It's All About The In-laws

[JohnDB]

Since marriage seems to be a hot bed of discussion lately...

Did your parents ever council you on how to pick a spouse?

Did your parents have a successful marriage?

Have you learned what not to do to a spouse from your parents?

Did your marriage turn out better or worse than your parents?

Is your marriage a fantasy come true or have you a peace accord with occasional "benefits"?

If on your second or third spouse (due to divorce) what went wrong on your part?
Your tastes?
They deceived you?
You were in a rush?
Looked in all the wrong places for the wrong people?

Every one has a story to tell...tell us yours.

 

[Eugene]

I had parents that slugged it out; if my mother even thought he glanced at another woman she hit him upside the head. How'd that work on us kids? I'm going to be married now for fifty-nine years, my oldest sister remained married near fifty until her husband died approximately ten years ago, and my younger sister of ten years died about two years ago having been married around forty years.
The moral of this story? Never think about looking at another woman than your wife, marry one that will not actually punch out your lights if she mistakes your intentions, hide the frying pans as you sleep, and pray a lot.

 

[WIP]

Did your parents ever council you on how to pick a spouse? No.

Did your parents have a successful marriage? Best I can tell, yes. There were a few occasions but we children rarely saw our parents argue. I suppose they did their best to keep us out of those situations. One thing I do know is they stuck up for each other when it came to handling us children. It didn't work to hear "no" from one parent and then go to the other to hopefully get a "yes" answer. One would always ask, what the other said and they never countered each other's decisions.

Have you learned what not to do to a spouse from your parents? I may have been taught by their ways but I must admit I did not do very well at following their example.

Did your marriage turn out better or worse than your parents? Considering that I divorced my first wife, I would have to say no. My second marriage also had its share of difficulties and rough roads and I had a lot of growing up or learning to do. I've had to give up much of myself for the sake of this marriage. We are both very independent and this is what I had to do to keep my own sanity. It works as it is even if it isn't Shangri-la.

Is your marriage a fantasy come true or have you a peace accord with occasional "benefits"? Must admit it is closer to the latter.

If on your second or third spouse (due to divorce) what went wrong on your part?
Your tastes?

They deceived you? Two years into my first marriage my wife decided to taste the grass on the other side of the fence, not just once, but multiple times. We separated and I really struggled with that because I take my marriage vows very seriously even then when I was not a Christian I believed marriage was for life and one does whatever is possible to keep it that way. I ended up in a severe depression even suicidal so I had to spend time in a hospital while I worked out my issues. We eventually got back together but it was never the same. I had issued her an ultimatum that if I ever found about more unfaithfulness I would divorce her immediately. I believe I was part of the reason we never really got things to work out because I just couldn't totally forgive her and trust her again. Eventually after five more years, I learned of more infidelity on her part and so I filed for divorce.

Looking back, I overlooked quite a few instances of her deceit and lying to me which began before we were married. I was a love struck blind boy.

I will say that I was probably not a poster boy husband for her either although I never cheated on her or physically abused her. Mental abuse? Maybe. That's a tough one to call. Unfortunately, she did not talk to me about issues she was having but instead chose to give in to her temptations outside of marriage.

You were in a rush?

Looked in all the wrong places for the wrong people?

Every one has a story to tell...tell us yours.[/QUOTE]

 

[LovethroughDove]

Did your parents ever council you on how to pick a spouse? No, but my mother would make it known she didn't like my boyfriends...until I met my husband (she liked him)

Did your parents have a successful marriage? No, they divorced

Have you learned what not to do to a spouse from your parents? Yes indeed. I do the opposite

Did your marriage turn out better or worse than your parents? Million times better.

Is your marriage a fantasy come true or have you a peace accord with occasional "benefits"? We are best friends and benefits.

 

[Lewis]

My mom and dad would fight all the time. , my dad had 4 kids with other women while still with my mom.

 

[Edward]

Since marriage seems to be a hot bed of discussion lately...

Did your parents ever council you on how to pick a spouse? Sort of, in a secular way. Told me I shouldn't take a girl to bed unless I was willing to marry her.

Did your parents have a successful marriage? I'd have to say no because they did divorce, but comparing them to other couples makes me lean towards pretty much. They didn't fight all the time or anything like that.

Have you learned what not to do to a spouse from your parents? Yes I did, for the most part anyway. "Don't sweat the small stuff" was good advice from my dad. Don't slap her around, go cool down. Back her up, even if she's wrong, that's what husbands do. Don't fight about money with her, it's only money, but she's your Wife...and so forth.

Did your marriage turn out better or worse than your parents? I don't know. I was married 5 years longer than they were...We prolly fought more than our parents did, but it's hard to say if they had more than we did (relationshipwise...while it lasted...) because they were pretty private about their private things.

Is your marriage a fantasy come true or have you a peace accord with occasional "benefits"? My marriage was sort of a fantasy come true for awhile, she is a good lady and was a wonderful wife and excellent mother. There was no peace accord, it is what it is (was). That she became americanized and more interested in more money than I had...wasn't something that could be dealt with in a political way (i.e., peace accord/contract.)

If on your second or third spouse (due to divorce) what went wrong on your part? Well, it was my only marriage to date. I was able to recognize where I went wrong though. I thought that if I didn't cheat on her, and provided for the family...that my job was done and I am a good husband. That's way wrong. I go to work, she stays home and works, kids, cleaning, etc., when my day's over, I come sit down...is her day over? No, it gets harder, now she's caring for me on top of it all. Work is a means to an end, the end being, being married and having a girl/family. The day begins when daddy gets home from work. Next time, I'll help her with the house chores and cooking. Mmmm, maybe cook dinner once a week instead of once a year. Give the girl some time off!
Your tastes? My tastes haven't changed and never have.
They deceived you? The first one did. But I usually could tell that she was lying about something. She hated that, and called me a human lie detector, lol.
You were in a rush? I don't understand the question here...
Looked in all the wrong places for the wrong people? No, that was after the marriage ended.

Every one has a story to tell...tell us yours.

It'd make her look bad to begin story telling and I'm not wanting to do that. Now that it's over, I prefer to remember the good times and forget the bad times.

 

[JohnDB]

The last few questions are about how you picked the spouse you have/had.
We go looking for our princess/prince and end up with either a witch or toad or something other than what we envisioned marriage to be like.

We succeed or fail based in part by our own choices in who we marry. Marriage is a choice we freely enter into. (Whether family approves or not) We live with the choice we made...and so do children.

My second choice was made too quickly and I found out too late that a "deal breaker" trait was her normal SOP. I wanted a ministry partner and she absolutely didn't value grace, mercy, forgiveness and agape love in any part of her life. So it became obvious that she expected someone to make her happy and set her up as a couch queen fairly quickly. Uhhhh not in my house or life.

The wife I have now is my best friend and partner in ministry. We both work hard with our talents to make that happen. My parents model nothing of a successful marriage except that they stay together. Of course they have no clue as to why a successful marriage looks like so counseling me was not something that they did either. The first wife was a nightmare by comparison to my current wife...the whole 17 years. I wasnt perfect either but...Second was just like the first...the whole 17 months.

Five years into the third is like heaven.

They say experience is a hard teacher and a fool will learn by no other...I exemplify that statement.

 

[Edward]

They say experience is a hard teacher and a fool will learn by no other...I exemplify that statement.

Oh, I hear ya' Brother! Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from poor judgment.