[__ Prayer __] Selfish but I need prayers anyway

[skyhigh]

Sorry this might sound very selfish and I don't see many people asking for personal prayers on here but I need to reach out I think and try and solve this one.
I have intrusive negative thoughts, bordering on demonic I fear. Now before you think I need an exorcist let me elaborate.
I have occasionally very negative thoughts about some members of my extended family. They may have bullied me in the past a little but in my mind sometimes it seems quite big. I sometimes imagine facing up to them and winning a physical confrontation and telling them off.
This could be related to my low self-esteem issues and family reunions being some kind of status contest. perhaps I am the status conscious one. I don't know. I feel a kind of failure careerwise whereas they have made their mark secular-wise.
I pray that 2018, I can develop better relations with my siblings especially. I don't have to be their best buddies, just establish respectful distance. Certainly no negative intrusive thoughts about them. My fear is exacerbated because I live 5 hours by plane from them and hardly ever visit . next year I was talked into hosting a family reunion in my city. They feel it is my turn. They like to have yearly reunions which I only sometimes attend. But often don't.

 

[Eugene]

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I'm going to give you this example I have given others, but I hope it helps you; it has worked for me in my life.
Praying for Someone You Hate

There was the supposedly true story of a man that hated another person in the church he attended so much, he would cross the street to avoid coming face to face with them. Let’s call him Eugene.

The hatred grew worse to the point of wanting to quit attending the assembly, and he finally talked to the pastor about it. The pastor told him that he knew how to fix it, but that he knew the man asking wouldn’t do it.

Oh yes I will pastor, I will do anything to get rid of this hate. No you wouldn’t - Yes I will. Okay I want you to go home tonight and pray for Eugene for God to bless him before you go to sleep, and then first thing in the morning you do the same every day, and continue that for two weeks.

I will not do that. I knew you wouldn’t. Well I promised I would, and I will. (avatar faces inserted for effect, and I don’t know if I’m telling it right).

That night: God please bless Eugene; ….. ….. God You know I don’t mean that, I hate that guy, and he goes to bed mad. The next morning was more of the same, but as the days went by the hardness in him began to soften, the prayers became longer, and the hurt he felt became less.

By the end of the two weeks, he again went to his pastor with a smile on his face and said, you were right pastor, I want Eugene blessed more than anyone I know, and the hate is gone.

I liked the story, because it helped me to understand some of what Jesus prayed for us, even though we didn’t deserve it either.
Praying for you & blessings in Christ Jesus.

 

[skyhigh]

Thanks Eugene. That was a useful anecdote and very helpful. I have already started something similar. My praying recently is on a similar track but I need to come back to it every day and more often during the day.
We don't realise that if we let others get under our skin and make us angry, they win. Your anecdote shows win/win.

 

[GodsGrace]

Sorry this might sound very selfish and I don't see many people asking for personal prayers on here but I need to reach out I think and try and solve this one.
I have intrusive negative thoughts, bordering on demonic I fear. Now before you think I need an exorcist let me elaborate.
I have occasionally very negative thoughts about some members of my extended family. They may have bullied me in the past a little but in my mind sometimes it seems quite big. I sometimes imagine facing up to them and winning a physical confrontation and telling them off.
This could be related to my low self-esteem issues and family reunions being some kind of status contest. perhaps I am the status conscious one. I don't know. I feel a kind of failure careerwise whereas they have made their mark secular-wise.
I pray that 2018, I can develop better relations with my siblings especially. I don't have to be their best buddies, just establish respectful distance. Certainly no negative intrusive thoughts about them. My fear is exacerbated because I live 5 hours by plane from them and hardly ever visit . next year I was talked into hosting a family reunion in my city. They feel it is my turn. They like to have yearly reunions which I only sometimes attend. But often don't.

Hi Skyhigh
Welcome to the Forum.
It's nice to have you here.

I have always gotten along with my family but it comes at a cost.
The cost is that you have to swallow a lot of garbage when it comes your way.

But isn't it nice that we're all still getting along and we still love each other and we didn't make a mountain out of a mole hill.

So what I'm saying is this: Be patient. Do what you have to do to get along. Go visit them every now and then. Host the get-together at your house and just do the best you can.

Because in the end what you'll have around your death bed is this:
People
Not things

And as Joan Rivers used to say:
Treat your family like friends and
Treat your friends like family and
you'll have both.

God bless you with the patience and love you'll need
Happy New Year!

 

[skyhigh]

Because in the end what you'll have around your death bed is this:
People
Not things

I don't need my siblings round my deathbed. I don't think its healthy to have those expectations anyway.
Sorry but thanks for your input on this.