- Dec 20, 2019
- 3,606
- 108
During my freshman year of college, I experienced for the first time the intense emotions provoked by saying the words, “pro-life.” While walking to class, I told my classmate about my new coworker, saying, “I don’t know much about him, but I know we’re both pro-life.” This innocent, perceptive statement opened the floodgates of emotion in my classmate, who began shouting, “Just because someone is pro-choice doesn’t mean they’re not pro-life! You are ignorant!” This left me speechless. A conversation about a co-worker had now caused a wrathful response from someone I considered a friend. This exchange helped me understand the need for intentionality in the dialogue surrounding abortion.
A dialogue is a process of communication in which individuals with differing perspectives strive for mutual understanding. Notice I didn’t say ‘debate,’ which involves arguing opposing viewpoints to change the other side’s mind or prove them wrong. I liken dialogue to planting seeds in a garden and trusting God to make things grow as they should. In 1 Corinthians 3:6-7 we read, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.” In other words, we can plant and water seeds of transformation by presenting the truth with compassion and grace. God, however, is the only one capable of growing those seeds into new ideas and transformed minds. This is especially important to remember when attempting to talk about a subject as emotional and personal as abortion.
I recently posted a pro-life graphic on my social media and a friend said to me, “I wish I could post things like that, but I don’t want to lose friends.” I understand her fear—I once shared it. Abortion is a sensitive topic, especially when people who have experienced it are in our circles. But if we avoid dialogue out of fear, who will speak up for the defenseless? Proverbs 31:8 calls Christians to defend those who cannot defend themselves. Even outside of faith, most human rights center on protecting the vulnerable, which would include preborn children.
Abortion not only ends the lives of innocent children daily through means of poison and dismemberment, but also harms women physically and mentally. Reports show that in the U.S., over 1 million abortions were performed in 2023 and over 460 women have died from legal abortions since 1973. One study even found that women who have abortions have a 154% higher suicide rate.
All in all, abortion fuels a culture of oppression, misogyny, careless sex, contempt for motherhood, and disregard for life. Speaking up isn’t about being against women—it’s about advocating for them and finding a better way. If we acknowledge preborn children as human, then staying silent makes us no different than those who remained quiet during history’s greatest injustices. In the words of German theologian and anti-Nazi dissident Dietrich Bonhoeffer, “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil. Not to act is to act.”
That’s why dialogue is crucial. When given the chance to talk about abortion, don’t shy away—lean in with truth, compassion, and grace.
Abortion is one of the most pressing issues in society, and sooner or later, the topic will come up—whether in your classroom, at the dinner table, the gym, and/or even at church. In these moments, you have a choice: stay silent or engage in respectful dialogue. If you choose to engage, there are some key concepts that can help your approach.
As Megan Almon shared in her Brio magazine article “Pro-Life Conversations of Grace,” almost every single pro-choice argument can be met with one simple question: “who are the preborn?” As noted by Scott Klusendorf in “The Case for Life,” most scientists agree that anything exhibiting a reaction to stimuli, metabolism, and the ability to grow is alive. An embryo has all these capabilities, on top of possessing the ability to progress in ways that benefit its survival and development.
Additionally, the embryo comes from human parents and contains human genetic material. Once fertilization occurs, the sperm merges with the egg, exchanging genetic information to create a unique organism that has never existed before and will never exist again. From conception, the fertilized egg’s cells are programmed to develop into the next stage of maturation, just as a baby develops into a toddler.
Common arguments when having a dialogue about abortion:
Almon asserts that many of these arguments (and those similar) assume that the preborn are not human beings. But, as we already established, the preborn are distinct, whole human beings. If someone used the above statements to justify the death of any other person outside the womb, their claims would be outrageous. Look at these arguments, for example:
Do you recognize the irony?
In that same breath, a helpful acronym to remember when engaging in a dialogue regarding abortion is S.L.E.D. Founded by pro-life activist Stephen Schwartz, S.L.E.D stands for:
Embryos are smaller, at an earlier level of development, have a different environment (the womb), and require a different degree of dependency to survive. These metrics don’t define a person’s value—just as a diabetic teen in California relying on insulin is no less valuable than a healthy adult in Colorado. The scientific reality of the preborn human as seen through the S.L.E.D test can assist your claims during an abortion dialogue.
Scott Klusendorf asserts that asking questions is one of the most effective techniques in an abortion dialogue. Questions allow for clarity and can cause a person to think through the fallacies in their logic. More specifically, “Columbo questions,” a term coined by Gregory Koukl, are an effective means for opening the abortion dialogue. For example:
Let’s play out a scenario. Remember the conversation I had with my college classmate? Here’s how that conversation could’ve gone:
Me: “I don’t know much about him, but I know we’re both pro-life.”
Her: “Just because someone is pro-choice doesn’t mean they’re not pro-life! You are ignorant!”
Me: “What do you mean by pro-choice?”
Her: “Women should have a right to choose! That doesn’t mean I’m against life!”
Me: “What are they choosing?” (Columbo question #1)
Her: “To have an abortion.”
Me: “What is an abortion?”
Her: “It’s a procedure that removes the contents of the uterus.”
Me: “What is in the uterus?”
Her: “Pregnancy tissue.”
Me: “Have you considered what “pregnancy tissue” might contain? Most scientists would agree that human life begins at conception, so what is inside that “pregnancy tissue?” (Columbo question #2)
Her: “Pregnancy tissue is just a clump of cells.”
Me: “I am curious how you came to that conclusion. What is your scientific evidence to back that up?” (Columbo question #3).
These questions have allowed me to present my classmate with scientific information about human development, showing some of the flaws in her logic. Additionally, I have ideally diffused the tension and created space for genuine dialogue. You can use this technique with nearly all pro-choice arguments.
How you present yourself during a dialogue is as important as the dialogue itself. Psychologist Dr. Albert Mehrabian, known for his studies on nonverbal cues, developed the 7-38-55 rule, which states that communication is 7% words, 38% tone of voice, and 55% body language. People are much more likely to hear and trust you when you have appropriate body language. Simple habits like maintaining eye contact, good posture, and appropriate voice tone can communicate to your pro-choice friend that you care and respect them.
A good example of someone who displays a respectful demeanor is Live Action founder Lila Rose. In a recent Jubilee “Surrounded” YouTube video, Lila exhibits good posture, maintains eye contact, and displays attentive listening cues. Despite the provoking antics of her opponents, she never once overtly changes her tone, body language, or demeanor in response. I can sense that she genuinely wants to have a respectful dialogue, which helps with her credibility.
The most cited argument to justify abortion is the concept of bodily autonomy. In layman’s terms, bodily autonomy refers to your right to make informed choices about your own body, without coercion from others. An example of this is your right to refuse donating blood at a blood drive.
I am a big advocate for bodily autonomy. With a background in elementary education, my approach to teaching often involves informing kids about their bodily autonomy. If a child says, “They made me do it!” I reply, “You’re responsible for your actions. No one can force you to do anything, and you shouldn’t force others. If someone pressures you, it’s okay to say no and ask for help.” Defending and teaching bodily autonomy is a cause that is very important and personal to me.
In 1971, the moral philosopher Judith Jarvis Thomson proposed a concept for the autonomy argument for abortion. She likened a pregnant woman to a hypothetical scenario in which you, unknowingly, have been hooked up to a famous, sick musician who requires your connection to remain alive. The point of Thomson’s analogy is that you could unplug yourself from the sick musician without violating their right to life, just as you could disconnect yourself from a fetus without violating its right to life. While the decision to disconnect may be difficult, you still have a right to it because of your bodily autonomy. This analogy, however, fails to consider some key aspects of abortion and pregnancy
First and foremost, abortion is not withholding care from an individual, as given in the scenario with the sick musician. As well explained in the Public Disclosure, abortion is the intentional termination of a child. This is significantly distinct from a scenario where disconnection is the primary objective, with death being an anticipated yet unintentional outcome. Conversely, an abortion in which a child remains alive is considered an unsuccessful abortion.
Additionally, this analogy assumes that consensual sex is not a factor in abortion. Sex can create life, and when two consenting adults engage in sex, the natural outcome can result in a pregnancy. The baby isn’t forcing its way into the mother’s body; it’s simply where it’s meant to be. The uterus is a reproductive organ designed to support fetal development.
When a child is in the uterus, it’s fulfilling its natural function. Two consenting adults who create life have a responsibility to take care of that child’s life. If they are unable to care for the child outside of the womb, they have the responsibility to find that child the right care. But no one has the right to terminate the life of an innocent human being.
Rape is a horrific violation of human dignity that affects far too many. This reality reiterates the need for grace and compassion in a dialogue about abortion. Full disclosure: I struggled with writing on this topic as I know how sensitive it is for so many. After prayer, tears, and counsel, I now believe that staying silent on this issue would ignore a very real and prevalent symptom of our broken society. I also believe the abortion industry’s claim that death is the solution is harmful to women (more on this later).
As previously stated, “to stay silent in the face of evil is itself evil.” With that said, if you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence, you are seen and deserve healing. You can request a free conversation with Focus on the Family’s Counseling Department by calling 1-855-771-HELP weekdays from 6:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. (Mountain Time), or complete our Counseling Consultation Request Form.
Rape is indeed a grotesque violation of bodily autonomy worthy of punishment under the full extent of the law. That being said, it is also true that the abortion industry has a proven history of covering up sexual violence. Additionally, the child created in the womb because of such an injustice is not at fault. With the psychological and physical repercussions that abortion has proven to produce, many would also argue that an abortion adds unnecessary trauma to an already traumatized individual who needs healing. Abortion cannot undo the trauma of rape. As I previously mentioned, the topic of rape in a dialogue about abortion must be discussed with compassion and care. While I believe we cannot be silent on important issues just because they are uncomfortable to talk about, there are also circumstances when it’s better to listen. Use discretion.
Additional Resources:
During a dialogue about abortion, it is not uncommon for those who stand pro-choice to bring up medically necessary abortions. In their stance, abortions should not be banned because they are sometimes medically necessary to save the life of the mother. This belief is rooted in misinformation, as no abortion is ever medically necessary. First and foremost, abortion is the intentional termination of a child’s life. In life-threatening situations, the pregnancy may need to end, but this can be done through preterm delivery, not abortion. Many babies delivered prematurely because of a risk to the mother’s life survive and go on to live healthy lives. Additionally, babies delivered before they can survive outside the womb deserve compassion and care, yet many are unnecessarily aborted through lethal violence.
Sometimes, medical treatments necessary to protect a pregnant mother may sadly lead to loss of the child, but these are not abortions. For example, chemotherapy for a mother with cancer may cause a miscarriage, but the goal of the chemo is not to end the baby’s life, unlike abortion. This is also the case for ectopic pregnancies, which occur when the preborn child implants in the fallopian tube or somewhere outside the uterus. The baby cannot survive in this hostile environment, meaning the pregnancy will inevitably end in miscarriage and may threaten the mother’s life. There is also no pro-life law that prevents a doctor from treating a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy.
Note: There are times when treatment for a miscarriage is referred to as “spontaneous abortion,” but the intention behind miscarriage care and abortion are very different. Removing an already dead fetus is not the same as intentionally terminating an innocent, healthy one.
Additional Resources:
When partaking in a dialogue about abortion, the misconception that abortion prevents children from entering foster care may come up, but the two issues are unrelated. Research shows that children enter foster care primarily due to abuse or neglect, not because they are unwanted. Many birth parents love their children and work hard to regain custody, as the primary goal of foster care is reunification. Nearly half of children leaving the system return to their parents. While the foster care system has flaws, solutions should focus on improving support for families rather than linking the issue to abortion. Every child deserves love, belonging, and a chance to thrive.
Additional Resources:
The reality is that no matter how graciously and kindly you attempt to talk about abortion, you may ruffle some feathers. As believers, we shouldn’t be shocked, as we are warned about the persecution we will face in living for Jesus (2 Timothy 3:12). Romans 12:18 also tells us, “So far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Notice how this scripture doesn’t say, “live peaceably until someone treats you unfairly” or “live peaceably until someone makes you mad.” This scripture is clear that you are responsible for how you act. With that in mind, continue to display compassion and grace during abortion dialogues, even when it’s difficult. When things do take a turn, however, there are a few practical tactics that can help us maintain peace.
You may face a situation like the one I described earlier with my college classmate. In these cases, I like to think of Proverbs 15:1: “A soft answer turns away wrath.” Understanding that the person in front of you is a child of God, worthy of compassion and grace, is crucial in these types of dialogue. If I could go back to the incident with my classmate, I would say something like “you are clearly passionate about this topic. When we are both emotionally ready, I would love to have a dialogue where we can share our views.” In this response, I am letting her know that I see and value her opinion, all while diffusing a volatile reaction. If I were to respond with rage, our dialogue would have likely ended out of frustration from both ends.
As mentioned previously, the purpose of a dialogue is to come to a mutual understanding of each other’s opinion. Don’t get me wrong, I will never agree with abortion, but I can understand why people do. People do not come to conclusions randomly. Different experiences and emotions shape our beliefs. Maybe your opponent is pro-choice because they have only learned information from the pro-choice media. Maybe your opponent experienced a trauma that has led them to see abortion as a solution. Whatever the case may be, recognizing (and sometimes, verbalizing) that the person in front of you has their beliefs for a reason can help you navigate a difficult dialogue with compassion and gentleness. Jess Ford explains “Gentleness means that you speak the truth while showing incredible respect and understanding to the person to which you are speaking.”
When an abortion dialogue gets heated, remember that you are not fighting against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12). In other words, the person you are talking to is not your enemy; rather, you are fighting against the lies of Satan. He can masquerade evil to look justifiable, often by hiding fallacy under a layer of truth. I look back to Matthew 4, in which Satan tempts Jesus to turn rocks into bread. Truthfully, Jesus was hungry from fasting, and He had the power to do it. On the surface, any reasonable person would agree that to make the best choice for His body, Jesus should’ve turned the rocks into bread. When taking a deeper look, however, ask yourself, what was Satan’s intention in this dialogue with Jesus? Did he really care about Jesus’s “choice?” Or did he want dominion over him by means of manipulation? Despite the hard circumstances, Jesus saw through Satan’s scheme and used the truth of scripture as a defense against him (Matthew 4:4).
This story remains as relevant today as it was then. Satan uses any means necessary to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10), including our experiences, traumas, and sometimes, truths. Remember that the pro-choice people around you are not who you’re fighting. They believe a well-established, convincing lie hidden under the guise of “reproductive rights.” The truth is this: everyone has the right to life. God formed you and me in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-14). Before our first breath, we were fearfully and wonderfully made with a purpose. Remember these truths and don’t let Satan win by making an enemy of anyone other than him.
Pro-choice advocates will often throw around the argument that pro-lifers only care about children in the womb. While I do not think it is necessary to solve every world problem to stand on the premise that terminating the lives of preborn children is wrong, I also believe that your credibility in a dialogue about abortion will enhance if you are knowledgeable and/or involved in a solution. Scripture also equates faith with action (James 2:17), so we should follow defending the preborn with some initiative.
Pregnancy Resource Centers (PRC) are a huge support system for mom, dad, and baby before and after birth. Our “Option Ultrasound” program helps fund pregnancy centers, providing mothers and fathers with education, resources, and sometimes medical care at no cost. Additional ways to get involved include supporting a single mom near you, or volunteering at a PRC. There are many ways to help support efforts in ending abortion.
Additional Resources:
While the dialogue of abortion can feel frustrating and pointless at times, do not lose hope. Remember, your goal should not be to change people’s minds. Your goal is to tell the truth with compassion and grace. While it is encouraging to watch hearts change, people will rarely concede to a point immediately. Conservative writer, William Rusher, explains the process of a changed heart, saying, “the ego needs time to marshal its defense – either to try to restore the toppled idol, or to come to terms with the toppling. Then – in the silent weeks or months after the argument, when perhaps no one else is present – is when, if ever, the loser of the argument will tacitly abandon his former position.”
In other words, you may not see your impact immediately, if ever, but it’s not a waste. Building a relationship is possible. Listening and gaining understanding is worth it. An effective, respectful dialogue about abortion can unravel lies and save lives.
Additional Resources:
Reach a counselor toll-free at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).
Call Now
The post What is Dialogue? How to Talk About Abortion appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
What Is Dialogue?
A dialogue is a process of communication in which individuals with differing perspectives strive for mutual understanding. Notice I didn’t say ‘debate,’ which involves arguing opposing viewpoints to change the other side’s mind or prove them wrong. I liken dialogue to planting seeds in a garden and trusting God to make things grow as they should. In 1 Corinthians 3:6-7 we read, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who gives the growth.” In other words, we can plant and water seeds of transformation by presenting the truth with compassion and grace. God, however, is the only one capable of growing those seeds into new ideas and transformed minds. This is especially important to remember when attempting to talk about a subject as emotional and personal as abortion.
Why Should I Engage in a Dialogue About Abortion?
I recently posted a pro-life graphic on my social media and a friend said to me, “I wish I could post things like that, but I don’t want to lose friends.” I understand her fear—I once shared it. Abortion is a sensitive topic, especially when people who have experienced it are in our circles. But if we avoid dialogue out of fear, who will speak up for the defenseless? Proverbs 31:8 calls Christians to defend those who cannot defend themselves. Even outside of faith, most human rights center on protecting the vulnerable, which would include preborn children.
Abortion not only ends the lives of innocent children daily through means of poison and dismemberment, but also harms women physically and mentally. Reports show that in the U.S., over 1 million abortions were performed in 2023 and over 460 women have died from legal abortions since 1973. One study even found that women who have abortions have a 154% higher suicide rate.
All in all, abortion fuels a culture of oppression, misogyny, careless sex, contempt for motherhood, and disregard for life. Speaking up isn’t about being against women—it’s about advocating for them and finding a better way. If we acknowledge preborn children as human, then staying silent makes us no different than those who remained quiet during history’s greatest injustices. In the words of German theologian and anti-Nazi dissident Dietrich Bonhoeffer, “Silence in the face of evil is itself evil. Not to act is to act.”
That’s why dialogue is crucial. When given the chance to talk about abortion, don’t shy away—lean in with truth, compassion, and grace.
How Do I Have a Dialogue About Abortion?
Abortion is one of the most pressing issues in society, and sooner or later, the topic will come up—whether in your classroom, at the dinner table, the gym, and/or even at church. In these moments, you have a choice: stay silent or engage in respectful dialogue. If you choose to engage, there are some key concepts that can help your approach.
Who Are the Preborn?
As Megan Almon shared in her Brio magazine article “Pro-Life Conversations of Grace,” almost every single pro-choice argument can be met with one simple question: “who are the preborn?” As noted by Scott Klusendorf in “The Case for Life,” most scientists agree that anything exhibiting a reaction to stimuli, metabolism, and the ability to grow is alive. An embryo has all these capabilities, on top of possessing the ability to progress in ways that benefit its survival and development.
Additionally, the embryo comes from human parents and contains human genetic material. Once fertilization occurs, the sperm merges with the egg, exchanging genetic information to create a unique organism that has never existed before and will never exist again. From conception, the fertilized egg’s cells are programmed to develop into the next stage of maturation, just as a baby develops into a toddler.
Common arguments when having a dialogue about abortion:
- “I can’t afford a baby.”
- “I’m not ready to be a parent.”
- “Abortion will save the fetus from suffering through a hard life.”
Almon asserts that many of these arguments (and those similar) assume that the preborn are not human beings. But, as we already established, the preborn are distinct, whole human beings. If someone used the above statements to justify the death of any other person outside the womb, their claims would be outrageous. Look at these arguments, for example:
- “If caring for my elderly parent is too expensive, I should have the right to end their life.”
- “I’m not ready to be a mother, therefore, I have the right to kill my toddler.”
- “Death will save this adult from suffering through a hard life.”
Do you recognize the irony?
“S.L.E.D” in an Abortion Dialogue
In that same breath, a helpful acronym to remember when engaging in a dialogue regarding abortion is S.L.E.D. Founded by pro-life activist Stephen Schwartz, S.L.E.D stands for:
- Size
- Level of development
- Environment
- Degree of dependency
Embryos are smaller, at an earlier level of development, have a different environment (the womb), and require a different degree of dependency to survive. These metrics don’t define a person’s value—just as a diabetic teen in California relying on insulin is no less valuable than a healthy adult in Colorado. The scientific reality of the preborn human as seen through the S.L.E.D test can assist your claims during an abortion dialogue.
Asking Questions During a Dialogue About Abortion
Scott Klusendorf asserts that asking questions is one of the most effective techniques in an abortion dialogue. Questions allow for clarity and can cause a person to think through the fallacies in their logic. More specifically, “Columbo questions,” a term coined by Gregory Koukl, are an effective means for opening the abortion dialogue. For example:
- “What do you mean by that?”
- “How did you come to that conclusion?”
- “Have you considered…?”
Let’s play out a scenario. Remember the conversation I had with my college classmate? Here’s how that conversation could’ve gone:
Me: “I don’t know much about him, but I know we’re both pro-life.”
Her: “Just because someone is pro-choice doesn’t mean they’re not pro-life! You are ignorant!”
Me: “What do you mean by pro-choice?”
Her: “Women should have a right to choose! That doesn’t mean I’m against life!”
Me: “What are they choosing?” (Columbo question #1)
Her: “To have an abortion.”
Me: “What is an abortion?”
Her: “It’s a procedure that removes the contents of the uterus.”
Me: “What is in the uterus?”
Her: “Pregnancy tissue.”
Me: “Have you considered what “pregnancy tissue” might contain? Most scientists would agree that human life begins at conception, so what is inside that “pregnancy tissue?” (Columbo question #2)
Her: “Pregnancy tissue is just a clump of cells.”
Me: “I am curious how you came to that conclusion. What is your scientific evidence to back that up?” (Columbo question #3).
These questions have allowed me to present my classmate with scientific information about human development, showing some of the flaws in her logic. Additionally, I have ideally diffused the tension and created space for genuine dialogue. You can use this technique with nearly all pro-choice arguments.
Abortion Dialogue Demeanor
How you present yourself during a dialogue is as important as the dialogue itself. Psychologist Dr. Albert Mehrabian, known for his studies on nonverbal cues, developed the 7-38-55 rule, which states that communication is 7% words, 38% tone of voice, and 55% body language. People are much more likely to hear and trust you when you have appropriate body language. Simple habits like maintaining eye contact, good posture, and appropriate voice tone can communicate to your pro-choice friend that you care and respect them.
A good example of someone who displays a respectful demeanor is Live Action founder Lila Rose. In a recent Jubilee “Surrounded” YouTube video, Lila exhibits good posture, maintains eye contact, and displays attentive listening cues. Despite the provoking antics of her opponents, she never once overtly changes her tone, body language, or demeanor in response. I can sense that she genuinely wants to have a respectful dialogue, which helps with her credibility.
The Bodily Autonomy Argument
The most cited argument to justify abortion is the concept of bodily autonomy. In layman’s terms, bodily autonomy refers to your right to make informed choices about your own body, without coercion from others. An example of this is your right to refuse donating blood at a blood drive.
I am a big advocate for bodily autonomy. With a background in elementary education, my approach to teaching often involves informing kids about their bodily autonomy. If a child says, “They made me do it!” I reply, “You’re responsible for your actions. No one can force you to do anything, and you shouldn’t force others. If someone pressures you, it’s okay to say no and ask for help.” Defending and teaching bodily autonomy is a cause that is very important and personal to me.
Sick Musician Analogy
In 1971, the moral philosopher Judith Jarvis Thomson proposed a concept for the autonomy argument for abortion. She likened a pregnant woman to a hypothetical scenario in which you, unknowingly, have been hooked up to a famous, sick musician who requires your connection to remain alive. The point of Thomson’s analogy is that you could unplug yourself from the sick musician without violating their right to life, just as you could disconnect yourself from a fetus without violating its right to life. While the decision to disconnect may be difficult, you still have a right to it because of your bodily autonomy. This analogy, however, fails to consider some key aspects of abortion and pregnancy
Intentional Termination
First and foremost, abortion is not withholding care from an individual, as given in the scenario with the sick musician. As well explained in the Public Disclosure, abortion is the intentional termination of a child. This is significantly distinct from a scenario where disconnection is the primary objective, with death being an anticipated yet unintentional outcome. Conversely, an abortion in which a child remains alive is considered an unsuccessful abortion.
Consensual Sex
Additionally, this analogy assumes that consensual sex is not a factor in abortion. Sex can create life, and when two consenting adults engage in sex, the natural outcome can result in a pregnancy. The baby isn’t forcing its way into the mother’s body; it’s simply where it’s meant to be. The uterus is a reproductive organ designed to support fetal development.
When a child is in the uterus, it’s fulfilling its natural function. Two consenting adults who create life have a responsibility to take care of that child’s life. If they are unable to care for the child outside of the womb, they have the responsibility to find that child the right care. But no one has the right to terminate the life of an innocent human being.
Non-Consensual Sex
Rape is a horrific violation of human dignity that affects far too many. This reality reiterates the need for grace and compassion in a dialogue about abortion. Full disclosure: I struggled with writing on this topic as I know how sensitive it is for so many. After prayer, tears, and counsel, I now believe that staying silent on this issue would ignore a very real and prevalent symptom of our broken society. I also believe the abortion industry’s claim that death is the solution is harmful to women (more on this later).
As previously stated, “to stay silent in the face of evil is itself evil.” With that said, if you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence, you are seen and deserve healing. You can request a free conversation with Focus on the Family’s Counseling Department by calling 1-855-771-HELP weekdays from 6:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. (Mountain Time), or complete our Counseling Consultation Request Form.
Rape is indeed a grotesque violation of bodily autonomy worthy of punishment under the full extent of the law. That being said, it is also true that the abortion industry has a proven history of covering up sexual violence. Additionally, the child created in the womb because of such an injustice is not at fault. With the psychological and physical repercussions that abortion has proven to produce, many would also argue that an abortion adds unnecessary trauma to an already traumatized individual who needs healing. Abortion cannot undo the trauma of rape. As I previously mentioned, the topic of rape in a dialogue about abortion must be discussed with compassion and care. While I believe we cannot be silent on important issues just because they are uncomfortable to talk about, there are also circumstances when it’s better to listen. Use discretion.
Additional Resources:
Medically Necessary Abortions
During a dialogue about abortion, it is not uncommon for those who stand pro-choice to bring up medically necessary abortions. In their stance, abortions should not be banned because they are sometimes medically necessary to save the life of the mother. This belief is rooted in misinformation, as no abortion is ever medically necessary. First and foremost, abortion is the intentional termination of a child’s life. In life-threatening situations, the pregnancy may need to end, but this can be done through preterm delivery, not abortion. Many babies delivered prematurely because of a risk to the mother’s life survive and go on to live healthy lives. Additionally, babies delivered before they can survive outside the womb deserve compassion and care, yet many are unnecessarily aborted through lethal violence.
Sometimes, medical treatments necessary to protect a pregnant mother may sadly lead to loss of the child, but these are not abortions. For example, chemotherapy for a mother with cancer may cause a miscarriage, but the goal of the chemo is not to end the baby’s life, unlike abortion. This is also the case for ectopic pregnancies, which occur when the preborn child implants in the fallopian tube or somewhere outside the uterus. The baby cannot survive in this hostile environment, meaning the pregnancy will inevitably end in miscarriage and may threaten the mother’s life. There is also no pro-life law that prevents a doctor from treating a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy.
Note: There are times when treatment for a miscarriage is referred to as “spontaneous abortion,” but the intention behind miscarriage care and abortion are very different. Removing an already dead fetus is not the same as intentionally terminating an innocent, healthy one.
Additional Resources:
Foster Care:
When partaking in a dialogue about abortion, the misconception that abortion prevents children from entering foster care may come up, but the two issues are unrelated. Research shows that children enter foster care primarily due to abuse or neglect, not because they are unwanted. Many birth parents love their children and work hard to regain custody, as the primary goal of foster care is reunification. Nearly half of children leaving the system return to their parents. While the foster care system has flaws, solutions should focus on improving support for families rather than linking the issue to abortion. Every child deserves love, belonging, and a chance to thrive.
Additional Resources:
- Wait No More: A Focus program that provides free, biblically based information and resources for foster parents, kinship care, adoptive parents, wrap-around care, and more.
When an Abortion Dialogue Goes Wrong
The reality is that no matter how graciously and kindly you attempt to talk about abortion, you may ruffle some feathers. As believers, we shouldn’t be shocked, as we are warned about the persecution we will face in living for Jesus (2 Timothy 3:12). Romans 12:18 also tells us, “So far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Notice how this scripture doesn’t say, “live peaceably until someone treats you unfairly” or “live peaceably until someone makes you mad.” This scripture is clear that you are responsible for how you act. With that in mind, continue to display compassion and grace during abortion dialogues, even when it’s difficult. When things do take a turn, however, there are a few practical tactics that can help us maintain peace.
Redirect With Kindness
You may face a situation like the one I described earlier with my college classmate. In these cases, I like to think of Proverbs 15:1: “A soft answer turns away wrath.” Understanding that the person in front of you is a child of God, worthy of compassion and grace, is crucial in these types of dialogue. If I could go back to the incident with my classmate, I would say something like “you are clearly passionate about this topic. When we are both emotionally ready, I would love to have a dialogue where we can share our views.” In this response, I am letting her know that I see and value her opinion, all while diffusing a volatile reaction. If I were to respond with rage, our dialogue would have likely ended out of frustration from both ends.
Consider Their Perspective
As mentioned previously, the purpose of a dialogue is to come to a mutual understanding of each other’s opinion. Don’t get me wrong, I will never agree with abortion, but I can understand why people do. People do not come to conclusions randomly. Different experiences and emotions shape our beliefs. Maybe your opponent is pro-choice because they have only learned information from the pro-choice media. Maybe your opponent experienced a trauma that has led them to see abortion as a solution. Whatever the case may be, recognizing (and sometimes, verbalizing) that the person in front of you has their beliefs for a reason can help you navigate a difficult dialogue with compassion and gentleness. Jess Ford explains “Gentleness means that you speak the truth while showing incredible respect and understanding to the person to which you are speaking.”
Remember the Real Enemy
When an abortion dialogue gets heated, remember that you are not fighting against flesh and blood (Ephesians 6:12). In other words, the person you are talking to is not your enemy; rather, you are fighting against the lies of Satan. He can masquerade evil to look justifiable, often by hiding fallacy under a layer of truth. I look back to Matthew 4, in which Satan tempts Jesus to turn rocks into bread. Truthfully, Jesus was hungry from fasting, and He had the power to do it. On the surface, any reasonable person would agree that to make the best choice for His body, Jesus should’ve turned the rocks into bread. When taking a deeper look, however, ask yourself, what was Satan’s intention in this dialogue with Jesus? Did he really care about Jesus’s “choice?” Or did he want dominion over him by means of manipulation? Despite the hard circumstances, Jesus saw through Satan’s scheme and used the truth of scripture as a defense against him (Matthew 4:4).
This story remains as relevant today as it was then. Satan uses any means necessary to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10), including our experiences, traumas, and sometimes, truths. Remember that the pro-choice people around you are not who you’re fighting. They believe a well-established, convincing lie hidden under the guise of “reproductive rights.” The truth is this: everyone has the right to life. God formed you and me in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13-14). Before our first breath, we were fearfully and wonderfully made with a purpose. Remember these truths and don’t let Satan win by making an enemy of anyone other than him.
Offer Solutions
Pro-choice advocates will often throw around the argument that pro-lifers only care about children in the womb. While I do not think it is necessary to solve every world problem to stand on the premise that terminating the lives of preborn children is wrong, I also believe that your credibility in a dialogue about abortion will enhance if you are knowledgeable and/or involved in a solution. Scripture also equates faith with action (James 2:17), so we should follow defending the preborn with some initiative.
Pregnancy Resource Centers (PRC) are a huge support system for mom, dad, and baby before and after birth. Our “Option Ultrasound” program helps fund pregnancy centers, providing mothers and fathers with education, resources, and sometimes medical care at no cost. Additional ways to get involved include supporting a single mom near you, or volunteering at a PRC. There are many ways to help support efforts in ending abortion.
Additional Resources:
Don’t Lose Hope
While the dialogue of abortion can feel frustrating and pointless at times, do not lose hope. Remember, your goal should not be to change people’s minds. Your goal is to tell the truth with compassion and grace. While it is encouraging to watch hearts change, people will rarely concede to a point immediately. Conservative writer, William Rusher, explains the process of a changed heart, saying, “the ego needs time to marshal its defense – either to try to restore the toppled idol, or to come to terms with the toppling. Then – in the silent weeks or months after the argument, when perhaps no one else is present – is when, if ever, the loser of the argument will tacitly abandon his former position.”
In other words, you may not see your impact immediately, if ever, but it’s not a waste. Building a relationship is possible. Listening and gaining understanding is worth it. An effective, respectful dialogue about abortion can unravel lies and save lives.
Additional Resources:
Talk to a Counselor
If you need further guidance and encouragement, we have a staff of licensed, professional counselors who offer a one-time complimentary consultation from a Christian perspective. They can also refer you to counselors in your area for ongoing assistance.Reach a counselor toll-free at 1-855-771-HELP (4357).
Call Now
The post What is Dialogue? How to Talk About Abortion appeared first on Focus on the Family.
Continue reading...
