[__ Prayer __] New Follower Needing Prayer and Advice...

[tehilla2008]

I just recently decided to completely follow Christ. I was raised in church, but have bounced in and out during my adulthood. This is a long story... so I will start at the beginning and keep it as short as I can...

I met my newly ex-boyfriend randomly... or so it seemed. We were both at a place we weren't planning on being... He at a job he had decided to take at the last moment and me out running around with my friend because both of our plans fell through... We instantly became friends and it developed into a relationship. Neither of us were active in church but shared similar upbringings and similar beliefs... In January we moved in together... The end of February we decided to start attending church as a family... me, him, and my three children... On Easter Sunday, he gave his life to Jesus and I rededicated myself to Christ... but we did continue to live together and sleep together... We began attending church every Sunday and he was baptized in April... We began doing a nightly devotional the Monday after Easter... trying to get closer to each other and to God... We both admitted we had a lot of baggage from past relationships to work through but we loved each other and wanted to spend our lives together... And the way we met we both agreed had to be ordained by God... it was just to random not to have the hand of God in it...

The first weekend of May, my boyfriend went to a men's retreat... When he returned, he broke up with me and moved to another bedroom in the house... He said it was wrong to continue sleeping together (I agreed) and that he still loved me but needed to concentrate on his relationship with God and couldn't be in a relationship with me too... Needless to say I was heartbroken... I didn't understand why he couldn't remain in a relationship with me and continue to build on it while he worked on his relationship with God... He said he had to do it to be the man I needed him to be... IF (big IF) we ever got back together... not a WHEN we got back together but an IF... we still live in the same house and I'm hurt and angry... and all we do is fight...

Now on to the sticky part... nine days after we broke up I found out I was pregnant... We had a fight that day and I blurted it out in anger... he says he can forgive me for it... but he can't forget... He's accused me of tricking him into getting me pregnant... even though I was on birth control and he went with me to the clinic when I got my shot in February... He says there's no chance we will ever get back together... even if that is God's will... He wants me to have an abortion... I have refused... One of the leaders of the retreat we went to met with us and told him he was wrong to ask me to have an abortion... My ex says its the logical thing even though he knows its wrong...

I'm stuck... Now my head is filled with questions of why... Why would God lead my boyfriend away from me after leading us together? Why would God throw a baby in the mix after my boyfriend broke up with me? (well I got pregnant when we were still together) Why would I feel like we're supposed to be together and work for God and why would he feel the total opposite?

Two weeks ago Friday night he came home very drunk... he doesn't drink... he said some very hurtful things... called me a liar... said I tricked him into getting pregnant even though he went with me to get my shot... said I never cared about him... said we were still in a relationship... then that we weren't... and then that we were... he said he still loved me and cared about me... and then shoved me out of his way instead of just asking me to move... Then he slammed his bedroom door in my face... He's come home drunk every weekend since then... or simply hasn't come home at all...

We had a fight on Tuesday two weeks ago and I asked him to move out... asked him to sign over his parental rights... told him I didn't want to be around him any more... said some really hurtful things out of my own hurt... I have since apologized and asked him for forgiveness... Since then, I've decided to completely step back from the situation... just treat him1 Timo cordially and see what happens...

Last Tuesday he went to a meeting that was a follow up to the retreat... its a 12 week class... He brought home a leadership training manual... I asked him about it... He said he was being trained to be a leader in the men's group... I am sure they don't know about our situation... But according to 1st Timothy Chapter 3 he doesn't qualify to be in a leadership position... I am so confused...

I am at the end of my rope... I cry myself to sleep every night... I feel lost and alone... I'm still reading my word and praying... but I need some advice...

Thanks in advance for reading all this...

 

[John]

but needed to concentrate on his relationship with God and couldn't be in a relationship with me too

Hmmm. i too would like to know ware he came up with this ideal.

he says he can forgive me for it... but he can't forget

Hmmm..did he truly forgive you then?

even if that is God's will...

Okay, so he is, or would be fighting God.

He wants me to have an abortion..

:o

My ex says its the logical thing even though he knows its wrong...

I wrote a good thread on this , viewtopic.php?f=18&t=32245

Why would God lead my boyfriend away from me after leading us together?

Ever consider that he "accepted" God to make you like him more? Its a grim thought but should not be ruled out. Although it is strange that he continues to work at the leadership thing.

Bad things happen to good people, I am not at all any good in this area the best i can do is pray for you.

Someone else will stop by this thread and shed some light on the subject.

 

[tehilla2008]

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my post... I would have to agree with you on wondering where he got the idea that God didn't want him in a relationship with me... the pastor during our one meeting with him asked the same question... and then went on to tell him that he can't be a man of God or a man of integrity until he fixes this situation... He said that God wouldn't want him to leave all of this destruction behind him... that God would want him to fix any unresolved issues... and I just found out that several of his friends from the men's group know about the baby and they are encouraging him to step up and be a man... I do truly believe that he wants to follow God... I just wonder if he got some bad advice or if he thinks its all or nothing as far as the relationship goes...

I am continuing to attend church as well as a group counseling session weekly... I am reading my bible every day and got a woman's devotional... I'm working on getting some pastoral counseling... I will go along because he refuses to go.

Once again... thanks for your time and reply.

Teh

 

[John]

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply to my post... I would have to agree with you on wondering where he got the idea that God didn't want him in a relationship with me... the pastor during our one meeting with him asked the same question... and then went on to tell him that he can't be a man of God or a man of integrity until he fixes this situation... He said that God wouldn't want him to leave all of this destruction behind him... that God would want him to fix any unresolved issues... and I just found out that several of his friends from the men's group know about the baby and they are encouraging him to step up and be a man... I do truly believe that he wants to follow God... I just wonder if he got some bad advice or if he thinks its all or nothing as far as the relationship goes...

I am continuing to attend church as well as a group counseling session weekly... I am reading my bible every day and got a woman's devotional... I'm working on getting some pastoral counseling... I will go along because he refuses to go.

Once again... thanks for your time and reply.

Teh

Whats time anyway, : I feel my purpose is to try to help people, my time is not my own, lol
Even though my reply was relatively weak.

 

[lianna7]

Hello tehilla2008 ,
As I read your story I got tears in my eyes , but you have a good head on your shoulders I can tell and you know what if this man leaves and dosen't step up remember God will never desert you and you will have a beutiful child to riase in the way you yourself are heading. I will pray he sees things the way he should and that all will work out the way God has planed whatever that may be. :D

 

[Rosalee]

I will be keeping both of you & the baby in my thoughts & prayers for a continued relationship and one with God also. Several things are going on here with him- I really don't understand why he would think that he couldn't have a relationship with you & God to at the same time. That's quite normal in Christian world, unless he meant that he wants to get to know God better- that still doesn't excuse why he couldn't have a relationship with you. I think he's confused somewhere there in his thinking.He really can have both!!
2ndly, I believe that he's also afraid to take responsibility for being a dad- that can really be scary for first time dads, but once he comes to terms with that- he'll hopefully be okay with it. I'm glad that you haven't had an abortion- as I don't agree with that either. God has plans for these beautiful babies. So all I can suggest is to continue in your relationship with God, let Him guide you and the babies dad also and see where it goes from there. God Bless.

Rosalee Decker
This is the Day that the Lord has made; we shall rejoice & be glad in it

 

[tehilla2008]

2ndly, I believe that he's also afraid to take responsibility for being a dad- that can really be scary for first time dads, but once he comes to terms with that- he'll hopefully be okay with it.

Thanks for taking time to post... I would understand him panicking if this was indeed his first child... He has two other children from his first marriage... He says he's just not emotionally ready for another child... at least that's one of his reasons...

take care,
Teh

 

[tehilla2008]

... and that all will work out the way God has planed whatever that may be. :D

thanks so much for your kind words and support and for taking the time to post.

God Bless You!

Teh

 

[Rosalee]

My apologies to you dear, he probably isn't ready to make a committment to a 3rd child-I pray he'll come around. Please just know that whatever you go through- God is here to carry you through good times and bad. Sending hugs- God bless you.

Rosalee Decker
This is the Day that the Lord has made; we shall rejocie & be glad in it

 

[tehilla2008]

I had an ob doctor's appointment today... everything seems fine with the baby... I am measuring bigger than the ultrasound shows... I am 10 weeks 2 days but my uterus is measuring closer to 12 weeks... the doctor said not to be concerned ... that I probably just have excess fluid around the baby... I am having CVS done on the 26th to check for any genetic abnormalities in the baby... not that I would terminate if there were any... I just want to be prepared if there are any...

Today he wanted to hear about the doctor's appointment... He said to email him all of my upcoming appointments so he can put them in his calendar... I told him I would but I wasn't going to guilt him into going or beg him to go... that if he goes its because he chooses too... I'm still maintaining my distance and letting God work everything out according to His will... I'm praying that God will change our hearts to line up with what He wants in our lives... I have an appointment next week for pastoral counseling with the original pastor we met with...

Thanks again for all of your kindness here on the board and for all of your prayers...

Teh

 

[Rosalee]

That's wonderful!! Happy to hear things are going well with your pregnancy!! Hang in there and keep your faith. Praying for all of you~ God bless you.

Rosalee Decker
This is the Day that the Lord has made; we shall rejoice & be glad in it

 

[Carol Lowery]

"abortion" Such an ugly word to my spirit. : For man to think himself above the level of God to abort what God spoke into existence and knitted together in your womb..... No one has a right to pull that thread and undo what HE has done. So well done on not adding/compound the situation with abortion. I would like to express an observation. God brings love together, but not love together in sin. Your ex-whatever was partially right, but he sure did go around it the wrong way. To live separately was right and both of you should have immediately hands bound together on bended knees "together" asking for forgiveness as one with this mistake. I just hate the enemy how he can use our love against us to where we glorify the enemy instead of our Lord at times. Honey and none of us are guiltless of that mistake of letting love rule the heart instead of God's Truth in all aspects. I can't wait until God wipes the floor with the enemy.....will be a glorious day indeed.

Your Pastor is right, he can't leave distruction behind him and think he's going to move forward and have each step he takes anointed before he steps into God's Will. Especially if Christ is to be a lamp at his feet. Right now his house is dirty and it needs a major clean up inside, and the Holy Spirit needs a clean house to dwell in. Corruption does not come near what is holy, and visa/versa. If he wants to be a godly man then he needs to step up to the plate and eat some humble pie with Jesus, and set things right according to God's Word and be responsible. Men of God are responsible individuals and set things right before God. Men of God don't run from problems thinking they'll just go away if they ignore them. Men of God dress in the armour of God, fit for battle and ready to fight the enemy, not help him with his unspoken dirty deeds that he's not willing to face. He's about to be blest with one of the most awesome blessings God gives us..... a new life created in love. And his solution is to snuff it out, as if it was a cigarette to be crushed underfoot on pavement. Lord Jesus my heart aches.

I lost my 12 year old son to a drunk driver, and shortly afterwards my husband a year later on the same road and almost to the very day. They died one year short of a week apart from each other. I fought to bring my child into the world, due to difficulties with my prenancy. And a husband I loved so deeply for years. It's so hard to see someone have my dream in their hands and they let it slide through their fingers like sand. Such a blessing to see your child come into the world knowing their the very breath of God coming into existence and your eyes are the first lay upon them, hold them, love them, gaze upon the splender of God grace.

I will be praying honey, and keep doing what Christ leads you to do according to HIS Truth. God Bless you for being a loving mother to your unborn child. For being the voice of your child. For being a voice in God's Truth. You hold on tight to the hand of your Savior honey and you let HIM lead you to do what is right in HIM and God will bring it together for you. Do Not stray from HIS Word. Ask and you shall recieve in HIS name. Let HIM be your husband for now until HE works it out.....just hold on to HIS hand and don't let go!!

Kudos Him,
carolpsalm_91

 

[tehilla2008]

Things have definitely changed in my situation... yesterday we had a big fight and he slammed me against the wall with his body... I ended up having to call 911 and the police came and made him leave... They allowed him to get some of his clothes and told him they would arrest him if he came back yesterday... They told him that he could come back and get his stuff today but he didn't... I chose not to press domestic violence charges since they made him leave... He says he is moving out... I haven't talked to him since the police escorted him away...

Thanks for all of the prayers,
Teh

 

[Carol Lowery]

Oh Honey my heart just breaks for you. My prayers are with you Teh. Just remember to allow our Father's will to be done. HE just may be cutting him away Teh. God is in control of your future, HE sees it, HE knows what lies ahead. Sometimes our Father is protecting us when we in the flesh dont see it. I pretty much think God's put that in your face with the abuse of slamming you against the wall of what kind of man/character he is. By doing that, he could have very well by the slamming unattached your childs food source with some fatal results. Have you've been to the doctor after that incident? bleeding? cramping? back ache? It may be a good idea to get checked out....better safe than sorry. If he does this with his child in the womb what will he do once the child is born? And don't think for a moment that your unborn child is not aware of what goes on outside of their comfey environment. You can hear through walls, you can hear through a layer of skin/water....you must keep your child calm even in the womb for proper development. By putting his hands on you, he put them on his child also....no if's or but's about it. Unborn children are very resourceful and delicate at the same time.

Remember....Father knows best! I'm praying.

Kudos HIM,
Carolpsalm91

 

[lovely]

Still praying, Teh. The Lord will guide you and keep you, trust in Him.

 

[tehilla2008]

Thanks so much for all of your prayers and support...

God Bless You,
Teh

 

[mike121]

First, know that God cares deeply about what you are going through.He has not abandoned you. Your problems are the result of following your feelings instead of living by God's truths. In some ways, you are just a product of all the influences we have in this culture. School, movies, poor preaching. It is very sad, but there is hope and you can be encouraged. God is not a liar. His ways do work. they are not easy, but they do work!
A few things, God did not throw in the pregnancy. The pregnancy is a result of your actions.
Your boyfriend is confused as well. No, he should not be a leader. The Bible is clear in that leaders need to have their homes in order. What example is he setting? By his actions, how is he telling others to live? He may indeed love you a great deal and not even realize it, but because of issues and guilt and so forth, he is just plain confused.
it is all really heartbreaking, but what you are going through is all too common today. You need some solid support from a good local church or family member that you can depend on. None of this is your babies fault. Remember that! Love that child with all you have!
Your "boyfriend" should be taking responsibility and just marry you. But, you both need some good Christian counseling and you both, after marriage, should just concentrate on the simple things like getting a good job, home and raising your family. Forget all the leadership stuff right now.
having said all that, it is easy for me to just throw out advice like this.
Contact someone from Focus on the Family and they may be able to have a counselor talk to you!
Their line is 800 232-6459. Ask for a counselor.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. (Prov 3.5-6)
Pray that God guides you to the help you need.