- Dec 20, 2019
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My 11-year-old son had a teammate during baseball season who constantly talked about his favorite video game. The following year, the boy’s parents told my husband, Perry, that their son wasn’t going to play baseball. The reason? He was completely consumed with gaming.
As parents, we want to encourage open communication even as we seek to help our tweens navigate the digital side of their lives. And it’s never too late to begin having meaningful conversations about technology with them.
Here are some experiences parents and kids have shared with me, as well as some questions you can ask your tween to get the conversation rolling.
My friend Sarah allowed her son to play only sports games, but as he got older, he became interested in other strategy games. Sarah worried about violence, so his dad played some games with him to evaluate content and their son’s reactions. During open-ended discussions, it was apparent that their son had grown in maturity and had an innate desire to not only do good but defend others as well. As time went on, he was given more freedom to choose games while his parents kept the dialogue going.
Another close friend shared that her young son often counts down the hours until he’s allowed to play video games again. She understands the addictive nature of gaming and wonders how to talk with him about curbing this tendency.
Here are some conversation starters you can use to talk about video gaming with preteens:
What is your favorite game, and what about it excites you?
What would stop you from playing a particular game?
What inappropriate online gaming behavior have you seen from other players? What was your response?
How might you have responded differently in person?
How often do you think about gaming?
How can you better monitor your gaming and balance it with time in the real world with real people?
As a preteen, Emma didn’t have her own phone but spent time with her mom learning about social media. Together they looked at the feed of two friends around the same age and talked about how the photos and comments made them feel. When Emma’s mom asked what she could presume about each friend based on what she observed from their profiles, Emma said, “One looks like she doesn’t value modesty, and the other seems like she’d be a good friend.”
This insight led to further conversations about godly values and how simple things like a poorly worded comment or an inappropriate photo could cause harm.
Here are some questions to ask your tween:
What types of videos or feeds do you enjoy most?
What kinds of comments can be upsetting? Why might a person say inappropriate or hurtful things on social media?
What types of photos or ads aren’t appropriate or God honoring?
What kinds of videos, photos or ads should you immediately show us?
Each family has its own set of house rules for phone use. As kids grow in responsibility, parents can include them in open discussions about some of the rules.
During an outreach trip from Canada to Australia, our daughter Sarah became friends with a girl named Audrey. Sarah doesn’t have a phone, while Audrey has one with time limits. Before parting (amid tears!), the girls asked if they could chat via WhatsApp. For Sarah, this meant borrowing a sibling’s phone, and for Audrey, it meant exceeding her time limits.
We and Audrey’s parents readily agreed to alter our rules so the girls could have a long-distance friendship. Nearly a year later, Sarah and Audrey video chat for a few minutes almost daily, working around time zones and making plans to see each other again.
When talking about phone rules, don’t be afraid to stand firm in your expectations, but also be open to considering healthy adjustments to your rules.
Here are a few ways to talk about smartphones with your child:
If you had additional phone time, what would you do with it?
What are some issues you might face with unlimited phone time?
What is the biggest struggle you have with our phone rules?
If you couldn’t use a phone to communicate with your friends, what are some other ways you could stay in touch?
Jacob is a young teen who loves to sing. All. The. Time. His voice is truly a gift from God, but his parents realized that he was prone to pick up snippets of songs from online ads and music apps. So they made a point of asking what he was singing and what he thought each song was about.
Lyrics can be catchy but may harbor dark messages. Instead of labeling a song as bad, try asking your children why they like the song, what it means to them and what it makes them feel or think about. I’ve found that reading lyrics, instead of just listening to a song, can be an easier way to spot inappropriate words or themes. I also like to print a copy of the song and ask my kids what they think about certain lines.
Here are some questions you can ask to start a conversation:
Where do you hear most of the music you like?
Who are your favorite music artists, and what do you like about their songs?
What concerns you most about the lyrics you hear?
What would you do if your friends are listening to music that makes you uncomfortable?
A lot of kids today become obsessed with technology. But some younger teens surprised me when they shared that they don’t always like what they encounter on social media and the internet. An innocent online search can take them far off course into inappropriate or harmful content. One girl told me she’s concerned about being able to manage her tech time wisely and being led astray when she’s online. She also worries that once she sees something inappropriate, it can’t be unseen.
All children need a safe place to talk about their digital experiences, thoughts and concerns. That safe place is you! As you engage in meaningful conversations about technology with your kids, what they’re really thinking might surprise you.
The post Parenting Tips for Guiding Your Kids in the Digital Age appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
As parents, we want to encourage open communication even as we seek to help our tweens navigate the digital side of their lives. And it’s never too late to begin having meaningful conversations about technology with them.
Here are some experiences parents and kids have shared with me, as well as some questions you can ask your tween to get the conversation rolling.
Video games
My friend Sarah allowed her son to play only sports games, but as he got older, he became interested in other strategy games. Sarah worried about violence, so his dad played some games with him to evaluate content and their son’s reactions. During open-ended discussions, it was apparent that their son had grown in maturity and had an innate desire to not only do good but defend others as well. As time went on, he was given more freedom to choose games while his parents kept the dialogue going.
Another close friend shared that her young son often counts down the hours until he’s allowed to play video games again. She understands the addictive nature of gaming and wonders how to talk with him about curbing this tendency.
Here are some conversation starters you can use to talk about video gaming with preteens:
What is your favorite game, and what about it excites you?
What would stop you from playing a particular game?
What inappropriate online gaming behavior have you seen from other players? What was your response?
How might you have responded differently in person?
How often do you think about gaming?
How can you better monitor your gaming and balance it with time in the real world with real people?
Social media
As a preteen, Emma didn’t have her own phone but spent time with her mom learning about social media. Together they looked at the feed of two friends around the same age and talked about how the photos and comments made them feel. When Emma’s mom asked what she could presume about each friend based on what she observed from their profiles, Emma said, “One looks like she doesn’t value modesty, and the other seems like she’d be a good friend.”
This insight led to further conversations about godly values and how simple things like a poorly worded comment or an inappropriate photo could cause harm.
Here are some questions to ask your tween:
What types of videos or feeds do you enjoy most?
What kinds of comments can be upsetting? Why might a person say inappropriate or hurtful things on social media?
What types of photos or ads aren’t appropriate or God honoring?
What kinds of videos, photos or ads should you immediately show us?
Smartphones
Each family has its own set of house rules for phone use. As kids grow in responsibility, parents can include them in open discussions about some of the rules.
During an outreach trip from Canada to Australia, our daughter Sarah became friends with a girl named Audrey. Sarah doesn’t have a phone, while Audrey has one with time limits. Before parting (amid tears!), the girls asked if they could chat via WhatsApp. For Sarah, this meant borrowing a sibling’s phone, and for Audrey, it meant exceeding her time limits.
We and Audrey’s parents readily agreed to alter our rules so the girls could have a long-distance friendship. Nearly a year later, Sarah and Audrey video chat for a few minutes almost daily, working around time zones and making plans to see each other again.
When talking about phone rules, don’t be afraid to stand firm in your expectations, but also be open to considering healthy adjustments to your rules.
Here are a few ways to talk about smartphones with your child:
If you had additional phone time, what would you do with it?
What are some issues you might face with unlimited phone time?
What is the biggest struggle you have with our phone rules?
If you couldn’t use a phone to communicate with your friends, what are some other ways you could stay in touch?
Music
Jacob is a young teen who loves to sing. All. The. Time. His voice is truly a gift from God, but his parents realized that he was prone to pick up snippets of songs from online ads and music apps. So they made a point of asking what he was singing and what he thought each song was about.
Lyrics can be catchy but may harbor dark messages. Instead of labeling a song as bad, try asking your children why they like the song, what it means to them and what it makes them feel or think about. I’ve found that reading lyrics, instead of just listening to a song, can be an easier way to spot inappropriate words or themes. I also like to print a copy of the song and ask my kids what they think about certain lines.
Here are some questions you can ask to start a conversation:
Where do you hear most of the music you like?
Who are your favorite music artists, and what do you like about their songs?
What concerns you most about the lyrics you hear?
What would you do if your friends are listening to music that makes you uncomfortable?
A lot of kids today become obsessed with technology. But some younger teens surprised me when they shared that they don’t always like what they encounter on social media and the internet. An innocent online search can take them far off course into inappropriate or harmful content. One girl told me she’s concerned about being able to manage her tech time wisely and being led astray when she’s online. She also worries that once she sees something inappropriate, it can’t be unseen.
All children need a safe place to talk about their digital experiences, thoughts and concerns. That safe place is you! As you engage in meaningful conversations about technology with your kids, what they’re really thinking might surprise you.
The post Parenting Tips for Guiding Your Kids in the Digital Age appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...