around viewing your child as a gift from God and wanting to steward that gift well. Believing you have a God-given privilege and special role as your baby’s first teacher and authority figure can motivate you as you teach your baby about day and night and help them establish healthy circadian rhythms.
Whatever your “why” and wherever it comes from, it is important to take the time to actually choose that intention/ You may even want to consider writing it down. That way, when difficulties come, (and I assure you, they will) you can return to the notes you made. They can serve to remind you of the important reasons that you embarked on this journey.
Taking the time to set your intention now will save you from a lot of frustration later. Parents who do not set an intention for large issues in parenting, such as sleep, find that they end up quitting repeatedly and then having to start over. Alternatively, they give up before a strategy has enough time to work, assume that means it didn’t work, and find themselves back where they began and more frazzled than ever.
Intention-setting is actually at the heart of nearly every issue in parenting. Families absolutely must have a great grip on what principles they are operating from. They must know why they are doing the things they set out to do as parents. They have to understand what is important to them, and what they see as being important for their child as well. This will involve some self-examination on your part. You have to understand how you are wired. If you’re parenting as part of a team, you need to understand how you are wired as a couple.
For example, if your family values routine, you may prefer a parenting style that lends itself to structure, systems, and rhythms. This means you will likely prefer a sleep style for your baby that includes gentle routine with meals, naps, and bedtimes at roughly the same time each day. If you love the ability to be spontaneous and find structure confining, you may prefer a parenting style that includes flexibility and allows for variation in feedings and naptimes.
Your baby is a wonderful addition to your life, but was never designed to be the center of your universe. You as the parent were here first. It becomes your job to integrate your baby into your microcosmic family system. Knowing who you are as a parent and what your values and priorities are helps set the tone for what your family looks like and how it operates. This enables you to give an infrastructure to your family system. And, it will help guide you as you invite your baby into that.
So be willing to do a little self-examination here. Not only about yourself, but also about what’s important to you as a family unit. This will serve you well as you go forward. It is best to work only on intention-setting first. Don’t move forward with specific sleep strategies until you have your foundation set and are willing to operate from it.
Many parents falsely believe that starting their baby on any kind of sleep plan too soon will result in issues. This is rarely the case. In fact, the opposite is more often true. Babies definitely deserve a week or two to figure out nursing/feeding and just get used to life outside the womb. You as parents are adjusting in those first days as well. However, any time after these first few weeks, barring a medical issue with your infant, it is generally safe to start introducing your chosen sleep model.
Laying the foundation for your chosen sleep plan early is essential to helping your baby create the sleep habits you hope to continue. It is far easier to do the work of implementing these sleep practices with a young infant than to unravel unwanted habits weeks or months down the road.
That said, if you are reading this and your baby is several months old, or you already recognize some sleep patterns that are less than desirable, don’t panic! It’s rarely too late to make meaningful course corrections and get back on track.
Whether you are expecting, have a newborn, or have an older infant, decide when you will begin implementing changes to your baby’s sleep habits and prepare for that. Many families with traditional work schedules start on a weekend. This means they have a few days to cope with the changes and deal with how their baby responds to them. Do whatever works best in your home.
Once you have set your intention and chosen a start date, start implementing your new sleep strategies. With the foundation laid and a keen sense of your guiding principles, you are far more likely to experience success.
Sweet Dreams!
The post Infant Sleep: Laying the Foundation appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
“I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” – Psalm 4:8
Having a new baby is incredible, but let’s face it: it’s also EXHAUSTING. Day and night are terms that seem to have lost all meaning. You may only know approximately what time of day it is by whether it is light or dark outside (with apologies to Alaskan readers). On top of physical exhaustion, you may be experiencing emotional and mental exhaustion as you attempt to function in a somewhat human way while utterly sleep deprived.
Few things cause as much confusion, stress, and frustration as figuring out sleep for a new infant. While some babies seemingly emerge from the womb as great sleepers, those infants are the exception. Most babies need some support to figure out night and day, establish healthy circadian rhythms, and get into predictable sleep patterns.
Sleep is incredibly important for infants. It aids in their growth and development as well as impacting their overall disposition. Anyone who has been around a cranky toddler who hasn’t had their nap that day can attest to this! Also, as believers, we know that we are appointed by God to be our child’s first and best teacher. This includes teaching them about the rhythms of life, including wake and sleep cycles.
Where to begin?
However, as parents seeking to teach their baby to sleep well, where should you begin? There are myriad resources on infant sleep, all of which seem to say something different. So how should a parent decide what to do? Is it simply about finding the technique that works for your specific family? Will none of the books work because each baby/toddler is so different? Is good sleep even a realistic goal for the first few years? Is it truly one size fits one, rather than one size fits all? Well…yes and no. It is true that each child is different. Not only are they different in inborn characteristics and temperament, but also in their responses to their environment and the parenting to which they are exposed. However, there are some universal principles that tend to be effective for most babies. The two ideas outlined below are the first steps a family should take in helping their baby sleep well. These action steps provide the foundation to guide parents toward better sleep for their children – and ultimately themselves.
Set an Intention
Intention indicates purpose. Parenting is certainly an area where it is unwise to leave things to chance or “wing it” as you go along. To successfully change your baby’s sleep patterns, you need to do it on purpose. It will not come about by happenstance. You will need to put in some work. To do that effectively, you need to understand why you are doing that work. So, first you need to set an intention to give you direction as you go forward. There simply must be a strong “why” to cope with the upcoming (and sometimes challenging) “how” of getting better sleep for your baby.
Finding Your ‘Why’
Intention can come from many diverse sources. A few examples:
For some parents, their desperation for a good night’s sleep is a strong enough “why.” This carries them through the entire process and then some.
For others, the very fact that they are exhausted means they don’t have the capacity to use that as their intention. They will once again get overly tired, grow frustrated or frazzled, and then give up out of sheer exhaustion. This is exactly why you’ll need a strong foundational reason for undertaking this project. That reason will carry you through on days when you would rather throw in the towel. It will carry you through when you are so tired that it seems like too much work to keep going. This is possible even if it means you will continue to be sleep deprived.
How Your Parenting Style Shapes Infant Sleep Routines
Parents for whom exhaustion is not motivation enough may turn to their parenting preferences. They might already know that they have a philosophical bent toward one particular parenting strategy or another. They’ve already done some research and know that they resonate with a certain parenting style. These parents are at somewhat of an advantage. They can approach sleep work simply using the same philosophy they’re using for other areas of infant parenting. If that is the case for you, fantastic! Simply use that philosophy as your over-arching guiding principle. And also, carry that with you into the work on your baby’s sleep patterns.
A strong personal belief in the importance of self-care is another example of a helpful place from which to set an intention. These parents know they are able to give more to their child if they are taking care of themselves. So, this parent will be able to see their increased sleep as an important “why” in encouraging sleep from their baby.
Your faith can also be a powerful motivating factor. Rather than looking at a particular parenting style preference, your “why” might center around viewing your child as a gift from God and wanting to steward that gift well. Believing you have a God-given privilege and special role as your baby’s first teacher and authority figure can motivate you as you teach your baby about day and night and help them establish healthy circadian rhythms.
Why Intention-Setting Is Crucial
Whatever your “why” and wherever it comes from, it is important to take the time to actually choose that intention/ You may even want to consider writing it down. That way, when difficulties come, (and I assure you, they will) you can return to the notes you made. They can serve to remind you of the important reasons that you embarked on this journey.
Taking the time to set your intention now will save you from a lot of frustration later. Parents who do not set an intention for large issues in parenting, such as sleep, find that they end up quitting repeatedly and then having to start over. Alternatively, they give up before a strategy has enough time to work, assume that means it didn’t work, and find themselves back where they began and more frazzled than ever.
Bigger than sleep
Intention-setting is actually at the heart of nearly every issue in parenting. Families absolutely must have a great grip on what principles they are operating from. They must know why they are doing the things they set out to do as parents. They have to understand what is important to them, and what they see as being important for their child as well. This will involve some self-examination on your part. You have to understand how you are wired. If you’re parenting as part of a team, you need to understand how you are wired as a couple.
For example, if your family values routine, you may prefer a parenting style that lends itself to structure, systems, and rhythms. This means you will likely prefer a sleep style for your baby that includes gentle routine with meals, naps, and bedtimes at roughly the same time each day. If you love the ability to be spontaneous and find structure confining, you may prefer a parenting style that includes flexibility and allows for variation in feedings and naptimes.
Know yourself
Your baby is a wonderful addition to your life, but was never designed to be the center of your universe. You as the parent were here first. It becomes your job to integrate your baby into your microcosmic family system. Knowing who you are as a parent and what your values and priorities are helps set the tone for what your family looks like and how it operates. This enables you to give an infrastructure to your family system. And, it will help guide you as you invite your baby into that.
So be willing to do a little self-examination here. Not only about yourself, but also about what’s important to you as a family unit. This will serve you well as you go forward. It is best to work only on intention-setting first. Don’t move forward with specific sleep strategies until you have your foundation set and are willing to operate from it.
Decide when to begin
Many parents falsely believe that starting their baby on any kind of sleep plan too soon will result in issues. This is rarely the case. In fact, the opposite is more often true. Babies definitely deserve a week or two to figure out nursing/feeding and just get used to life outside the womb. You as parents are adjusting in those first days as well. However, any time after these first few weeks, barring a medical issue with your infant, it is generally safe to start introducing your chosen sleep model.
Laying the foundation for your chosen sleep plan early is essential to helping your baby create the sleep habits you hope to continue. It is far easier to do the work of implementing these sleep practices with a young infant than to unravel unwanted habits weeks or months down the road.
That said, if you are reading this and your baby is several months old, or you already recognize some sleep patterns that are less than desirable, don’t panic! It’s rarely too late to make meaningful course corrections and get back on track.
Whether you are expecting, have a newborn, or have an older infant, decide when you will begin implementing changes to your baby’s sleep habits and prepare for that. Many families with traditional work schedules start on a weekend. This means they have a few days to cope with the changes and deal with how their baby responds to them. Do whatever works best in your home.
Once you have set your intention and chosen a start date, start implementing your new sleep strategies. With the foundation laid and a keen sense of your guiding principles, you are far more likely to experience success.
Sweet Dreams!
The post Infant Sleep: Laying the Foundation appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
