Panama 1984
Member
- Oct 8, 2024
- 3
- 2
For background:
*I’m 40 years old and have been married for 21 years. We have 2 kids. One who is 16 and one in college, she’s 18. I’m a registered NICU nurse, I homeschooled our kids(still have 1 left). So unless it is work, I work 2 days a week or it’s Tuesday night (dance lesson and social dance- 3 hrs total) I’m home. I keep my house super clean and organized(I’m a bit OCD), I make dinner at least 4 nights a week. We’re “intimate” on average about 2-3 times a week(mentioning this because I think it’s important for my question)
* I am originally from Panamá. I come from a family of not just salsa dancers but belly dancers, ballet dancers and even folklore, some who are professionals dancers traveling the world performing. However, I did not start dancing until I was 34 years old. I was the odd one in my family who could not dance to save my life and was made fun of by my family to the point where I never even stood up to dance. I was always very eager to dance, but was afraid and felt I was not good enough/or that there was something wrong with me.
Ok now to my question: My husband on my 34th birthday gifted me a dance lesson at a local Ballroom Studio. Reluctantly but also hopeful I went to the lesson and for the first time in my life I did not do terrible so I kept dancing, quickly thereafter I fell in love with dance and made it my hobby. I tried to get my husband to join me in dancing because I would much rather and feel much more comfortable dancing with him but he wouldn’t. Needless to say in the matter of 6 years I was a high level competitive ballroom dancer. Lots of hard work, time and dedication went into it.
My husband though he gifted me the lesson did not approve of me ballroom dancing. He would complain about me “dancing with a bunch of men”.
Or about the way the leader must put their hands on places like my back or stomach for certain moves, or gets upset about me going to lesson/social dance(I did once a week for an 1.5hrs). Jealously got the best of him even though I tried reassuring him along the way and continuously would and still ask him to come with me or start dancing( I truly would prefer to dance with him). Also I’m by no means a promiscuous person, I have very conservative Christian values and so I dress and act as such. I avoid certain styles of dance like bolero and bachata because they make me feel uncomfortable.
Now ballroom is very expensive so there was also the fact that he would get upset that I would take 1 lesson per week(though we do not lack money whatsoever). So because I was at a high level of dancing, I decided to quit ballroom and start salsa dancing for the sake of not fighting over the money spent on lessons. Thinking that would lessen the tension. With salsa it was the same 1 group lesson + 1.5 of social dancing once a week. My husband complained about the same things(except money-hard to complain when it costs $10). The fights and comments did not stop, “I just don’t think you should be dancing with a bunch of men when you’re married”, “salsa is too sexy”,” those men don’t care about dancing they just want to have s3x with you”. What is crazy is that he says that he has all the trust in me but “worries” about the men.
So I left salsa and as of the last 3 months I’ve been doing West coast swing(WCS). Figured it was not as sensual as salsa and is also inexpensive. When I started I convinced him to come with me to the first lesson, I truly felt like that WCS was something we both could learn to dance together but he has not returned to the classes and guess what? You guessed it! He still has the same problems. He complains that when I’m dancing I look sexy and that I should only be looking that way for him. He also complains that we are not “intimate” often enough because I’m getting my “fix” with dance.
At this point I’m tired of arguing about it. I’m not sure if this is really something that I should quit because it is truly “not appropriate” or if I should keep dancing because he’s just overreacting.
I truly have a gift for dance. I learn and progress quickly and I love it so much but I feel stuck and don’t know what to do. I’m sorry if this is WAY too personal. Any advice would be very appreciated.
*I’m 40 years old and have been married for 21 years. We have 2 kids. One who is 16 and one in college, she’s 18. I’m a registered NICU nurse, I homeschooled our kids(still have 1 left). So unless it is work, I work 2 days a week or it’s Tuesday night (dance lesson and social dance- 3 hrs total) I’m home. I keep my house super clean and organized(I’m a bit OCD), I make dinner at least 4 nights a week. We’re “intimate” on average about 2-3 times a week(mentioning this because I think it’s important for my question)
* I am originally from Panamá. I come from a family of not just salsa dancers but belly dancers, ballet dancers and even folklore, some who are professionals dancers traveling the world performing. However, I did not start dancing until I was 34 years old. I was the odd one in my family who could not dance to save my life and was made fun of by my family to the point where I never even stood up to dance. I was always very eager to dance, but was afraid and felt I was not good enough/or that there was something wrong with me.
Ok now to my question: My husband on my 34th birthday gifted me a dance lesson at a local Ballroom Studio. Reluctantly but also hopeful I went to the lesson and for the first time in my life I did not do terrible so I kept dancing, quickly thereafter I fell in love with dance and made it my hobby. I tried to get my husband to join me in dancing because I would much rather and feel much more comfortable dancing with him but he wouldn’t. Needless to say in the matter of 6 years I was a high level competitive ballroom dancer. Lots of hard work, time and dedication went into it.
My husband though he gifted me the lesson did not approve of me ballroom dancing. He would complain about me “dancing with a bunch of men”.
Or about the way the leader must put their hands on places like my back or stomach for certain moves, or gets upset about me going to lesson/social dance(I did once a week for an 1.5hrs). Jealously got the best of him even though I tried reassuring him along the way and continuously would and still ask him to come with me or start dancing( I truly would prefer to dance with him). Also I’m by no means a promiscuous person, I have very conservative Christian values and so I dress and act as such. I avoid certain styles of dance like bolero and bachata because they make me feel uncomfortable.
Now ballroom is very expensive so there was also the fact that he would get upset that I would take 1 lesson per week(though we do not lack money whatsoever). So because I was at a high level of dancing, I decided to quit ballroom and start salsa dancing for the sake of not fighting over the money spent on lessons. Thinking that would lessen the tension. With salsa it was the same 1 group lesson + 1.5 of social dancing once a week. My husband complained about the same things(except money-hard to complain when it costs $10). The fights and comments did not stop, “I just don’t think you should be dancing with a bunch of men when you’re married”, “salsa is too sexy”,” those men don’t care about dancing they just want to have s3x with you”. What is crazy is that he says that he has all the trust in me but “worries” about the men.
So I left salsa and as of the last 3 months I’ve been doing West coast swing(WCS). Figured it was not as sensual as salsa and is also inexpensive. When I started I convinced him to come with me to the first lesson, I truly felt like that WCS was something we both could learn to dance together but he has not returned to the classes and guess what? You guessed it! He still has the same problems. He complains that when I’m dancing I look sexy and that I should only be looking that way for him. He also complains that we are not “intimate” often enough because I’m getting my “fix” with dance.
At this point I’m tired of arguing about it. I’m not sure if this is really something that I should quit because it is truly “not appropriate” or if I should keep dancing because he’s just overreacting.
I truly have a gift for dance. I learn and progress quickly and I love it so much but I feel stuck and don’t know what to do. I’m sorry if this is WAY too personal. Any advice would be very appreciated.
, "Save The Last Dance For Me " it might resonate with you husband anyway . Have you been to a Christian marriage counselor ? Or talked this over with your church pastor ? Thanks for helping the hurting people in the world , nurses are angels without wings IMO ? .
. I feel very much like it except he doesn’t. 
