I've been asked to give my testimony but hesitate to do so because it's intensely personal and meaningful to me. So I don't want it subject to ridicule, but if it helps anyone here, then I'm happy to do it.
I grew up in an unbelieving intellectual family on the north side of Chicago. It was fun because our lives were filled with intellectual conversations, literature, and most particularly, music and laughter. We never attended church. My mother wanted each of us to form our own religious beliefs. She actually dabbled in Hinduism for awhile and the only reference to Jesus were occasional snide remarks about bible-bangers, and my mother's assertion that Jesus said there were many ways to God.
I attended college where I met my husband who got a job as a University professor in another State. My marriage went downhill from the altar. Both of us were unbelievers and lived by worldly standards. I met a friend who was a Christian and asked her about her faith. When she told me, I laughed at her and was shocked that she believed such ridiculous nonsense. Nevertheless, I was at the same time fascinated by her.
I wanted to believe the bible but every time I opened it, it was nonsense to me. It seemed like gibberish and I usually fell asleep after reading a few passages. Meanwhile my marriage steadily deteriorated. My husband was having an affair and i became more and more dpressed. I again wanted to believe the bible but then i saw Christ's words; "Be ye perfect" and knew that I could not be perfect even though I desperately wanted to obey him. Little did I know then that only admitting I wasn't perfect was the only way to receive forgiveness.
Finally one day, I prayed to a God I didn't know for faith. I felt ridiculous but did it anyway. Then not too loing after that, I asked Jesus to come into my life. But nothing happened. I still couldn't believe, nor did i know if he was real. I finally left my husband and rebounded by marrying a man who later became extremely abusive.
Two weeks after I married him, I fell sobbing on my bed in despair. I said; "God please help me." Suddenly, I felt as if a hand touched my back and the feeling that everything would be ok. I felt heat rush from my neck to my toes and when i opened my eyes, the sun streamed into the window. It was so bright that the whole room was brighter than anything I'd ever seen before. It had been there all day because there wasn't a cloud in the sky, but now it was brighter than anything I'd ever seen before. Then I felt a warm presence and instantly knew it was Jesus. Then I opened the bible, and every word was alive and crystal clear to me. I had wanted to believe the bible for years but could not. But within a matter of minutes, every word was clear as a bell.
So I know for a fact that 1 Corinthians 2:14 is true. I also know for a fact that I could no more decide to believe in God out of my own free will than I can decide to believe that my next door neighbor is an alien if she told me she was. So no, we do not have free choice. We can only respond to what rules us. If the sinful nature rules us, we cannot believe in God as 1 Corinthians 2:14 and Romans 8:5-8 tells us. If the Holy Spirit rules us, then we cannot deny God as the bible also tells us.
So my "decision" to come to God was no more a choice than my birth was. God chose me before the creation of the world and drew me to him which I had no power to alter. We are either ruled by the ruler of the air who is Satan or the Holy Spirit. And since Satan is not stronger than the Holy Spirit, then we cannot choose to fall away because God works in us to will and act according to his good purpose as Phillippians 2:13 tells us.
So I will no longer argue with people who claim that their will is stronger than the Holy Spirit because scripture says it isn't and I personally know that that's not true. I just find it sad how so many Christians don't know how much the holy Spirit is working in their lives. Maybe they take him for granted and instead, think it's they who are doing good deeds. Not so. That's why good fruits are called fruit of the Spirit, not fruits of mankind. Free will is a popular belief because it's a secular belief. The secular world doesn't believe in God or Satan. But one thing the secular world remembers that Christians forget; that man cannot help his nature. All we have to do is admit we are in bondage to sin and only Jesus can free us. We cannot be saved without knowing that truth and taking that step. But as jesus tells us, only those whom God is drawing can take that step. The good news is that no one knows if he is being drawn by God. So salvation is open to all who want it.
I grew up in an unbelieving intellectual family on the north side of Chicago. It was fun because our lives were filled with intellectual conversations, literature, and most particularly, music and laughter. We never attended church. My mother wanted each of us to form our own religious beliefs. She actually dabbled in Hinduism for awhile and the only reference to Jesus were occasional snide remarks about bible-bangers, and my mother's assertion that Jesus said there were many ways to God.
I attended college where I met my husband who got a job as a University professor in another State. My marriage went downhill from the altar. Both of us were unbelievers and lived by worldly standards. I met a friend who was a Christian and asked her about her faith. When she told me, I laughed at her and was shocked that she believed such ridiculous nonsense. Nevertheless, I was at the same time fascinated by her.
I wanted to believe the bible but every time I opened it, it was nonsense to me. It seemed like gibberish and I usually fell asleep after reading a few passages. Meanwhile my marriage steadily deteriorated. My husband was having an affair and i became more and more dpressed. I again wanted to believe the bible but then i saw Christ's words; "Be ye perfect" and knew that I could not be perfect even though I desperately wanted to obey him. Little did I know then that only admitting I wasn't perfect was the only way to receive forgiveness.
Finally one day, I prayed to a God I didn't know for faith. I felt ridiculous but did it anyway. Then not too loing after that, I asked Jesus to come into my life. But nothing happened. I still couldn't believe, nor did i know if he was real. I finally left my husband and rebounded by marrying a man who later became extremely abusive.
Two weeks after I married him, I fell sobbing on my bed in despair. I said; "God please help me." Suddenly, I felt as if a hand touched my back and the feeling that everything would be ok. I felt heat rush from my neck to my toes and when i opened my eyes, the sun streamed into the window. It was so bright that the whole room was brighter than anything I'd ever seen before. It had been there all day because there wasn't a cloud in the sky, but now it was brighter than anything I'd ever seen before. Then I felt a warm presence and instantly knew it was Jesus. Then I opened the bible, and every word was alive and crystal clear to me. I had wanted to believe the bible for years but could not. But within a matter of minutes, every word was clear as a bell.
So I know for a fact that 1 Corinthians 2:14 is true. I also know for a fact that I could no more decide to believe in God out of my own free will than I can decide to believe that my next door neighbor is an alien if she told me she was. So no, we do not have free choice. We can only respond to what rules us. If the sinful nature rules us, we cannot believe in God as 1 Corinthians 2:14 and Romans 8:5-8 tells us. If the Holy Spirit rules us, then we cannot deny God as the bible also tells us.
So my "decision" to come to God was no more a choice than my birth was. God chose me before the creation of the world and drew me to him which I had no power to alter. We are either ruled by the ruler of the air who is Satan or the Holy Spirit. And since Satan is not stronger than the Holy Spirit, then we cannot choose to fall away because God works in us to will and act according to his good purpose as Phillippians 2:13 tells us.
So I will no longer argue with people who claim that their will is stronger than the Holy Spirit because scripture says it isn't and I personally know that that's not true. I just find it sad how so many Christians don't know how much the holy Spirit is working in their lives. Maybe they take him for granted and instead, think it's they who are doing good deeds. Not so. That's why good fruits are called fruit of the Spirit, not fruits of mankind. Free will is a popular belief because it's a secular belief. The secular world doesn't believe in God or Satan. But one thing the secular world remembers that Christians forget; that man cannot help his nature. All we have to do is admit we are in bondage to sin and only Jesus can free us. We cannot be saved without knowing that truth and taking that step. But as jesus tells us, only those whom God is drawing can take that step. The good news is that no one knows if he is being drawn by God. So salvation is open to all who want it.
