[__ Prayer __] My family is being destroyed!!! I need serious prayer and help...

[Christ4Life]

I need God to show up in my circumstances in a mightily and powerfully righteous way. I need serious help! My family is being torn apart and it is killing me inside. I have absolutely no idea what to do.

We've been with each other for more than 10 years, with plans to marry, it has come to this. The woman I love and the children we have, the family we have built, is being ripped apart. She says that throughout our relationship, all the hurts she has caused me cause her to feel horrible about herself just by looking at me. She says we need to break off and split up so that "she can find herself and fix what make her the way she is, and thereby be FIT to be in a relationship and then slowly reunite." If I were a scientist, I would tell you this sounds like a bunch of Noble Gases, if you asked me. She said she wants counseling to work on our problems, but that it's something we can't do together. The split-up part is mandatory. She went on to say that she's finding herself attracted to other men, but that it's not about wanting them- it's about a deficiency in THIS relationship, and that her being alone will help her figure out what it is. She says she doesn't know what she wants. It's killing me because in-between telling me all of this, we'll share a laugh about something on the tube, she'll even walk by and give me a flirty eye or a smooch. Then all of a sudden it's like, "oh wait...I was supposed to be breaking up with you!" - and then the repetition of how she doesn't want me to be there anymore, continues. To me it's as if it's not even her talking. Don't know how much it has to do with anything, but it's not inconceivable that she may definitely have people putting things in her head. I don't want to lose my family. She SWORE UP AND DOWN she is not this kind of person. Then why am I here all over again?????? I don't want a fractured family. I need The Lord's help in a mind-blowing supernatural way. Too much time has been invested for this to be the fruit of all that seed. It's even hard for me to smile and play with my kids anymore knowing she wants me to leave them. They are where most of my joy comes from...when I hear them laughing and playing, the world doesn't seem so bad of a place. I don't mean to ramble, but I though telling the whole story may give insight into what might be happening behind the curtain.

Please, Please, if anyone took the time to read this, pray for me and my family. Pray that God, in his infinite power and glory, remove the scales from her eyes and the enemy's voice from her ears. Ultimately, pray that HIS will be done. Pray that our wounds be healed. Please don't forget about us. Lord I pray you do not forsake me and hear my prayer.
Thank you to everyone that listened.

 

[Eugene]

I need God to show up in my circumstances in a mightily and powerfully righteous way. I need serious help! My family is being torn apart and it is killing me inside. I have absolutely no idea what to do.

I hate to be the one to have to ask you this, but why are you not married? Have you any idea the insecurity that presents to someone you say you love? She may not need counseling more than knowing where you're coming from; joint counseling sometimes makes that known.

The attitudes you present are not conducive to keeping a girlfriend, let alone promoting tying someone to you for life. Since you state you've been together for ten years I'm guessing she is nearing the age of the over the hill gang of thirty years where no one will want her any longer; I'm kidding, but she may be thinking in that direction. Someone you love should be showcased as your wife; look here everyone at who I married; you've got to make her know how important she is to you every day. You may be thinking with your head, but I guarantee you that she thinks with her heart, and if you do not know what that is, you'd better learn it.

Next we come to God and you. What do you think He thinks of your arrangement? I'm assuming from your user name that you are in Christ, and that makes you my brother. We read in 1 Corinthians 5:12 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? God judges them of the world, but we are to judge according to God's word those things we know to be wrong within our ranks, and then to help you make right choices, and not only that but to encourage and restore you to fellowship with our Lord. What I'm trying to tell you is that you cannot continue down a wrong road to locate a desired location.

Dear Father, I do come to You tonight asking that you give this discouraged man another chance at having a marriage that pleases and glorifies you. Please show him how to be a right husband and father to his family, and help him find the solution to making amends before it is too late. Have Your way in their lives Father, and I thank and praise You for it in Jesus' name. Amen.

 

[Hammer]

Sorry, but you should be planning a new life. I get no sense from you that there's any chance that she intends to stick around. The kids are getting old enough that they don't need their mother around all the time, and that's the end of your time.

 

[Blev]

........


EDIT:

I guess what I said didn't apply. But I'll be praying for your situation.

 

[Christ4Life]

I hate to be the one to have to ask you this, but why are you not married? Have you any idea the insecurity that presents to someone you say you love?

Thank you for calling me out, and I mean that honestly. I also pray that this be forgiven. In the original post, the reason - well, the reason my little mind gives to itself - was written in it. I thought it might be TMI and equal too long a post. Some revisions and edits were made, fearing the original would be too long for anyone to read. But -The reason I am not married, is that I have been married before, and it ended horribly. I mean HORRIBLY. Horrible as in going to pick up my children from school only to find they'd basically been snatched out of class and whisked away somewhere without my knowledge. It was a year before I saw them again after that. They are teens now(the 2 taken from school) and our relationship is like that of one of their peers...not at all like father and son.

That did a serious number on me. So much that I swore to myself I would never put myself through that kind of pain again. 5 to 6 years later, I met my current girlfriend, and she knew I had kids already. A few years into dating she asked about my previous marriage and I told her what I'm telling you, the longer version of course. I did tell her that if things were right- meaning my mind in a new place, I would marry again. I guess my fear of history repeating itself is still gets the best of me. I just wanted to wait longer this time, thinking it'd give such a sacred union a better chance to survive. (head thinking again)

She knooows she is the love of my life. Had it not been for a nightmare of an experience before, we would certainly already be married. Those past hurts have erected some beefy protections systems. I will pray for forgiveness for living in the relationship as it is. I will also pray and ask for the strength to overcome my fear of being hurt again and that it's not too late for us to get things right. If I can ask, back me up on these. Learning how to think with my heart as you suggested is something I need to do. Any suggestions on how to do this more effectively?

 

[Eugene]

Dear brother, a man thinks with his head; we must reason everything out. Your own admission of the fear of another marriage is the result of that. Your girlfriend on the other hand has been living ten years in hope (Thinking with her heart) of your overcoming these hang-ups. At this point all I believe you can do is to assure her heart that you're sincere now, and somehow she will know; I think you'll find her a lot more discerning than you may have given her credit for, and even at this present time she may just be testing your intentions and really baiting you to actually make a move.

To me it's evident you trust her enough to want her in your life, but in all your seeking you are not sure of yourself. According to Hebrews 4:16, Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need, and you have a need. In God find the courage you desire and He will lead you into making right decisions. Make a point of getting together with her in things spiritual, and seeking God in prayer together.

We have an enemy that would destroy us, but when you, she, and God in unity come together Satan has no chance. Ecclesiastes 4:12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

God bless you, her, and your family in Jesus' name.

 

[Hammer]

She may have wanted marriage for ten years, but to ask her now would come off as a ploy. My friend, you've been digging a hole for a long time.

 

[Inservice]

I need God to show up in my circumstances in a mightily and powerfully righteous way. I need serious help! My family is being torn apart and it is killing me inside. I have absolutely no idea what to do.

We've been with each other for more than 10 years, with plans to marry, it has come to this. The woman I love and the children we have, the family we have built, is being ripped apart. She says that throughout our relationship, all the hurts she has caused me cause her to feel horrible about herself just by looking at me. She says we need to break off and split up so that "she can find herself and fix what make her the way she is, and thereby be FIT to be in a relationship and then slowly reunite." If I were a scientist, I would tell you this sounds like a bunch of Noble Gases, if you asked me. She said she wants counseling to work on our problems, but that it's something we can't do together. The split-up part is mandatory. She went on to say that she's finding herself attracted to other men, but that it's not about wanting them- it's about a deficiency in THIS relationship, and that her being alone will help her figure out what it is. She says she doesn't know what she wants. It's killing me because in-between telling me all of this, we'll share a laugh about something on the tube, she'll even walk by and give me a flirty eye or a smooch. Then all of a sudden it's like, "oh wait...I was supposed to be breaking up with you!" - and then the repetition of how she doesn't want me to be there anymore, continues. To me it's as if it's not even her talking. Don't know how much it has to do with anything, but it's not inconceivable that she may definitely have people putting things in her head. I don't want to lose my family. She SWORE UP AND DOWN she is not this kind of person. Then why am I here all over again?????? I don't want a fractured family. I need The Lord's help in a mind-blowing supernatural way. Too much time has been invested for this to be the fruit of all that seed. It's even hard for me to smile and play with my kids anymore knowing she wants me to leave them. They are where most of my joy comes from...when I hear them laughing and playing, the world doesn't seem so bad of a place. I don't mean to ramble, but I though telling the whole story may give insight into what might be happening behind the curtain.

Please, Please, if anyone took the time to read this, pray for me and my family. Pray that God, in his infinite power and glory, remove the scales from her eyes and the enemy's voice from her ears. Ultimately, pray that HIS will be done. Pray that our wounds be healed. Please don't forget about us. Lord I pray you do not forsake me and hear my prayer.
Thank you to everyone that listened.

Praying for all of you brother
God bless
keep the faith
Evangelist

 

[Gordon]

I will pray for you too. It really sounds like she doesn't respect you. Things like the flirty after saying I am going to break up with you is an unconscious test that all women do. To pass the test you have to show you are not overly bothered or upset it's just a womans test but it's disrespect so you are not going to tolerate it. Ideally this is how you actually feel. They are your kids man she has no right to take them or keep you from seeing them. You have to feel this man. Something should be more important to you than this woman too and for me thats God. Your world can't fall apart because of how she is acting it's a huge turn off. What's important to you? God? Your kids? Be someone they will respect. You can be meek and be strong too! Have faith ask God for strength to win the respect of your woman. If you can do this marry her and be a man of conviction. Not a boy afraid of getting hurt. With love man.

 

[tim-from-pa]

Whenever something like this comes to the board, I have to say different things go thru my head what could be the cause, and that things are usually more complex than what is presented. In short, there's two sides to every story.

To give a generic (not specific) comment on problems like this, I usually find that when relationships are this way, that there's a major misunderstanding what relationships and life is about by each person. One wants one thing and the other wants another and each can only see thru their own vantage point. In other words, there's a major mess-up in each life where they have to totally go back to square one and relearn about relationships and unlearn some garbage they now believe. That's some major mess and time. In addition, I find that people that have problems with a relationship have a history of similar events, and thus it makes me believe that they are reliving what they know: something screwed up. Or, to put it in a cliche: they jump out of the frying pan and into the fire.

An example: you may hear of a woman who accuses all men of being abusive in every relationship she has. Well, not all men are that way, although they talk like it's the man's fault and come for advice as to what to do. well, then why are they going from one abusive partner to another? What's the odds of finding ten abusive men, or maybe ten drugged up men, or ten whatever in a row? But it never occurs to them it's something maybe they are doing wrong because they can't ALL be that way.