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Rules for dating my son

K

Kathi

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Over protective mom? or not?
 
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Depends on age of the son. But overall it's just as stupid as fathers threatening boys who want to date their daughters.
 
Claudya said:
Depends on age of the son. But overall it's just as stupid as fathers threatening boys who want to date their daughters.
Click to expand...




APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
​
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.
    • NAME:_________________________________DATE OF BIRTH:_____________________
    • HEIGHT:___________ WEIGHT:____________ I.Q.__________ GPA____________
    • SOCIAL SECURITY#_________________________________________________________
      DRIVERS LICENSE#_________________________________________________________
      BOY SCOUT RANK:__________________________________________________________
    • HOME ADDRESS:____________________________________________________________
      CITY/STATE_________________________________________ ZIP_________________
    • Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _______ yes? _______ no?
    • Number of years parents married:_________________________________________
    • Do you own a van? _________ A truck with oversized tires? __________
      A waterbed? _________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly ring?_______________ Tatoo?_______________
      (IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)
    • In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU? _________________________________________________________________________
      _________________________________________________________________________
    • In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • Congregation you attend:_______________________________________________
      How often do you attend?_________________________________________________
    When would it the best time to interview your father, mother, relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past girlfriends? (supply phone numbers)_____________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________
ANSWER THESE SEMI-CONFIDENTIAL QUESTIONS
BY FILLING IN THE BLANKS.
  1. "If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is _________________________________________________________________________
  2. "If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________ _________________________________________________________________________
  3. "A woman’s place is in the ______________________________________________
  4. "The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________ _________________________________________________________________________
  5. "When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her is ______________ _________________________________________________________________________
(NOTE: If the answer to # 5 begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and it is advised that you leave the premises right now keeping your head low and running
in a serpentine fashion.)
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, SOLDIER ANT TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, AND THE JANET RENO KISS TORTURE.
____________________________________________SIGNATURE (That means your name, moron!)
Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, anyway). Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with violin cases and cement shoes will notify you – one size fits all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Last edited:
I seldom take that literally but I have a lady married in my church warn my current wife, and one of my exes if they hurt me emotional there would hell to pay. the later did that and was chewed out for it and called some names.

and on the male side I had a dad tell his daughter I was worthless. at the time I wasn't per useless but I needed to grow up. 25 ish is bit green and my work ethic then wasn't the best. life came along and changed that.
 
Mike S said:
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
​
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.
    • NAME:_________________________________DATE OF BIRTH:_____________________
    • HEIGHT:___________ WEIGHT:____________ I.Q.__________ GPA____________
    • SOCIAL SECURITY#_________________________________________________________
      DRIVERS LICENSE#_________________________________________________________
      BOY SCOUT RANK:__________________________________________________________
    • HOME ADDRESS:____________________________________________________________
      CITY/STATE_________________________________________ ZIP_________________
    • Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _______ yes? _______ no?
    • Number of years parents married:_________________________________________
    • Do you own a van? _________ A truck with oversized tires? __________
      A waterbed? _________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly ring?_______________ Tatoo?_______________
      (IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)
    • In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU? _________________________________________________________________________
      _________________________________________________________________________
    • In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • Congregation you attend:_______________________________________________
      How often do you attend?_________________________________________________
    When would it the best time to interview your father, mother, relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past girlfriends? (supply phone numbers)_____________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________
ANSWER THESE SEMI-CONFIDENTIAL QUESTIONS
BY FILLING IN THE BLANKS.
  1. "If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is _________________________________________________________________________
  2. "If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________ _________________________________________________________________________
  3. "A woman’s place is in the ______________________________________________
  4. "The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________ _________________________________________________________________________
  5. "When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her is ______________ _________________________________________________________________________
(NOTE: If the answer to #E begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and it is advised that you leave the premises right now keeping your head low and running
in a serpentine fashion.)
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, SOLDIER ANT TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, AND THE JANET RENO KISS TORTURE.
____________________________________________SIGNATURE (That means your name, moron!)
Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, anyway). Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with violin cases and cement shoes will notify you – one size fits all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Click to expand...
:lol I like it.
 
Mike S said:
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
​
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.
    • NAME:_________________________________DATE OF BIRTH:_____________________
    • HEIGHT:___________ WEIGHT:____________ I.Q.__________ GPA____________
    • SOCIAL SECURITY#_________________________________________________________
      DRIVERS LICENSE#_________________________________________________________
      BOY SCOUT RANK:__________________________________________________________
    • HOME ADDRESS:____________________________________________________________
      CITY/STATE_________________________________________ ZIP_________________
    • Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _______ yes? _______ no?
    • Number of years parents married:_________________________________________
    • Do you own a van? _________ A truck with oversized tires? __________
      A waterbed? _________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly ring?_______________ Tatoo?_______________
      (IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)
    • In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU? _________________________________________________________________________
      _________________________________________________________________________
    • In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • Congregation you attend:_______________________________________________
      How often do you attend?_________________________________________________
    When would it the best time to interview your father, mother, relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past girlfriends? (supply phone numbers)_____________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________
ANSWER THESE SEMI-CONFIDENTIAL QUESTIONS
BY FILLING IN THE BLANKS.
  1. "If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is _________________________________________________________________________
  2. "If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________ _________________________________________________________________________
  3. "A woman’s place is in the ______________________________________________
  4. "The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________ _________________________________________________________________________
  5. "When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her is ______________ _________________________________________________________________________
(NOTE: If the answer to #E begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and it is advised that you leave the premises right now keeping your head low and running
in a serpentine fashion.)
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, SOLDIER ANT TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, AND THE JANET RENO KISS TORTURE.
____________________________________________SIGNATURE (That means your name, moron!)
Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, anyway). Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with violin cases and cement shoes will notify you – one size fits all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Click to expand...

What you want to be IF you grow up? :lol
 
Mike S said:
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
​
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.
    • NAME:_________________________________DATE OF BIRTH:_____________________
    • HEIGHT:___________ WEIGHT:____________ I.Q.__________ GPA____________
    • SOCIAL SECURITY#_________________________________________________________
      DRIVERS LICENSE#_________________________________________________________
      BOY SCOUT RANK:__________________________________________________________
    • HOME ADDRESS:____________________________________________________________
      CITY/STATE_________________________________________ ZIP_________________
    • Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _______ yes? _______ no?
    • Number of years parents married:_________________________________________
    • Do you own a van? _________ A truck with oversized tires? __________
      A waterbed? _________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly ring?_______________ Tatoo?_______________
      (IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)
    • In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU? _________________________________________________________________________
      _________________________________________________________________________
    • In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • Congregation you attend:_______________________________________________
      How often do you attend?_________________________________________________
    When would it the best time to interview your father, mother, relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past girlfriends? (supply phone numbers)_____________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________
ANSWER THESE SEMI-CONFIDENTIAL QUESTIONS
BY FILLING IN THE BLANKS.
  1. "If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is _________________________________________________________________________
  2. "If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________ _________________________________________________________________________
  3. "A woman’s place is in the ______________________________________________
  4. "The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________ _________________________________________________________________________
  5. "When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her is ______________ _________________________________________________________________________
(NOTE: If the answer to #E begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and it is advised that you leave the premises right now keeping your head low and running
in a serpentine fashion.)
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, SOLDIER ANT TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, AND THE JANET RENO KISS TORTURE.
____________________________________________SIGNATURE (That means your name, moron!)
Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, anyway). Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with violin cases and cement shoes will notify you – one size fits all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Click to expand...
:lol That daughter will die an old unhappy virgin. Or taste the forbidden fruits without daddy's knowledge.
 
Claudya said:
:lol That daughter will die an old unhappy virgin. Or taste the forbidden fruits without daddy's knowledge.
Click to expand...

Parent humor is a well earned pleasure in life and sometimes a matter of staying sane. :confused2
 
Mike S said:
APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
​
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, history, lineage, recent FBI background check, psychiatric evaluation, and updated medical report from your doctor.
    • NAME:_________________________________DATE OF BIRTH:_____________________
    • HEIGHT:___________ WEIGHT:____________ I.Q.__________ GPA____________
    • SOCIAL SECURITY#_________________________________________________________
      DRIVERS LICENSE#_________________________________________________________
      BOY SCOUT RANK:__________________________________________________________
    • HOME ADDRESS:____________________________________________________________
      CITY/STATE_________________________________________ ZIP_________________
    • Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? _______ yes? _______ no?
    • Number of years parents married:_________________________________________
    • Do you own a van? _________ A truck with oversized tires? __________
      A waterbed? _________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly ring?_______________ Tatoo?_______________
      (IF YES TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE THE PREMISES)
    • In 50 words or less, what does DO NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER MEAN TO YOU? _________________________________________________________________________
      _________________________________________________________________________
    • In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • Congregation you attend:_______________________________________________
      How often do you attend?_________________________________________________
    When would it the best time to interview your father, mother, relatives, neighbors, minister/rabbi/priest, and past girlfriends? (supply phone numbers)_____________________________________________
    _________________________________________________________________________
    • What do you want to be IF you grow up? __________________________________
ANSWER THESE SEMI-CONFIDENTIAL QUESTIONS
BY FILLING IN THE BLANKS.
  1. "If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want to be wounded is _________________________________________________________________________
  2. "If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________ _________________________________________________________________________
  3. "A woman’s place is in the ______________________________________________
  4. "The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is _________ _________________________________________________________________________
  5. "When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her is ______________ _________________________________________________________________________
(NOTE: If the answer to #E begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and it is advised that you leave the premises right now keeping your head low and running
in a serpentine fashion.)
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE, UNDER THE PENALTY OF A SLOW DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, SOLDIER ANT TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS DRIPPING WATER TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, AND THE JANET RENO KISS TORTURE.
____________________________________________SIGNATURE (That means your name, moron!)
Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Don’t call us, we’ll call you. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, anyway). Any attempt to make contact might cause you injury. If your application is rejected, two gentlemen with violin cases and cement shoes will notify you – one size fits all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Click to expand...
My daughters only 3 but I'm printing one of these out right now to save for later.
 
jeff77 said:
My daughters only 3 but I'm printing one of these out right now to save for later.
Click to expand...


LOL :wave


I particularly like "Please allow four to six years for processing. Don’t call us, we’ll call you."
 
lol
if the answere begins with a T or an A kindly run in serpentine fashion very quickly off my property
Click to expand...
 
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