- Dec 20, 2019
- 3,600
- 108
Estimated reading time: 6 minutes
You may think of the teenagers in your life as privileged sorts who lounge around clutching a cellphone or a game controller in Cheeto-dusted mitts. You spot them and instantly start thinking of when you were a kid … walking barefoot to school in the snow, carrying 90 pounds of books and a lunch made of hard tack and gristle!
Putting aside your slightly skewed memories, though, teens have it harder than we often think. In fact, a great number of teens these days are feeling quite a bit of pressure in their lives. The experts are calling this high-pressure climate “Grind Culture.” And a study from Indiana University, Harvard Graduate School of Education and Common Sense Media reported that some 81% of teens are dealing with it and feeling its heavy weight.
Grind Culture is a young person’s deep-seated sense (and self-imposed pressure) that they’ve got to push forward, work harder and accomplish big things. What does that mean? Well, the study reported that Grind Culture pressure hits kids at six essential stress points.
The biggest stressor is their desire to come up with some kind of plan for life: college, career, relationships. What am I going to do? Who will I share my life with? How do I make it happen?
Now, it’s fair to say that everyone throughout history has dealt with that, but keep in mind that today’s teens have the constant influence of social media cracking its whip over their heads. It lofts high a glowing picture of those special few who can somehow balance their higher education and accomplishments, their constant social media presence and their physical beauty in one perfect package. And let’s face facts, that’s not an easy picture to live up to.
That sparkling perfection kids see on social media also feeds into other stress areas. In the study, 53% of teens said they felt a constant pressure to be exceptional and impressive in whatever they do: They feel like they need to get into honors classes and, once there, they need to get not just good grades, but great ones. That will indeed help them out on the college front—but with everyone striving to do the same thing, that positive desire to succeed can lead to negative self-worth in a hurry. (Of course, there’s also the pressure of just paying for college these days. Talk about stress.)
Oh, and let’s not forget the appearance side of things. 51% of teen respondents felt a great deal of pressure to look a certain way or have a certain body type. That takes work and money. In some cases, a lot of both.
Of course, social media also demands that you maintain an active and dynamic social life. I mean, what can you post about if you’re not out having fun? Which also means you’ll need to be a good and supportive friend. About 41% of teens feel the pressure of always having to respond to a constant inflow of texts, and the need to keep proper tabs on their friends’ social media comments.
The last big stressor is the need to stay informed about issues in the world; the need to get out there and do something good for their community. Around 32% of teens said that pressure to be involved with activism was a major source of tension.
Now, none of those aspirations—to be better or do better or plan for the future—are necessarily bad in any way. But, as I mentioned, they can start to collectively become a heavy weight on a teen who’s just trying to keep up. And a large number of young people in the study recognized that it pushed them to a point of burnout, where all of their many juggled goals came crashing down.
That burnout can fuel depression, anxiety and poor self-esteem. In other words, exactly the opposite of what teens are hoping for. And what do people around them do when a teen is in that kind of funk? Generally, they give them space. But trust me, you won’t find any studies that suggest walking away and leaving a depressed teen all alone is a thumbs-up choice.
So, what can you, dear barefoot snow-walker, do to help ensure that your teen doesn’t come crashing down under the weight of all that grind?
Well, a good first step is to always strive to keep an open channel of communication. Be ready to flop down on the couch next to your teen and grab a Cheeto or two. Or better yet, suggest going out for a brief walk. And then ease your way into asking about their goals and thoughts. Let your teen know that you’re on his or her side and want to help any way you can.
Then you might look to the 19% of teens from the above-mentioned study who said they didn’t feel any Grind Culture stress. They weren’t just lazy louts who had given up on life. Oh, no. They were achieving things, too. But they all had certain traits in common.
For example, they all tended to be relatively physically healthy. They got plenty of sleep (with no phones in the bedroom). They had healthy diets and got outside exercise regularly. Maybe best of all, they also took time to put the work aside and find fun activities to reduce their stress levels.
This is one of those instances when a round of video-game play can be a good thing. (Just maybe without the Cheetos.) Games are designed to usher you into an immersive world that’s free from big tests and heavy real-world responsibilities. Taking breaks like this can actually lend themselves to better mental health. And on that front, just practicing being grateful for the good things in life is a great mental booster, too.
Those non-grinding teens also all had some kind of creative outlet that they could indulge in. Something that would let them step away for a while and enjoy the simple things of life. They might take walks and stop to sketch a scenic view or take photos. Or get out their guitar and write a song. They might sit on a hillside and put down their thoughts in a journal.
Oh, and don’t forget the option of taking an occasional digital detox. We all could afford to put down our cellphone from time to time. Unlike a teen, leaving a cellphone by itself to stew in a dark room can be a very positive, un-grindy choice.
The point behind all this is for we parents to get involved. We need to understand that, yes, there can be things weighing on our kids. And then we can strive to help them devise a healthy strategy to reach their goals and avoid those overwhelming pressures.
We need to emphasize the fact that a teen’s value does not come through some lofty goal, school, or job. Goals are great. But we love and value our kids because of all the intangible things that can’t be measured on a grading sheet: their ideas; their emotions; the values they embrace; the good and loving people they are. Those are the very elements that God has built into them piece by piece. Those are the things God loves and wants us all to work on.
And those are the things that will ultimately help our teenagers be successful in life.
The post Is Grind Culture Grinding Your Teen Down? appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
You may think of the teenagers in your life as privileged sorts who lounge around clutching a cellphone or a game controller in Cheeto-dusted mitts. You spot them and instantly start thinking of when you were a kid … walking barefoot to school in the snow, carrying 90 pounds of books and a lunch made of hard tack and gristle!
Putting aside your slightly skewed memories, though, teens have it harder than we often think. In fact, a great number of teens these days are feeling quite a bit of pressure in their lives. The experts are calling this high-pressure climate “Grind Culture.” And a study from Indiana University, Harvard Graduate School of Education and Common Sense Media reported that some 81% of teens are dealing with it and feeling its heavy weight.
The Hidden Pressure on Teens
Grind Culture is a young person’s deep-seated sense (and self-imposed pressure) that they’ve got to push forward, work harder and accomplish big things. What does that mean? Well, the study reported that Grind Culture pressure hits kids at six essential stress points.
The biggest stressor is their desire to come up with some kind of plan for life: college, career, relationships. What am I going to do? Who will I share my life with? How do I make it happen?
Now, it’s fair to say that everyone throughout history has dealt with that, but keep in mind that today’s teens have the constant influence of social media cracking its whip over their heads. It lofts high a glowing picture of those special few who can somehow balance their higher education and accomplishments, their constant social media presence and their physical beauty in one perfect package. And let’s face facts, that’s not an easy picture to live up to.
How Social Media Fuels Stress
That sparkling perfection kids see on social media also feeds into other stress areas. In the study, 53% of teens said they felt a constant pressure to be exceptional and impressive in whatever they do: They feel like they need to get into honors classes and, once there, they need to get not just good grades, but great ones. That will indeed help them out on the college front—but with everyone striving to do the same thing, that positive desire to succeed can lead to negative self-worth in a hurry. (Of course, there’s also the pressure of just paying for college these days. Talk about stress.)
Oh, and let’s not forget the appearance side of things. 51% of teen respondents felt a great deal of pressure to look a certain way or have a certain body type. That takes work and money. In some cases, a lot of both.
What Is Grind Culture Doing to Teen Mental Health?
Of course, social media also demands that you maintain an active and dynamic social life. I mean, what can you post about if you’re not out having fun? Which also means you’ll need to be a good and supportive friend. About 41% of teens feel the pressure of always having to respond to a constant inflow of texts, and the need to keep proper tabs on their friends’ social media comments.
The last big stressor is the need to stay informed about issues in the world; the need to get out there and do something good for their community. Around 32% of teens said that pressure to be involved with activism was a major source of tension.
Now, none of those aspirations—to be better or do better or plan for the future—are necessarily bad in any way. But, as I mentioned, they can start to collectively become a heavy weight on a teen who’s just trying to keep up. And a large number of young people in the study recognized that it pushed them to a point of burnout, where all of their many juggled goals came crashing down.
That burnout can fuel depression, anxiety and poor self-esteem. In other words, exactly the opposite of what teens are hoping for. And what do people around them do when a teen is in that kind of funk? Generally, they give them space. But trust me, you won’t find any studies that suggest walking away and leaving a depressed teen all alone is a thumbs-up choice.
Breaking Free: Helping Teens Escape Grind Culture
So, what can you, dear barefoot snow-walker, do to help ensure that your teen doesn’t come crashing down under the weight of all that grind?
Well, a good first step is to always strive to keep an open channel of communication. Be ready to flop down on the couch next to your teen and grab a Cheeto or two. Or better yet, suggest going out for a brief walk. And then ease your way into asking about their goals and thoughts. Let your teen know that you’re on his or her side and want to help any way you can.
Then you might look to the 19% of teens from the above-mentioned study who said they didn’t feel any Grind Culture stress. They weren’t just lazy louts who had given up on life. Oh, no. They were achieving things, too. But they all had certain traits in common.
What Is Grind Culture Without a Digital Detox?
For example, they all tended to be relatively physically healthy. They got plenty of sleep (with no phones in the bedroom). They had healthy diets and got outside exercise regularly. Maybe best of all, they also took time to put the work aside and find fun activities to reduce their stress levels.
This is one of those instances when a round of video-game play can be a good thing. (Just maybe without the Cheetos.) Games are designed to usher you into an immersive world that’s free from big tests and heavy real-world responsibilities. Taking breaks like this can actually lend themselves to better mental health. And on that front, just practicing being grateful for the good things in life is a great mental booster, too.
Those non-grinding teens also all had some kind of creative outlet that they could indulge in. Something that would let them step away for a while and enjoy the simple things of life. They might take walks and stop to sketch a scenic view or take photos. Or get out their guitar and write a song. They might sit on a hillside and put down their thoughts in a journal.
Digital Detox
Oh, and don’t forget the option of taking an occasional digital detox. We all could afford to put down our cellphone from time to time. Unlike a teen, leaving a cellphone by itself to stew in a dark room can be a very positive, un-grindy choice.
The point behind all this is for we parents to get involved. We need to understand that, yes, there can be things weighing on our kids. And then we can strive to help them devise a healthy strategy to reach their goals and avoid those overwhelming pressures.
We need to emphasize the fact that a teen’s value does not come through some lofty goal, school, or job. Goals are great. But we love and value our kids because of all the intangible things that can’t be measured on a grading sheet: their ideas; their emotions; the values they embrace; the good and loving people they are. Those are the very elements that God has built into them piece by piece. Those are the things God loves and wants us all to work on.
And those are the things that will ultimately help our teenagers be successful in life.
The post Is Grind Culture Grinding Your Teen Down? appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...