Now I learned that I cannot save myself. It is only Him who could... I maybe strong intellectually and was able to overcome most emotional struggles but when the real thing comes it is then that you'll see that Jesus is the solution.
Actually when I am praying the pain goes away but few minutes later, it would come back and hit me again. This is the reason why I said that it was like losing a loved ones or breaking up with your girlfriend for this is what I felt when I'm in that situation. It keeps on coming back and I feel it moment by moment. My mind knows and accepted the fact but my heart still stumbles. I try to trace up myself why and I somehow found out that trauma also strikes me for whenever I'm about to continue what was left behind in my ministry, my hand doesn't move.
I need complete healing for I will be preaching on Sunday the Healing of the heart. What a coincidence that I felt it before preaching. There is a way out for this, I know, I believe but please my heart, obey what my faith is saying... omg... this is aweful >_<
Thanks for everything you've said. It's very helpful to hear such words, it uplifts me. :D
Dear jhaycx,
not knowing what exactly it was that hurt your heart so badly, I am still able to feel your pain.
I know that it comes back, and that it feels like a knife sliding up and down inside your body.
If it is that way with you, I can tell you how I myself cope with it. I walk somewhere in nature and pray and look around at the plants and animals God made for us. When I see a squirrel, I praise Jesus for He made it so cute to look at. Same with a tiny chipmunk, rabbit or hedgehog. I thank our Creator for every pretty bird and butterfly. Have you seen a monarch butterfly already this spring? I did. They are beautiful!
And when I walk and pray and smell the fresh air, I feel so much better.
Actually I pretend that Jesus walks beside me and then sometimes I get a new idea. Maybe He will give you a new thought in order to solve your problem while walking with your dear Lord.
So how about trying to walk with Christ literally?
Please don't think that I would minimize your pain by such a simple suggestion. I don't, dear jhaycx.
I just wanted to tell you that I experienced, that Jesus desires a living relationship with us. And how could a relationship be better outspoken than through a dialogue between both of you.
And I for myself found that having a constant dialogue with Jesus while walking at His hand helps me to be willing to live.
Anyway, please know that you are in my prayers. I'll pray that your awful pain will go away.
Regarding your upcoming preaching, please consider what Jesus told us, namely "...do not worry beforehand about what you are to say, but say whatever is given you in that hour; for it is not you who speak, but it is the Holy Spirit." (Mark 13:11)
So please don't worry and try to feel Jesus' hand. You can feel it, if you close your eyes. Even while walking. Believe me.
May Jesus never let you alone.
Love, Rose
