Instill Biblical Principles for Entertainment and Media Choices

[Focus on the Family]

Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

“Bob, call me back as soon as possible.”

When I returned the call, my friend John said he needed my advice in a family entertainment and media choices matter. His 15-year-old daughter had been watching a Disney Channel program he didn’t recognize. The show’s “boy-girl thing” made him uncomfortable, and he ordered her to turn off the television. The incident soon escalated into a serious family conflict, with John’s wife not agreeing with the snap decision and his daughter bursting into tears as she grudgingly turned off the television. John wanted to know what I thought about the show and whether he had overreacted.

As it turns out, the program in question wasn’t perfect, but I didn’t think it justified John’s response. I told my friend that I saw a bigger problem developing: He risked alienating his daughter by barking orders, without showing fatherly affection and without communicating how a love for Christ was his underlying motivation.

The incident reminded me that while training our kids to be savvy about entertainment is important, any attempt to achieve that with stern, unexplained boundaries is counterproductive and can lead to conflict and rebellion. Done properly, teaching discernment in entertainment and media choices helps kids make better choices for a lifetime, not just while they live under our roof.

As you guide your family through the murky waters of modern entertainment, aim to do so without outbursts, arguments and slammed doors:

Follow Christ’s lead​

While factors such as age appropriateness and spiritual maturity should also be considered, I believe the lion’s share of media choices can be made by asking the question popularized by those old WWJD bracelets: What would Jesus do? If Jesus were walking the planet today, how would He respond if His disciples asked questions like “Should we watch this film?” or “Can we play this video game?”

Help your kids understand that Christ’s answers to these questions would be based upon His love for His disciples, not on a desire to squelch their fun. We don’t know what Jesus would do or say in every situation, but we can help our kids prayerfully seek what He likely would do based on His holiness and character.

Model it​

Nothing spoils the effectiveness of a media discernment message like a parent who doesn’t practice what he or she preaches. If your children know you’re not applying those principles to your own entertainment choices, you’re asking for a fight. Most kids — especially teenagers — know hypocrisy when they see it, and they don’t respect it.

For parents of younger children, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t watch anything you wouldn’t let your kids watch. But ask yourself: Would I want my children watching this when they are older?

Enter your kids’ world​

There’s no need to view your children’s media consumption as some secret place with a large “No Parents Allowed” sign above the entrance. Give yourself permission to enter — gently and lovingly. Become familiar with their favorites and those of their friends, and try to understand why these are high on the list. Children give more respect to informed decisions than to knee-jerk reactions.

Promote positive alternatives​

Our Creator is not anti-entertainment, and parents shouldn’t be either. As you face tough conversations about entertainment and media choices with your kids, work to find constructive alternatives. I don’t mean that entertainment has to be explicitly Christian to get a thumbs-up, but we should strive for entertainment that is positive. It might be a song that promotes forgiveness or gives a boost to volunteerism. It might be a television program that highlights the joy of remodeling someone’s dilapidated home or a “David and Goliath” film about working to achieve the near impossible.

Encourage compatible community​

When your kids hear other people — pastors, other parents, teachers, friends — echoing your advice on media, they will be more inclined to listen. Talk with other parents. Ask your church leaders to consider including this subject in their ministry plans. Encourage friendships with other kids who make wise entertainment choices. When your children hear from a peer that discernment has value, you may feel less conflict when these difficult media moments occur.

Avoid extremes with entertainment and media choices​

As parents make entertainment decisions for their families, many tend to swing between the extremes of permissiveness and legalism. Neither extreme works. A discerning middle ground — one that tests entertainment against biblical standards on a case-by-case basis — is the most reasonable plan of action. Teaching discernment encourages balance, leads to critical thinking, bonds families and gives teens life skills they’ll carry throughout adulthood.

Set media standards​

Peter, James, John, Abraham, and Moses didn’t have to worry about what movies their sons might watch, what songs the DJ at the high school dance would be spinning, or what TV shows their daughters might be watching on their cell phones.

Nor did they face the challenges of texting, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Second Life, Hulu or Pandora.

But as I’ve already mentioned, even though the Bible never says, “Thou shalt not listen to gangsta rap,” it’s full of passages to help us navigate the culture. It’s the place to go when you’re looking for authoritative answers — a much better place than “Because I said so” or “You’re embarrassing me in front of all the other parents at church.”

Your kids may not be used to consulting Scripture about their media choices. According to the Barna Group, 91 percent of teens who say they’re “born again” make moral decisions by means other than God’s absolute truth; most say they use their “feelings.” But it’s a habit you can encourage, and one that might even help prevent media battles that arise when parents and kids rely solely on personal preferences and opinions.

How can you help your children form that habit of thinking biblically about topics like entertainment? If your kids are preteens or teens, here’s one way, taken from Craig and Janet Parshall’s book, Traveling a Pilgrim’s Path:

Appoint an ethics chair. Some universities create a “chair,” or office of a designated expert, on issues like ethics. You can do the same at home, naming one of the chairs at your dinner table the “ethics chair.” Let a different person sit in the chair each night for a week; he or she is to weigh in on the right and wrong of subjects discussed at the table. Other family members are free to talk about ethics, too, but the “chairperson” makes sure that at least one moral issue is raised at each meal. If your “expert” takes a questionable stand, resist the urge to overrule him; simply ask him to explain how his position fits with what the Bible says.

Model discernment in entertainment and media choices​

Nothing spoils the effectiveness of an entertainment and media choices discernment message like a parent who doesn’t practice what he or she preaches. If your child knows you’re not applying those principles to your own entertainment choices, you’re asking for a fight. Most kids — especially teenagers — know hypocrisy when they see it, and they don’t respect it.

But no earthly parent is perfectly consistent. So how can you be a walking advertisement for making good entertainment choices? In his book, Effective Parenting in a Defective World, author and pastor Chip Ingram knows the importance of modeling, but encourages us not to expect the impossible from ourselves:

Can you imagine lining your children up on the couch, looking them in the eye, and saying: “I want you to be like me. I want you to talk the way I talk, drive the way I drive, eat and drink the way I eat and drink, watch the kinds of shows I watch, handle your money like I handle my money, balance work and rest like I balance work and rest, and handle your anger like I handle mine”? Would you be comfortable giving them that kind of charge? If not, the most profound parenting decision you will ever make may be how you respond to what you just read.

Can you fathom the lifelong difference you could make in your children’s lives if you stopped right now to identify the attributes that you’re uncomfortable passing down to them and then systematically began to allow those attributes to be conformed to Christ? You must become who you want your children to become.

If a responsibility that heavy causes you to feel an enormous amount of pressure, let me encourage you. You don’t have to be perfect. In fact, you couldn’t pass perfection down to your kids if you wanted to; they’re fallen human beings, just like you and me. What you can do, however, is demonstrate how godly people handle themselves when they blow it. Authenticity is the goal, not perfection. Let them see how you deal with failure as well as how you deal with success. You can demonstrate what it means to repent, to confess, to humbly accept responsibility for your mistakes, and to ask forgiveness. In fact, asking your child to forgive you for a mistake is one of the most powerful teaching tools you have. It’s not about having it all together; it’s about living out what you believe day by day and responding appropriately when you miss the mark. It’s impossible for you to be perfect for your kids, but anyone can be authentic.

Let your kids see you making entertainment and media choices. If you can’t explain why it’s okay for you to watch that movie or listen to that song or frequent that website, you may need to make a better decision. Being as consistent as you can gives your kids one less thing to argue about.

Get your pastors on board​

When your kids hear other people — pastors, parents, teachers — echoing your advice on media, they may be more willing to listen.

Encourage your youth pastor to schedule a parent/teen night to discuss the subject of honoring Christ with entertainment decisions. Ask the head of your children’s ministry whether making good media choices could be part of the curriculum in Sunday school or children’s church. Talk to your senior pastor about including this subject in his plans; a sermon or two each year goes a long way.

Want to stay Plugged In?​

To help families make excellent decisions regarding entertainment and media choices, Plugged In is a Focus on the Family resource designed to shine a light on the world of popular entertainment while giving families the essential tools they need to understand, navigate, and impact the culture in which they live.

Through reviews, articles, and discussions to spark intellectual thought and spiritual growth, Plugged In is guided by the command of Colossians 2:8: “See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.”

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