- Dec 20, 2019
- 3,765
- 115
Parental respect, love, and gratitude are foundational pillars for kids.
My family was standing in line for the old-time roller coaster at Elitch Gardens in Denver. We were next in line, and as a group near us exited their car, a boy forgot his hat in the cubby where people leave their belongings so that they don’t come flying out during the ride. He ran back to get it, and by accident, he cut sharply in front of an adult. When the boy got back near his family, his father slapped him upside the head.
I was saddened by the scene. Perhaps this father was trying to teach his son the importance of respecting strangers, but it sure seemed like a disrespectful—and ineffective—way to teach that lesson. Respect breeds respect, and disrespect breeds disrespect.
Parental respect is an essential component of communication and correction in the home. Parents are required to have many types of interactions with their kids. We teach them and discipline them. We remind them of family expectations, and of how God’s direction might influence a decision. Wise parents treat their children respectfully in all of these situations. Parental respect builds a child’s sense of value. And it’s an important part of how children learn how to respect others—especially their parents.
Kids raised in respectful environments learn these important traits:
In respectful homes, kids better learn to forgive and accept forgiveness. Everyone messes up and needs a do-over, parents included, and a respectful family atmosphere creates the workings for humility and grace.
Children who are taught respect learn that people are important. They began to think of others instead of just themselves, and they are often more genuine in their care for others.
A respectful family environment teaches kids to focus their attention and listen to others—to recognize that what other people have to say is important. They learn to wait for their turn and not insist on always having their own way.
When children understand the significance of respecting others’ possessions and time, they learn to take care for what is someone else’s and what is their own.
A respectful home helps build trust among family members, the foundation of love. Respectfulness will create true character, which is how we behave when no one else is watching. Trust helps create a natural flow of empathy, compassion and kindness toward each other in the home.
Take the Assessment!
It probably goes without saying that the love of parents is essential to a child’s well-being.
God has made children to need parental love, and He’s built into parents the ability give this love. Yet family life gets complicated. Parents are often busy, scattered and tired, and many of us feel guilt about how well we are raising our kids. Am I giving my kids the love they need? we ask ourselves.
“Children spell love T-I-M-E,” the saying goes. So true, yet often so challenging. Our frenzied, active lifestyles conflict with the time our kids really need to sense our love.
Throughout my years of working with families, I’ve learned that authentic parental love is never a guarantee. What’s more, many guilt-stricken parents may misinterpret the kind of love their kids need, trying to make up for lost time by not enforcing boundaries and appropriate expectations.
The good news is that authentic parental love is a skill that we can learn. It starts with understanding the clear benefits our children receive when they live in a home where “love” is truly spelled T-I-M-E:
Love is a physical need for children. When our kids receive and learn to give love, they won’t be as thirsty for love from people outside the family. The authentic love of parents helps children develop an identity as a beloved child of God, one who has the capacity and responsibility to share that love with others.
Research from Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri, has demonstrated that a mother’s love helps her child’s brain grow—as much as twice the rate as that of a neglected child. Preschoolers who received parental love and nurturing from their moms were found to have more growth in the hippocampus, the part of the brain involved in learning, memory and response to stress.
This early growth can have a significant effect on their development later in childhood. “It’s vital that kids receive support and nurturing during those early years,” said lead author Dr. Joan Luby.
The children I have counseled over the years tend to become more self-confident when they feel a genuine and unconditional love from their parents. These children learn to enjoy the moments and experiences of life instead of being worried about what their future holds.
Being hyper-focused on the future can create a paralyzing stress. But family environments where parental love is frequently demonstrated—where family members authentically enjoy doing life together—prepare children to boldly face all the questions the future may bring.
Kids from loving homes tend to better learn to be adaptable. The love of parents gives kids the roots needed to develop resilience and perspective for facing life’s difficulties. Kids are better able to learn perseverance, self-control and patience when they receive authentic, encouraging and supportive words from their parents.
True parental love means helping children appreciate limits and boundaries. And this pays off in our kids’ lives. Kids don’t like boundaries—they actually love them. They enforce them on the playground, they feel safe and secure when they have them, and they feel loved when they remember these moments with parents.
Yes, a child’s emotions do get in the way of his liking his parents’ boundaries. His often selfish desire for immediate gratification prevents him from seeing clearly. But even if they won’t admit it, children thrive in a home with loving, clearly defined boundaries.
God’s model of love is authentic and perfect. It is patient, kind, gentle, sacrificial and eternal. God’s love motivated Him to send Jesus to save us. And His love fuels the Christian parent’s love. God loves us no matter what, strengthening us to do the same toward our children.
Parental love can be transforming for you and your child. But it is an endeavor that can always use improvement and refinement. A parent’s love is full of mistakes and mishaps, but it is the essential glue to our imperfect and messy family relationships.
The post Kids Need Parental Respect, Love, And Gratitude appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
My family was standing in line for the old-time roller coaster at Elitch Gardens in Denver. We were next in line, and as a group near us exited their car, a boy forgot his hat in the cubby where people leave their belongings so that they don’t come flying out during the ride. He ran back to get it, and by accident, he cut sharply in front of an adult. When the boy got back near his family, his father slapped him upside the head.
I was saddened by the scene. Perhaps this father was trying to teach his son the importance of respecting strangers, but it sure seemed like a disrespectful—and ineffective—way to teach that lesson. Respect breeds respect, and disrespect breeds disrespect.
Parental respect is an essential component of communication and correction in the home. Parents are required to have many types of interactions with their kids. We teach them and discipline them. We remind them of family expectations, and of how God’s direction might influence a decision. Wise parents treat their children respectfully in all of these situations. Parental respect builds a child’s sense of value. And it’s an important part of how children learn how to respect others—especially their parents.
Kids raised in respectful environments learn these important traits:
Forgiveness and grace
In respectful homes, kids better learn to forgive and accept forgiveness. Everyone messes up and needs a do-over, parents included, and a respectful family atmosphere creates the workings for humility and grace.
Authentic humility
Children who are taught respect learn that people are important. They began to think of others instead of just themselves, and they are often more genuine in their care for others.
Attention and patience
A respectful family environment teaches kids to focus their attention and listen to others—to recognize that what other people have to say is important. They learn to wait for their turn and not insist on always having their own way.
Boundaries and assertiveness
When children understand the significance of respecting others’ possessions and time, they learn to take care for what is someone else’s and what is their own.
Trust
A respectful home helps build trust among family members, the foundation of love. Respectfulness will create true character, which is how we behave when no one else is watching. Trust helps create a natural flow of empathy, compassion and kindness toward each other in the home.
Parental respect plus love
Keep Growing Into the Best Parent for Your Kids!
Get personalized parenting help by taking the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment from Focus on the Family! You’re a one-of-a-kind parent. You have unique strengths your kids benefit from, and areas you can grow in. Find out what those are by taking the 7 Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment! This assessment will walk you through how you’re doing in traits such as love, adaptability, and boundaries with your child. You’ll get a personalized report on strengths to keep building, as well as ways to improve day by day.Take the Assessment!
It probably goes without saying that the love of parents is essential to a child’s well-being.
God has made children to need parental love, and He’s built into parents the ability give this love. Yet family life gets complicated. Parents are often busy, scattered and tired, and many of us feel guilt about how well we are raising our kids. Am I giving my kids the love they need? we ask ourselves.
“Children spell love T-I-M-E,” the saying goes. So true, yet often so challenging. Our frenzied, active lifestyles conflict with the time our kids really need to sense our love.
Throughout my years of working with families, I’ve learned that authentic parental love is never a guarantee. What’s more, many guilt-stricken parents may misinterpret the kind of love their kids need, trying to make up for lost time by not enforcing boundaries and appropriate expectations.
The good news is that authentic parental love is a skill that we can learn. It starts with understanding the clear benefits our children receive when they live in a home where “love” is truly spelled T-I-M-E:
Spiritual growth
Love is a physical need for children. When our kids receive and learn to give love, they won’t be as thirsty for love from people outside the family. The authentic love of parents helps children develop an identity as a beloved child of God, one who has the capacity and responsibility to share that love with others.
Brain growth
Research from Washington University in St. Louis, Missouri, has demonstrated that a mother’s love helps her child’s brain grow—as much as twice the rate as that of a neglected child. Preschoolers who received parental love and nurturing from their moms were found to have more growth in the hippocampus, the part of the brain involved in learning, memory and response to stress.
This early growth can have a significant effect on their development later in childhood. “It’s vital that kids receive support and nurturing during those early years,” said lead author Dr. Joan Luby.
Self-confidence
The children I have counseled over the years tend to become more self-confident when they feel a genuine and unconditional love from their parents. These children learn to enjoy the moments and experiences of life instead of being worried about what their future holds.
Being hyper-focused on the future can create a paralyzing stress. But family environments where parental love is frequently demonstrated—where family members authentically enjoy doing life together—prepare children to boldly face all the questions the future may bring.
Strength to face adversity
Kids from loving homes tend to better learn to be adaptable. The love of parents gives kids the roots needed to develop resilience and perspective for facing life’s difficulties. Kids are better able to learn perseverance, self-control and patience when they receive authentic, encouraging and supportive words from their parents.
A sense of security and an ability to handle boundaries
True parental love means helping children appreciate limits and boundaries. And this pays off in our kids’ lives. Kids don’t like boundaries—they actually love them. They enforce them on the playground, they feel safe and secure when they have them, and they feel loved when they remember these moments with parents.
Yes, a child’s emotions do get in the way of his liking his parents’ boundaries. His often selfish desire for immediate gratification prevents him from seeing clearly. But even if they won’t admit it, children thrive in a home with loving, clearly defined boundaries.
God’s model of parental respect and love
God’s model of love is authentic and perfect. It is patient, kind, gentle, sacrificial and eternal. God’s love motivated Him to send Jesus to save us. And His love fuels the Christian parent’s love. God loves us no matter what, strengthening us to do the same toward our children.
Parental love can be transforming for you and your child. But it is an endeavor that can always use improvement and refinement. A parent’s love is full of mistakes and mishaps, but it is the essential glue to our imperfect and messy family relationships.
The post Kids Need Parental Respect, Love, And Gratitude appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
