There I was, setting the table again for a large lunch after the Sunday service. I confess my heart was irritated, and I was feeling sorry for myself, which is honestly putting it mildly. My pastor husband was still at church visiting congregants, which wasn’t anything new, but the lack of help added to my irritation. I did not want to be serving lunch! I especially didn’t want to do it because I felt alone, isolated, and underappreciated.
Then something happened that changed the tenor of the whole day. My husband finally arrived, peered into the dining room, and said, “Thank you. Thank you for serving when it’s hard, and you don’t want to, and I haven’t helped you. I appreciate the obedience to Jesus I see in you.”
My husband knew his limitations, and he knew my struggle for joy in the service. He shepherded me to the Lord with those words by identifying with me and encouraging me.
Pastor, is your wife weary and worn from ministry life? Does she feel the expectations of others creep up and squeeze the joy out of her? Here are three reminders to you, as a pastor, as you love and cherish your wife.
She’s just another sheep. Yes, she is your wife, but she isn’t the co-pastor. She isn’t there to be the pastor to the women or children. And she might not even know how to play the piano, which is just fine! God did not call her to be the unpaid partner in the marriage. She is your wife, and if you have children, the mother of your kids. Guard her by teaching the congregation that she is a member of the church just like everyone else. She happens to be married to the pastor. In doing this, you protect her from unrealistic expectations from others, giving her freedom in her kingdom work to serve with joy. It allows her to flourish in whatever capacity God has gifted and created her to serve the body of believers.
Being a pastor’s wife can be a weird combination of being known superficially but not deeply known. That can leave her feeling lonely and isolated. Be a place for her to come when she feels overwhelmed and assailed by others. Empathize with her and listen to what troubles her. Engage with her hurts and sympathize with her. Speak the truth in love to her as you consider her season, capacity, and sin struggles. You are the best person to nudge her toward something she might shy away from. Or hold her back from things that she need not give herself to at that time. Learn to shepherd your wife “in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Pet 3.7).
Ephesians 5:25-33 sets up a lofty standard for the love a husband should have for his wife. He is to love her as Christ loved the church. That is an epic demand on husbands. They can keep it only by the grace of God and the Spirit of Christ in you (Romans 8:10-11). As you love your bride, you demonstrate Christ’s love for his church. It makes the gospel message resound loudly. Make sacrifices for your wife. Let her see you choose her over the church at times. A pastor’s wife can often feel second fiddle to the church. Work to make her feel prized and prioritized. Publicly affirm your wife. Let her overhear you sharing things you love and appreciate about her. This builds her up, and those who are listening (Ephesians 4:29).
Your marriage will have seasons when loving your wife requires greater effort. Hormonal shifts, sin struggles, grief, and stages of child-rearing can all wreak havoc on a wife’s body and soul. These are excellent opportunities to show the kind of sacrificial, Christlike love for her. Do not grow weary in loving your wife in a hard season. Whether it’s the confusion of the newlywed years, the exhaustion of the child-raising years, the heartbreak of the parental caregiving years, or anything in between, your wife will sometimes be difficult to love. Choose to love her as Christ has chosen to love you, even when you were dead in your trespasses and sins. What better way to demonstrate Christlikeness than to love your wife when she is unlovely? That speaks loudly of Christ’s love for his church.
We talk a lot about investing our money wisely, but have you ever considered the importance of spiritually investing in your wife? As you shepherd her and pour into her spiritual growth, you build an ally and a force to come alongside you in ministry. As you wash her in the word, and she matures in her love for the Lord Jesus, she will be an even greater asset to you in ministry.
Pastor, the burdens you carry are heavy. Many have eternal significance that can weigh your heart down and cause you to feel heavy-laden. Your wife is one of the gifts given to you by God to share that load. God’s word tells us that
As you invest in her spiritual growth, you invest in someone who can speak God’s wisdom into your life and help you bear the burdens and challenges unique to the pastoral role. Those are investments that will pay huge dividends. She is worth the investment.
Fast forward 12 years from that dining room experience, and I’m there again, experiencing some of those same feelings. But this time, my husband is serving alongside me, setting the table, and getting the water pitchers and the extra chairs. I didn’t even say a word, but over the years of study and struggle and of sacrifice and shepherding, he has learned how to encourage me in my service alongside him. He knows the value I find when he lends a hand, even briefly, sacrificing his study time as we strive to serve and glorify the Lord together (Ps 34:3).
When we, as ministry couples, strive together for the kingdom work God has called us to, we are a cord of three strands not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 2:12b). Pastor, investment in your wife glorifies God and strengthens your ministry. Don’t miss out on this opportunity!
Fighting for Community as a Pastor’s Wife
Four Blessings of Being a Pastor’s Wife
How Do You Balance Motherhood with Being a Pastor’s Wife?
The post <strong>Pastor, Loving Your Weary Wife is an Investment Worth Making</strong> appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
Then something happened that changed the tenor of the whole day. My husband finally arrived, peered into the dining room, and said, “Thank you. Thank you for serving when it’s hard, and you don’t want to, and I haven’t helped you. I appreciate the obedience to Jesus I see in you.”
My husband knew his limitations, and he knew my struggle for joy in the service. He shepherded me to the Lord with those words by identifying with me and encouraging me.
Pastor, is your wife weary and worn from ministry life? Does she feel the expectations of others creep up and squeeze the joy out of her? Here are three reminders to you, as a pastor, as you love and cherish your wife.
Manage expectations
She’s just another sheep. Yes, she is your wife, but she isn’t the co-pastor. She isn’t there to be the pastor to the women or children. And she might not even know how to play the piano, which is just fine! God did not call her to be the unpaid partner in the marriage. She is your wife, and if you have children, the mother of your kids. Guard her by teaching the congregation that she is a member of the church just like everyone else. She happens to be married to the pastor. In doing this, you protect her from unrealistic expectations from others, giving her freedom in her kingdom work to serve with joy. It allows her to flourish in whatever capacity God has gifted and created her to serve the body of believers.
Being a pastor’s wife can be a weird combination of being known superficially but not deeply known. That can leave her feeling lonely and isolated. Be a place for her to come when she feels overwhelmed and assailed by others. Empathize with her and listen to what troubles her. Engage with her hurts and sympathize with her. Speak the truth in love to her as you consider her season, capacity, and sin struggles. You are the best person to nudge her toward something she might shy away from. Or hold her back from things that she need not give herself to at that time. Learn to shepherd your wife “in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Pet 3.7).
Prioritize your marriage
Ephesians 5:25-33 sets up a lofty standard for the love a husband should have for his wife. He is to love her as Christ loved the church. That is an epic demand on husbands. They can keep it only by the grace of God and the Spirit of Christ in you (Romans 8:10-11). As you love your bride, you demonstrate Christ’s love for his church. It makes the gospel message resound loudly. Make sacrifices for your wife. Let her see you choose her over the church at times. A pastor’s wife can often feel second fiddle to the church. Work to make her feel prized and prioritized. Publicly affirm your wife. Let her overhear you sharing things you love and appreciate about her. This builds her up, and those who are listening (Ephesians 4:29).
Your marriage will have seasons when loving your wife requires greater effort. Hormonal shifts, sin struggles, grief, and stages of child-rearing can all wreak havoc on a wife’s body and soul. These are excellent opportunities to show the kind of sacrificial, Christlike love for her. Do not grow weary in loving your wife in a hard season. Whether it’s the confusion of the newlywed years, the exhaustion of the child-raising years, the heartbreak of the parental caregiving years, or anything in between, your wife will sometimes be difficult to love. Choose to love her as Christ has chosen to love you, even when you were dead in your trespasses and sins. What better way to demonstrate Christlikeness than to love your wife when she is unlovely? That speaks loudly of Christ’s love for his church.
Invest spiritually
We talk a lot about investing our money wisely, but have you ever considered the importance of spiritually investing in your wife? As you shepherd her and pour into her spiritual growth, you build an ally and a force to come alongside you in ministry. As you wash her in the word, and she matures in her love for the Lord Jesus, she will be an even greater asset to you in ministry.
Pastor, the burdens you carry are heavy. Many have eternal significance that can weigh your heart down and cause you to feel heavy-laden. Your wife is one of the gifts given to you by God to share that load. God’s word tells us that
As you invest in her spiritual growth, you invest in someone who can speak God’s wisdom into your life and help you bear the burdens and challenges unique to the pastoral role. Those are investments that will pay huge dividends. She is worth the investment.
A better dining room experience
Fast forward 12 years from that dining room experience, and I’m there again, experiencing some of those same feelings. But this time, my husband is serving alongside me, setting the table, and getting the water pitchers and the extra chairs. I didn’t even say a word, but over the years of study and struggle and of sacrifice and shepherding, he has learned how to encourage me in my service alongside him. He knows the value I find when he lends a hand, even briefly, sacrificing his study time as we strive to serve and glorify the Lord together (Ps 34:3).
When we, as ministry couples, strive together for the kingdom work God has called us to, we are a cord of three strands not easily broken (Ecclesiastes 2:12b). Pastor, investment in your wife glorifies God and strengthens your ministry. Don’t miss out on this opportunity!
Related:
Fighting for Community as a Pastor’s Wife
Four Blessings of Being a Pastor’s Wife
How Do You Balance Motherhood with Being a Pastor’s Wife?
The post <strong>Pastor, Loving Your Weary Wife is an Investment Worth Making</strong> appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...