- Dec 20, 2019
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“They are forcing these little girls to carry rape babies!” – The phrase shot quickly from his mouth, like it belonged there, like he’d said it a hundred times in the mirror. It was a heated debate on YouTube. In his eyes, those no-good anti-abortion activists were forcing victims of rape to carry the evidence of their suffering.
Watch a handful of pro-life vs. pro-choice debates, and you’ll find the narrative of victims vs. “rape babies,” used like a mantra. But there are no faces attached to the stories
As heroic as pop media paints defending a rape victim’s right to abortion, the truth about the notoriously feared “rape babies,” is not what it seems. It’s uglier, crueler, and more beautiful than you’d expect. Understanding begins by listening to the quiet minority—a precious, often overlooked voice that is essential to the conversation: victims.
Real victims. Not hypothetical ones.
My first encounter—that I am aware of—with an victim of rape resulting in pregnancy was Serena. I say, “that I am aware of” because young victims are often shamed into silence. The truth, I have found, is that they’re not so much a voiceless minority but a soft chorus of survivors with lyrics we don’t care to hear. After all, their stories are hard to listen to, not just because they’re heartbreaking but because they’re real. They were children like ours, with loved ones like us.
Serena was a guest on the Focus on the Family Broadcast. As a producer for Focus’s Advocacy for Children department, I had first dibs on a private interview. From a producer’s perspective, it was exciting! We have heard so many heated political debates where the mic-drop moment was someone shaming a pro-life opponent for their audacity to make women carry “rape babies.”
But here was Serena—a real woman, with a real story
What stood out to me about Serena was the lack of showmanship in her movements, which were few and far between. She was nervous, sitting perfectly still, hands to her sides, white-knuckling the hem of her blouse. This was a self-soothing habit that kept her grounded when sharing her story.
She was one of the less than 1% of women who received an abortion after of rape and incest. Her scenario was every parent’s worst nightmare—the type that would cause even staunchest of pro-lifers to struggle with their beliefs. While babysitting her younger cousins, Serena (13 at the time) was raped by her uncle.
The pro-abortion debaters would phrase her story this way: “Do you mean to tell me that if your daughter was raped, you’d force her to carry her rapist’s baby?”
Of course, this is never actually a question. It’s a rhetorical ambush, the ultimate Uno Reverse in the pro-abortion playbook. Unfortunately, it lacks accuracy and relevancy when speaking about real victims like Serena.
While more high-profile guests come with handlers, managers, publicists, or assistants, Serena was accompanied by her husband. He was supportive and sweet. Her eyes would widen or shift with nervousness, her breath would catch, and he’d say things like, “You’re doing great. Take a deep breath. You’ve got this.”
For those unfamiliar with PTSD, a trigger can suddenly overwhelm a person, disrupting their ability to think, reason, or speak. Hearing someone struggle to speak through their trigger is a haunting and unforgettable sound. It’s somewhere between the trembling of fear and the gasp of someone struggling for air. But it goes deeper than that—it’s not just their lungs fighting to breathe, it’s their soul.
In our private interview, once we’d delved into her story, there were moments where it felt like she was teetering on one of these episodes. She was regulating her breath, stumbling to keep her train of thought, but she powered through. She was determined.
What we’d find out was that Serena’s experience wasn’t one of being abused and then taken for an abortion. The trauma she carried was that of a little girl who was first raped, then ripped of her child’s life. She had trauma upon trauma and was, to some extent, still in the process of healing.
While our interview with Serena never made it to publication, her debut episode of Focus on the Family tells the same story.
Serena kept the abuse secret until she told a friend at school. The friend told the school counselor, who contacted Serena’s parents.
At thirteen years old, Serena had never heard of abortion before. Her parents were trying their best to help their child. They trusted their doctor, an abortion was scheduled, and the clinic warned the family of the hateful pro-lifers who might be on the sidewalk outside.
In our private interview, she recalled the abortion and how it was painful, how her father carried her out of the clinic when it was over. As she tells it, she grips her blouse.
When asked about coping and healing from the trauma, she’s quick to recommend the same approach she went through that brought the most healing.
“Abortion recovery was a life-changing event for me.” Her confidence when she speaks of healing makes it clear—she’s not a victim anymore. “I, finally, was able to grieve my child. I had permission. … Jesus met me in my brokenness, and he put healing balm on my heart.”
In case you missed it, she referred to her pregnancy that resulted from rape as “my child.” She was able to grieve her child.
We like to assume pregnancy after rape has an easy solution: get rid of the evidence and empower the victim. Throw the bad guy in jail. Mix in a little therapy and—voila! Now, we can sleep at night knowing all is right in the world, or at least as right as we can get it.
But we’re severely wrong. It’s another case of making assumptions and ignoring the ugly facts. In our denial, we shield our minds from having to trek down into the pit where solutions are messy and made of long-term commitments with no personal gain.
For women like Serena, healing doesn’t begin with abortion terminating their “rape babies.”
In contrast, proposing abortion as a healthy option for victims of abuse does more damage than dehumanizing preborn children. This cruel, cookie-cutter approach to caring for traumatized women steals away a mother’s right to love and therefore grieve her child. And, like a cut without cleaning, there is no healing for these girls without healthy grieving.
You may be thinking that Serena’s story is unique. Surely, most of the other victims don’t feel the same.
Serena isn’t the only victim to feel this way. There are plenty of women who have spoken out about their own experiences with rape and abortion. Within my several years of interviewing people like Serena, a clear pattern emerged. It seems, even in light of abuse and shame, many more women want their babies than don’t.
The following are a few examples of such women.
Wenz, another guest of Focus on the Family, was a victim of statutory rape at 15. She became pregnant and was taken for an abortion by a well-meaning family member. Years later, she found a diary from her younger self. She was shocked to find that, while she remembered the scenario from a state of detachment, the little girl writing the diary wanted to keep the baby.
In an interview with Live Action, Paula recounts her experience with conceiving at 24, after being raped by two men. After reaching out for help, Paula discovered that people, both pro-life and pro-choice, had a hard time respecting her decision not to abort. They told her she’d be spreading rapist DNA and that the baby would grow up to be a monster. Little did they know, Paula had also been conceived in rape.
Ultimately, Paula says she, like many women who experience assault, became suicidal. She says it was her child who kept her hanging on to life. Today, Paula is the Executive Director of Hope After Rape Conception, an organization that helps and supports women from similar circumstances.
At 12 years old, Lianna was abducted and brutally raped by two men. After becoming pregnant, doctors told her abortion was her right. After asking the doctor if it would help her forget what happened or ease the pain of the event, the doctor replied, “No”. She didn’t see the point of having the procedure if it wasn’t going to help.
In an interview with Live Action, she says, “I just knew that I had somebody inside my body. I never thought about who her biological father was. She was my kid. She was inside of me. Just knowing that she needed me, and I needed her. In my situation, two lives were saved. I saved my daughter’s life, but she saved my life.”
In Hollywood, in news and literature, the notorious “rape babies” are framed as the evil seeds of pedophiles and rapists. Some believe they’re bound to grow up and be just as deranged as the men who abused their mothers. They’re pre-determined offenders. If allowed to live, they’ll be a scar to their mother, a reminder of the most horrific event she’s ever experienced.
Only this is an assumption, too; an easily disproved one. Once again, we encounter a scenario where another important voice is left out of the conversation—those conceived in rape. And it comes as no surprise that these individuals don’t care for the term “rape babies.”
Sadly, they’re often shamed, shunned, or ridiculed for their origin stories. Never mind that the majority of them spend their lives trying to help others escape or heal the same circumstances forced upon them and their mothers.
Kiessling, who was conceived in rape, is a practicing attorney and president of the pro-life organization Save the One. This organization specializes in educating advocates, legislators, leaders, and clergy on how to “articulate a proper defense of children conceived in rape or incest, as well as those with special needs.”
Ryan Bomberger is an Emmy Award-winning creative professional, columnist, and author. Ryan was conceived in rape, then adopted into a multiracial family. Growing up, he witnessed his loved ones being ridiculed for their diversity. Ryan himself has been on the receiving end of the hate, especially after the critics learned of his conception.
Thankfully, Bomberger has channeled these experiences into a powerful pro-life platform, the Radiance Foundation. Ask him about his story and he’ll summarize it in one poingnoit sentence: “I was conceived in rape but adopted in love.”
Other figures throughout history proved that being conceived in rape is no defining factor of who they would become. Take, for example, Ethel Waters (1896–1977), whose mother was the same age as Serena when she conceived through sexual assault. Waters, despite a tough upbringing, became a powerful gospel singer, actress, and civil rights activist. She’s also known for breaking racial barriers as an African American woman in the entertainment industry.
After listening to victims and meeting their children, one truth stands out: there are no “rape babies.” There are only babies—innocent children with no malice, no control over their origins, and no responsibility for crimes they did not commit.
The phrase itself, “rape babies,” is a cruel caricature, meant to dehumanize a defenseless minority. When we hear the term, we should pause to reflect on the power of words and labels. This phrasing highlights a misjudgement in condemning both severely traumatized women and the children they’ve been told they shouldn’t love.
A few years after her appearance on Focus on the Family, I encountered Serena again. This time, she had radically changed. There was a lightness to her face and a playfulness to her eyes that could have only come about after walking out her healing with the Lord.
Today, Serena still gives interviews. Her words come out smooth and natural when she speaks. She’s healthier, bolder, with the same sweet voice now delivering hard truths with unshaken accuracy. She even operates a ministry that centers on inner healing called She Found His Grace.
Her story serves as a beacon for others on a similar journey, showing that Jesus is more than an advocate—He is a healer. Serena expressed this best in her original Focus on the Family interview.
Her statement comes out fluent and as strong as the debater chastising pro-lifers about their support of “rape babies,” but it’s different. Her bravery is brimming with love and a kind of strength a fragile heart only gets from being run through the fire a few times.
“He (God) is not taken off guard by this. … He already knows and is just waiting for you to turn to him. But also, to take it deeper—a lot of times we hear, ‘I know I’ve been forgiven,’ and that’s awesome, but there’s freedom. He wants to give you freedom.”
Healing from Abortion, Rape and Miscarriage
Helping a Child Victim of Sexual Assault
Finding Healing from Sexual Assault
Sexual Assault and Rape: Help for Teens
Resources: Healing from Sexual Abuse
Adult Seeking Help After Sexual Assault
Sexual Abuse Archives
Post-Abortive Recovery Resources
Resources: Hope and Healing After Abortion
Finding Emotional Healing After an Abortion
Referrals for Post-Abortion Ministries and Training
Healing the Hurt of a Past Abortion
The post Rape Victims Reject the Term ‘Rape Babies’ appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
Watch a handful of pro-life vs. pro-choice debates, and you’ll find the narrative of victims vs. “rape babies,” used like a mantra. But there are no faces attached to the stories
As heroic as pop media paints defending a rape victim’s right to abortion, the truth about the notoriously feared “rape babies,” is not what it seems. It’s uglier, crueler, and more beautiful than you’d expect. Understanding begins by listening to the quiet minority—a precious, often overlooked voice that is essential to the conversation: victims.
Real victims. Not hypothetical ones.
Real Victims and “Rape Babies”
My first encounter—that I am aware of—with an victim of rape resulting in pregnancy was Serena. I say, “that I am aware of” because young victims are often shamed into silence. The truth, I have found, is that they’re not so much a voiceless minority but a soft chorus of survivors with lyrics we don’t care to hear. After all, their stories are hard to listen to, not just because they’re heartbreaking but because they’re real. They were children like ours, with loved ones like us.
Serena was a guest on the Focus on the Family Broadcast. As a producer for Focus’s Advocacy for Children department, I had first dibs on a private interview. From a producer’s perspective, it was exciting! We have heard so many heated political debates where the mic-drop moment was someone shaming a pro-life opponent for their audacity to make women carry “rape babies.”
But here was Serena—a real woman, with a real story
Serena Dyksen
What stood out to me about Serena was the lack of showmanship in her movements, which were few and far between. She was nervous, sitting perfectly still, hands to her sides, white-knuckling the hem of her blouse. This was a self-soothing habit that kept her grounded when sharing her story.
She was one of the less than 1% of women who received an abortion after of rape and incest. Her scenario was every parent’s worst nightmare—the type that would cause even staunchest of pro-lifers to struggle with their beliefs. While babysitting her younger cousins, Serena (13 at the time) was raped by her uncle.
The pro-abortion debaters would phrase her story this way: “Do you mean to tell me that if your daughter was raped, you’d force her to carry her rapist’s baby?”
Of course, this is never actually a question. It’s a rhetorical ambush, the ultimate Uno Reverse in the pro-abortion playbook. Unfortunately, it lacks accuracy and relevancy when speaking about real victims like Serena.
Serena’s Unexpected Interview
While more high-profile guests come with handlers, managers, publicists, or assistants, Serena was accompanied by her husband. He was supportive and sweet. Her eyes would widen or shift with nervousness, her breath would catch, and he’d say things like, “You’re doing great. Take a deep breath. You’ve got this.”
For those unfamiliar with PTSD, a trigger can suddenly overwhelm a person, disrupting their ability to think, reason, or speak. Hearing someone struggle to speak through their trigger is a haunting and unforgettable sound. It’s somewhere between the trembling of fear and the gasp of someone struggling for air. But it goes deeper than that—it’s not just their lungs fighting to breathe, it’s their soul.
In our private interview, once we’d delved into her story, there were moments where it felt like she was teetering on one of these episodes. She was regulating her breath, stumbling to keep her train of thought, but she powered through. She was determined.
What we’d find out was that Serena’s experience wasn’t one of being abused and then taken for an abortion. The trauma she carried was that of a little girl who was first raped, then ripped of her child’s life. She had trauma upon trauma and was, to some extent, still in the process of healing.
While our interview with Serena never made it to publication, her debut episode of Focus on the Family tells the same story.
Abortion After Rape
Serena kept the abuse secret until she told a friend at school. The friend told the school counselor, who contacted Serena’s parents.
“My parents—they ended up coming,” Serena says. “They took me to our family doctor, and confirmed that there was a pregnancy. And—um—he was the one who suggested the abortion. I later found out that he was Catholic. I really think it was a misplaced compassion…that he thought that was really going to help.”
At thirteen years old, Serena had never heard of abortion before. Her parents were trying their best to help their child. They trusted their doctor, an abortion was scheduled, and the clinic warned the family of the hateful pro-lifers who might be on the sidewalk outside.
In our private interview, she recalled the abortion and how it was painful, how her father carried her out of the clinic when it was over. As she tells it, she grips her blouse.
Her Child
When asked about coping and healing from the trauma, she’s quick to recommend the same approach she went through that brought the most healing.
“Abortion recovery was a life-changing event for me.” Her confidence when she speaks of healing makes it clear—she’s not a victim anymore. “I, finally, was able to grieve my child. I had permission. … Jesus met me in my brokenness, and he put healing balm on my heart.”
In case you missed it, she referred to her pregnancy that resulted from rape as “my child.” She was able to grieve her child.
Trauma on Trauma
We like to assume pregnancy after rape has an easy solution: get rid of the evidence and empower the victim. Throw the bad guy in jail. Mix in a little therapy and—voila! Now, we can sleep at night knowing all is right in the world, or at least as right as we can get it.
But we’re severely wrong. It’s another case of making assumptions and ignoring the ugly facts. In our denial, we shield our minds from having to trek down into the pit where solutions are messy and made of long-term commitments with no personal gain.
For women like Serena, healing doesn’t begin with abortion terminating their “rape babies.”
In contrast, proposing abortion as a healthy option for victims of abuse does more damage than dehumanizing preborn children. This cruel, cookie-cutter approach to caring for traumatized women steals away a mother’s right to love and therefore grieve her child. And, like a cut without cleaning, there is no healing for these girls without healthy grieving.
But What About the Others?
You may be thinking that Serena’s story is unique. Surely, most of the other victims don’t feel the same.
Serena isn’t the only victim to feel this way. There are plenty of women who have spoken out about their own experiences with rape and abortion. Within my several years of interviewing people like Serena, a clear pattern emerged. It seems, even in light of abuse and shame, many more women want their babies than don’t.
The following are a few examples of such women.
Cynthia Wenz
Wenz, another guest of Focus on the Family, was a victim of statutory rape at 15. She became pregnant and was taken for an abortion by a well-meaning family member. Years later, she found a diary from her younger self. She was shocked to find that, while she remembered the scenario from a state of detachment, the little girl writing the diary wanted to keep the baby.
Paula Peyton-Ilari
In an interview with Live Action, Paula recounts her experience with conceiving at 24, after being raped by two men. After reaching out for help, Paula discovered that people, both pro-life and pro-choice, had a hard time respecting her decision not to abort. They told her she’d be spreading rapist DNA and that the baby would grow up to be a monster. Little did they know, Paula had also been conceived in rape.
Ultimately, Paula says she, like many women who experience assault, became suicidal. She says it was her child who kept her hanging on to life. Today, Paula is the Executive Director of Hope After Rape Conception, an organization that helps and supports women from similar circumstances.
Lianna Rebolledo
At 12 years old, Lianna was abducted and brutally raped by two men. After becoming pregnant, doctors told her abortion was her right. After asking the doctor if it would help her forget what happened or ease the pain of the event, the doctor replied, “No”. She didn’t see the point of having the procedure if it wasn’t going to help.
In an interview with Live Action, she says, “I just knew that I had somebody inside my body. I never thought about who her biological father was. She was my kid. She was inside of me. Just knowing that she needed me, and I needed her. In my situation, two lives were saved. I saved my daughter’s life, but she saved my life.”
The Truth About “Rape Babies”
In Hollywood, in news and literature, the notorious “rape babies” are framed as the evil seeds of pedophiles and rapists. Some believe they’re bound to grow up and be just as deranged as the men who abused their mothers. They’re pre-determined offenders. If allowed to live, they’ll be a scar to their mother, a reminder of the most horrific event she’s ever experienced.
Only this is an assumption, too; an easily disproved one. Once again, we encounter a scenario where another important voice is left out of the conversation—those conceived in rape. And it comes as no surprise that these individuals don’t care for the term “rape babies.”
Sadly, they’re often shamed, shunned, or ridiculed for their origin stories. Never mind that the majority of them spend their lives trying to help others escape or heal the same circumstances forced upon them and their mothers.
Rebecca Kiessling
Kiessling, who was conceived in rape, is a practicing attorney and president of the pro-life organization Save the One. This organization specializes in educating advocates, legislators, leaders, and clergy on how to “articulate a proper defense of children conceived in rape or incest, as well as those with special needs.”
Ryan Bomberger
Ryan Bomberger is an Emmy Award-winning creative professional, columnist, and author. Ryan was conceived in rape, then adopted into a multiracial family. Growing up, he witnessed his loved ones being ridiculed for their diversity. Ryan himself has been on the receiving end of the hate, especially after the critics learned of his conception.
Thankfully, Bomberger has channeled these experiences into a powerful pro-life platform, the Radiance Foundation. Ask him about his story and he’ll summarize it in one poingnoit sentence: “I was conceived in rape but adopted in love.”
Ethel Waters
Other figures throughout history proved that being conceived in rape is no defining factor of who they would become. Take, for example, Ethel Waters (1896–1977), whose mother was the same age as Serena when she conceived through sexual assault. Waters, despite a tough upbringing, became a powerful gospel singer, actress, and civil rights activist. She’s also known for breaking racial barriers as an African American woman in the entertainment industry.
Getting Rid of “Rape Babies”
After listening to victims and meeting their children, one truth stands out: there are no “rape babies.” There are only babies—innocent children with no malice, no control over their origins, and no responsibility for crimes they did not commit.
The phrase itself, “rape babies,” is a cruel caricature, meant to dehumanize a defenseless minority. When we hear the term, we should pause to reflect on the power of words and labels. This phrasing highlights a misjudgement in condemning both severely traumatized women and the children they’ve been told they shouldn’t love.
Serena’s Happy Ending
A few years after her appearance on Focus on the Family, I encountered Serena again. This time, she had radically changed. There was a lightness to her face and a playfulness to her eyes that could have only come about after walking out her healing with the Lord.
Today, Serena still gives interviews. Her words come out smooth and natural when she speaks. She’s healthier, bolder, with the same sweet voice now delivering hard truths with unshaken accuracy. She even operates a ministry that centers on inner healing called She Found His Grace.
Her story serves as a beacon for others on a similar journey, showing that Jesus is more than an advocate—He is a healer. Serena expressed this best in her original Focus on the Family interview.
Freedom
Her statement comes out fluent and as strong as the debater chastising pro-lifers about their support of “rape babies,” but it’s different. Her bravery is brimming with love and a kind of strength a fragile heart only gets from being run through the fire a few times.
“He (God) is not taken off guard by this. … He already knows and is just waiting for you to turn to him. But also, to take it deeper—a lot of times we hear, ‘I know I’ve been forgiven,’ and that’s awesome, but there’s freedom. He wants to give you freedom.”
Additional Resources
Healing from Abortion, Rape and Miscarriage
Helping a Child Victim of Sexual Assault
Finding Healing from Sexual Assault
Sexual Assault and Rape: Help for Teens
Resources: Healing from Sexual Abuse
Adult Seeking Help After Sexual Assault
Sexual Abuse Archives
Post-Abortive Resources
Post-Abortive Recovery Resources
Resources: Hope and Healing After Abortion
Finding Emotional Healing After an Abortion
Referrals for Post-Abortion Ministries and Training
Healing the Hurt of a Past Abortion
The post Rape Victims Reject the Term ‘Rape Babies’ appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
